*except in the case, “down.”

We had to do the exhausting there-and-back to Philly on Saturday to bring Chooch a bed frame, mattress, box spring, and dresser + other miscellaneous crap like his bike that he’s been begging us to bring for 2 years but we don’t have a bike rack, and clothes that he “lost” but were in his room. Henry had to rent a pickup truck and I absolutely hated being a passenger in it. It was a RAM whatever that mean, and it said REBEL on the side. So embarrassing!!

I found issues with it immediately upon entering, the biggest being that my headrest was pushed forward and we couldn’t fix it but Henry kept saying it was the same as his and brother, I didn’t have to fully turn around in my seat to tell you that this was completely untrue. His was straight up and down! MINE WAS TILTED DOWN AT AN ANGLE! So then he exclaimed, “There fixed it for you” and I said, “Thank god” as I went to put my head back only for it to keep falling BECAUSE HIS SOLUTION WAS TO TAKE THE HEAD REST COMPLETELY OFF WITHOUT TELLING ME?? I almost snapped my neck!!!

Anyway, I ended up fixing it by accident an hour into the drive when I violently wrenched it forward which disengaged something and snapped it back into the proper position! I was so happy! FUCK OFF, HENRY.

The only other memorable thing that happened on the way there was that at one of the rest stops, I was about to enter 7-11 when I saw two people coming out so I held open the door and stepped aside to let them through first. The guy in the lead was some redneck biker hick motherfucker carrying a carton of Marlboro who did not acknowledge me at all, and the next person was also a white guy (ugh) but he at least muttered a thank you, must have fucking killed him. Oh, the emasculation.

Then I started to enter the vestibule when I saw that a man was behind me so I lunged back to hold the door open for him.

“I got it,” he said politely. “They should have been holding the door open for YOU,” he said with the verbal equivalent of “smh.”

“Oh I know!” I cried. “That first guy didn’t even say thank you!”

Anyway, I know you are so surprised to find out right now that the polite guy was Black and not a CIS WHITE AMERICAN MALE. THE SCOURGE OF THIS COUNTRY.

I tried to tell Henry this story (he missed it because he was pouring our life savings into that fucking truck’s gas tank) but he didn’t care. He tends to tune me out when I’m standing on my I HATE WHITE MEN business.

We made it to Philly around 1pm and I proceeded to barely do anything to help, but that was a given. No shocks and / or awes were passed around.

I said he was moving “down” because he and his roommates Josh and Will went from the 20th floor at Summit to the first floor of this seriously cute townhouse. All three of them have their own rooms and bathrooms and it’s on a really cute and historic street too, about 4 blocks away from where they were currently living, so still close enough to walk to classes, etc.

Also, Chooch started working on a new Dunkin’ on Friday after not being able to get a job a Dunkin’ despite having prior Dunkin’ experience to the point where he casually mentioned it to the manager at the one near our house when he was home last summer and she (jokingly) said, “You’re not on the list, are you?” which made him spiral thinking he was on a do not hire list simply because he only have 1 week notice when he resigned IN HIGH SCHOOL.

In addition to this, he starts his new co-op in a few weeks! He’ll be doing something with UPenn’s football recruitment (Drexel doesn’t have a football team so he’s really stoked to get to do SOMETHING football-related even if it’s at a different college – but the co-op is still through Drexel so….) I still have no idea how these co-ops work when I told Todd about this one, he was genuinely stoked for Chooch and said this should be a really good opportunity for him, especially if he’s trying to open football-related doors. His end-game appears to be working for the Seahawks at some point. I have no idea

My mom has had this unused mattress in a spare room in her house for years so Chooch is now the proud owner of an antique bed set. “This is what people slept on when I was your age, son. None of these rolled up foam mattresses saturating the market these days!”

Chooch was so mad because I kept managing to put myself in the most inconvenient spaces while offering no assistance. I did unwrap one of the cups he made in pottery and I put in on his windowsill though.

Butts.

Chooch and Josh bought this on Marketplace for a housewarming gift for themselves.

After an absurd amount of time watching them walk and forth like Sims, we left to go to Ikea because Chooch needed a desk and other assorted housewares.

He was opening a pack of crackers from the back of the REBEL RAM and grudgingly gave me one when I begged like the pigeon that I am.

“Ew! How old are these?” I cried, the cracker leaving a stale paste in my mouth.

“Old,” he said. “They were in the cabinet.”

“EW FROM THE LAST TENANTS?” I gagged.

“Yeah but they were still sealed. You’re fine,” he waved it off. Oh OK dad!

UGH.

Ikea was miserable as usual. But he did get a desk and a bookshelf, plus other home goods and a large house plant, and I got a candle and a pillow.

Chooch and I were standing outside by the pick-up zone waiting for Henry to come back with the TESTOSTERONE TRUCK. We were standing directly behind an empty spot, and then two women were standing behind another empty spot two over from us.  Chooch and I were like, “What is happening” because the women were like, “OH WOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!” in a super “ARE YOU KIDDING” tone as Henry started backing into the spot we were standing in front of and that’s when I realized their guy was also waiting to back into it but Henry cut him off.

“He had his turn signal on first,” Chooch muttered in defense of Henry, and I didn’t understand why that man was trying to pull into our spot instead of the empty spot where his women were standing behind, but I also wasn’t trying to have a confrontation in Philly. I mean, we were standing 10 FEET AWAY FROM THEM, if that. So I went over and said, “Hey, I apologize on behalf of my husband (ugh I hate that word LOL) – he has no situational awareness.”

And then they were both suddenly like, “OMG NO, IT’S TOTALLY COOL, YOU’RE FINE!” because I guess they weren’t expecting me to actually come over and say something. But this is my new thing you guys. Instead of seeing who can out Karen the other, my tactic is to be a normal stable member of society and smooth things over by being direct instead of either avoiding it altogether or getting hyper-aggressive. And then I get to move on with the day without having an adrenaline break-down / post-confrontation embarrassment or stewing in the regret of not saying something at all.

The best part was that the guy did the “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!?” hand motion to Henry (who again, no awareness, completely had no idea any of this was going on) so then his women had to go over and tell him to cool it since I apologized, and then I made Henry apologize too as we were all leaving and the other people were like, “HAHAHA IT’S FINE OMG NO BIGGIE!”

It’s like a really fun way of calling people out for overreacting. (I’ve been on the other side of this before and I can tell you, I have felt like shit LOL.)

After this, we had to go back to Summit so Chooch could get the rest of his clothes out of his old room. I asked him if he’s going to miss it there and he said, “Some parts, but NOT the management.” He sounded so old when he said that.

I just can’t believe how fast time moves. This is his third year at Drexel already. Two more to go. (He opted for the 5 year route so he could get an extra co-op in there for more job experience.)

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