Usually all of my weekdays blend together but this one had some shit going on.

First of all, it was almost hot as the flames in Hell as they flex and preen in preparation of Trump’s arrival. (CAN IT PLEASE BE SOON.) My face looked gooey, like someone who just removed face reconstruction surgery bandages on Days of Our Lives.

Sorry, I was trying to set a scene but then I lost interest.

It was hot and humid.

At one point that morning, I peeled my thighs off my chair (I’m a sadist and use a hard-ass plastic chair as my office chair, watch me give no fucks about my back and lumbar support, boiiiii) and walked over to the front window to do my hourly neighborly peek.

What timing! There were two cop cars outside with a young couple across the street from my house, standing on the sidewalk and presumably being questioned. I don’t. The guy looked like he was inebriated. Remember how I said it was very hot in so many words? Well, he was wearing jeans and had a fucking hoodie WRAPPED AROUND HIS HEAD. It was like 90-some degrees!

There was a young woman with him and she seemed to be the mouthpiece. Whatever was going on, she was at the center. Then I realized that she and the cop kept looking IN THIS DIRECTION and I was like, “Oh are you fucking kidding me, what NOW.”

I started to really look at her and realized that she is the on-off girlfriend of the landlord’s trash NRA son who lives next to HNC and his bitch-boat animal-hating wife aka Queen Cunt of Pioneer. I had heard through the GRAPEVINE that she hates the landlord’s son and his gf because “THEY SMOKE WEED” and she can smell it through her walls I guess, but meanwhile she and HNC suck up to this motherfucker SO BAD because daddy is the landlord, and HNC even cuts his grass! This fucking idiot bitch is cutting the grass of some able-bodied young man?! Bitch, couldn’t be me!!

Anyway, this alleged GF visits pretty often and I have started exchanging niceties with her. She is young and seems cool. We both wear Vans. Once, she was on the porch blasting music that sounded like something I would listen to. But then he made her turn it off before I could investigate further.

So my plan was to befriend this person in order to really get under HNC’s wife’s skin. Turn her into my ally before the Cunt has a chance to turn her against me like she tries to do with everyone on the street because she is miserable. Maybe I would even get this person to start feeding the squirrels on her porch too so then it would be ON BOTH SIDES OF THE CUNT.

Welp. Looks like my hopeful summer friendship is over before it started because it was definitely her talking to the cop, and then another cop came out of the boyfriend’s house while she was saying, “I understand, I just need to get my stuff.” I mean, she wasn’t being hysterical, she was very calm and collected and being super cooperative so I am going to ahead and assume that whatever was going on was 100% the fault of THE MAN.

One of the cops accompanied her into the house and she came back out with several plastic bags of…her belongings, I don’t know.

Meanwhile, I have this stupid CRIME RADAR app now ever since the suicide happened up the street, so I checked and it’s always nice to see your house on there:

 

I sent this to Chooch hoping he would assume it was me and Henry but aw, you guys, I guess he knows we don’t actually fight like that because he just said “Lol, no who was it for?” after I tried to get him to believe it was us.

(Apparently today, some 71 year old man fell on our street and injured himself so there was another CRIME RADAR update with another stupid Google image shot of my idiot house. Also, I was home when this apparently was happening and had no idea.)

THEN THERE WAS A STORM AND THE FUCKING POWER WENT OUT FOR GODDAMN HOURS and I was legit panicking that this was going to be another multi-day PIONEER LIFE on PIONEER AVE. I think that was last year when we were out for 3 days!? It was pathetic to really learn first hand how much we rely on electricity.

We had plans that night and I had to fucking put my makeup on in a semi-dark bathroom. I probably looked like the subject of one of the CRIME RADAR calls.

Um, yeah! Pretty close.

LOL.

Anyway this was at the Parkway Theater last night! We had tickets for an 8:30PM screening of George Romero’s The Amusement Park but we went early since we had no power and nothing else to do. Abjuration Brewing has a little thingie inside there and had a collab with the George A, Romero Foundation – it was a strawberry funnel cake smoothie sour so I had to treat myself and get a 1/2 pour.

I love that they serve their beer in little beakers! Oh, and the guy working remembered us from a few weeks ago when we went to the Hazelwood Brew House thing!

This was really good but very sweet and I felt kind of gross afterward.

There was trivia going on inside. I tend to not sign up for these things because I’m so competitive that I get stressed out. But it was fun to listen in and answer amongst ourselves since we were sitting outside with a few non-trivia players. I was mad because one of the questions was who wrote A Song of Fire and Ice and I was like George R R Martin but Henry kept saying, “Yeah, I think it’s George R Martin” and I was like “NO IT’S GEORGE R R MARTIN. TWO Rs” and I really don’t think that motherfucker believed me so I had to Google it and show him and even then he was like “Ohhhhhkay” but then later when the trivia host was saying the answers, I almost punched Henry in the face with my unhinged celebratory aggression at hearing the guy say “No, I can’t accept George Martin, the correct answer is George R R Martin.”

