If you were coming to visit Pittsburgh and asked me for an itinerary, you bet your soggy-ass bottom dollar that I’m rec’ing the Bayernhof Music Museum and also probably inviting myself along. I have been there three times over the years, with different people each time, but never Henry! Can you even believe that? He’s always happily sat these jaunts out, but now that we’re in our “cultural” season of life, I have been big-nagging him to go.

I was texting with my buddy Shawn the other day about how we need to schedule a hang-out soon and he said, “Hey, what about that music box museum you mentioned a while back?”

DONE. SCHEDULED. ON THE BOOKS.

I woke up Saturday morning so stoked!

Our tour was led by Lisa, who recently swapped roles with the old guide because he wanted to spend more time with his grandkids. I was actually going to ask her if he was still there and thank god I didn’t because I would have 100% referred to him as “Dick,” which is what Andrea kept calling him the first time I ever toured the place (YOU HAD TO BE THERE) but his name is actually Jim. That was all the way back in 2011, and then I went again a year later with Corey and Kristy. The last time I visited was with Kara and Chooch in 2018!

All of those times were in the winter so it was nice to see a beautiful springtime view from this window finally! Because this is my 4th visit, this will be more of a photo dump and less informational. You can click on those links up there for a deep dive but I will warn you that my first two visits were chaotic and giddy for no good reason so…enjoy that shit.

A brief overview though: The Bayernhof was built in the 70s/80s by the man in that painting up there, one Charles B. Brown III. He was a local businessman and eccentric who knew exactly what he wanted, eschewed the proper housebuilding channels and architects and basically went DIY. The kind of DIY one might be able to achieve with lots of $$$$$ though. As Lisa would tell us in that sitting room, it was built by three old men, two kids, and a blue station wagon.

One of the “old men” was Dave, a banker who gave him a $60,000 loan. They became friends and after Charles died in 1999, Dave and Charles’s longtime secretary / assistant spent the next 5 years getting the Bayernhof up and running as a museum, which was Charles’s dying wish. (Lisa referred to Charles as “Chuck” through the tour so we will do that too!)

One of the quirkiest things about the Bayernhof isn’t the music box collection itself, but the fact that Chuck purchased them from a museum that was closing in Florida. No, he had no interest in them prior to this but when he found out that they were going to be trashed, he said he couldn’t stand to know that good all-American products were going into the dumpster (never mind that they were mostly made in Europe!) so he bought them all, as-is, and put them in his house. Shawn asked if he ever got to. hear any of them in action while he was alive and Lisa said she wasn’t sure that he did – it was until his death that Dave & Co. started to get them refurbished so that they would have a reason to turn the house into a museum.

I was going to insert an aside here about my antique wheelchair collection but then got nervous about jinxing myself!

SQUIRREL.

You know, I can’t remember if this came up on any other tour I was on but Lisa said that one of Chuck’s quirks was that when he hosted dinner parties, which he often did!, he would ask what everyone wanted to drink and then would serve everyone a screwdriver no matter what, because that was his standard drink of choice at his parties.

My favorite part was when Lisa asked the room if anyone knew the name of the RCA dog and Henry very confidently said, “VICTOR” but he was WRONG. I forget what the answer was now because I was too busy sneering at Henry for being wrong in front of a group of 12. (Speaking of our group – everyone was very pleasant! No know-it-alls or anything, great questions were asked, and there was one elderly lady who I really loved – she was outspoken in the way old people are, talked about old-timey things,  and I really liked her.)

The organ thing that Lisa is standing by is one that was used in theaters back when movies were silent. In addition to playing a score, it was also used to make “train approaching” sounds, “baby crying,” etc. Shawn asked if they ever host silent movie nights there. Lisa paused and said, “No, but that is actually a great idea. Write it down on the suggestion card at the end, because they won’t listen to me if I suggest it.”

LOL. Relatable, Lisa.

(Did I mention that she was an amazing guide? Super knowledgeable, a great story-teller, and very friendly!)

