A few weeks ago, Bridget approached me with a prank proposition. The prank would be aimed at her Work Nemesis, Brad. They used to work together at another place too, so their history is rich with jovial (we think) jabs and ridicule. When Brad first began working at The Law Firm last winter, Bridget made it her job to point out his uncanny resemblance to a Leprechaun (and then proceeded to tell him to watch out, because I like gingers; ONLY JONNY CRAIG! GOD!).
Brad’s office is pretty sparse, save for five empty picture frames. People ask him all the time, “Why do you have blank picture frames in your office, Brad?” I never really listened to his explanation, but it was obvious to me that this was his ploy to suck poor, unsuspecting Law Firm staff into some boring conversation.
I think in Brad’s head, photo-less picture frames = interesting.
Bridget decided that they needed filled with terrible pictures, and she came to the right person because she has a law degree, and is therefore smart. She knows that my sole purpose for breathing is to wreck people’s days with devious shenanigans. Also, it’s pretty well-known that I ain’t got much else going on in life. I already knew that he hated clowns (I interofficed him a picture of John Wayne Gacy as an initiation to The Law Firm), but I needed to know more. Bridget said he hates yogurt and that she once chased him around with some. We also tossed around the idea of filling them with pictures of Brad’s ex-girlfiends, because Bridget is ruthless.
Bridget made me friend him on Facebook so I would have access to his photos. I mean, we all know I’m a creeper, but poring through pictures of Brad at a wedding, Brad with his girlfriend, Brad looking like Tom Hulce from “Amadeus”, Brad at another wedding made me feel super sleazy.
Still, I needed one more picture to make but I had run the clown phobia into the ground by that point; thank god he posted on Facebook last weekend about his crippling fear of horses.
Of course this also inadvertently became Henry’s burden to bear, since our printer at home is broken so he had to print the final products out at work, which caused several “THESE ARE ALL WRONGGGG!” (completely civil) discussions.
Then came the arduous task of getting him out of his office long enough to fill the frames.
First, Lauren was going to take him to get coffee, but then said, “I already went to get coffee with him this morning; he’s going to think I’m hitting on him!”
Wendy was busy. I asked A-ron yesterday but he changed his mind after he saw how busy Brad was pretending to be. So I went to Chris and said, “Bridget and I need to get Brad out of his office. Please do something.” So then all of a sudden, because CHRIS asked him, A-ron was on board. Barb said she’d help me stuff the frames. Bridget was our look-out.
In the end, I think it took 5 attorneys to get one attorney out of his office.
There’s a joke in there somewhere.
A-ron called Brad and asked him to come to his office, which is only right around the corner, so we knew we had to make this fast. That and the fact that A-ron called me and said, “Make this fast.”
I watched Brad start to walk down the hall, then he changed his mind and went back into his office. However, Barb didn’t see him go back and nearly barged right into his office until she saw me frantically signaling that he was still in there. God, way to go BARB.
(I’ll be kind to Barb and not tell the story of how she completely ruined a prank that Lee set in motion two weeks ago, also involving Brad. But just so you know, SHE COMPLETELY RUINED IT.)
Finally, it was a go. We worked so fast that I bent a nail back AND cut myself on one of the stupid picture frame prongs. (All for you, Bridget!) But it was all worth it when, 10 minutes later, Brad leaned back in his chair and found himself looking straight into Pennywise’s eyes.
I think my favorite part of this whole debacle was when Sean came over to ask me a question at the precise moment Brad left his office for the second time, and I shouted, “I CAN’T. NOT RIGHT NOW!” and almost fell out of my chair on my way to snatch the picture frames. Sean’s face went from surprised to utterly-disgusted in .5 seconds flat, then he retreated with a wave of his hand, like he was physically erasing the whole display.
God, nothing makes me feel more alive than a good prank.