On one hand, I am so excited to recap my G-Dragon experience, but the other hand always holds the refusal to acknowledge that it’s over. This is the worst PCD I’ve experienced in quite some time – and I am pretty seasoned at this feeling! This one just really hits different. He’s just some Korean guy to my friends but to me, he is the guy who pulled me out of a crippling – and serious – depression in 2016 and added joy and excitement back into my life. I don’t ever want to be that person again and I found myself toeing that line again through 2024 and a lot of this year too. Last summer around this time, I am not afraid to admit that I was suicidal. There was a break down that happened in Chicago last August that actually gives me chills when I replay it in my head because I was so close to just letting go.   But I am going to say this right now – after last weekend, I feel alive again. So, make fun of me for liking this stuff all you want, at the end of the day it’s giving me joy when almost nothing else can. When you don’t have a good support system, turning to music is like a default.

I just don’t understand why people think it’s OK to make another person feel like shit for liking something they don’t understand. I didn’t intend for this to start out negatively but I am still stewing over the fact that one of my work friends texted me a picture of the group chat THAT I AM NOT EVEN PART OF ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS ADDING SO MUCH TOXICITY TO MY DAY THAT I REMOVED MYSELF and btw it wasn’t even my group anyway so I did not even belong there. Anyway, in the chat I guess they were bitching about an atty from Newark who was causing grief among the group and someone mentioned that I was actually en route to Newark to see G-Dragon so someone else was like “Maybe Henry can take care of this guy for us” or something and someone (wow, I wonder who) said, “He’d probably rather be doing that anyway” or something equally stupid and it’s just not funny anymore. Like I am “dragging” Henry to these things. Like Henry doesn’t have his own opinion. Like Henry doesn’t also genuinely like G-Dragon. WHY WOULD HENRY HAVE GONE TO KOREA WITH ME 3X. WHY WOULD HE HAVE AGREED TO GET MARRIED IN KOREA. WHY WOULD HE HAVE BEEN “IT’S OK” AFTER I SPENT $$$$ ON THESE TWO CONCERTS (you have no idea). It’s just actually rude and inconsiderate to insinuate that I am THAT controlling of Henry. Blog, do you remember when I used to go to concerts alone? IT WAS BECAUSE HENRY DIDN’T LIKE THE BANDS I WAS GOING TO SEE. Yes, occasionally he took one for the team and still went with me, but he was very open about not enjoying it.

And there have been several Kpop concerts where Henry sits in the nosebleeds because he wants to be there but we can’t really afford to both get good tickets so we sit separately. WHY WOULD HE BOTHER STILL GOING IF WE WEREN’T EVEN GOING TO SIT TOGETHER UNLESS HE GENUINELY LIKED THE GROUP?

Men can like Kpop. It doesn’t have to be a fucking joke and I’m so tired of the poor Henry comments. It’s rude to him too because it’s making it sound like he doesn’t have his own free will!? Like this can’t be something that we have bonded over?? He sends me Seventeen and G-Dragon Insta reels all day long!

Sorry-not-sorry to be ranting but that truly set me off that day and I was in a foul mood pretty much until it was time to leave the hotel and go to the Prudential Center. It didn’t help that I was also panicking aver what to eat because I didn’t want to be in pain during the concert and we struck out with the vegan place Henry found (they left us sitting at the table long enough for me to have ordering anxiety so we left) and then we went for a walk in a really crappy cemetery where I ranted more about how I’m sick of people acting like Korean (or Asian in general) things are “lesser than” because OMG no English, and then we ended up finding a nice little smoothie joint called Protein Corner where I got a delicious passion fruit smoothie bowl and Henry got a Fruity Pebbles protein shake – all made by a husband/wife team while their little kid popped in and out. It was a true family affair, and it was the perfect pre-concert  meal because it tided me over without giving me a stomach ache.

Anyway. Now that I have all of that out my system. Trust me – everything else is much more positive from here on out! Just, you know, if it’s not hurting anyone else, LET PEOPLE LIKE WHAT THEY LIKE. God, I crave these concerts so I can surround myself with people who aren’t judging me!

Here are some obligatory pre-concert hotel pictures. I was so excited to dust off my bang bong (a/k/a Bigbang lightstick)!

All of my accessories! Two mini-Daisy bongs (one is standard and the other is the mint-version that was sold through the fan club last spring – I had to set my alarm for 4AM to buy it lol), my GD photocards and keychains, and my PEACEMINUSONE red clip that was a gift for the VIPs at his 2017 concert. The only other time I ever splurged and bought VIP to get soundcheck! Anyway, by the end of the two days, I had accumulated so many freebies that my purse is an entanglement of dangling beads now lol.

I bought this scarf forever ago from someone on Etsy – it has Bigbang and G-Dragon lyrics on it and I knew immediately that I needed to use it to fancy up my daisy bong.

My big bag of freebies! I had over 100 to pass out both Friday and Saturday. This tote bag was also part of the VIP gift from the 2017 concert and it felt so apropos to use it as a freebie holder.

My Korean Vans!

 

You have no idea how fucking excited (and sick!!!) I was on the way to the Prudential Center! I just kept moaning, “OMG OMG OMG OMG” like I was on my way to have a baby.

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