I’m just trying to not think about this shit right now so here is some stuff that I have done during the last week. I mean, aside from screaming into a pillow.

We went to two more haunted houses last week to close out the season, so that was nice.

Fright Farm was open every night during Halloween week so we went on Tuesday. It was OK as far as crowds went but it’s annoying because they make you wait FOREVER before they start calling groups #s for the hayride. The one nice thing though is that there are games and food, fires to sit by, and – well, this is actually a bad thing – a stage where bands play on weekends but on offnights, they just play REALLY BAD POP MUSIC. At some point, an actual DJ took over and it turned into a montage of really tacky wedding reception songs like Cupid Shuffle (FUCKING HATE THAT SONG) and whatever that idiotic “Slide to the left, now slide to the right” song is that I also hate (several hick women got to aggressively perform these moves and I had secondhand embarrassment so bad). In case you were unaware, Chappell Roan’s “Hot To Go” is now in the “cringey old person firehall line dance” category. There were middle-aged women doing TIKTOKS of themselves dancing to this at Fright Farm and I truly wanted to die.

I liked Chappell Roan for a minute but she in on my last nerve since summer, but honestly, what and who isn’t.

Meanwhile, Henry went and bought me a slice of pizza since I had missed a feeding to be there. This slice was bigger than two of my faces and if you have seen my bloated face in person lately, then you know that’s a huge hunka pizza. Anyway, I probably could have finished the whole thing but I KNOW if I did, I would have been sick. So I was trying really hard to stop while I was ahead. Around the time I started to push the plate away, one of the chainsaw guys came over and stopped next to where we were sitting and, in this creepy, screechy voice, started asking us what were eating (Henry had pepperoni rolls in case you care). Chainsaw Guy was concerned because I had so much pizza left and wanted to know why.

When I told him it was too big and I couldn’t finish it, he was like, “I’ll take it off your hands if you don’t want it” and I was like, ‘Uh, lol, I mean….” and HE TOOK IT AND WALKED AWAY WITH IT, AND THEN HE AND ANOTHER MONSTER GUY ATE IT! I was fucking dying. It was the most wholesome chainsaw interaction I’ve ever had?!!?

Post-pizza ^^

The germ-phobe in me was wildin’ out though because I had eaten that pizza in the most random way since it was so big – I was eating it from the sides and then started pulling pieces off the crust, and at one point I 100% gleeked on it, ugh.

But I guess dude was just really hungry because he came back later and PULLED A CHAIR OVER TO THE TABLE BEHIND US where two guys were sitting eating fries. He was like, “Hi guys, what’s up” and than started casually eating their fries while trying to get passers-by to join them. Then he got one of the guys to go to a food stand and buy him a bottle of water! So much moxie. I want to be this chainsaw guy when I grow up.

Anyway, Fright Farm was fun but the lady who is in charge of sending groups into the walking park, post-hayride, is soooo shitty. I mean, shitty attitude, yes, but also she sucks at gauging the crowd and sends new groups in way too fast. It was such a slow night but she practically sent in our whole wagon at once when it should really only be groups of 6. Her timing SUCKS. She was there last year too and I fucking hated her then too.

What else….I already wrote about Halloween….

I was off last Friday and then I texted Janna and said, “I’m off tomorrow, you should call off too haha” and she didn’t call off BUT SHE DID TAKE A HALF DAY! So, we met at Chimera Brewing for lunch. It used to be some other brewery and then it closed and everyone cried about it. I did not care either way. But this new place seemed to have lots of good veg/vegan options and that’s what my sold me.

Breweries are so weird to me. Like, I get why people like them I guess but they all seem the same to me!! Same ambiance, same menus (I do prefer the ones that have an actual kitchen too and don’t just rely on a rotating food truck schedule), same-tasting beers. I guess what I’m saying is that I still prefer to go to bottle shops and just split two beers with Henry in the comfort of my own home while watching chaotic Kpop content on YouTube.

HOWEVER. I hadn’t seen Janna in person in a while (since the grad party, actually!) since I have had little will to live this past year. But I’m glad that I forced myself to get out of the house and that Janna was able to meet me there. Sorry for publicly tearing up while talking about Bambi, Janna!

(I will have you know that I was able to drink all the beers in my flight but none of them have me running back for more. I AM STILL PICKY.)

As usual Wells Township’s Haunted House had the honor of being our last haunt of the season Saturday night. We like to go on their Lights Out Night because it’s so000 hysterical and they totally fuck with you.

This year wasn’t as great as past years, but whoever was following me up a set of stairs while tickling my sides HARD, you were the MVP of the night. I was laughing so hard that I am proud of myself for not peeing. There was also a room where Air Supply’s Making Love Out of Nothing at All was playing while a werewolf lounged in bed. Nothing about this place makes sense and I love them for it.

The only bummer was that it was shorter this year (no maze at the end) and the two chainsaw guys on duty didn’t even try to chase me. That part I didn’t mind so much since it was a Wells Township chainsaw guy that nearly lopped my foot off two years IF YOU RECALL.

Actually, one of the scariest things was wondering how many Trump supporters we were surrounded by, being in small town Ohio.

Other than that, it’s been a lot of ignoring everything on social media but Seventeen content and planning Chingumas because when this happened in 2016, having a Xmas party was like a big fucking group therapy session.

 

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