Ever since Smooshy was a little boy, he had been fascinated by rainbows. He drew rainbows everywhere he could: the bathroom stalls at school (this gave him quite the reputation); on Uncle Barfbag’s bald pate; and, later in life, on the tailbones of strippers in the champagne room.
Perhaps Smooshy was so entranced by rainbows because he had never seen one. There was this one time, back in ’67, when his sister tried to point one out to him from the car’s back window as their parents drove them to a traditional summer cock fight, but Smooshy had fallen asleep (more like passed out from the noxious fumes of his Mother’s bottled drug store scent) and didn’t open his eyes in time.
And Smooshy had no chance of seeing a rainbow any time in the past eight years, either, seeing as though he was in prison for impersonating a gynecologist.
But these days, Smooshy is a free man. His first week out of prison, he sat outside on a park bench every day until the sun went down, hoping for a miracle.
On the seventh day, a bird landed above him on a telephone wire and goes, “Look, son. You ain’t never gonna see no rainbow in this city, not through all this damn smog. You’re better off watching a goddamn Skittles commercial.”
And that’s how Smooshy LaBoosh came to possess the largest collection of Skittles memorabilia this side of Appalachia.