You guys, I did something really brave the other day. After five years of living underneath crushing guilt, I finally came clean and confessed to Gayle that I had used my deaf Mexican alter ego, Manuel, to prank call her once at work:
2010 Gayle was not amused by this, but 2015 Gayle took it well! (Gayle goes by Abby outside of work, so I thought that having Manuel refer to her as such would make it seem more legit BUT I GUESS NOT.)
I feel much better now.
Every so often, though, I really miss my alter ego. I had to put him to rest a few years ago when the FCC cracked down on supposed “abusers” of the IP Relay service.
I mean, maybe I did use it a little too often.
Mostly, I would just post the transcripts, but sometimes Henry would give me his phone so that I could record the voice mails he would get from the IP operators (he quickly began to recognize the number because I used the service to call him so often, and he refused to answer). Sadly, I only have two of them now.
I wish I had a recording of the time I used it to call my brother Corey. It was some cracked-out story about someone waiting to shit out their crown so they could take it to the dentist, but it was way more demented than that because it was coming from me, and then a few days later, Corey was in the car with me and Janna and he was all, “OMG I forgot to tell you about this fucked up voicemail that I got!” and he proceeded to play it for us and I was straight sobbing from the side-stitches my laughter was inflicting upon me, and Corey just kept going on and on about how startled he was and that it was clearly the wrong number, etc etc and I was basically trying not to swallow my tongue.
God, those were the days, of cabbages and (deaf mexi)kings.