Hey, it’s me, your least favorite Internet Sad Sack. I was (am, I AM) having a decent day but then I watched the Seventeen M Countdown comeback stage and it made me cry and feel overwhelmed with sadness again.

Janna made me feel comforted though because when I told her that I am genuinely scared to see Seventeen next week, she said that now this is something that Bambi can be there for too. I mean ouch but also aw!? This is such a peaceful way to think about it. Thank you, Jananananamanadanamdbam.

I don’t know if I have mentioned this, but we hung this Bambi memorial shelf right next to my work desk so sometimes I will reach over and put my hand on the Bambi box. I really wish that I could say that things are getting easier, especially for anyone who might be reading this looking for hope, but jfc it stings so much still on a daily basis. Every time I walk in the house and say, “Guys, I’m home” and have to thwack myself on the side of the head because the plural doesn’t apply here anymore.

The paper cranes were made by Chooch the week she died – he would make one and leave it on my work desk. He stopped at three, but I appreciate that he even made that many before losing steam! The green cat at the top was made my friend Lyda’s son. <3

I hate not being able to see her face in real life, I hate it so much.

The little tangerine fabric thing under the frame is a piece of what my Bambi tattoo was wrapped with. I thought I should keep a piece of it because that tattoo was part of the healing process.

The vet made this paw print mold for us. ;(

A jar of some of her fur. This is hard. We still have some left (the vet gave us an envelope of it) and I think I want to send some away to have it made into jewelry. I also want to do that with some her ashes, but that is really hard for me to think about still.

This box was provided by the cremation place, and it is fine for now but maybe I might want to upgrade to a nicer vessel someday. Again, it’s really hard still. I was a mess just looking for the fur receptable on Etsy.

OK bye.

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