Saturday night had us doing another “Who knows what this even is” event that I found a month ago when looking up local shows to check out. As usual, I did the bare minimum research, enough to determine that I liked what I heard, and then bought tickets. (Ah, these $15 non-Kpop local shows have had me spoiled! You should see my PayPal Credit balance now that Kpop concerts are picking back up, UGH). Four small bands promoting a 4 way split release? In the words of the great Truman from Pappo’s, “LET’S DO IT.”

We got to Bottlerocket a bit before doors and chilled at the bar. This place is AMAZING. The 70s vibes are chef’s kiss! The wood paneling made me feel swaddled in a cloth cut from my childhood. The old school game shows playing on the vintage TVs around the bar were fantastic alone but when it switched to BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS I was wigging the fuck OUT. You guys, that was my SHIT. I can’t remember what TV station played a weekend long marathon of this in the early 00s but I watched it all until my eyes turned bloodshot and I walked away with a concerning crush on ROBERT CONRAD and the addition of “hullaballoo” to my already stupid lexicon.

Coincidentally, one week before this, we were at that Sleazy Femme Film Fest at the Glitterbox. In the Kentucky drag queen documentary from the 80s, he referenced BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS!!! Granted, it was in a disparaging sense, but still!

This Kennywood poster is fucking outstanding.

Too much Steelers stuff though.

Gays for Carter!

My hair looks nice now at least (Thanks, Gemma!) but my face still looks old and haggish. Can’t have it all. (Not on MY salary, anyway!)

Bottlerocket’s thing is hotdogs. First, Henry was like, “ME NO NEED DOG-DOG. ME ALREADY EAT DIN-DIN.” But members of some of the bands were sitting across from us, openly and heartily enjoying a buffet of hotdogs so Henry’s will power eventually crumbled faster than his face whenever I’m doing something that makes him frown.

“That one kid just ate like 5 hotdogs in a row,” Henry frowned, and then ordered his own shortly after. Color him inspired.

I had to send action shots to Chooch who responded: “Ew don’t send me this.”

I felt super comfy here. Woman at the door was really nice, bartender was really nice. Ambiance was nice. It was just NICE.

After our recent Roboto experience, we were heavily scrutinizing every person that walked in, trying to determine if they were connected to any of the bands and if we were, once again, going to be the outliers. There was a healthier crowd this time overall but I do think we were still the outliers LOL.

OK, enough small talk! Let’s get into the bands because I am now obsessed with all four.

First up was Kwarter Zip from right here in Pittsburgh! They introduced us to their brand new drummer, Josh, who had to learn all of their songs in like 2 days when their original drummer quit. They said the only bad thing about Josh is that he’s from Philly and a Flyers fan, “so that sucks.”

Then Josh said he needed a second to fix something before they started the next song and the singer goes, “Our new drummer, Josh, everyone. He’s from Philly and he needs a second.” I don’t know why this was so funny to me but I’m also the same person who has been obsessed with ringer tees and the word “hullaballoo” ever since one weekend watching Battle of the Network Stars.

I really liked them! Good, solid Pittsburgh emo.

The next band was Lofting (from Lancaster!) and the singer was the “kid who just ate like 5 hotdogs in a row” LOL. I laughed to myself over this then quickly grew concerned and hoped he wouldn’t barf up there.

He did not.

And they ended up being my favorite band of the night (all of the bands were so good though!!).

I sent Chooch one of the videos I took of them and he goes, “Wow, they’re allowed to do that in Lancaster?” LOL.

One thing I will say, since there were so many hotdogs being doled and ingested by all, the hotdog stench was unhinged in the area around the stage. At the bar where it was actually being cooked in a gas station-style rotating box thing? No stench. Near the stage? Smelled like fermented Ballparks. Like everyone at their hotdogs and then collectively sweat the juices out through their pores. It was incredible to witness, in a Biblical, 1000 ft tsunami wave sense. Like three-day old cookout garbage left out to fester in humid conditions, only the odor was being emitted from concert-sweaty armpits.

MMmm.

I was holding my breath a lot.

Third band was Be Safe from Frostburg, Maryland and their style of emo is the kind that breaks hearts but then kindly helps you sweep up the pieces. Did that make sense? Do you even come here expecting sense, though?

This evening was giving me such mini-Bled Fest vibes and I was loving it so much.

In between each band, I rejoined Henry at the bar. He never moved once except to use the bathroom. Every time I came back, he had a new war story for me (“I don’t know what this lady is doing but she keeps standing so close to me and it’s bothering me!” or “That one girl has been walking around talking to everyone.” Incredible updates, truly.)

Last but not least, Short Fictions from Pittsburgh! This was Henry’s favorite band of the night although he did say, “They were all good. I liked them all. It was good.” They had a video of hamsters playing in the background, and the singer was talking about how his hamster (“Hammy, because kids are so fucking creative”) died when he was in third grade and not only did his mom go to the school and have him called to the office to tell him, but she also brought Hammy’s corpse with her. This made me think about how I had two hamsters in high school and then one ate the other because the pet store people didn’t think to tell me, a teenager, that hamsters shouldn’t cohabitate. I think that’s a trauma I haven’t properly processed.

(One of my hamsters was a girl and I named her Bizzette after Bizzy Bone from Bone Thugs n Harmony which is a detail I need you to know.)

The singer reminded me of my friend Wonka in a way.

Anyway, they’re playing at Bottlerocket again on 11/15 so maybe Henry will be inspired to go see his new favorite band again and beast another hot dog??

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Of course I bought the split release too! What a great night at a great venue with great bands.

And real quick, we’ll end with my Charmera snaps from the night:

HENRY’S HOT DOG. It had coleslaw and “bottlerocket” sauce on it.

Hot dog mastication in progress.

Kwarter Zip.

Lofting.

Be Safe.

Short Fictions.

No bad moments, no complaints, not a bad seed in the crowd.

The infamous four-way split!

 

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