Oct 012021

Non-apologies in advance for this forthcoming photo dump. I have reached a point in my life over the last several years where I am in a constant state of panic about RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Chooch is 15! In 10th grade! We are lucky that he still even wants to go places with us even when most of the time he acts like he’s strapped to a dentist’s chair when we DARE speak to him in public. I know that life will go on for us once he’s off to college but I really want to milk all of the family fun I can get out of these KELLY/ROBBINS udders while there’s still time. So I have been very adamant about taking tons of pictures at these parks, having Henry take pictures of Chooch and me riding barf-inducing contraptions, forcing Henry to ride the milder flatrides that he would usually skip.

I just want TO HAVE ALL OF THE FUN WITH THESE PEOPLE even though they are the two people who piss me off more than anyone else in the world. I love taking these little trips with them and I hope that Chooch grows up and does the same stuff with his future family! We may bicker like brats but at the end of the day, we really do have so much fun together. Ew, there. I said it. Gag me.

Of course we only lasted twenty minutes into the day before one of us got yelled at for running.

This time Chooch was the runner caught red-footed, and it was on the platform for Cornball Express (best name for a coaster, honestly) when he was jogging to the back row after handing Henry his phone. Ride attendant was like, “Please don’t run or you’ll fall on your face” or something like that, in a super smug “overcompensating for my braces” tone. Chooch was like, “Excuse me?” because he was barely even jogging and was like, “Surely this bitch isn’t talking to me.” So the dude repeated it in the same bored cadence and I really didn’t like him. We saw him later when we came back for a re-ride and he was TOTALLY trying to be all suave while checking the seatbelts for these two teen girls in the back row and then when they exited the ride, he said, “Have a good one, guys,” in this slick rick way and I had second-hand embarrassment hardcore.

Look at the corn on the sides of this coaster! Which, by the way, is one of the most fun woodies I have ever ridden. That thing is a maniacal! If you’re even a moderate woodie enthusiast, Indiana Beach is worth the visit. Both of their wooden coasters are entwined with each other – it’s just a jumble of tracks!


How did Chooch get so lucky to end up with us dorks as parents. He was THRILLED AS ALWAYS to take pictures of us.

OMG I had to take a picture here!

“Do you feel better now?” he asked sardonically, after I giggle-snapped a picture.

“YES, ACTUALLY. YES, I DO,” I wheezed. It’s the little things, you guys, especially when they’re SERVICE RELATED and since we were in Indiana, where he lived while SERVICING, the weekend was chockful of chuckles.

Preparing for the day he eventually does have to cart our asses around.

That’s the track for Hurricane Hoosier!

Henry hates being chauffeured, lol. Professional Driver Things.

FRANKENSTEIN’S CASTLE IS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS PARK!!! I wrote about it more extensively the last time we were there so I will save you from the extra words. But just know that this is the best haunted walk-through in an amusement park that I have experienced (and no, I never went in Castle Dracula in Wildwood because I was too scared when I was a kid and now it’s gone!).

This is a $3 or $3.50 (can’t remember) upcharge to the regular park admission but it honestly is worth it and also helps preserve the integrity of the structure. It also means that there probably won’t be a line! There wasn’t one for us when we went through BUT we did catch up with the family in front of us at one point because there is a room with trick doors that takes a bit to get through and even though we knew that, we were still like, “COME ON, ASSHOLES.” But then it turned out to be parents with a young boy (maybe 6 or 7) who had REALLY HAD IT WITH FRANK AND HIS CASTLE at this point because we kept hearing him crying and screaming several rooms ahead of us after that. They ended up being in line behind us for the antique cars afterward and witnessed their talk therapy session which lasted the entire twenty minutes we  were in line.

That kid probably had to wear diapers to bed that night.

It made me laugh though because I sometimes forget how different Chooch was from other kids when he was younger. I mean, bro was watching Spirit Halloween walk-thru videos on YouTube every night before going to sleep when he was 2 and walking around moaning, “They’re coming to get you, Barbara” after watching Night of the Living Dead for the 8th time as a toddler.

He had a Lost Boys cake at his third birthday party, lol!

The best room in Casa d’Frank.

WE ALL MATCHED THE MUSIC EXPRESS. Also, there was a kid in front of us who started vaping and it went right into our faces so that was great.

