Yay yay yay! We picked Chooch up from the train station around 9:45PM on Saturday. Of course, he was like, “Cool mm” as soon as he got in the car and then threw a bag at me.

He was super pissed because he said it was in pristine condition the entire way, and then as soon as he went to get off the train, he crushed it with his suitcase. IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS THOUGH! I’m going to cut them out and put it in my journal <3

Please excuse the messy table. Penelope is going through a weird eating phase and prefers her treats to be placed on this emo activity book. At least she remembered Chooch though! Even with his long, floppy hair helmet. (It’s getting cut tomorrow! He refuses to find a barber in Philly and only gets his hair cut at home, even though he is never happy with his haircuts from home.)

Sunday morning, Chooch and Henry went to the flea market. Chooch is super into collecting DVDs now and I had a list of items for Henry involving several house projects. He came home with NONE of those, but Chooch got a fuckton of DVDs and this SUPER DISGUSTING SHIRT which he put on without even washing (at least he has a shirt underneath BUT STILL), and they brought me back this surprise:

Apparently, Henry the Stoop had to ASK CHOOCH if he thought I would want it and Chooch was like “um duh.”

Later that afternoon, Henry and I wanted to Uptown Coffee for, I don’t know, fika I guess. I heard that sometimes Mochi’s Donuts sends their goods to this cafe, and I was desperate for another go at the apple fritter. The donuts were OK but that fritter has been nestled beside G-Dragon in my mind every since I beasted one on Mother’s Day. It was really that good and here I never considered myself to be a fritter bitch but sometimes we just get our calling late in life.

Sadly, they didn’t have anything from Mochi’s but we did get a snickerdoodle to split (they have really good cookies at Uptown!) and a vegan orange oil cake that Henry thought tasted familiar and, around a mouthful of MOIST CRUMBS, “Yeah, like Zenith’s bundt cakes.”

So now we need to get our asses to Zenith soon because it’s been a minute.

Later, a cop rolled up to the house! He went over to SON OF SLUMLORD’S house and I was desperately trying to neb but our stupid street is too busy. Thank god for CRIME RADAR:

First of all…this woman is way out of his league and everything is his fault. I just know it. I need to know her side of the story. I’ve been mostly home all day (aside from going on my daily walks like it’s my nervous tick) and she hasn’t come back.

HOLY SHIT NEVER MIND SHE’S HERE RIGHT NOW AND HE’S BEING SUCH A DICK TO HER SHE’S TRYING TO GET HER STUFF AND HE STARTED MOUTHING OFF TO HER AND SHE WAS LIKE WHY ARE YOU ANTAGONIZING ME I JUST WANT MY STUFF SO THEN SHE PUT HER HEADPHONES ON. I’m Team This Girl all the way.

WELL – she was getting the last of her stuff and he strode the across the yard and pushed her and made her headphones fall off and then threw an empty can at her so I’m ready for my police interview.

Oh, and in addition to this – he has a new mysterious baby that came out of nowhere? I mean, I assume it came out of a birth canal but whose, I’m not sure. Henry asked HNC about it recently and he was just like, “It’s his, but I don’t know who the mom is.” Well, it definitely wasn’t this girl! There apparently was someone in the house when all of this was going on and I heard her yell, “FUCK YOU LAUREN, YOU METH HEAD” so maybe whoever LAUREN THE METH HEAD is, that’s the mom!? I’m so fucking confused. I have a lot of investigating to do.

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