Jan 25

Another branch on the family tree

Category: Shit about me

I was 19 when my mom decided to tell me that I share the same dead biological father with an older brother and sister. My brother lived close enough that my mom began to worry I might meet him at a bar and go home with him. I swear to god that’s the reasoning she gave me! She arranged for us to meet shortly after. His name is Shawn and we got along alright but he was way more into this newfound sibling thing than I was. He moves around a lot so I don’t really have much contact with him, but I remember that he was really into clubbing, Corvettes and creeping. Too bad “The Jersey Shore” wasn’t on MTV back then. And our sister Sonja lives in Oregon. Neither of us have met her, and while I’ve talked to her on the phone a few times and receive (extremely egotistical) letters from her every Christmas, I’ve never felt any sense of a familial bond there. Totally not a fan, to be honest. We couldn’t be more different if I amputated my right leg and replaced it with the decapitated head of a cow.

Apparently, there is a rumor that the three of us have another half-sibling as well. Our father was clearly a gigolo.

Around that same time, my mom dropped another bomb on me: I have another half-sister, but this one was the product of my mom. Now, when I was younger, my mom loved to fuck with me. She was always making up farces to see if I’d fall for it. I can’t count how many times I’d go to school and spread outright lies told by my mom, fully believing them. Like when she told me Mr. Wizard cancelled an assembly he was doing at my elementary school because he died. I told all my classmates that Mr. Wizard WAS DEAD and it wasn’t true. So there were times when she would mention a baby she had been forced to give up for adoption, a few years before I was born, and I would laugh. “Yeah right,” I’d say sarcastically. “Let me try and get that put on tomorrow’s morning announcements.”

Sometime before I moved out of my mom’s house, I was rummaging through her dresser looking for old ringer tees to steal (my favorite is a blue Jackie Sorenson aerobic marathon shirt that I still have), but instead found an old, fat manila envelope stuffed full of old correspondance with friends who had moved away, notes, and several letters from an attorney addressing the case of Baby Stonick.

So when my mom told me that, all those years later, I knew it was true. But there was more: my mom had found her. Her name was Amy, she lived in Wheeling, WV and my mom and brothers were going to meet her.

I remember reacting completely immaturely about it, throwing a tantrum, unwilling to accept this. I had grown up thinking I was my mom’s only daughter. And our relationship had always been kind of fucked up, strained, and I just knew that she was going to give Amy her best side. So I was jealous and hurt and refused to have anything to do with it. Eventually, my mom just stopped mentioning it. I guess I didn’t mind so much about the other half-brother and sister because the dad we shared was dead. I don’t know, and I probably didn’t know then, either. It was just too much. In the span of a summer, my family had doubled. I couldn’t really handle it. And eleven years later, I feel like an asshole.

This past December,  I received a friend request on Facebook from Amy, and she said she’d like to meet. Eleven years later and yes, it was still shocking, but I didn’t have that jealous pang anymore. It was replaced with absolute curiosity and a desire to see what it’s like to have a sister. We began sending messages, getting to know the pertinents of each other, and finally last Wednesday, I found myself driving to a Panera in Washington, PA, oscillating back and forth between: “What if she hates me?

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” “What if she resents me?” “What if this is actually just my mom fucking with me?”

I was fully prepared for it to be awkward, but instead I found myself hugging her right off the bat. I’m not a huggy type of person. There are people I’ve been friends with for 15 years and have never hugged. But I share genes with this girl and at that moment, right there on the sidewalk in front of Panera, it seemed like the right thing to do. And I hoped she didn’t think I was a freak. Plus, she was wearing a yellow vest which simultaneously soothed and invited.

Over coffee and a grilled cheese from the kids menu, we talked about our childhoods, our relationships with our parents, the various issues we both share (it’s uncanny), and the choices we’ve made over the years. She remarked that I look like our younger brother Ryan and I pointed out that she and I have the chin. It was surreal. And it made me regret the way I acted all those years ago, but I wonder if I had met her right away, if I’d have acted like a complete bitch and sabotaged what could have been a cool relationship.

