Oct 172017

Being off work for an entire week right after I began my ambush decorating really slowed my roll. It especially sucked that I wasn’t there when two of my coworkers got to see their newly Halloweened offices.

However, it gave me some time to collect my thoughts for the (most likely) final horror set.  Trust me, I was really pumped when it hit me that I could turn Jill’s office into a Wicker Man shrine.


I spent Sunday afternoon sitting Indian-style on the floor, hot-gluing popsicle sticks while watching South Korea travel blogs. This is my life. I also ran around the house, collecting other things I needed, like some of our old plastic animal masks and Chooch’s stuffed rabbit.

I barely said hello to anyone when I got in Monday morning, I was in such a rush to get this shit done before Jill arrived. Debby and Marlene watched with great interest.

“Oh, and there’s the rabbit mask! Oh, and there’s the sheet music!” Marlene exclaimed as I set out each object.

“Have you seen The Wicker Man?” I asked excitedly, after being certain that this one might wind up being the most obscure set yet, even more than last year’s Ju-On (or, you know, Lou-On).

“No I have no idea what this is,” Marlene said, and then she and Debby cracked up. I tried to give them a quick run-down and they were just like, “Wow. How many Academy Awards did that win?”

“Christopher Lee was in it!” I said all defensively, and they just laughed harder.

My life, you guys!

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This is the old-as-fuck English round that the crazy Pagans sing at the end of the movie.


Summerisle was well-known for their apples. 


Anonymous letter received by Sergeant Howie, the protagonist, asking him to come to Summerisle and help find a missing girl named Rowan Morrison.

Picture from one of the creepy harvest festivals and a March hare, which represents the missing girl. 

Green Man Inn is where Howie stays while he’s in town and it’s full of debauchery. MY KIND OF INN.

“Oh, I know that movie,” Todd said disgustedly when I was telling him I decorated Jill’s desk. “It was so stupi—-”

“NOT THE NICHOLAS CAGE ONE!!!!!!” I shouted. Ugh! His version was a desecration of the original, a motherfucking disgrace.

Anyway, I stopped by Jill’s office later in the morning to see if she liked it and she seemed….thrilled! I would target everyone there if I had the time/energy/brain power. There’s one other one that I MIGHT do if I can find the time, but it’s looking like I might skip it. But happily, I still haven’t spent more than $10 on this whole thing!


I was inspired to watch (THE ORIGINAL) Wicker Man Sunday night, after getting all of my props together. I let Chooch watch it with me because I forgot how much freaking nudity is in it, so that was goddamn fantastic. Then yesterday, I came home from and he was like, “LOOK AT WHAT I TAUGHT MYSELF” and when he put his hands together, I thought it was going to be more sign language because he’s been learning that in gifted this year, BUT NO IT WAS THE FUCKING SONG THE WEIRDO BOYS SING AT THE MAY POLE IN WICKER MAN.

“OMG please do not ever sing that in school,” I begged him, and he was like, “Duh.”

I am the worst parent ever.

Later, on our nightly walk, he blurted out, “The Wicker Man was so good. I LOVED it. Like, a lot.” Yeah, I wonder why?!

Oct 052017

Well guys, it’s that time of year again! As usual, I was waffling: did I or I didn’t want to decorate for Halloween at work? It takes a lot of mental energy out of me, but I had a few ideas that I came up with several months ago, so I did a quick inventory of the things I’d have to actually spend money on because that’s a huge factor: the more I already have on hand, the more inclined I am to put the effort in.

I did a quick Goodwill and craft store run Tuesday night and $5 later, I had everything I needed to get the four offices decorated.  Some of the offices required $0!

OK, first up is Terry’s office. This was the first one that I came up with a few months ago and if only you could have been there when I excitedly spun around in my chair to tell Glenn…

“Pet SemaTERRY, get it Glenn? SemaTERRY? Because his name is TERRY?!” I squealed.

“Yeah, I get it,” he mumbled. Just jealous that he didn’t think of it first, that’s all.

Anyway, this one required $0. I inherited those tombstones from Barb years ago and they’re actually mainstays on my desk. The stuffed cat is Chooch’s (“Please don’t rip it up or put blood on it!” he begged) and that sign was made be me demonstrating my awesome cardboard box-ripping skills.

