We had a concert to go to in Columbus last Wednesday night so we made it into a little day trip because we don’t usually get to spend much time in Columbus – we’re either just passing through onto other destinations or we’re there just for a concert so we get there with an hour or two to spare.

Still, we didn’t get in until around 1:30 but still managed to pack in a good bit before needing to get in line at Skully’s later that evening. Here is what we did because this is a fake travel blog!

Our first stop was Koffee Paradise, a Filipino cafe which is actually right outside of Columbus. If there’s ube on the menu, ubet my ass is gonna be there.

However, I done fucked up by getting the coffee flight instead of the twinzilla which is a split cup so you can get TWO different drinks! But I saw coffee flight and got excited so I ordered that and when asked if I wanted hot or iced, I said hot which was actually untrue but sometimes my mouth just moves on its own, like am I possessed by the most docile prankster entity or what?

I didn’t realize that the flight was actually the equivalent of a full sized coffee cup. That was a lot of caffeine even for me, considering I had beasted an XL Dunkin’ hot coffee on the way there. (I mean, I dragged it over the span of three hours but still.)

So, I had four decent-sized hot lattes to imbibe instead of getting the iced ube and frozen matcha in the clever split cup. I struggled. They were all delicious (ube was god tier out of the 4) but I ended up begging Henry to take the tiramisu one because it was too rich and I thought my stomach was going to split.

Ube crinkle cookies were bus. I wish we had ordered more than two even though I had so many lattes to slam.

This place was such a calming vibe and the staff were so sweet. I’m definitely keeping it on my list so that I can go back for twinzilla redemption! Also two younger people came in wearing PTV shirts and I wanted to say that I liked PTV too but I was afraid they’d think I was invading their safe space. Like “ew that mom likes our music, so lame.” (I’m an OG fan but whatever.)

This bowl was everything I wanted in that moment. I was obsessed with this place. The music was super intense house beats and I approved of that too even though it didn’t really match the vibe?!

Our server liked my ring (an old one from the Culture Shop way back in the day) and we made smiling eye contact with each other while Henry struggled to pay the bill at the table. Like, “please excuse grandpa, he’s used to paying by check at the register.”

He actually said “cash or charge” today and I was like ok 1980s charge card.

Henry got the house veggie burger and really liked it. In case you were wondering, no it wasn’t a vegan restaurant but Henry likes to rub it in my face that he gets veg options so that I can try it. Like this excuses that it took him 23 years to marry me. ;)

After lunch, we still had a lot of time left so we parked in the area of the concert venue and walked around for an hour which is my favorite thing to do after eating. It was really windy that day, I feel compelled to tell the blog that for historical factors. You never know.

We walked past this brewery called Elevator and it looked so cool but Henry was like I CANNOT DRINK BEER I HAVE TO DRIVE HOME TONIGHT – like OK, six hours??

We stopped in Magnolia Thunderpussy to buy Chooch a record and I sent him this picture – it’s the counter he was standing on when he met Chiodos as a baby 🥹.

Then!!! Get this!!! Henry goes, “let’s go to BrewDog.” It was right across the street from the venue and I was like “are you kidding me, you said you didn’t want to drink when I wanted to go to Elevator but OK SURE let’s go to this place that isn’t even local to Columbus!”

I was so annoyed that I couldn’t even enjoy anything we got in this flight (which we shared because Henry was being responsible and I was still full from our late lunch).

(OK fine the beers were good but that didn’t stop me from referencing Elevator in a manner generally reserved for when one partner is constantly reminding the other of their infidelity. “Remember when we could have went to Elevator which looked so much cooler than this place but you said I don’t want to drink beer today like a little bitch?”)

Those were all the pictures I took for Untappd. You’re welcome.

There were only 2 other people there (2 men at the bar) and the bartender was very nice. Especially considering Henry acted like it was his first time at a bar ordering a flight and I was getting pre-show nervous irritation so I started snapping at him and rolling my eyes which as you know is my most shining quality. Everyone says so. It was especially annoying when I was standing RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and he turned around to yell something at me because he thought I was at a table, and i said, “hello I’m right here” with so much derision that it could have passed for a sound effect for evisceration. The bartender light-heartedly said, “surprise!” but was probably nervously thinking, “yeah these people are gonna be the subject of a future true crime podcast.”

We stayed there for at least an hour, nursing the beers, bitching about the govt, and crying actual tears over missing Korea (me).

And we STILL had time to kill after this, not wanting to get in line yet, so we walked down the street to Insomnia Cookies and got some sugary carbs to soak up the beer.

There went our healthy lunch!

(Ok now I’m mad all over again about Elevator and just tried to start a fight with Henry about it as he’s getting ready for bed LOLOLOL.

“We could have made such great memories at Elevator. It could have rejuvenated our love,” I argued.

“You don’t know that,” he mumbled.

“Wait, is that even what it was called? Elevator?” I questioned.

He’s over this lol.)

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