Den of Lost Thieves is a really cute and quirky dark ride BUT adults have to ride alone or with a kid under a certain height, so all three of us had to ride separately which was sad and Henry tried to duck out of line, but I said, “NO,  YOU DIDN’T RIDE THIS THE LAST TIME EITHER” so he begrudgingly stayed in line and thank god or else I wouldn’t have been able to get this beautiful picture of him exiting the DEN, lol.

Also, the ride operator here was SO NICE and talked to me about my tattoos while I was sitting alone in the car ready to be sent into the darkness.

I love this ride because it has that old-timey musty stench attached to classic dark rides.



The Hoosier Hurricane was…definitely a storm to be braved. That bitch was hauling! It wasn’t painfully rough, but it also wasn’t…..NOT painfully rough….? It was definitely forceful and I probably wouldn’t be able to marathon it but we did ride it twice. Chooch tapped out after the second spin on it though, lol. It’s B&M or GTFO for him.

OK Lost Coaster of Superstition Mountain is insane. If you like learning about the history rides, I would 100% recommend that you watch this video by my FAVORITE COASTER YOUTUBER, El Toro Ryan:

Problematic is right. Since we had already experienced getting stuck on this ride the last time we were there, we weren’t surprised when we arrived that day and there was no line for this. The ride operator saw us looking confused, wondering if it was running, so she waved us on up. “The train is stuck inside so I’m just waiting for the guys to get here and give it a push,” she said matter-of-factly and if I had been a n00b at this, I MIGHT have turned around at that point. But this coaster is notorious for stopping at the same part of the ride inside the cave and maintenance has to come and give it a push, lol.

Just…watch that video. I promise you that it’s interesting!

I took this accidentally when handing Henry my phone but kept it because Shadow Erin is way better looking that Living Flesh Erin! Also because I’m high-key with my Vans. #VelcroTeam

I can’t believe I didn’t take pictures of the two new credits Chooch obtained, but one was Tigg’r which is a Schwartzkopf death threat, I swear to god. I really thought our little car was going to tip right off the track. I’m pretty sure I rode this alone the last time we were there because while Chooch was tall enough for the other coasters, I think he didn’t meet the height requirements for this one? Dot dot dot?

The second credit he (and I!!) got was for Steel Hawg, which wasn’t running during our prior visit. It was looking like we were going to be 0 for 2 with this bitch until later in the afternoon when I spotted it testing while we were on the SHAFER QUEEN boat. Of course we ran right over to it immediately upon docking, where a small group had already congregated. We waited a good thirty minutes before a security guard came over and said that they were currently looking for ride operators, but it was “tricky” because they have to be of a certain age so I guess they were trying to shuffle staff around. We eventually left the line, but acted like fucking strung-out coaster junkies every time we saw a ride operator walking in that general direction.

It wasn’t until about 2 hours later, about an hour before the park was scheduled to close, that Henry saw a train on the lift hill WITH PEOPLE IN IT. We fucking ran, NO RUNNING rules be damned. We needed this elusive cred! Henry is an idiot and opted to sit this one out, which I thought was really stupid. Chooch and I entertained ourselves in the (short) line by trying to guess who manufactured Steel Hawg based on the track.

I said it was either Premier or S&S, and he said Gerstlauer. In the end, I went with Premier as my final answer, and we were BOTH WRONG because it ended up being S&S so I should have fucking went with my gut because that layout was so goddamn strange, just like Steel Curtain, another S&S. Of course Chooch tried to argue that he was the one who threw S&S into the mix at first so we had a Big Fight about that.

But that little coaster was sick! I’ve definitely never been on anything like it, even though I though I knew what it was going to be like. But, nope. This jungle of steel is nuts!

Steel Hawg – Indiana Beach

Photo courtesy of Indiana Beach’s website.

Ugh, arcade time.

Ugh, annoying arcade boy.

OH SHIT, this ride!! It was nuts. I thought it was going to be like the Spider or Monster or whatever those rides are called, but this thing….did some unexpected shit. It was really fun the first time, so later on I suggested that we ride it again, but, well, maybe once was enough.

Trying to keep my eyeballs from popping out.

Trying not to puke.

Henry would rather hold pink teddy bears than go on flat rides.

Anyway, that about does it for our day at Indiana Beach. Do not write this place off, people. The staff is great. The rides are quirky and unusual. The setting is SO PRETTY AND LAKE-Y.  I think this was the 18th park we visited this summer (!) and definitely one of the most unique.

Say it don't spray it.

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