Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:43 Today Henry said I looked like a hooker. Guess I’m further along in reaching my goals than I thought #
• 21:32 Enjoying the dulcet tones of Tina masticating popcorn. #
• 21:34 Fuck that kernel UP, Tina! Fuck it up! #

• 13:17 About to have a therapy appointment. I mean, get my hair done. #
• 23:17 Cinematic Sunrise. Vodka. Noose. = Potentially perfect trifecta. #
• 08:48 Had a nightmare about my supposed best friend so now I hate her. #
• 08:49 It involved two chainsaws, two welding masks, and 15,000 pounds of unbridled fear. #
• 09:14 @buenomexicana YES IDIOT #
• 11:07 Henry cutting the grass is a true spectator sport. Chooch even has popcorn. #

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Yesterday we found out that they’re taking away the night shift. We were all offered positions on daylight, but Henry and I are scrambling now, trying to find a way for us to both work during the day. My mom said she’d babysit, but she also said she was opening the pool, though I’ve yet to smell the chlorine.

Needless to say, none of us felt like working much last night.

Joe and Eleanore are going to start the new shift on Monday, but Tina, Kim and I are sticking it out until the end of the month. Tina keeps taunting me about that, like she’s doing me some kind of perverted favor by staying on night shift until the end. This was supposed to be a really good week too, because Eleanore’s on vacation. It was supposed to be quiet and peaceful, but instead Tina and Kim made fun of me loudly, and I was trying to fend off the nervous breakdown that”s dying to happen. I wish I could be as optimistic as Henry. He’s all, "Oh, we’ll find a way to make it work! Don’t worry!" while I’m all, "My life is over, Jesus fuck, this sucks, I want to die."

Anyway, by August 1st, I might be out of a job unless we figure something out or I devise a way to smuggle Chooch to work with me. An oversized purse and some chloroform should do the trick.

RIP night shift. You were fun while you lasted.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 18:13 My shirt may or may not be work appropriate. But at least it won’t go transparent in the rain. #
• 09:52 I’m taking jumprope to prom. #
• 10:36 Your bitch was hit by a truck. What the fuck. #
• 10:48 B.U.M. Equipment and Coed naked t-shirts: those were so NOT the days. #
• 10:58 Just taught Chooch about the boy who cried wolf, added tons of gore and ridiculousness. he still says "help me I stuck" for no reason. #
• 11:14 Started bumbling my way thru hansel & gretel (my fairytale skills r rusty) but Chooch was all "yeah right, Oswald’s on. Turn it up." #

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So far, Chooch is turning out exactly how I had hoped.