Oct 092009
Your Ex-Wife Doesn't Read This Trash.
Follow Me
Suggested Reading? Maybe.
At work the other day, I said out loud, “I wish I had a Jonny Craig doll.” This of course was met with tons of groans and low-grade mumbling. But then I started googling, because YOU NEVER KNOW. Well, there aren’t any Jonny Craig dolls out there, at least none that Google is aware of. [...]
Got to leave work around 6:30 because it was so slow, but Henry and Chooch were at Chuck E Cheese for a birthday party, so I had to take the dreaded trolley home. Almost not worth getting to go home early. Sue kept trying to coax me into taking an entire box of pizza home [...]
Easter Memories: A Thin Line Between Charity & Stupidity
Here is a tale from 2008 about how I was driving at night without my contacts in AND allowing strange men to get inside my car. Obviously my level of paranoia had not yet reached the crippling plateau it’s currently resting on. *** When I left my job Thursday night (technically Friday morning), my gas [...]
I suppose I could have just played keep-away with that damn orange ball last night, maybe a rousing round of Monkey in the Middle, but instead I decided to make it more interesting. I waited for Chris to leave the office for the night and then Orange Ball and I went on a photo-taking rampage. [...]
Oh shit, guess who slipped up and left his self-proclaimed best friend, a/k/a that fucking orange ball, over on neutral turf? It’s about to be a fun night. (OMG this thing is so dirty.) ETA: The fucking orange ball now has its own email address (AWOLorangeball@live.com). I’m going to start taking pictures of it around [...]
Bayernhof Music Museum, Part 1
“We’re going to be so late!” I cried to Andrea, after she had purposely tried to sleep through our appointment at the Bayernhof Music Museum last week. She was against this part of the Pittsburgh itinerary from the get-go, especially after I had Wendy call and make us a tour appointment when we were hanging [...]
I’m not a crafter at all. Give me craft supplies and the end result will be nothing short of a horrific eyesore, with a trail of blood and tears in its wake. But when Brandy gave me her Santa Voodoo doll tutorial to post on my blog, I was inspired to make one myself, but [...]
(These are the companion photos to this post, which I wrote while still in Gatlinburg. I miss Gatlinburg. Also, I have not been able to go back and check out all my horrendous typos borne from a writing-derelict like myself using a PHONE to blog.) In the AM: It was all downhill from here. (Except [...]
When I launch a new obsession, I of course want to share this with my work friends. For example, the Wacky Worm. I was hoping it would become a wide-spread sensation, culminating in a department field trip to DelGrosso’s, which is a semi-local amusement that has A PERMANENT WACKY WORM, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. [...]
Many years ago, when I was friends with that crazy lady Cinn, she was dead set on making her own absinthe. “I found a place on the Internet where we can buy wormwood!” she squealed. She said “we” when she meant “you” because I was the one with mommy’s American Express. I was nineteen, extremely [...]
I wasn’t looking for love at Soul Skate. It was hotter than Snookie’s kooka in that joint and really all I was focused on was not melting into a flesh-puddle while rollin’ to Justin Timberlake’s “Summer Love,” which I never realized just how truly anthemic that song really is until I had quads laced to [...]
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Better recognize!
OK. Let me get this straight.
You’re hot.
You’re hilarious.
You’re a brilliant writer.
You’re smart as hell.
And now you’re telling me you like hockey, too? MARRY ME.