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And I hoped she didn’t take offense to that, because I really am a different person now, and more open to change.

She had to leave after an hour to take her son (my nephew!

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) to get school supplies and I actually found myself feeling a little disappointed. I didn’t want to leave! I had so many more questions, like what kind of music she likes and if she went to the prom and what are her thoughts on uncooked tortellini, but she said she’d like for all of us (her family and Henry and Chooch) to get together sometime soon. I hope I have enough time to teach Chooch that Amy’s five year old daughter is his COUSIN which means he can’t stalk her like he does all the random girls he sees at Target.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and I hope that it’s not too late to build a relationship with her, because we have a lot in common. I mean, it’s sick how much we have in common. Plus, she said she likes my art, so I was all, “Welcome to the family!”

Probably I should draw a family tree so that this makes more sense:


It’s crazy because for 19 years of my life, I believed I was the oldest child. Not only am I NOT, but I’m also the YOUNGEST child on a completely different side of the tree.


28 Comments so far

  1. Lisa Bobisa January 25th, 2010 2:55 pm

    I’m so glad you told the story! I’ve been curious!

  2. Tuna Tar-Tart January 25th, 2010 3:23 pm

    I’m glad you read it! I spent a lot of time trying to think of how to even start it. Now I’m just waiting for backlash from my mom, because I have a feeling she’s not going to be happy I posted this.

    By the way! Do you still want those coasters? I sent you an invoice through Paypal with the discounted total on it, but if you’ve changed your mind, it’s not a problem. Just let me know! :)

  3. Lisa Bobisa January 25th, 2010 3:28 pm

    I still want ’em, I was just trying to subtlely strong-arm you into accepting the original payment. I wonder who’s more stubborn? Guess you are. I’m blinking. ;)

  4. Tuna Tar-Tart January 25th, 2010 3:36 pm

    You are such a brat! Lol. :)

  5. Lisa Bobisa January 25th, 2010 3:36 pm

    This is one for the scrapbook–Erin calling me a brat! I LOVE IT. Thank you.

  6. Lisa Bobisa January 25th, 2010 3:37 pm

    OMG, I’ve been replying wrong, how embarrassing. That should have all been one thread. WHY DIDN’T YOU STAY ON LJ??? *shakes fist*

    (J/K, I know why you didn’t stay there)

  7. Tuna Tar-Tart January 26th, 2010 1:48 pm

    Trust me, this blog gives me so many problems that I often miss LJ!

  8. Misty January 25th, 2010 5:09 pm

    Really good story Erin.This is really kinda like an after school special story but in a good way.I wish I could find a long lost sibling,I have two half sisters who I often feeling are more like strangers to me. Also looks like those parents were pretty busy “gettin’ busy”.

  9. Tuna Tar-Tart January 26th, 2010 1:49 pm

    Thanks Misty. :)

    Have you met your half-sisters before?

  10. Misty January 26th, 2010 1:58 pm

    yes actually I grew up mostly in the same house with my older sister (2 years older) but she moved out when she was 15 and I moved out by the time I was 15 also.My mom had lots of issues so she did always have us living with her. my younger sister is 28 days older than my daughter (17yrs) so me and my mom were pregnant at the same time (and also my older sister was pregnant!) so basicly my mom was unable to be the typical grandma.My younger sister has lots of issues too so her and my daughter dont hang out.I see them…..we live in the same town.But, we really have nothing it common so it’s not very often.Probably why I have always wished I could come across a long lost sibling kinda a second chance at sibling-ship kinda thing.

  11. Tuna Tar-Tart January 28th, 2010 12:31 pm

    “my younger sister is 28 days older than my daughter (17yrs) so me and my mom were pregnant at the same time (and also my older sister was pregnant!)”

    Damn!! Family trees can be so confusing. I can totally relate to the whole “mom unable to be a typical grandma” thing.

    I think the only thing remotely similar to that is that my brother Corey and Henry’s son are nearly the same age, which is a good example of the age difference between Henry and me!

  12. Michelle January 25th, 2010 5:35 pm

    I’m really glad things worked out so well for you with your sister. That is completely awesome!