FUCK YEAH BITCHES!!

My favorite part of the trivia that I wasn’t officially participating in was that one of the team names was “I’m Looking for a Big Dick” or something so every time the host said their name, well, you know. Lol. It never got old! At one point he even said something like, “Hey, you never know how the night will go…”

Yay, then it was time!

First, the owner came out (he may have been the one doing the trivia?!) and told us a bit about the theater, the events they have coming up, etc. It’s a really cool place and I hope that something else catches my eye in the future so we can go back!

This event however was held in conjunction with the Living Dead Weekend – if you didn’t know, Pittsburgh is the zombie capital of the world and we have a big zombie fest every year because of George Romero and his ….Living Dead movies. So it turned out that a lot of the people there weren’t even from Pittsburgh! That was kind of wild to me because the sole reason I wanted to see this was because it was filmed in the long-demolished West View Park and I wanted to see it on screen.

Afterward, there was a Q&A with one of the guys from George A Romero Foundation and when he asked if anyone knew where it was filmed, Henry and I were the only ones who knew!

But anyway! Back to the film. So, aside from the West View part, I knew nothing about this. It was only just restored in like, 2018 I think? And had never been screened before that. It was filmed own the 70s and here’s the thing that shocked me — it was actually a PSA from the Lutheran Society about Elder Abuse! So, not a horror movie, but honestly one of the scariest hours of my life because as the theater owner prefaced it, “It’s scary because it’s something that is going to happen to all of us.”

AGEING.

Becoming invisible to society.

Being taken advantage of because of old age.

UGH.

Bro, it was very unsettling. There was also some humor to it here and there too and it totally felt like a Romero project. His fingerprints were all over this.

Two downsides to the evening: the group of people who clomped in and plopped down in the row behind us. It was like they had the theater all to themselves even though it was almost entirely full. Their presence sucked the air out of the room. One of them SNORFLED through the whole thing, OMG that’s one the sounds that gets under my skin the hardest. I fucking hate it. Go in the bathroom and fucking blow your nose.

And then there was a woman there who was all pspspspspspspspspspspspsp the whole time to her seat mate, like how about STFUing while the rest of us are watching this thing?! She was doing it afterward during the Q&A too and I thought that was so disrespectful!!

So behind her rude whispering and the other guy’s gross bodily sounds, I was in fucking Hell. Before Trump!!

Anyway. Ugh. One of the coolest take-aways I got from the Q&A was a story about lost Romero film reels that were found in a barn after the landowner’s died (one of his movies was filmed on their property and the reels got left behind, to make a long story short) and the Romero Foundation was like “Can we please buy this back from you before you take it to open market?” and they were like, “No we’re taking it to open market.” What a bunch of bitches!

I guess they were asking way more than the foundation could afford and they were panicking that some rich noob was going to get their hands on it and destroy it in an attempt to watch it, but SOMEONE WHOSE NAME I CANNOT NAME because everyone was asked to not film this part of the Q&A so I am going to use my big bright brain here and assume that applies also to a nobody’s blog, but it’s some who who is a well-known name in the horror realm (THE WALKING DEAD, for one thing!) and he was like, “I gotchu” and bought it. That made me emotional to hear!

Another cool thing is that I learned that Pitt now has a Horror Studies Center. No, that’s not intriguing enough to get me to come back and get my degree after 20 years, LOL. But I thought that was pretty cool. I mean, when I went to Pitt, I took a Vampire class which sounds amazing but it was actually super boring, the instructor was boring, no one would talk to me in that class no matter how hard I reached out because I was—wait for it—24 and they were all 18 & 19 probably, and the most exciting to happen was the time we had a legit fire drill because the class was in the same building as chem labs and someone’s experiment went awry and started a fire. So then everyone was standing outside in their little bitch cliques and I was all alone as usual.

Yeah, going back to college is not appealing to me at all.

Oh man, it was such a good night. I love that we’re doing more things like this. Like, I saw it advertised, sent it to Henry, and he was like, “OK I bought tickets.” He didn’t even know what it was!!

And we bought a can (love that were selling singles!!!) of the beer collab because I’m a dork and want to put the label in my journal, LOL. Henry also bought me a t-shirt that has the same design on it!

Aside from those jerks behind us, it was a nice night. Oh, and one last thing: I keep noticing that everything smells like clarinet reeds to me lately! IS THIS ANOTHER PERIMENOPAUSE THING or a sign to join a marching band just for the jacket.

(I am still on the prowl for someone’s old marching band jacket for FASHION.)

Then we came home around 11PM and the power was back! And some drunk guy was in front of our house being creepy to two women walking a dog so we were ready to call the cops but then he walked away. Oh, summer in Brookline. Let’s fucking go. Some day, I should just sit on my front porch all day and liveblog all the shit that goes on in front of my house.

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