Aug 12

Family Shit II: Bill’s Golfland

Category: Photographizzle

After we left Greenman’s Tunnel on Sunday, Henry decided he needed to drive a half an hour out of the way to get soft serve with sprinkles and crunchies. He’s infatuated with crunchies.

A poster for Dole low-fat soft serve, complete with a cascading waterfall of plump-looking fruit, was pasted on the window. In a moment of insanity, I decided that a cone stuffed with this low-fat shit would be a tasty choice. I wanted raspberry, but they only had pineapple, which irritated me but I ordered it anyway. Not without a tinge of uncertainty, though.

As soon as I tasted it, I was racked with buyer’s remorse. I gave it a maximum of three sad licks, before whispering, “This is disgusting; I want yours” to Henry.

So while he dejectedly devoured a low-fat twist of melting hideousness, I got to enjoy this:

And Chooch ate his kid cone, my pawned-off pineapple puke on a cone, and my hijacked Henry cone. God,  to still be a kid, getting everything I want. OH WAIT.

That shitty cone seriously had the potential to ruin my day. Luckily, I walked away from it with little more than a puckered face. I don’t even think Chooch liked it, but Henry insisted that it “wasn’t that bad” and that I was over-reacting.

Blake wanted to get a bucket of golfballs to hit, but Henry deliberately ignored him. I don’t think he was in the mood to explain that since I quit my job, I’d have to turn some tricks at a truck stop in order for Blake to drive a bucket of balls. But we all know I’d do that for free, so whatev.

Afterward, we went to PIzza Hut, where I dunked an egg morsel (WITH SALAD DRESSING) into Henry’s iced tea while he was filling up his THIRD plate at the salad bar. He looked really nervous and apprehensive when he caught Blake and me laughing evilly, but shrugged it off. It wasn’t until the egg clogged up his straw mid-sip that he realized what was going on and completely flipped his shit, making us laugh even harder. Then Blake sold me out and I was like, “Sleep in a box under a pier, buddy!”


12 Comments so far

  1. Alyson Hell August 12th, 2008 12:07 pm

    Aww, I like the last one! So cute!

    Knowing how you feel about celery, do you mind sprinkles on your ice cream?

  2. Tuna Tar-Tart August 12th, 2008 3:18 pm

    It’s weird, I’m so anti-crunch with savory food, but when it comes to sweet stuff, I love it! The more nuts and sprinkles, the better!

  3. Bueno Mexicana August 12th, 2008 1:35 pm

    why do you always order ice creams you end up trading1?!?!?!

    i love these ice cream pics especially the one i want for my office.

    i can’t believe blake sold you out!!!

  4. Tuna Tar-Tart August 12th, 2008 3:19 pm

    LOL, yes, why DO I do that??

  5. merrymerry August 12th, 2008 2:33 pm

    “It wasn’t until the egg clogged up his straw mid-sip”

    yep, my gag reflex still works!

    great pictures….I love the one with the Ice Cream window…Henry looks like the boogy man stealing away Chooch. xo

  6. Tuna Tar-Tart August 12th, 2008 3:21 pm


    Shouldn’t you be holed up somewhere in Tennessee, getting your relaxation on? <3

  7. merrymerry August 12th, 2008 3:57 pm

    uh, yeah. that. we aren’t leaving until THURSDAY.

    it’s taken forever to pack.


  8. anonymous August 12th, 2008 8:17 pm

    the only low fat frozen stuff I dare eat is Yogen Fruz sugar free frozen yogurt, blended with black cherries and pineapple. I am telling you it is too great for words.

    actually, now I fucking want some

    oh, and, your mockup:

    let me know if you like/dislike it. or want anything changed. Again, sorry for the delay.

  9. Tuna Tar-Tart August 12th, 2008 8:41 pm

    I literally had to close down that window because the beauty was fucking killing me. I’m on the phone with my bff right now, and she just said, “It’s very rare that I can HEAR you smiling, so I’m going to need to see this.”


    First payment on Friday — that OK?

  10. anonymous August 12th, 2008 9:35 pm

    haha I take it you like it then! I’ll start on it prontito.

    Seriously, no rush with the payment. If you’re comfortable with making the first payment friday, then sure. If not, no worries.

    I’ll send you an invoice now and you pay when the fuck ever

  11. anonymous August 12th, 2008 9:38 pm

    oh shit, and I keep forgetting this (I’m such a newbie at this business thing)

    please mail me your shipping info at:

    THEN I’ll fire up an invoice.

  12. Bueno Mexicana August 12th, 2008 10:29 pm

    holy shit!!!! that is seriously amazing!!@!@!!@!!!@!

    when i was on the phone with erin and i heard her grinning uncontrollably and omg-ing repetitively when she first saw it, i knew it had to be REALLY freakin’ cool…

    but- i didn’t realize how awesome it actually is!!!!
    you’re very talented.

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