Some things I’m thinking about today:

CARDAMOM BUNS

• Pittsburgh having no good places to get good cardamom cinnamon rolls (spoiled by Scandinavia).

THE BLACK QUEEN

• The Black Queen is touring for the 10th anniversary of Fever Daydream and I got tickets for the Cleveland date in May!

NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE

• Thanks to Chooch, I am fully obsessed with Matt Johnson and Jay McCarrol now. I can’t remember that last time I was THIS STOKED on a movie, maybe not since THE PUFFY CHAIR and if you knew me in my mumblecore era, you know that I wanted to wrap myself up in that movie and take it to bed with me. Nirvanna: The Band, The Show, The Movie is doing this same thing to me. I get easily swept up in music but it takes A LOT for me to practically want to join a street team for a fucking movie. This one just really got into that sweet spot of my brain and has been suckling away on my head juices ever since. It’s so niche. It’s such an odd vibe. It is NOT going to hit for everyone. But the jokes landed for me. Even without knowing anything about these guys and their web series from back in the day – I freaking CARED and was so invested.

GO TEAM CANADA

• Olympic hockey has me so stressed out. I am dreading the mens gold medal game tomorrow. I truly dislike the USA team (the Tkachucks can get Tkafucked) and want Team Canada to win so badly because as a Pittsburgher, I’m morally obligated to root for Sidney Crosby and also I just love their team more in general. I thought I would have a hard time rooting for American athletes this time around but so many of them were speaking up and out and I loved that, it was inspirational and made me feel like maybe the rest of the world will hate us less hearing from these athletes that they love their country but not the administration. That helped me retain some semblance of patriotism for the sake of the Olympics.

KID ROCK, INEXPLICABLY

• In the wake of all the Superbowl half time hullaballoo, Chooch was sending me reels making fun of the ToiletPaperUSA redneckpalooza which inspired me to tell him one of the many FUN FACTS about me which he definitely does not consider “fun” nor anything worthy of the definition “fact.” I’m pretty sure his response was just “wow” so I will share it with my ghost friends here on OHE. But all of this KID ROCK bullshit (literally, when has Kid Rock ever been in the news this much, it’s so fucking weird) sparked a shameful memory in me and I felt like I needed to confide in Chooch who clearly did not think this was anything that major….

  It was 1998. I was 18/19 and clearly struggling to find my identity as we all are at that age, sheesh! I was hanging out with guys who honestly fit the bill of date rapists but my red flag reader was not yet fully charged so all I thought was that they were cool and they listened to bands like KORN and LIMP BIZKIT so I did too by association. I actually genuinely liked Korn for a few years, I’m not too cool for school and can be honest about this.

  That autumn, I had gone to this tattoo shop out in Butler, PA (also known as the place where DONALD TRUMP SQUIRTED KETCHUP ON HIS EAR) and befriended (albeit briefly) the tattoo artist / owner and the piercer. They had invited me to the upcoming KORN FAMILY VALUES tour at the Civic Arena but for some reason, I was busy and couldn’t go (I didn’t have a job then so god only knows what my plans were).

  Anyway, when I told Chooch this, I was like, ‘I WAS SO CLOSE TO SEEING KID ROCK BUT LUCKILY I DODGED THAT BULLET, IT DIDN’T EVEN FAKE-GRAZE MY EAR’ but then out of curiosity, I looked up the tour info to see who else was there – AND KID ROCK WAS NOT IN THE LINEUP! I was telling Henry this and he goes, “Yeah, but he was at that one festival we went to in Wisconsin a long time ago” and, panic-stricken, I cried, “WE DIDN’T ACTUALLY SEE HIM THOUGH DID WE??” Henry laughed and said no. W H E W.

That was my Kid Rock story.

Well, that’s all for me today. Back to micromanaging Henry’s bathroom painting project. One of the paint colors is Pink Pout and every time I have complained or whined about something today, Henry has muttered, “You picked the right paint color” LOL. I pouted so hard in the cemetery today that I did my signature teenage brat fast-walking/stamping back to the car while Henry continued his casual gait yards behind me. (I’m also pms’ing so please leave your HENRY IS A SAINT comments to yourself. – Management.)

 

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