Since leaving the nest, Chooch has apparently developed an interest in art, which is annoying because HELLO remember when his mother used to make fake art?! Where was his interest then?? (OK to be fair when he was little, he liked a Jeffrey Dahmer portrait I painted on wood and asked to keep it – it’s actually still in his bedroom so maybe I should ask him why he hasn’t taken it back to Philly?? IS HE EMBARRASSED OF IT?)

Anyway, a few weeks ago, he was sending me pictures of art that he thought I would like at some gallery in Philly (aw, I bet he doesn’t send Henry pictures of…what? Beverage he thinks he would like?) so I suggested that we go to the Mattress Factory when he’s home for spring break because it’s been a while since he was last there with me. He actually AGREED and then I said we should invite Corey too because Corey wanted to hang out with him when he’s home and Corey also likes the Mattress Factory. So…boom. Look at me, so good at organizing. Wish I could apply those skills to my head.

Corey picked us up around 11 even though I wanted to BE THERE BY 11 because I am so rigid when it comes to these. They open at  11 and I wanted to “beat the crowds” and also “get a spot in the parking lot.” I have ALWAYS been like this.

Then Chooch was pissed because I was nagging him for days about not forgetting to bring his student ID so that he could get the STUDENT DISCOUNT and he was like “I HAVE MY FUCKING ID, IT’S IN MY WALLET. YES, I HAVE MY WALLET! OMG!”

OK, I can see where I could be a little overbearing and annoying.

Then we got there and the bored broad at the desk didn’t even ask for his ID and he was extra-pissed, lol.

(I should note that I had never heard of the Mattress Factory until I was a Pitt student and looking for free things and discounts that my Pitt ID could get me and the Mattress Factory was listed. The first time I ever went, I was pregnant with Chooch!)

Bored Broad “recommended” that we start our day at the Sampsonia annex which was whatever – fine, we’ll do it, but we won’t necessarily LIKE it. I was annoyed because there were only two other cars in the lot when we got there and OFC as soon as we entered the annex, four people were immediately in the first room. Look, I don’t even pretend to not be a curmudgeon, OK? I know I am. And I am one of Those PPL who hate being in museums etc with other people because it makes me feel rushed and/or self-conscious.

I couldn’t tell if the two couples were together, but there was a girl couple and a man/woman couple. They were all kind of whatever but one of the women from the girl couple STOPPED AND READ EVERY SINGLE ARTIFACT on the wall. I’m not even going to front –  I did not like the first two floors of this exhibit, which was largely about pollution and the Clean Air Act. Lots of pictures of trains, smokestacks, old local newspaper articles, etc. Chooch texted me, “I hate these people. They’re making me feel like I should be studying everything.” I was like 100% agreed, sonny.

Anyway, this whole building was Luke Stettner’s State of the Sky. The description on the Mattress Factory’s website really explains it well so you should give that a read if you care.

Then the one couple was looking at something and giggling and the other couple joined them and also giggled. We waited for them to head on up to the second floor and then tried to figure out what was so funny about what they were looking at but I have no fucking idea.

Studying.

Yo, I liked this part. It was on the second floor and these windchimes / pipes dropped down through the ceiling. I assume you were supposed to fuck around with it to make it sing, so that is just what I did after everyone else just glanced at it with “hmmm” expressions.

There was also a little nook in a corner where several old-ass televisions were stacked and playing creepy b&w images. “It reminds me of the Ring,” I said and everyone agreed with me because my observations rule. 

But then it was time for the upstairs, the ominous red lighting on the steps gave us a preview of what was to come.

It was a dark room motif! WE SPENT SO MUCH TIME UP HERE BEING DUMBOS.

This floor had another TV set up but it was showing nightvision footage of a field / weeds and I said, “This reminds me of Blair Witch,” and Corey took this and ran with it.

“Take a picture of me doing Blair Witch!” he squealed and plastered himself into a corner.

I had to make Chooch it too and then OFC I WANTED ONE OF ME.

I don’t know why this was but Corey tried twice and both times it came out blurry maybe because I AM the Blair Witch. But when he was on attempt #2,  THOSE COUPLES came back into the room, presumably exhausting every single text on display for their eyeballs to absorb in the other rooms, and while I was facing the wall, I heard one of the women gasp and say, “OK, give me a heart attack!” and the Corey’s bombastic laugh filled the floor.

“We’re doing Blair Witch!” I muffled into the asbestos (probably) filled wall.

“I applaud your commitment to the performance,” one of the women said as I continued to stand stalk still into the corner, and I gave myself a silent FUCK YEAH head pat. I will take praise and attention anywhere I can get it. After that, I decided I didn’t hate them so much anymore. The guy part of the guy/girl couple was still mid though. I was glad that those two missed my show.

Chooch took my Blair Witch picture at the top of the steps after everyone else left out of the fire escape exit and we had free reign.

I love these so much, lol. I posted them on Instagram and someone said that they looked like horror movie posters (specifically Corey’s) and that made me so happy.

Third floor of the Sampsonia annex slapped. Totally made up for the other two floors of what came off like someone’s high school research project plastered onto a wall. I mean, don’t get me wrong, environmental activism FTW. But it was just a lot, and we were definitely ready to head out to the Monterey annex.

NCTshoes on the fire escape.

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