It’s Friday and I’m tired but also really looking forward to going home and watching the replay of the Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, so here is a mild photo dump with minimal wordage.

But most importantly, an update on the countdown calendar!

That paper plane is moving at a snail’s pace, like I’m taking a hot air balloon to Korea it feels like.

My babies! For as stressed out as I was these last several weeks, I sure am going to miss all the action once the Valentine orders stop. I am still 100% convinced that this was a fluke, though! I’m bracing myself for my least favorite part of being an Etsy seller — the inevitable deluge of convos re: late or lost items. USPS, you give me heartburn.

I bought Chooch this adorable Corgi pillow from Etsy and couldn’t resist giving it to him early. Drew feels threatened, though.

Penelope’s perfect profile!

And here’s dumb old me, a window selfie from last night’s late shift. Our department is basically all reflective windows and it can be startling once the sun goes down. Anyway, this is my favorite shirt. It brings back memories from my time spent as a mediocre, part-time goth.

I also have several photos from my lunchtime travels, but I thought maybe I would save those for their own Lunch Break Tales post? WHAT DO YOU THINK? Do you guys enjoy looking at pictures of my so-so city or should I just start a private scrapbook for those lol like I would ever scrapbook.

No offense, scrapbookers! I just don’t have the mental coordination for that.

BONUS: Sudden urge to buy Reeboks which I have not worn since middle school:

It’s that time again. Weekend recap!

I spent the morning finishing my Golden Girls Valentines and crying tears of joy while watching video clips of Taeyang’s wedding. The disgusted sneer Henry kept giving me was so perfect.

So, all week I was thinking about how I wanted to go to Nak Won Garden on Saturday for some soondubu jjigae (look, Henry is a marvel at Korean home-cookin’, but there is just nothing like that bubbling ttukbaegi of kimchi & tofu that comes out of a real Korean kitchen sorry Bae Henry).

(That’s what I call him because I like to pretend that he’s in love with Bae Suzy, a Korean singer/actress.)

(He doesn’t get it.)

Right. So all week I’m enduring this shitty cold weather and thinking about the soondubu at the end of the frigid tunnel, but then Chooch had to go and get stupid straight A’s so there went my Korean lunch out. Instead, we went to Blue Flame, which was fine because Blue Flame has a forever spot in my heart and everyone who knows me knows that!

As soon as Henry parked the car, Chooch was out the door and running over to the wall at the side of the parking lot. On the other side is a creek which, to most people, is not noteworthy in the slightest. But ever since I was really little, it was tradition to peer over that wall at the creek below, especially in the warmer months when tadpoles could be seen. I’m not sure who started this or why, but it was one of the things that I did with my Pappap so it’s always been special. And of course I taught Chooch about it when he was super little, so it’s just like a thing now. It feels like we’re honoring my Pappap every time we look down into that shallow, burbling water, so I’m going to keep doing it until the day I die, fight me.

I posted about this on Instagram and one of my friends who also grew up in this area said she used to do the same thing when she was a kid so maybe it really is A Thing!

(Also, a Bae Suzy video just came on as I’m typing this and now I’m laughing alone.)

Creek peek.

Inside Blue Flame, all Chooch wanted was one (1) blueberry pancake. For as outspoken and independent as he typically is in most situations, this kid is AWFUL at communicating with waitresses. I don’t know what happens, but he fucking shuts down as soon as they ask him for his order and then LOOKS AT US while he’s mumbling his order, like we’re his FUCKING KIDNAPPERS and he wants our approval.

It is beyond awkward, like these waitresses probably think he beat him at home or something, the way he acts all nervous and skittish, and then sometimes he doesn’t know how to answer their questions so we have to do it for him! Like, honestly, WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BREAD DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR TOAST?! YOU ONLY LIKE WHITE BREAD SO JUST SAY THAT.

Jesus Christ!

Or when he acts like ordering a drink is the hardest question he’ll answer all day when he literally only ever gets one of two things: chocolate milk or lemonade.

It’s so uncomfortable.

My favorite is when the waitress explains his options – and you know most places have the same standard canon drink menu – and he looks at US like “Which of those do I like?” which I always feel looks like he’s seeking our approval so he won’t get whipped when we leave for ordering apple juice instead of milk.

The rest of our Saturday was full of card-making tension and at one point Chooch mumbles, “My parents are literally fighting over serial killer Valentines.”

