It’s been an exhausting week. Here is a diner where Henry and I ate a late lunch outside of Toledo Ohio on our way home from a very dysfunctional, straight outta the Sybil playbook overnight trip to Chicago to see ATEEZ where I had a complete nervous breakdown (??? It was some kind of breakdown that’s for sure) in a parking garage in Evanston, IL because we went to a Swedish cafe called Newport House or something and they didn’t have any cinnamon rolls left and I wanted to run out of there in a huff but I am really trying to not revert to those public tantrums so I ordered an iced date & cardamom latte and the barista was so sweet and said she loved my nail polish and that was great but it stop the world from crashing down on me as soon as we left and I started panicking and crying and I threw my latte into a garbage can and kept saying “I just want to go home I just want go home” and Henry was like “I physically cannot drive another 7 hours back home right now please” and then I started screaming in the car that he is the reason Drew is dead and then I wanted to text Wendy and quit my job and I was just spiraling out so fast that I couldn’t get a hold on myself and it just got worse from there once we got to the hotel and then we really were going to leave for real and when Henry stopped at gas station to get me a protein bar, I started sobbing so hard, doubled over onto my backpack, that I thought I was going to need to go to the hospital.

Anyway this is all to say that the next day was also trash and we drove in silence for the first 4 hours until Henry finally convinced me eat and I was just starting to come back around, the grilled cheese literally breathing life into me, when Nate texted me that one of my favorite people ever – Aaron – is leaving our Firm and that just made me depressed all over again.

Nothing feels familiar anymore.