Oh, there’s my old lady friend to the left! And that’s Shawn and Jess admiring whatever music thing is playing. It had violins in it and sounded feral. Lisa did warn us that it sounded like that sometimes. She reminded us that the house wasn’t built to be a museum and so the humidity levels can be a nightmare when trying to maintain the quality of the pianos, organs, etc. They have humidity measurers in every room so they know when they need to keep doors open, run humidifiers, etc. Because of this, not every music box runs smoothly all of the time.

It reminded me of our house. We have all of these DIY art things everywhere and the humidity warps plexiglass, accordions paper…this ain’t a museum, bruh.

I kept whipping my head around to see if Shawn, Jess, and Henry were having a good time. I was obsessed with them loving it there. I kept whispering, “Gillcrest vibes, right??” to Henry and he was actually whole-heartedly agreeing with me so it was felt like a bonding afternoon.

(Gillcrest is what I call my Grandparent’s house, RIP to both of them and the house.)

After the song on this organ thing finished, Lisa asked if anyone knew what it was and I practically dislocated my shoulder shooting my arm up to the ceiling and shouting, “BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY!”

I was right, so I hissed “yessssss” and pumped my fist like a fucking loser. Henry was so proud.

This harp one was cool too. I will tell you, there were definitely things here that were new-to-me, which means I should definitely keep touring the Bayernhof with new victims because who knows what other new/old things they’ll acquire?!

I liked the stained glass AND DISCO BALL on this one!

OMG AND THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED! DAVE WAS THERE!!! He was coming down the stairs after everyone took a turn looking at the organ with the disco ball and he stopped for a few minutes to chat with us about his friendship with Chuck – IT WAS AMAZING. I was sincerely geeking out, having been there so many times and hearing stories about how he helped Chuck with so much that went into the Bayernhof.

Dave asked if any of us had been there before. I shot my hand up AGAIN (so did the two people who were there with the old lady – I think one of them must have been her adult kid and their spouse) but Dave only looked at ME and asked, “And were you good?”

I fucking froze. I could feel the heat blossoming in my cheeks, like, “WHAT DO THEY KNOW, IS MY PICTURE PRINTED OUT FROM A SECURITY CAMERA AND POSTED IN THE OFFICE??” I mean, I actually wasn’t “good,” two of the times I was there! But I cleared my throat and in a high-pitched whine I said, “I was…nice.”

But then he went on to talk about how I knew then that every time it seemed like, “Wow, this place is crazy, it can’t get any crazier than that” it absolutely will. I was like YES, HELLO GROUP, ‘TIS I, ERIN-IN-THE-KNOW.

I felt so special, I’m not going to lie. DAVE PAID ATTENTION TO ME!!!

The wallpaper in the bathroom was Gillcrest vibes for sure.

I will never forget my first time here when Jim made Andrea get a fortune from this machine and she DID NOT want to participate. OMG we don’t talk anymore (me dragging her here was probably the beginning of the end for me) but this will always be one of my most cherished memories and every time I think about it, I start laughing alone. I kept pointing these things out to Henry. “That’s where Andrea told me she fucking hated me,” and “That’s where I had to stand and face the corner because I was laughing so hard that I was in tears.”

No one should have THAT much fun in a music box museum, but I surely did. Turns out it doesn’t translate very well into a story though because when I regaled Shawn and Jess with my history here afterward, they looked confused/unamused LOL. To be fair, Henry looks that way all the time when it comes to me, so I guess I’m the problem.

Kind of like that time years ago when Janna hit her head on the train at Kennywood and the next day at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and laughing hysterically alone at my desk, and at one point I tried to tell the story out loud to Barb and ended up having to run and I mean FUCKING FLEE to the bathroom because I was in so much pain from wheeze-laughing that my face was drenched with tears and I was in a pants-peeing emergency.

Henry was obsessed with the tangle of legs in that painting.

