Before I start: My journal pages for last Friday’s and Saturday’s back-to-back concerts make me so happy. I’m so glad that I started this!

Anyway. Last Saturday was the Armor for Sleep show at Preserving Underground. My love for AFS goes way back to my LiveJournal, pre-Chooch days. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s been that long and it makes me feel sick because I can’t think of this time in my life without thinking about Christina, who, if I haven’t mentioned, has ghosted me for the billionth time in our 20+ year “friendship” because they are married to some new broad that came out of nowhere conveniently after Christina and Katie broke off their engagement. I LOVED KATIE. I thought she was cute, funny, interesting – a real match for Christina who tends to date down. So, I was there for Christina during the breakup, then they met this new broad and VERY QUICKLY AND I DO MEAN QUICKLY, they perpetuate the lesbian “U-Haul” stereotype like you would not believe, they got engaged and that’s when suddenly Christina stopped calling and texting. So, that makes me feel amazing about myself to know that I am so easily discarded time and time again!!

But you know what, I’m not going to let go of these old bands that we loved together because fuck that. I knew it would make me emotional to see AFS but I wanted to go see them so Henry bought us tickets and fuck that dumb bitch, amirite.

Now that we got that out of the way (oh,  one more thing – #TeamKatie 100%, I wish I was still in contact with her but she blocked me after they broke up and I get it, she probably thought I was going to side with Christina but that’s a NO), we got to New Kensington a little too early last Saturday because Henry thought doors were at 6pm, so when we walked into the place, there was a small group of people lined up along the steps AND THEN BEN JORGENSON (AFS singer) walked over and I swear to god, we made eye contact and I almost died. But anyway, it turned out that this was the VIP meet and greet so that was awkward. We did the whole “whistle at the ceiling” thing while everyone followed Ben down the steps into the bowels of the church to do, I don’t, meetin’ and greetin’ line dances and whatever, and then we tried to play it off like we meant to do that by continuing up the steps into the record store portion of the venue.

You already know this part. I bought the horror movie record that Goblin scored and guess what I found out afterward? GOBLIN DIDN’T ACTUALLY WRITE THAT MUSIC FOR THAT MOVIE!!! It was something that they had already recorded and released and the….movie people….were like, “Yes, we will be stealing this for our nunsploitation flick, grazie*.”

*(Because it was an Italian movie, you see.)

Then we still had time to kill so we walked down the street to VooDoo to have a pre-show half-pour and the Norway-England game was on. WE WERE THERE WHEN NORWAY SCORED THE SECOND GOAL THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE GAME WINNER BUT FIFA IS CORRUPT AND STUPID. It was fun while it lasted though because the whole room erupted in cheers and everyone who had been sitting outside came running in. I was SO INVESTED. I get caught up in sports with my whole-ass heart and like the rest of the world, I was enamored with Erling Haaland. Yeah, I’m basic when it comes to these things and I’m not too proud to admit it either. Who wouldn’t love a GREEN FLAG VIKING. Honestly

We each got two 5 ounce beers. My first one was some brown ale which was annoying to me because I was rooting against England while sitting there drinking an old man English beer (it was so good though, I like brown ales!) and then I got the alcoholic version of Jackworth’s ginger beer which was just OK. Henry thought it was too strong and reacted super dramatically to it and I was like, “Calm down, pussy, go drink your little summer wheat ale you sissy bitch.”

God, Henry.

After about 30 minutes of squatting in Voodoo, we walked back to Preserving and doors were now open—yay! Fun fact, since I have spent the last 10 years primarily going to Kpop concerts, this was our FIRST TIME at this venue! I was aware of its existence, and had been to the record store portion of it, but since I was so out of the loop with bands of my old life, it wasn’t hard on my radar. I was excited that Armor for Sleep was playing here AND even better is that Preserving recently opened a second record shop down the street from us (actually, on the same street as the Hollywood Theater), and they sell FEE-FREE tickets to their shows there! So, on Henry’s own birthday last month, he walked there and bought us tickets to AFS and Royal Coda which is in a few weeks.

For as much as I love to slander him, Henry is actually pretty obedient sweet.

Chooch and I used to compete to see who could keep their wristbands on the longest and since we were always going to concerts AND amusement parks, we typically had at least one wristband rotting on our wrists at any given time. I was stoked to have accumulated two in one weekend, especially now that I have a journal to paste them into!

The show didn’t start until 7:30 so we were able to chill on a church pew and people-watch for a bit. I immediately imprinted on this venue. It was giving what Mr. Smalls THINKS it is. For as often as I went to Smalls, I never felt comfortable there, probably because it was always changing. We’re actually returning there next Friday for the first time since before the pandemic so I’m interested to see how terrible it is now because I heard it got even worse.

All of that is to say that I felt at home here immediately. Staff was great. Space was superb. Ambiance was immaculate. I was ready for a religious experience.

As soon as the first band was about to come on, I said SEE-YA to Henry and made my way to the stage. I always have it in the back of my mind that maybe I will go to a show and just sit and relax through the whole thing but then the music starts and I’m all, get me closer to the stage, lest I am consumed by FOMO.

Flycatcher was the opener and they were having some indeterminate issue/drama/crisis with one of the guitarists who was unable to make it so their merch guy / photographer was filling in on some songs after scrambling to learn them.  

Guy in the middle was the guitar sub—he did a great job!

And then they had Ben come out for one of the songs toward the end and I was screaming like I hadn’t just seen him in the hallway 2 hours prior to this. But honestly, BEN JORGENSON. Even when I got into Kpop, I still followed him on Insta.

