Me: Aw shit, you better make daddy a birthday card. I don’t know, draw something on it that he likes.

Chooch, thinks to himself: Something that he likes….Well, obviously that’s a pile of steaming shit. And a kangaroo but I don’t feel like finishing that.

Chooch clearly knows Henry way more than I do, because I would have drawn Faygo bottles on top of a pile of nondescript t-shirts with a bunch of Henry doppelgängers looking on, eating green onions pulled straight from the ground. (Henry eats that shit with the authority of a goddamn farmer and it makes me sick. Tomatoes too.)

A robot standing on a monster, holding a cake?

Henry’s mom came over to babysit today and wanted Chooch to draw something nicer than a pile of shit, but I assured her that Henry would think it was strange if he got anything sweet.