Dec 052013


Chooch and I were DELIRIOUS by the time dinner was over. What else is new? It’s not like we’re going to keep it classy just because it’s a holiday.


Chooch suckered Corey into playing Mousetrap and Corey was thrilled that “Stacy’s Mom” came on Pandora literally minutes after he wrongly accused another song of being “Stacy’s Mom.”

(That song and all songs that sound like it suck, btw. If I was a writer for a music magazine when that song came out, that would be the extent of my review. What else can you really say about it? “Fuck that song with a flaming pine cone” is using more words than that song deserves.)


Chooch decided to start Googling pictures of Ted Nugent, since we love talking about the time Henry went to see the Nuge in the 1980s, you know—the time he pushed over some broad in a wheelchair! Earlier that day, while Henry was still cooking, Chooch put Ted Nugent on Spotify and was cracking up really bad. He decided that he loves the song “My Bow and Arrow” (WTF? I know nothing about Ted Nugent). But then some spoken word-ish song about HUNTING came on and I almost broke my neck in an effort to turn it the fuck off. I don’t want to hear things about hunting, you guys. It was so graphic!!! Now every time my friend Alyson talks about Ted Nugent’s Meat Emporium (Palace of Flesh? What do you call it, Alyson!?), it will make much more sense to me.

Anyway, having his fill of Ted Nugent, Chooch decided to take requests. Corey immediately shouted, “LILLIE MCCLOUD!” because that was his favorite contestant on X Factor. My request was for “butt unicorns” which made me start laughing so hard I almost peed all over my wheelchair. I didn’t even look to see what came up other than a picture of a butt with a unicorn tattoo.


And then there was a point where everyone except for Mike pulled out their phones so we could discuss the merits and frustrations of Simpsons Tapped Out.


It was literally the most serious time of the night. Look at Chooch’s consternation!!


Fuck you and your lame Springfield, Henry.


So, this was moments before Chooch took an extreme close-up of Janna and then started laughing so hysterically that he barfed all over the floor. This happens often. God only knows what he puked up since he literally ate zero things for dinner.


While Henry mopped up the puke, Chooch posted the puking catalyst on Instagram. It was a good night.

  2 Responses to “After Hanksgiving Dinner Photos”

  1. Bonus points to Henry for cleaning up puke. I couldn’t do it, which is why I am not having babies. Well, one of the reasons. I used to have those black and red plates!

  2. At first I was just laughing about the term “Meat Emporium” and the entire Ted Nugent scene that went down at your house. Emporium. I really like that. It sounds so much more graceful than Ted Nugent’s Palace of Meat and I will consider changing the name.

    I wonder if Ted did that spoken word thing about Hunting at Henry’s show.

    Then I read this:

    “So, this was moments before Chooch took an extreme close-up of Janna and then started laughing so hysterically that he barfed all over the floor. This happens often.”

    And I cried. I heard voices outside my office and prayed no one would knock and need me at that point.

    Then I came upon the picture of Henry mopping and my laughs turned into choking, and this is now one of my favorite posts in the whole world EVER EVER.

    Now my BB cream is streaked with tears.

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