Actually! We had tickets to see their 15-year anniversary tour for What To Do When You’re Dead but it was in….spring of 2020. So, that of course got canceled and was rescheduled for the next year—for some reason, we couldn’t make it to the rescheduled Pgh date though, so actually the last time I saw them was in 2015 at the Trocadero in Philly. That is a long-ass time ago even though it doesn’t feel like it! I saw them with this girl Terri who I was good friends with at the time and now she doesn’t talk to me anymore either so it’s either me or Armor For Sleep, who is the problem here?!

After this set, I went back to sit down to Henry. There was also a woman sitting there as well, so I had to squeeze in between them.  Her young teen son came over to check in with her and I asked if he wanted to take my seat. They both said no and thanked me though, and then he flitted back off to the crowd. The mom started chatting with me after this about how she takes her son to any concert he wants to go, even if she doesn’t like the bands, because music is so important, and last year the went to 30-some concerts in 7 different states. Relatable! I loved hearing this from another mom because I really truly believe that going to concerts is such an important part of life. I didn’t go to very many when I was in high school because I just wasn’t friends with anyone who went to shows. That is INSANE to think about now, looking back at my friend group because they were so concert-coded from the outside that you’d think they’d be at local punk and alt-rock shows every weekend. And then when I dated Psycho Mike, he never “let” me go to concerts with him. To THIS DAY I am so pissed that he saw motherfucking Radiohead at Metropol.

What I’m getting at is that I made sure Chooch had concert experiences. Now he does have friends that go to shows and anytime he sends me an ad for an upcoming concert, I sign up for the presale and get him the ticket. Or the vinyl. Or the band shirt. He knows that these are the three things I will never say no to.

So, it was really nice to hear these sentiments from another mom, but I did have to laugh because it was oftentimes Henry and Chooch sitting under a tree at Warped Tour or Bled Fest while I was in front of a stage somewhere getting sweat and spit on.

Oh. Spanish Love Songs. Holy shit. Speaking of Bled Fest, hearing this band put me right back in that headspace. This is my kind of band, you guys. I’m already waiting for them to come back because I NEED to see them again. Also, they slipped in a FUCK ICE lyric to one of their songs and WE LOVE A BAND THAT FIGHTS THE GOOD FIGHT. I love that these bands create such safe spaces while we’re all internally combusting along with the country.

Loved them!

Then it was Armor For Sleep, and I actually got Henry to stand with me! Well, he lasted for half and then took some giant steps back away from the stage and wallflower’d it for the rest of the set. But I didn’t care, no offense Henry, but he could have fully left and sat in the car and I wouldn’t have noticed because I was in another world. And that world was 2005.

Of course, I love all of their songs but the ones from the album What To Do When You’re Dead are the ones that really punch me in the gut. First of all, that was a concept album about death. It was also the album that Christina and I obsessed over together. But now, some of those songs, hearing them for the first time in years, made me think of Drew. And it didn’t help when Ben dedicated one of their songs to, “anyone who has recently lost a pet.”

Some might say that “2 years ago” is not “recent” but my heart has not healed yet, people. It is still gaping and raw. And I am still a mess 9 out of 10 times when I think about Drew. I can at least (mostly) look at pictures of her now without collapsing into choke-hazard sobs, but I am still not well.

Oh god, this song, my heart was in my throat:

I don’t know what else to say aside from that it felt so cathartic and also like absolute torture all at once. This band is so important to me, they were a big part of the soundtrack of a very shaky time in my life where I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, where I belonged. It was also around the time I became a mom, so throw that into my basket of already crazy emotions.

FML.

Yes, it hurt hearing some of these songs again (Basement Ghost Singing had tears streaming down my face and my throat burning, thanks for the emotional support, Henry, wherever you were LOL) but I am so glad that we went. Like Cold, it’s kind of weird when you fall out of the loop with a band that you once loved so much and you feel kind of out of place at first, but then suddenly, you’re right back there again without even realizing it. That’s how it felt that night. Great crowd, great venue, and most of all, great bands.

I didn’t record much that night, but here’s some clips from Flycatcher (with Ben), Spanish Love Songs, and then Armor For Sleep:

I was in a haze for the rest of the weekend after this, in a good way though. And it helped that I had therapy that week because my therapist also likes Armor For Sleep so it was nice to be able to talk about the night and my feelings with someone who knew what I was talking about.

There was a part of me that almost told Henry to forget it when he went to buy the tickets because I was admittedly scared of seeing them again. But I’m glad that I did it. I’m glad I went and got to not only confront that stupid part of my past (a person who doesn’t even deserve a single thought from me yet here I am letting them get to me) and most importantly I’m happy that I got to support a band that was once such a big part of my life by showing up for them and buying merch.

Go to the shows! Support the bands you love. As I get older, I realize more and more what limited time we have, so don’t do the whole, “I’ll go see them next time” or “I already saw them once, I’m good” excuse because you’d rather just stay home. I GET THAT! Sometimes I’m like, “Should I just blow this off” but then I go and I’m always glad I did.  Aging really has me so hyper-aware of everything these days. And I am SCRAMBLING.

Anyway, the set list wasn’t posted for Pittsburgh, but it seems like it didn’t vary between cities and this looks accurate to me:

• Dream to Make Believe
• Remember to Feel Real
• The Outer Ring
• My Town
• Stay on the Ground
• In this Nightmare Together
• Chemicals
• Slip Like Space
• Williamsburg
• Hold the Door
• In Another Dream
• Awkward Last Words
• Basement Ghost Singing
• Being Your Walls
• The More You Talk, The Less I Hear
• The Truth About Heaven
• Car Underwater

And on that note, I urge anyone reading this to PLEASE listen to the album What To Do When You Are Dead non-shuffled. It is actually such a perfect album in my opinion. A masterpiece.

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