Jun 062015

It’s Henry’s 50th birthday! So here are 50 things that Chooch and I love about that big old mustachioed dumdum. (Chooch wrote the title of this, btw.)


Chooch’s 25:

  1. He bitches when I  break my headphones: He says I cant get another pair, even though he buys me more.
  2. He buys me stuff: He is such a prince.
  3. He does stuff with me: He’s super nice.
  4. He does stuff for mommy: He is a prince.
  5. He loves us: He doesn’t love anyone else but us Oh yes, almost forgot he loves all his family members.
  6. He buys us food: So we don’t starve to death.
  7. He’s easy to make fun of: Like the times we go on his Instagram.
  8. He cares about our health: When we are sick or hurt he rushes home from work or just gives me medicine.
  9. He never leaves us: Yeah, he might get a little annoyed at us but he doesn’t leave us.
  10. He’s never scared: We always hide from him and try to scare him, but he’s never scared.
  11. He is smart: He knows a lot about nature at the cemetery.
  12. He is strong: He was in the Service so of course he is a strong independent man.
  13. He is practically a hipster: Don’t ask, of course you should know. (Hint: His Beard)
  14. He takes us to concerts: Even though he effing hates it.
  15. He yells at us: Its funny when he said SHUT THE DOOR!
  16. He takes us to Ice Cream shops: Even though he has to get his pants on when he’s comfortable on the couch.
  17. He teaches me stuff: Such as how to ride a bike, and how to swim.
  18. He sometimes is too scared to go in haunted houses: He usually protects us.
  19. He is too scared to go on rides in amusement parks: He might hate amusement parks.
  20. He protects us from almost dying: He always protects us from scary drunk guy who walks on our street.
  21. He gives directions: To very hard things me and mommy are bad at.
  22. He fixes stuff: When mommy or me break something he usually fixes it.
  23. He’s not drunk: He doesn’t drink TOO much beer a day.
  24. He cleans stuff: When he breaks a glass cup or I puke on the floor he cleans it.
  25. His Frowns: He’s famous for his frowns.


Erin’s 25:

  1. He irons my clothes for me so that I don’t cry because I melted another favorite shirt or the entire house.
  2. He procures fruit for me!
  3. He’s not a poser: he doesn’t try to dress “cool” when he goes to concerts.
  4. He has an extensive collection of Faygo uniforms. (Sometimes this is even what he wears to concerts because what does he care.)
  5. He’s not afraid of emasculating himself by drinking SHANDY every now and again even though it’s not REAL BEER.
  6. He takes any DIY idea I throw at him and does it better. (LIKE MY GET STOKED SIGN!)
  7. He goes along with all of my photoshoot ideas, even if it means wearing makeup or a tutu.
  8. He makes me lavender-flavored food & makes really great iced coffee for me even though he is NOT a coffee-drinker.
  9. He supports my serial killer greeting card side business.
  10. He pretty much lets me do whatever I want as long as it doesn’t involve drugs or other guys’ weeners.
  11. He is super good at cooking with seitan and tofu even though he enjoys feasting on animals.
  12. He used to like fishing but then we started dating and I was like *PETA!* *TEARS!* *MURDERER!* *BAD MAN!* so now he doesn’t go fishing anymore.
  13. He LOVES when people need directions because he’s a professional driver and knows all the best routes around town.
  14. He always has time to help his mom.
  15. He always has my back, like when the Catholic moms at Chooch’s old school ganged up on me. (“Well, if they don’t want you to write about them being assholes, then they shouldn’t act like assholes!”)
  16. Sometimes, in the dark, he looks like Bo Brady!
  17. He got my initial tattooed on his finger because I told him to.
  18. He’s OK with the world revolving around me.
  19. He taught me to like vegetables because he felt that, as a vegetarian, I should be eating more than just pizza and grilled cheese.
  20. He probably knows about more bands than your dad, whether he wants to or not.
  21. He’s really good at cutting bangs. (Should I get bangs again?)
  22. He said hi to Jonny Craig one time, lol.
  23. He is so good at crafts and sewing and basic domestic skills, that you would think his mom was a Home Ec teacher back in the day.
  24. He LOVES when people ask him about the Ted Nugent show in the 1980s.
  25. HE WAS IN THE SERVICE. (I don’t care if Chooch already said it. This is an important thing.)

Now I kind of wish I hadn’t shared this with Chooch because I could have easily gone on for another 25, ugh! Like how he entertains my tradition of having Xmas cemetery picnics, takes me all over for concerts even though he typically hates the bands, and he eats funnel cake off the ground because by golly he PAID for it!


  5 Responses to “50 Things We Like About Our Senior, Henry.”

  1. This is seriously the best thing ever.

  2. Happy 50th Birthday Henry! May all of Erin s antics continue to keep you young!

  3. I can’t handle the adorableness. That photo collage needs to be printed, big, and hung in your house.

  4. This really was the best thing ever! Chooch’s list had me giggling pretty hard. You guys really do love him! :)

  5. I ALSO LOVE ALL OF THESE THINGS! Omg this post made my morning. Hey may endanger your lives sometimes by driving in the trucks only section of rest areas, but all these other things make up for it. Happy birthday Henry!

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