10:20am: Hello we are en route to Toronto for the weekend currently in Cranberry. Why haven’t we made it very far, you ask, Mary? Well because I threw a fit this morning and said I didn’t want to go anymore because I’m having a bad body image day. Like I hate the way everything feels on my skin. So I yelled IM NOT GOING and Henry was like “ok” and he started doing the dishes and I went for a walk. Then I calmed down eventually after having PB toast for breakfast and I said FINE I WILL GO so I finished packing and here we are. To be fair, I was still going to go tomorrow because that’s when the Stray Kids concert is. I just didn’t want to be stomping around Toronto today with my thunder thighs but even more than that I don’t want to waste the money for the hotel. Ugh.

11:20pm: Still in PA. I’m bored.

12:25pm: Finally crossed over into New York. I’m still bored. We stopped at GetGo in Erie to pee and that was also boring. We put new batteries in my SKZ light stick. Boring still.

Henry said just now, “we can go to Lake Chautauqua. Smrobly not.” UGH he’s not allowed to say smrobly??!! After decades of making fun of me for it??

1:36pm: Henry is driving so chaotically and now I feel car sick which almost never happens. Also we stopped at the rest stop in NY we always stop at with this iconic pedestrian bridge:

But they completely renovated it so now it’s basically like a mall food court and it was PACKED. I said NOPE and we left so now I have to pee and I’m starving. Standard for our road trips. Always disappointed in the food dept.

1:46pm: Wish us luck.

Also, Henry picked the worst / slowest line as usual.

2:13pm: OMG OMG OMG we just had the most amazing border experience.

When we said why we’re coming to Canada (“concert in Toronto”) the border guy laughed and said “Oh that kpop group right” and I said “Yeah actually – Stray Kids” (I was leaning over Henry and being the passenger seat mouthpiece, because this was my time to shine now) Border guy goes, “SERIOUSLY?? I was joking! You guys are…not the target demographic!”

He actually chatted with us about it for a few minutes, asking how we got into Kpop, etc which held the line up and everyone behind us probably hated us. I said “We like it so much that we got married in Korea” and he was like “GET OUT! OK you are blowing my mind!”

He told us he just saw AC/DC in Cleveland with a buddy and how Angus Young is still so awesome for his age etc. It was hands down the best experience we’ve had at the border lol.

Anyway, that was a fun and heartwarming interaction that I will think about a lot. Sigh. Canada, can we stay?

3:25pm: Update – i finally had “lunch” at Tim Hortons. They had a pretty good cilantro lime veggie wrap which felt moderately healthy and didn’t make me sick.

3:41pm: We lost service and I said “But how is the map still mapping?” Henry started to mansplain the FUCK out of that and I quickly cut him off to say, “ok great I don’t care anymore. Everything you say is sooo boring.”

“Yeah but you learn something from it,” he said smugly, like how cocky???

“No, actually, I don’t. I actively do not remember a single thing you tell me.”

4:08pm: fucking finally! Also I hate how it always says his name on the TV.

4:46pm/ train time.

5:46pm: other people stopped to take a picture so i had to as well.

7:12pm: Made it to Left Field Brewery on foot.

the beers – mid

Vegan Chicago dog was pretty good but not pictured is the absolutely exquisite vegan chicken sandwich that I gained in a food trade with Henry. (“That’s what a great husband I am, I order from the vegan menu so that I can share with you.” Oh here we go, martyrdom reaching.)

Apparently there is a soccer game happening right down the street so everyone came here in their matching shirts to pregame and it is LOUD.

Henry confirms that he thought the hot dog was good but they didn’t capture the essence of a true Chicago dog. I have never had one even in my non-veggie days so I can’t add to this commentary.

The Commodores “Lady” is on right now and this song has always made me feel a strong level of comfort because I relate it to my childhood at my Pappap’s house in case you care. I have had not even a whole flight (I didn’t like 2 of my beers and passed them onto Henry the Sink) but I’m kind of drunkish.

WOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOW

8:08pm: we’re here now:

The beers are significantly better than the last place and ironically one that we like a lot so far is a collab with the last brewery lol.

Also on the way here:

Accidental sloshy foot selfie.

8:48pm: wow what a shocker Henry trying to decode a trolley schedule.

Also we passed an Amazing Pride dance party under a bridge and I was so inspired. But I have Henry with me ughhh.

You guys I’m buzzzy.

8:52pm: We just got on the trolley and Henry’s phone got an error when he tried to pay so I stuck my phone over and it worked for me so I said GOODBYE and trounced away while he was left to struggle on his own. He thinks it was my fault though bc the error message said “multiple cards detected” and he said it was because I was standing too close lol ok bro. Keep white knighting yourself and your pubtrans trials and tribs.

9:17pm: at Union Station after taking a trolley where I tried to psychically latch on to a group of 4 fun people. HENRY NEVER LOOKS WHERE HE IS WALKING AND ALWAYS COLLIDES WITH SOMEONE HE IS SUCH AN OAF. I am so embarrassed.

9:26pm: He just had the audacity to tell me where to sit so I walked far away from him and sat somewhere by myself didn’t ever fucking tell me what to do bro. Dumb white man.

Also, I took this of Henry outside of Something in the Water.

9:34pm: this broad just ran over and stood RIGHT UP IN MY FACE LIKE WHAT. Henry noticed from his TIME OUT corner and took this picture:

Now he’s sitting next to me and I’m like “hi I didn’t invite you here?”

9:39pm:

11:09pm: Now we’re driving around in the car like idiots because Henry wants ice cream and every place is either super crowded or a SIT DOWN ESTABLISHMENT and we just want it to go, actually I don’t want it AT ALL, I just want to go to the hotel and sleep.

“What was Daddy Warbucks’ secretary’s name? I can’t believe I can’t remember!” I cried, to which Henry was like, “I certainly do not know and also, why??”

It was because right before that, he read out loud the sign on a restaurant that said something about Punjabi flavors which obviously made me think of Punjab from my beloved Annie and in my mind, I started replaying scenes and then blanked on her mane – it’s Grace, btw.

Anyway I googled Punjab and did you know that the actor who played him was apparently more well-known for being the voice 7Up’s “Uncola”?! Who cares that he won Tonys for his direction and costume design for the Wiz and something to do with Eartha Kitt, I already forget.

Ok I’m signing off. We’re almost to the hotel and I am exhausted. We walked almost 20,000 steps which isn’t a lot considering one time in Toronto, we walked over 40,000 which was my first time unlocking that foot-on-pavement level!

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