I needed a cafe break bigly by the time Saturday afternoon rolled around. The cafe of the weekend was Kinder Being, located inside the Government Center record store on the Northside.

First of all, the barista was MAD FRIENDLY. Like, to the point where it felt like we were regulars. That’s the best feeling.

I got the Dandy Bee, hot, and Henry—OMG—got the Keanu but the way he said it made me snap my head over to look at him in horror. He called it, “KEENU.”

The secondhand embarrassment hung PREGNANT in the air before the barista (very politely, I might add) said, “So, it’s actually named after the actor, Keanu Reeves” and TOTALLY turned it around so that Henry probably felt less dumb but don’t worry, I made sure to belittle him relentlessly as the day wore on, and I also texted Chooch IMMEDIATELY to tell him about his embarrassing father’s faux pas du jour to which Chooch replied, “Ew.”

In case you were wondering though, the Keanu was an Arnold Palmer but they didn’t want to call it that so when the barista was searching for a better name, he actually saw that it’s Keanu Reeves’ favorite drink, so. Keanu is the Kinder Being’s version of the Arnold Palmer! The more you know.

“Is that one of those little cameras I keep seeing on the Internet?” the barista asked me once the Keanu-Keenu conflict was resolved and I was so excited to say YES, YES IT IS!! I love this little fucker so MUCH.

Sitting in his shame.

I came into the bathroom just to take pictures, of course.

This was my favorite.

Before we left, we popped over to the record shop where Steely Dan was playing and I was like, “Yay, Steely Dan,” to myself because I can never get sick of Steely Dan. Then I walked over to where Henry was looking at soundtracks and whatever else was over there and a Steely Dan record was right in front. I should have bought it because I THINK Aja is the only one I have, from the ones I salvaged from Gillcrest in 2016.

But instead, I bought these!!

We’re actually going to se LEENALCHI at the Warhol this fall so I was stoked to see their album there.

Afterward, we went to Michaels in the north hills because we’re on. the hunt for small toy dinosaurs (it’s always something) and Steely Dan was playing!! Steely Dan x3 on a Saturday in July. I was there for it.

Then we wanted a sweet treat and originally went to Haven Cafe but it was POURING down rain and the only two tables were being selfishly occupied by:

• 2 WASPy bitches their annoying daughters who were done eating but just sitting there taking up space
• some bitch not eating and taking up a table for 4 while she stared blankly at her laptop

So we left and went to the nearby Moochi & You donut place which was better anyway because Henry wanted a Korean corndog (he ended up being a nice person and got one with just mozzarella so that I could have some too). The woman running the shop was so sweet and everything was going amazingly until this mom/daughter duo showed up. Then it got ultra annoying. They started out as typical entitled Karens by complaining about — GET THIS — the fact that they ordered a milk tea on Thursday morning through Door Dash, and then when she tried it the NEXT DAY, the milk WAS BAD. So now, late Saturday afternoon, over 48 hours later, SHE WAS RETURNING IT?! And the Moochi woman was all, “I’m so sorry!” and took it from her and made her a new one?!

NO. I couldn’t believe this was happening. You don’t order A DRINK MADE WITH MILK via Door Dash, wait a full day to try it, and then return it another full day later? Also, it was like 98 degrees on Thursday, who knows the story here, did it sit on their porch for some time? Oh I was so annoyed.

But then instead of being full Karens, they played the role of Moochi’s #1 fans but pointing out to me the donuts that are SO GOOD (all of them) AND THEN—oh sweet Jesus—they had the audacity to explain to me WHAT A KOREAN DONUT IS.

I wanted to be like, “I know, I ate those when I was in Korea but they’re just called ‘donuts’ there.”

Ugh, there was so much more, but here, just enjoy the journal page where I included my texts to Chooch about it because I literally could not stop being angry over these annoying know-it-alls.

We were going to eat our stuff there but those two really sucked the air out of our sails—they were there nearly as long as we were because we had to wait for the Korean cheese stick.

So we ended up taking it to go and found a little park nearby, where it began POURING again as soon as we started walking to a pavilion.

Worth it.

We asked to swap out one of the three donuts we had already chosen for a honeydew one instead and the woman was like, “You can just have it!” and I’d like to believe it was her way of saying, “Sorry you had to experience those two weirdos.”

LOL.

Purple yam, black sesame, Hot Cheetos.

I sent this to Chooch who immediately replied, “Yeah, I’m not watching all of that.” LOL.

Well, that was Saturday. Check back for my equally scintillating Sunday recap. (ALSO, YEAH SPAIN, FUCK YOU ARGENTINA! FUCK TRUMP! FUCK FIFA! FUCK ICE! FREE PALESTINE!)

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