I can’t tell if Terry likes it or not. He hasn’t said anything. Glenn disappeared from his desk at one point the day I decorated this and when he came back I yelled, “WHAT, WERE YOU TALKING TO TERRY!? DOES HE LIKE HIS OFFICE” and he was like, “NO I WASN’T TALKING TO TERRY.”

Honestly though, I was so giddy about this one all day. It was so stupid in its simplicity, yet so PERFECTLY PUNNY.

OMG this next one was one that I wanted to do last year but I ran out of time:

My hands felt arthritic by the time I was done cutting those branches out. When I was taping them up the next morning, my coworker Amanda was like, “Let me guess—Children of the Corn!” and I was like “NO AMANDA I DID THAT ONE LAST YEAR, DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD REUSE AN IDEA?!” Ugh, god.

The worst part about this is that I came in 30 minutes early on Wednesday to decorate and I was SO PROUD OF MYSELF and couldn’t wait for Aaron’s reaction, but when I went back to my desk, Glenn said, “LOL, Aaron is working from home today.”


Henry helped me make the chainsaw.

“I thought you said you weren’t decorating this year so why am I sitting here cutting out a chainsaw?” he sighed when I stopped him en route to Slumber Town and handed him a pair of scissors.

The only thing purchased for this one was poster board for the trees.

In case you have no idea what this is from:

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I didn’t even have to bring a book from home because Gayle turned one of the cabinets into a library, so I grabbed the first chunky hardback in there (thanks, Nora Roberts). I was going to make my own Necronomicon cover out of a latex mask but I wanted to get this set up the next day so…..a quick print-out it is!

Also, the chainsaw is green because my piece of red foam-stuff wasn’t large enough.

Cathy is visiting us from the Harrisburg office! Today was her first day in the office so Amber suggested yesterday that I decorate her desk too. Luckily, I had some extra stuff on hand, like this bloody sheet that I used for last year’s “Carrie” desk, a creepy clown doll, spiderwebs, severed fingers, a vintage picture of an actual dead guy in a coffin that I used for my funeral parlor theme desk a few years back, and probably what scared Cathy the most: an Asian snack on her keyboard. I think she felt welcome!

OK, this next one is my favorite! No, they’re all my favorites. I love all my babies equally. But seriously, when I made the connection that Patrick shares a surname with the Stranger Things family…it just all fell into place.

So I turned his office into a shrine for older brother Jonathan Byers.

The pictures he took of Barb on the diving board and Nancy in the window. There’s an actual scene in Stranger Things were the photos are hanging on a string like this. I didn’t have any string, rope, or twine, but I DID have some old party hats in my desk! So I ripped off the elastic.

In the show, Jonathan actually uses a Pentax and I’m so mad because I do have an old Pentax from the 80s somewhere in my house, but I couldn’t find it. So this Konica will have to do. Also, if you watched the show, you know that he liked The Clash’s “Should I Stay Or I Should I Go.”

The nail-studded baseball bat Demogorgon weapon that he carried. Thank god for cardboard boxes.

I had to carry this on the trolley with me this morning. No one even noticed.

I had a strand of white lights on hand, so I quickly painted them yesterday after work.

Total amount spent on this: $0.

I don’t know if this is good or just admitting that I’m basically a hoarder.

OK, the last one I decorated today is, in Glenn’s words, a bit of a stretch, but I had to do it.

Chris’s office is right next to me and I was disappointed last year that I couldn’t think of anything for his name, and then it hit me.

“Think about it, Glenn. ‘Chris Kenrick,” I said the other day after I came up with it.

Glenn just shrugged.

“Chris Kenrick. Chris KenRICK. Chris KenRICK GRIMES,” I blurted out giddily.

“Wow,” Glenn said, totally not impressed but probably a little.

In case you don’t watch The Walking Dead, Rick Grimes is the main character.

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Today, Catherine said, “You are totally wasting your talent here!” and then started preaching about how I need to find a job that utilizes my skills, but I literally never see any job openings for “half-assed horror movie-themed office decorator” so it looks like the law firm is stuck with me for a little bit longer.

I have two other offices on my radar, but I’m off all next week so I don’t know if I will do it when I get back — is it worth it? UGH MAYBE PROBABLY WE’LL SEE. I can never tell if I’m going to get in trouble for this, but I guess that’s half the fun of being the office black sheep?

If you’re interested in last year’s decorations, please turn your attention here and here.

