Feb 032021

I never would have thought of myself as a “plant person” but I have been mildly successful over the years at keeping (most of) my succulents alive. And then when we bought that large fake plant litter box a few weeks ago, it made me have visions of turning that bottom landing into a plant paradise. But with big plants, not succulents. Henry was like, “Are you sure you’re mature enough to handle this responsibility” like duh, that’s what YouTube tutorials are for, also I’ll be largely co-opting Henry’s green thumb, so hopefully this pans out.

On Saturday, we went out and bought three big beastly beauts:

I know, I know, you’re already like WHERE IS THE SUNLIGHT, THEY NEED SUN but these were taken at night and there is a nearby window in the room they’re in. Also, we’re going to get some grow lights just for extra caution.

When we were walking back to the car after adopting these sexy babes, I cried out that I felt like a real adult.

“Wow, finally,” Henry murmured.

I really like how this area looks at night! This used to be one of the more “blah” areas of the house, with a busted shelf that held all of our card-making supplies.

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Now it’s a whole mood, to quote the TikTok gen.

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We went back out Monday night and bought two more bigg’uns and some smaller ones. I had REALLY been desiring a monstera plant for a while (because who even am I, anymore) and I was so happy that dumb Lowe’s had one!

Henry keeps insisting on calling it a Monsta X plant, because he’s the corniest Kpop Dad ever, so the next natural step was to obviously name this babe Wonho.

Image result for wonho gif

Wonho is definitely my favorite, don’t tell the others.

I asked Drew, our cat, what she wanted to name the others and she said, “Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, and Bud—”

“Drew,” I cut her off. “That’s the name you gave to all the squirrels. The plants need a different name.”

She is so uninspired!

Anyway, we went with Cathy, Peggy, Myrtle and Jesus.

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I also got this cute fiddleleaf fig! I hope he grows to be a giant!

I am going to try extra hard to not over-water these suckers. That’s my biggest downfall with succulents. That, and keeping them alive throughout the winter. I move in the ones that I keep on the back porch and some of those motherfuckers still die!!! So I’m hoping that I have better luck with these big house plants. The tags on all of them say that they’re low maintenance but I have been doing some research just to make sure I’m prepared. Like with the whole “Checking of the Roots” which is definitely going to be assigned to Henry.

So yeah, just another way the pandemic has changed me, I guess! Next I’ll be making beeswax candles (I used to really want to make beeswax candles in the likeness of Danny Bonaduce, now that I’m thinking about it, so maybe now’s the time to shine).

Goodbye from Jesus!

May 202020

Remember a few years ago when I suddenly discovered that I loved plants and then before you knew it, my house was full of them and they all had names like Bambi Sickafoose, Suzy Banyon (props to you if you know where that reference) and Ted NUDEgent and my favorite past time was going to Goodwill in search of mugs and things that could be turned into plant vessels? And then we got Drew and Penelope and one by one all of my plants ended up on the floor, in a heap of dirt and ceramic shards? And then eventually I just gave up and stopped buying plants?

Well, I decided that I needed to obsess over something during Pandemic Times, aside from books and Korea and exercise, so I’m back in the plant game, I guess. Henry bought me some at Lowe’s over the weekend and then I sat on the porch steps, dictating to him which pots to plant each baby in.

Henry’s grandkids who live next door, Calvin and Lily, were standing at their window while this was going on so I had fun showing them each plant as it was potted, and they oohed and aaahed and then told me to show their cat, Ham, too, who looked way less enthused than they did.

Social distancing sucks, but at least we can talk to them through the window I guess? So they don’t forget us?

I don’t think I will name these ones because I get too sad when they die. I do still have some that survived my first plant-pregnancy (??) from 2015, if you can believe that, like the aforementioned Ted NUDEgent, a jade plant that actually grew so much that I had to split him up into three pots, that growing bastard.

Oh shit, if you click on that link up there, the cactus in the picture under Ted NUDEgent is also still alive! He lives in Chooch’s room, and he has split into four thingies and kind of is slumped over but I don’t want to touch him so I don’t know how to fix him??

I always have to have something to obsess over. I have a very obsessive personality. I AM OBSESSION.

I love these ones so much!! I have one that Henry and Chooch got me for Mother’s Day a few years ago that is still alive. SEE NEXT PICTURE.

These guys (Lithops) are so interesting because they look like they’re about to die but really they’re just splitting apart for a new growth to come out, so fucking sick. They’re pretty low maintenance too.

Hanging plants never do well for me but we’re giving it a go again because I like having hanging plants in my room, I promise to try hard to keep it alive.

Here you can see the OG Ted NUDEgent, second on the left, and his two…ribs (?) over on the right. Also, that first one is something called a goldfish plant which I have had for several years and I thought it was dying for a while but then all of a sudden (KAPCHUGGI) it was like, “SIKE, MOTHERFUCKER” and then changed colors. So that was cool. I got it from some cute nursery that had a wild selection of something called fairy plants and for a split second I was like, “Hey let’s go to—-oh, never mind” because I’m sure it’s not open and even if it is, I’m still not up to going to into stores and things of that nature because I really don’t have a pressing need to. Henry is the sole shopper in our household during quarantine, even though our area has been downgraded to level “yellow.” I will just continue to stay put until further notice.

(Even though Target has been calling my name for months. I miss you, baby. We’ll see each other again, eventually.)

Anyway, I used to be really into photographing my plants so maybe I will start doing that again too, because HOBBIES.

Editor’s Note: As I was getting ready to publish this, I was scrolling through the categories because I could have sworn I had one for “plants” but surprisingly I don’t. Although I just found out that I have one for POLENTA?! Literally at one time in my life, I assumed that I was going to write about polenta enough to actually need to make a category for it. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, PAST ERIN. 

Anyway, I have a “plant” category now. Phew. Now all of my plant posts can live together harmoniously.


Bonus plant reading: