Henry Turns 50, The Hero Series: #2

For today’s Henry Is A Hero post, I am posting an old tale from Henry’s LiveJournal, “mehoover.” This post is in “his own words” and recounts the time he was a Real American Parking Lot Heroe [sic]. I think it is really important to shed light on these old stories so that Henry’s heroism can be experienced by new generations. (Ruby was my LiveJournal nickname in case you didn’t know.)

April 16, 2007

oh shit u guyz where to even start!!!!!!!!!!! u will never ever beleive what happened yesterday. I can bearly beleive it my self.

ok so me and RUBY and that baby was in the car. we was drivin thru TARGET parking lot cuz i be doing all my shoppin there. (like underroos. i do not ware tightie whities no more now i ware boxer breefs in difrint colors!) now u have to kno that it was rilly WINDY and RAINY. real fishermen weather , right?

SO we are drivin real slow so I can find a rilly good space because I am the man of the car and that is we men do, when SUDDENLY a rogue (ruBY taught me that word!) shopping car come barrling out of NOWHERE and it was like everythin went in slo motion as it banged into a parked car!!!! THEN, and this is when it gets rilly serious, it cut in front of the car that was going in the opposite direction from us!!!!!!!!

that car had to STOP so it would not drive into the cart, and then the cart started to come toward us!!!!!!! RUby was screaming “help us help!” because shopping carts are dangerous like deer!

what happens next will make you all think diffrintly about me i promise u that.

i looked at rUby and snarled, “I WILL BE RITE BACK” as i threwed the car into PARK. THEN!!!!! Then I LEAPED out of teh car into the cold hard rain and I grabbed the cart like i was lassoing a BULL!!!!!!!!!! then I shoved the cart into the cart Return thing and looked around to see if anyone was clapping or crying like chicks do when tehy is watching a movie and the big powerfull man saves the day. I could not tell but ONLY because all the cars had rain drops on the windows.

So i got back in the car and that lady who could not go anywhere was now able to leave since there was no dangerous shopping cart in her way no more and as she drived past us, i noticed she was on her cellie and you know what i bet she was telling whoever she talked to about ME and how I rescued her and saved her LIFE!!!!!!

I mean, even ruBY was like “hay u are the shit for real now lets forget im a veggie eater and give me your slab of bacon, big guy!” but rilly she did not say that cuz she was to busy laffin at me for being a HEROE. i am not stupid i know that this is how some people react when they is jelis.

i just could not wait to go home and tell my mommie about it.

maybe tommorrow i will drawr you all a picture of how it happened!!! yes or no?
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ok guyz i tryed real hard to draw you a diegram of what happened at TarGet. it was hard cuz i am not to good at drawring.

now u can see there i am standing big and proud, thrusting out my arms to rassle with the shopping kart and the lady in the red car, she could not go no where until i freed her from the karts intrapment. so u can see her with hearts popping out of her face cuz she is so lovey about me now for saving her.

and then you can see ruBy sitting on her lard ass in are car. she did not lift a finger as usual. i did not drawr the baby cuz he just looks like a blob anyway.

and then lookie at what ruBY made me to celebrayt!

i was very touched when she gave it to me. i think i am gonna get it made itnto a patch and so it onto my jean jacket.