Oct 312016

We had a Halloween party at work on Friday and for the first time in my six years there, I helped plan it/set up/etc. and I’m here to tell you that JESUS IT’S A LOT OF WORK! Props to Sue (and Barb, Cheryl and Deb S. who used to take care of this back in the day). Luckily, Sue is like a master decorator and she did most of the work Thursday night. My only contributed was taping up cobwebs (and basically unraveling the beauty of Sue’s immaculate Halloween table coverings) and plopping down my nameless Fiji mermaid for a centerpiece. (Which Sue promptly turned into something more eye-popping and elegant by adding a pedestal to it. SUE IS SO GOOD. She should have her own party planning company.)


In an effort to get more people  to participate, Carrie and I decided that we needed to add the element of competition so we promised a prize for whoever brought the most Halloweenish snack.



Nate and Lauren brought in Starbucks for everyone, which Nate cleverly renamed Cthulhu Coffee and that’s how Nate and I learned that we might be the only people there who know who Cthulhu is, and it didn’t even help when I said things like, “You know….Lovecraft?” to help coax people into recognition. So this was educational, as well! I love when fun things have an educational twist!

In lieu of having Henry bake something, my contribution was making a Halloween playlist on Spotify, which Gayle had to listen to all day long since her desk is in the hallway where all the food was set up, and also procuring a shit-ton of candy so that my co-workers could go trick-or-treating. I set up plastic pumpkins filled with candy that corresponded to all of the work areas I decorated over the last two weeks. So like, Mitch’s pumpkin had snack-sized boxes of pretzel sticks to go with the Blair Witch twigs hanging from his door; Carrie had cherry Kool-Aid squeezits to go with the blood-theme of her Carrie desk; Lori had pumpkin-shaped and pumpkin-flavored candy to go along with her Halloween theme; Catherine had candy corn for Children of the Corn; Lou had a beautiful Asian assortment that related to Ju-On; Todd had the gummy body parts of Sweeney Todd’s victims; and Glenn had ghost-shaped things for Poltergeist:


Glenn clearly wasn’t happy that his desk was a trick-or-treating station. I went with veggie chips for him because that seemed like something a crotchety old man would hand out to kids just to make them sad.

Sadly, most people weren’t as stoked to go trick-or-treating as I had hoped, and I was having to beg people to just do it because I had to go like four different stores to get this shit!

Henry wasn’t very happy about it, shocker.

Shout out to Lou and Aaron for helping me by providing extra candy and the treat bags used for trick-or-treating!

Not only did Sue let us wear costumes on Friday, she even wanted to have a Halloween backdrop so that people could have their pictures taken, like a makeshift photobooth. I was on board with this until Sue brought over streamers to my desk and I realized that she wanted me to make the backdrop and have you seen me handle streamers? It’s not pretty.

Luckily, Amber1 agreed to help me!

“I was in a sorority, I’m really good with streamers,” she said, and I felt very confident that I chose correctly.

We took our supplies into the conference room and thank god Amber did most of the work because I was like, “WHERE DO WE START WHAT SHOULD WE DO HOW DO WE DO THIS OMG HELP.”

After we got all of the streamers cut down to size, it was time to staple them to the thingie that we were using to hang them on. Amber was holding down the top of a streamer, and as I was moving in with the stapler, she panicked and said, “You have the sweetest face, but I just don’t trust you with a stapler so close to my fingers.” And that’s how I got out of streamer duty and Amber basically did the whole thing for me!


Amber and Erin, Streamer Specialists. I did a major cop-out and just brought part of an old costume from when I was Fatal Attraction a few years ago for one of the Trundle Manor Halloween parties. Shout out to Carrie for knowing who I was immediately!

Glenn and Chris exchanged very concerned looks when they saw me pull the pot and bunny out of my purse Friday morning.

“What?” I asked, forgetting that this isn’t a normal work accoutremant.


I don’t know how we got any work done, to be honest.




Amber2, f/k/a Mean Amber, as Fay Wray. This costume is so great!



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Sandy had a whole Starbucks of Horror theme going on at her office. She’s the best!

By the end of the day, everyone was in sugar shock. We had to vote for best Halloween treat, and Sue decided there would be two winners. She made really adorable baskets with Halloween wine glasses, a bottle of wine, and a bag of Pittsburgh Popcorn. I grudgingly voted for Colleen who made the cutest mummy pepperoni rolls, which I couldn’t even EAT because I’m a vegetarian. She apologized to me for that and I said, “That’s OK….but I’ll never forget it. You’re basically the New Glenn.”

