I promised the spirit of Drew that I would not collapse into a crippling depression today. I’m trying! I really am trying! I woke up to a nice, supportive message from Henry reminding me to think of the good memories today; I had a good, long cry in the shower; and I had therapy, so I got to have the best kind of support there is on a day like this, right? I really, truly love my therapist. She is so easy to talk to and as soon as I said, “Well, today is….” she was like OMG!!!

The weirdest part for me was that as I getting ready for therapy, I looked outside and saw that HNC was blocking the driveway. I texted him like, HI PLZ CAN U MOVE THX. When he didn’t respond right away, I started to go over there and all I could think of was that this is exactly what happened one year ago – Drew dying in front of me and me having to bang on HNC’s door for a ride to the vet. I did not want to knock on that door again today, exactly one year later.

Luckily, he came opened the door right as I was walking up his porch steps and was like, “I’M SORRY! DON’T KILL ME!”  That was actually a much-needed comedic break.

I have been dreaming of her so often lately and it breaks my heart all over again when I wake up. I don’t know if my mind has been subconsciously anticipating this dreaded anniversary or what.

Last summer, I had a Drew Beringer tribute shirt made and haven’t been able to wear it  yet. Maybe I will challenge myself to wear it one day this month in her honor. (Crying just thinking about it, but it’s OK!)

So, this is where we are. Still mourning and missing her every single day but trying to still live life which is slowly getting more manageable.  (The whole “time heals” mantra isn’t really working with this one.)

P.S. Sometimes I still barge into the house, calling out, “GUYS! I’M HOME!” only to instantly remember that it’s no longer plural. :( I freaking micro-manage Penelope’s every movement, even worse than I have always done with my cats, and she is like, “OMG I LEGIT JUST SNEEZED, I AM FINE, PLEASE STOP MONITORING ME.”

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