Jul 162022

100% the main reason we wanted to go to Michigan’s Adventure was to stuff our butts onto Shivering Timbers, the Custom Coasters, Inc. (CCI for all you woodie simps out there) monstrosity that sits at the top of every thoosie’s wooden coaster Top 10 list.

Literally the best coaster (if not ride in general) in the park and it was practically a walk-on all damn day. I could NOT believe it. I was ready to test my line-standing endurance with this one but nope.

Our first ride was in the back row.

YO. How is this ride legal?? It does NOT feel safe at all, holy shit. From the first drop until you hit the brake run, IT SENDS YOU. I was actually so terrified that I kept my hands down for the whole first half until it made its way back through the smaller hills but even then, I was flying out of my seat and being flung about like a ragdoll. I will not lie to you – this coaster was insane, incredible, and definitely a bucket lister, but HOO BOY brace yo’selves because this thing will try to play the accordion with your vertebrae.

Came back later for a spin on the front row and I am here to tell you that while I’m usually a certified backseater, the front row was my favorite. It was less painful and just more of a pleasant ride – OK perhaps “pleasant” is being too kind. It is still like going off-roading down a Transylvanian cliffside on the devil’s chariot pulled by drunk centaurs.

Completely fucking terrifying.

God please do not disturb the operator. Last year, two trains crashed into each other in the station because of operator error, so…let’s give the operator some peace & quiet, mmm.

Anyway, when Chooch and I rode it in the front seat, Henry sat behind us and had a decidedly very different ride experience from ours. While we were like YEAH THAT WAS THE SHIT, he was more like DID SOMEONE SHIT, LIKE THE STUFF THAT’S NOW IN MY PANTS? He said it was super rough and that his seat was moving forward!? I was like, “Bro you’re lying” and he was like, “No really, my SEAT WAS MOVING FORWARD DURING THE RIDE.”

Chooch and I were like, “OK sure cya sucker” and got back in line. This time, we sat in the second row in order to get a walk-on. It happened to be the same train that we had previously rode and not gon’ lie, I did notice that the seat seemed to be jutting out a good six inches farther than the other seats??

And OK fine I agree with Henry, this was the scariest journey of the three. First of all, my hair was in my face the whole time so I couldn’t see anything, and it just felt like if there was a wooden coaster built to represent Pittsburgh in all of its pot-holed glory – this was it. Step right up for Pittsburgh: The Ride. But in Michigan.

I was HOWLING. It was still fun, kinda (??), but dear Lord did I have the regertz. And fine Henry, the seat was definitely moving. I didn’t feel it so much on my side but by the time we got back to the station, Chooch had moved so far up in his seat that he was now pushed against the lap bar and could barely unfasten his seatbelt, lol wow ugh.

I definitely couldn’t marathon this like I could marathon, say, Phoenix at Knoebels, so 3 rides was enough for me that day. Would have loved to have experienced a night ride on this sadistic hunk of lumber, but when a park closes at 8pm in July, it’s pretty hard to unlock that achievement.

Yeah this ride was….something else. I bought the t-shirt.

(Gotta end with my favorite coaster youtuber’s video from Michigan’s Adventure because there is some good footage of Shivering Timbers and Ryan always provides the best reviews and explanations of coasters and their elements – plus I love when his friend Uncle Nate is with him. I ship Uncle Nate and Janna!!)

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