She laughed but I think she was scared.


Colleen was one of the winners, as expected. I figured most people would vote for her because her mummy rolls were so cute (and apparently tasted good, too, ugh). But surprisingly, the second winner was ME.

I was so confused. I didn’t bring anything in!

“You won for your trick-or-treating candy,” Shannon said, looking like a deer-in-highlights because, as part of the party committee, I wanted to know who won before she sent the email out, and she clearly wasn’t prepared for me to standing inches away from her, demanding to know. “Now you ruined the surprise for yourself!”

After she sent out the email, Wendy immediately emailed me and all it said was “RIGGED!!!!!!” Ha! She’s probably not wrong! I swear I wasn’t even soliciting votes because I didn’t even think I was eligible!

“Seriously, did you have something to do with this?” I asked Carrie. And she said that while she did vote for me, she swore that she didn’t discuss any poll riggings with Sue.

It was such a great feeling! All I ever want to do there is make my work friends happy, maybe get them to have a little fun every now and then, and to be recognized for that was so overwhelming. I love Halloween, and I love my work friends! What a fun day. <3


Oct 212016

After I finished decorating on Monday, it just didn’t feel complete. So I spent Wednesday night bloodying up a sheet and angrily twisting up craft paper while watching the third presidential debate—it made for some great catharsis!


I think this one is pretty obvious, but in case you don’t know your Stephen King, it’s “Carrie.” And here’s another big fat Obviously: this desk belongs to Carrie. She was very pleased when she saw it today. She told me that she actually says, “Just like the movie,” when she tells people her name.


“Debby was still here yesterday when I was hanging this up, and I’m sure she was pleased,” I told Carrie this morning.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure she was!” Missy said sarcastically, overhearing me en route to her office.  30174987910_5f219f0057_c

Catherine felt left out when she came in on Tuesday and saw the decorations. This is kind of a stretch, but….



She’s very happy now!

But apparently she hasn’t seen Children of the Corn, so hopefully she does that this weekend.


This morning I was in the kitchen with Mitch and he said that everyone who comes to our floor for a meeting sees his new rustic decor since his office is right outside the conference room, and that he has been hearing some good reviews. MAYBE THIS IS MY TICKET TO DECORATING ON OTHER FLOORS OMG.

Dare to dream, you guys. Dare to dream.

Todd had the audacity to add fake spiders to the cobwebs on his decrepit barber shop display without asking my permission!

“You’re junking it all up!” I cried, and I think everyone thought I was joking but I wasn’t, I really mad. Just kidding, everyone knew I wasn’t joking.


In other Halloween news, we’re having a party here next week and I got to help plan it! I’m incorporating the final piece to my ambush decorating into the department party, which is TRICK OR TREATING. Basically I’m just going to turn all of the work areas I decorated into designated trick or treat zones, and each one will have candy specific to their decorations. Like, Lou-On the Grudge will have Japanese candy, The Blair Mitch Project will have those lame snack boxes of tiny pretzel sticks, Catherine of the Corn will have candy corn, etc etc. I mean, I’ll throw in some good candy too — god, get off my back!


If you’re interested in seeing past Halloween decor I did around this joint, please feel free to click the links below (the newest posts will come up first, so you’ll need to scroll all the way down and read up!):

Murder Desk: 2011

Carnival Desk: 2012 (I think this one was my favorite though because it was so interactive and that’s how the Glenn Desecration Project was born!)

(I was pouting in 2013 because I got moved to an office in a neglected hallway.)

Funeral Desk: 2014

(I didn’t do anything last year either but I think it was because I was depressed or too busy with some other obsession, who knows.)


Oct 182016

My Timehop has been rife with memories and flashbacks of past Law Firm desk Halloween decorations, like the time a co-worker called my desk a “hostile work environment” and kind of wasn’t kidding. I posted one of the Timehop memories on Facebook last week and said that I regretted not decorating this year, so Sandy and Michele were like YOU STILL CAN. THERE IS TIME. SHOOT FOR THE STARS, ERIN.

But I just didn’t feel inspired.

I started thinking about how I would decorate if I was someone else in the department. Like if I was Wendy, I would probably have pumpkins draped with Stella & Dot necklaces. Who knows.

