Mar 202009


Christina and I had been going through a rough patch. I was ready to never talk to her again but then Henry morphed into Meddling Mother Hen mode and reasoned with me. Christina is lucky; I had big vengeful plans in store for her.

So she came to visit last weekend. It was the first time we hung out since November and what better way to torture her than by strapping clown shoes on her feet and forcing her to hike all over a cemetery.

At one point, I had her laying supine in front of a verdigris’d crypt, surrounded by piles of dead leaves, when an elderly woman idled by in her Oldladymobile and the look she shot at us was priceless. Her wrinkled lips were all a-twist in horror and disapproval. And then I almost careened head-first over the top of the crypt so we called it a day. I have more pictures, but my master doesn’t give me enough time to actually go through them.

Even though I hate Christina, it was one of the best weekends ever. Especially because Henry actually hung out with us. Usually he deems us “too gay” and juvenile and heads to bed with Chooch, but this time he came back down, got drunk, dropped his “I’m too mature for this” facade, and proceeded to put on what I can only describe as a public access sketch show. He was hilarious and animated, telling us stories from his drinking heyday and other inappropriate yarns.

In other news, Chooch has been playing one of those Jumpstart games on the computer so I’m allotted even less time on this thing. Stay-At-Home-Hell hasn’t killed me yet, but it hasn’t got much easier. There are some nights where Chooch is just a fucking asshole, like Tuesday night when Dyanna was here and all I wanted to do was hang out and watch the hockey game, but Chooch had other ideas in mind. Like repeatedly punching me in the head and doing a somersault off the couch and landing head first against the coffee table. I deducted some points for the sloppy landing.

But last night, he was like a dream. He even sat in my lap, threw his arms around my neck and said, with sincerity I swear to god, “I wub you, Mommy.” AND THEN HE STAYED LIKE THAT. For like, two minutes, he stayed in my lap, hugging me.

I almost felt bad for Googling adoption agencies the night before.

EDIT: Hours later, I glanced at this entry and noticed at least three words where it quite literally looked like I gave up on typing them out in their entirety. I’m fucking tired.

  12 Responses to “Wow, A Blog Post”

  1. i totally AM lucky. i know this.

    the worst part of those shoes was when i got rocks and twigs in them. as if walking in them wasn’t difficult enough. then you’re like- hey, UP that hill.

    henry was so funny and it was cool to see him have fun like that.

    “He even sat in my lap, threw his arms around my neck and said, with sincerity I swear to god, “I wub you, Mommy.” AND THEN HE STAYED LIKE THAT. For like, two minutes, he stayed in my lap, hugging me.”

    that is priceless! also semi-frightening coming from him.

  2. I thought of you and your photo shoots right away, when I saw this:

    • Ahhhh! That is so cool. Thanks for showing me!

      Now I want to have a sword fight.

      • It would be wild if one of the animal head shoots were recorded there for posterity. I found a blog that showed amazing, out of the ordinary photos snapped around your area and always looked for yours but have now lost the link. Will keep looking and send it to you.

  3. you are one BRAVE lady to even joke about getting on the bad side of a lesbian

    lesbians are priceless


  4. They know, man. They know. Chooch was probably all up in your browser history after you went to bed and was all like, “Shit, I gotta charm that bitch before you gets serious!”

Say it don't spray it.

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