Some war artifacts or something. I always lose interest in those things. This was in the observatory, which is accessible but a very steep spiral staircase in Chuck’s room. “Anyone have a guess what we’ll find at the top of the steps?” Lisa asked.

No one was saying anything so I grunted, “Ooh! A wet bar?” because that’s the running joke of the Bayernhof is that while Chuck wasn’t even much of a drinker, he had a wet bar in nearly every room. In fact, when Dave & Co. took over after his death, they quickly found out that all of the soda guns were actually still connected and in workable condition, except that they didn’t know where the lines were so they had to go around and shut them all off lest they find syrup pouring out of the ceiling one day.

“Correct!” Lisa said, and my old lady friend said, “Hey, you’ve been here before!”

True! But the amount of things I forgot was astounding. I actually didn’t know for sure if that was what was up there, it just seemed like the most likely guess!

There’s one of those humidity things!

Not gonna lie, the Gillcrest master bathroom was cooler than this one:

Henry agreed and mentioned it a few times afterward! It made me sad the next day when we were rehashing the tour and making comparisons to Gillcrest because imagine what could have been if we tried harder to save the house. We could found a gimmick and tried to get some historical designation slapped on it! It actually makes me sick to my stomach knowing that some jerk house flipper bought the house in…what, 2017? 2018? Pretty much gutted it and then just let it sit there. I think Corey said the person ran out of money. So now my mom has to drive past it everyday when she leaves her house, this shell of her childhood home. It’s honestly why I avoid even going back to that street.

It hurts.

OK quick back story! After the first time I was there, I swore that I was going to go back with a framed picture of Andrea and leave it behind because she 100% thought I wouldn’t do it. I got Corey and Kristy to accompany me for a tour (I mean, this was real – I wanted to go back for non-nefarious reasons too!) and I kept panicking in every room because I never had a good shot at setting the frame anywhere. But then we got to the CANNING ROOM and I was like, “Ahoy, could this work??” because it was a very small space and Jim never came all the way in with us. So, after he turned and walked away, I pulled the frame out of my purse, slid it across the counter, and did my patented “there’s something wrong with that lady” giddy bray. This also made my brother crack up too because we have a laughing condition when we’re together.

It was so stupid, honestly, but it still cracks me up to this day. When I texted her this picture, well, I can’t remember what she said but she probably burned haunted herbs that night and cursed me.

(I truly miss her.)

“IS THIS NEW??” I asked Lisa, and she said they only just acquired it in 2022 I think she said? So it definitely wasn’t there for my last visit. “Buy me one!” I whispered to Henry, who frowned deeply.

Anyway, this thing plays off of books.

 

 

Lisa, holding one of the OG AUDIO BOOKS. Get it?

Because it’s a book.

Used to play music.

Audiobooks!

There was also another music box in this room. Lisa asked the lone kid on the tour with us to pick a number between 1 and 24. Immediately, I thought, “20” to myself and that’s what he chose!!!

I was so excited about this.

Anyway, the song for #20 was actually terrible, almost like a dirge, and Lisa said, “Well, I’ll have to remember not to play #20 again!”  I couldn’t wait to tell my group afterward that I was thinking “20” before the kid said it.

“I know you’re not lying,” Shawn said, “because that song was so bad, why would you want to pretend like you thought of that  number??” Exactly!

The infamous “horse-shoeing” depiction LOL! I was so obsessed with that I actually made pendants out of the first picture I took of it years ago. Kristy has one!

While Jess was taking this picture of me, the docent lady (not Lisa but the other lady who trailed behind us, closing doors and turning off lights, came over and said, “That’s the horse’s hoof in between his leg,” in a tone that implied that she thought I was being very immature. Le duh!

What an absolute banger of a day! Afterward, we went to dinner but I will save that for a separate post because Little Miss I’m Not Going to Write Much Since I’m a Quadruple Bayernhof Visitor just wrote over 2500 words. Sigh.

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