And then I started associating horror movies with co-workers based on their names, and wondered, “Could I get away with decorating someone else’s space instead of mine?”

I mean, of course I can!

So this year’s theme is THE HIJACKING.

I spent all weekend collecting things from around the house. I wanted this to be as simple and no-fuss as possible since there were going to be more than just one space to decorate. Some things I had to buy, but I think I ended up spending less than $10! Henry was pleased! I was late shift yesterday which awarded me the perfect opportunity to get ‘er done. (I looked like a typical Pittsburgh bag lady on the trolley, ugh.)

Let’s start with Lori!


I changed her name to Lori Strode, after Jamie Lee Curtis’s character on HALLOWEEN a/k/a the best horror movie in the whole entire world. Quick sidebar: we went to Allen’s Haunted Hayride on Friday and when Michael Myers got all up on me in the wagon-thing, I was horrified yet REALLY INTO IT, which is just what I want from my Michael encounters.

Henry’s old meat shop coveralls, forever coming in handy.


Glenn has an ironic pumpkin decoration that Amber2 makes him display, so I snatched that to help make the scene more Halloween-esque.



See also: I have no life.

I had to wait until this morning to decorate Lori’s office because she was late shift with me last night. But the fun part about this is that she got to see all the other decorating I did without realizing she was also a target!

Lou is one of my work enemies so naturally I had to go with Ju-On (The Grudge for all you Americans).

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Lou is seriously worst.


Meanwhile, I think Glenn thought he was off the hook this year. He knew about two of my ideas and I made it sound like THAT WAS ALL I WAS DOING. And originally, it was going to be, until “Polterglenn” came to me and then I couldn’t stop laughing because how dumb and ridiculous.


That clown was one of my un-birthday gifts from Gayle! And that hat is Chooch’s. I bet Glenn didn’t even notice this right away this morning!!


Holy shit, I was so stoked to decorate Todd’s desk. It’s a nationally known fact that Todd’s desk décor consists exclusively of Qdoba napkins. Or maybe it’s Chipotle. I guess it’s not really all that nationally known.


Sweeney Todd, obviously!


Cardboard straight razor so I don’t get called to HR. Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir. (FUN FACT: That bottle of green liquid and floating fingers is a regular fixture on a table near my Robert Smith wall. I just taped a label on it.)

(Another FUN FACT: That hand mirror was left behind by a previous occupant of my house. I found it by accident when I pulled a chair into the bathroom when I was pretending to clean the unreachable top shelf of the bathroom closet. One side of it is bashed in and I’m convinced it was a murder weapon in another life. Also, this is the third time it’s made an appearance for Halloween decorating at work.)

The wallpaper was left over from the funeral parlor desk theme of 2014.



Henry had to help me with the barber pole because I started doing that “I’M GOING TO DESTROY AN ENTIRE VILLAGE OF ORPHANS” angry squeal that comes out when I’m frustrated and losing my patience after 5 seconds of effort.

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This is my favorite part! I was worried though because I always stumble fake bugs around the house but naturally as soon as I NEED THEM they’re nowhere to be found. I didn’t want to go out and buy any because the whole goal for me is to try and accomplish as much as I can with what I have. It makes it more authentic! And laughably rudimentary in some cases. But then I found some ants in my desk at work!

And an extra thumb!

Oh, and cobwebs too!

“Of course you did,” Henry sighed when I got in the car after work that night.

OK, I saved my favorite one for last. This was the one that came to me first and I was so excited about it that I slipped and told a couple people at work because god forbid I should ever keep my mouth shut ever! And I knew it must have been a good idea when Glenn actually LAUGHED AUDIBLY.



I thought I’d have to go to a forest for the twigs, but no! I just needed to go right in my own backyard! So yeah, I lost about two hours of my life on Saturday making Satanic folk art. This was another moment where I threw a fit but then Henry went and plugged in the glue gun for me and then I was fine. This was actually kind of therapeutic.

So if you ever need any of these creepy twig stick figures, I’m your girl.


I knew there was a reason I kept my old, broken camcorder.

Mitch came over and gave me a high-five today. I mean, it’s the best one, so he should be proud!

God you guys, I wish this was my real life job, Ambushing people’s work spaces and aggressively decorating! I think that’s something I would excel at. Why are all the things I excel at so stupidly niche?