Jul 022009
 

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 13:08 Thought we were still playing ‘pretend’ when Chooch gave me a cup & said “drink ur water!” Wasn’t expecting the splash; was refreshing tho.
  • 15:31 Let’s all pretend like we’re dishwashers in a shit diner.
  • 16:13 I had a homeroom teacher in HS who would always take my side, even when I was the one causing trouble. She died today.
  • 16:48 My life needs less clever, more cleaver. (And no change of cleavage.)
  • 23:35 Henry said I make him scared. He must have heard the snap.
  • 23:43 Henry’s complaining that the scratches I gave him sting. LIKE MY HEART

  • 01:23 Uh-oh.
  • 10:49 Just sobbed to a Jehovah’s Witness. At noon, I’m cuddling with a Scientologist. 4pm is Draino time.
  • 18:41 Looking to exchange recipes with a cannibal but the only one I knew ate himself.
  • 20:50 Top a weener with a plastic blue cup & watch me sing Happy Birthday. It must be Tuesday

  • 00:02 I hate a fucking swindler.
  • 11:03 Chooch wants to wear a dress to his staple-removal appointment. I told him fine b/c it really complements his chocolate milk mustache.
  • 12:13 I  kept Chooch’s staples so that when he becomes infamous, which he will, I can sell them on eBay.
  • 12:18 Dr’s office acquired a fine looking male nurse since the last time I was there, gave me a lollipop. Took the bait, will be back for more.
  • 14:45 http://twitpic.com/8ygiy – I’m score.
  • 16:12 My friend Lisa is visiting from Colorado & we have hang-outs scheduled for tonight. Hopefully Chooch won’t call her a motherfucker

  • 01:17 Now that I think about it, I’m positive Lucas from Degrassi was the nurse holding Chooch’s head during the staple-plucking.
  • 01:20 “‘Sore-y’ if this hurts, buddy, but we’ll have them all ‘oot’ faster than you can say Saskatchawan. Next episode, I date-rape ur mom, eh.”
  • 01:40 Lisa brought me pie. I thanked her by using her as a therapist. By the end, we were both bloated, so it was an even trade.

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

  6 Responses to “When tweets have to be posted manually because LoudTwitter is too busy fucking corn cobs”

  1. Remember those pictures? The ones you were going to write stories about? You should do that,so I can read those stories. Pleeze. thnx

  2. Why you are not “Most Read Twitterer” or some other title indicating the whole world waits for your one-liners, is beyond me.

    It hurts to breathe and laugh today, thanks to my newly contracted bronchitis, but the chest pains were worth it, yo.

    • Eve thank you! I don’t know, I don’t have many followers because apparently it’s cooler to follow celebs and have one-sided conversations with them.

      I hope you lose the bronchitis soon, that thing’s a bitch! It’s such a lingerer!

  3. I love that t-shirt, where did you get it? And i must admit you can type a canadian accent like you’re a secret canadian, I had to read it over and over, it was fun. So i take it this degrassi show you keep talking about is canadian, eh?

    oh, did you get invited to another Jehovah’s Witness party??

    • http://imscore71.com/

      They’re only $15, shipping included and the t-shirt is a nice quality. I love it! Go get one!

      Degrassi is Canadian, yes. Corey used to watch it when it first started in 2001 (well, this incarnation anyway; the original one is from the 80s) and he’d force me and Janna to watch. It was pretty terrible and we’d just make fun of it.

      The N always plays like, 15 episodes in a row, and one Saturday night a few weeks ago I put it on for kicks and then two hours later Henry goes, “And why are we still watching this?” IT SUCKS YOU IN!

      Plus I have a Degrassi crush on Jay. He’s a bad boy with a soft heart.

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