    I kind of understand how you feel about going from the oldest to youngest. I have two older half-sisters who were raised by their mom. I think of myself as an oldest child because I was raised like an oldest child. But I’m not, really. Except in a way I am. Even though I’ve known about my sisters my entire life it wasn’t until I was an adult that I truly started to realize that duality and it still throws me off.

  13. Tuna Tar-Tart January 26th, 2010 1:50 pm

    Thanks, Michelle!

    I’m glad you understand. It took me a long time to figure out how to even write this thing, because like most families, it’s kind of confusing.

    Have you ever met your older half-sisters?

  14. Michelle January 26th, 2010 2:19 pm

    Yes, they used to come over on weekends when I was little. The younger of the two lived with us for a while, but she ran away from home when she was 16. We didn’t hear from her for 3 years. The older of the two is 10 years older than me. she went into the Air Force when I was 8 and has lived far away since then. So, as you can probably tell, we’ve never been that close.

  15. Corey January 25th, 2010 6:09 pm

    I agree that everything happens for a reason. I’m really glad that you decided to go and meet her. I’m happy everything worked out really well. It’s cool that you have a lot more in common than you thought.

  16. Tuna Tar-Tart January 26th, 2010 1:50 pm

    Thanks. It’s nice to finally have someone to compare notes with, mentally-speaking.

  17. Julia January 26th, 2010 10:07 am

    Thanks for this. I’m glad that you have another live human to connect with :)

  18. Tuna Tar-Tart January 26th, 2010 1:51 pm

    Thanks for reading it!

  19. Andrea January 26th, 2010 1:03 pm

    I love this story!

  20. Tuna Tar-Tart January 26th, 2010 1:52 pm

    Me too! There are probably a hundred different ways this could have panned out, and I’m glad it was THIS way!

  21. Nicole January 26th, 2010 5:21 pm

    I’m glad that you made the decision to finally meet her, when YOU were ready to do so, and that it went so well.

  22. Tuna Tar-Tart January 28th, 2010 12:32 pm

    Thanks, Nicole. I’m glad that I waited, because I was a total brat back then and probably would have made a horrid impression!

  23. Lauren January 27th, 2010 10:34 am

    Erin…I was so excited to read this! I was even more relieved (for you) that things went so well. I can’t imagine that I would have felt or reacted any differently than you did at the tender age of 19. Despite the fact that I felt like I knew it all at that age, I was really very sheltered.

    I hope the two of you have an amazing relationship!

    (PS…was the grilled cheese good?)

  24. Tuna Tar-Tart January 28th, 2010 12:33 pm

    Lauren, thanks for reading this and giving me support!

    “Despite the fact that I felt like I knew it all at that age, I was really very sheltered.” <-- Yes, that! God, there are times when I'd like to go back and punch myself in the face. I hope we have an amazing relationship, too! It's weird, I barely paid attention to the grilled cheese! I think it was good, though, lol.

  25. Bill January 28th, 2010 12:53 pm

    I’m so glad it all worked out so well Erin. Especially considering how close you guys appear to be having been apart for so long.

  26. Tuna Tar-Tart January 29th, 2010 10:00 am

    Thanks for reading this Bill! You and Jessi would like her. I’m hoping she will come to a game night sometime!

  27. Janna January 31st, 2010 3:48 am

    I’m so glad this worked out so well for you. I think it’s great you have a sister that you have a lot in common with and now you can get to know her. It’s probably never too late to make a relationship with her. Maybe now is exactly when it would work out the best for both of you.

  28. Alyson Hell February 2nd, 2010 12:31 pm

    Tolhurst parts: “Plus, she was wearing a yellow vest which simultaneously soothed and invited.”

    “and what are her thoughts on uncooked tortellini,”

    I feel so happy reading this. It’s a lot to take in at once, and you brought up a good point–maybe if you were younger, your emotions would’ve gotten in the way of having a cool new relationship. But it happened at just the right time, and now you have a new friend AND sister. Only positives there. And a cousin for Riley to play with.

    I’m so glad she reached out, and you were open to this!!!

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