It was a hard lesson in supply & demand that day. But we persevered. Barely.

~~~~~~~

Sunday was cool too! Chooch’s piano lesson was canceled so we got to just relax that morning without needing to run around. After lunch, we went to Oakland because Chooch is doing a report on Crispus Attucks and can barely find any solid info on him. The Brookline branch of the Carnegie library ordered a book for him and then failed to tell him that it was never even put on the truck yet until a week later when Henry called to see what the hell was going on, and we had to buy a book on Amazon, which ended up being some children’s story. Chooch’s teacher was all pissed off at him at first, until other kids also were like, “THE LIBRARY FAILED US” so she said she was going to rough them up, or call and complain. One of those.

So we took him to the main Carnegie Library on Sunday and the librarian who helped us totally redeemed all librarians in Chooch’s eyes, and now he’s like, “MAYBE IT’S JUST THE BROOKLINE ONES WHO SUCK” and yes son that’s surely it because the Brookline library is pretty dumb. Chooch has beef with three of them.

He likes the security guard there though.

Sunday was a wet snow kind of day and Henry muttered a lot about how it was just the type of day where you should stay home. LOL.

I wonder if Trump knows that libraries are free…?

But anyway, Henry was miserable because there was some broad singing in a room near the front of the library and it seemed like every person standing around watching the performance had bathed in patchouli that morning, so we had to walk through that and it was unpleasant. Henry REALLY hates it even more than me so he complained about it off and on for the better part of an hour.

Almost immediately, we enlisted the help of the aforementioned librarian and she was incredibly helpful and invested in Chooch’s project. Unlike waitresses, he was actually able to communicate to her what he needed so she took us to the right section and kept coming back with more books that she found elsewhere. She was a savior.

Chooch wants to only go to that library from now on.

Dork alert.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to comprehend that he’s gifted. Especially when I watched him struggle to smear jelly on his toast at Blue Flame, or observed the way he uses a fork to pile bites of pancake onto the blade of a butter knife instead of just, you know, taking the fork all the way home with the pancake bites.

“Who eats like that?!” I cried, and he was like, “What? What am I doing wrong?”

I mean, nothing I guess. It just seems like it takes so much effort to balance food on a knife, that’s all.

And then we made Chooch pay his own library fines since he was unable to check out his book otherwise.

“GO ON, TELL THE MAN ABOUT YOUR FINES,” we said as we nudged Chooch toward the librarian at the check-out counter.

I mean, we live three blocks away from a library, so there’s really no excuse.

And then we went back to working in a knock-off Hallmark sweatshop for the rest of the day/night.

That’s all for now. I have shit to do, food to eat, vids to watch.

My favorite Taemin song changes weekly. Currently, it’s “Play Me” because it calms the heart palpitations I’ve been getting every day for the last week. I am not good under pressure, that’s for damn sure. But it just makes unwinding each night feel even more glorious, you know?

People have asked me what I’m most looking forward to when we go to Korea next month and I guess I’m expected to say something about Kpop or eating all the street food and trust me, my heart flutters when I think of those things. But that’s not it. I’m mostly looking forward to waking up every day and being surrounded by the language, seeing and hearing Hangeul everywhere. To me, it’s the most beautiful language in the world. I’m learning it so slowly – it’s hard when you’re not taking an actual graded class – but not once have I felt like quitting.

I’m so excited to read all of the signs in Korea!

Sometimes I get so antsy at work and by the time Henry picks me up I am frantically putting Kpop on in the car and saying, “I’ve heard nothing but English all day ugh*!” And he’s just like, “oh for god’s sake.” Yet he’s the first one to sit down and turn on a Korean drama, so.

(I don’t listen to music or anything at work because I’m paranoid and need to know what’s being said around me at all times, also I hate ear buds.)

You know how some people can relieve headaches by applying pressure on the part of the hand between the thumb and forefinger? That’s kind of the effect that listening to Korean has on my brain. Like a wash of relief. I can’t explain it any better than that.

There is no point to this blog post but it feels good to be relaxin’ in the couch and casually typing this on my phone after spending hours in the non compos cards sweatshop (I AM GRATEFUL FOR THAT SWEATSHOP THO!!).

I’m trying to be nicer to myself and taking a break here and there but I’m not very good at it.

Wow hey blog thanks for listening. Time for korean lesson & bed. Lol like I sleep.

(Some dumb old story I wrote 10 years ago, probably during a fever who knows.)

“Don’t!” Oscar shouted at his mother-in-law. “Let me.” He took the plate out of her hands and replaced it on the table before she had a chance to pile it with food. His wife had long since died but he still ate at her parent’s house on the fourth Monday of every fifth month. Pulling a compartmentalized picnic tray from his messenger bag, he began the methodical process of separating his food. He always ate his meals in quarters: protein in one pocket, vegetables in another, starches touched only each other, and then condiments formed a pool in the final compartment. Or fruit if there was any to have, in which case he would forego the frivolous sauces.

Oscar kept his digital watch set to beep in fifteen minute intervals, a reminder to put a new TicTac in his mouth. He would only do this at work, though, because he lived above a slaughterhouse and sometimes the howling and the squealing of chains and the grinding of gears rendered it impossible for Oscar to hear his watch. If something else happened to be in his mouth when his watch would chime, he’d spit it out into the tiny wastebasket under his desk, which was emptied four times during his shift.

On Sundays, Oscar enjoyed going to the farmers market in the industrial district of town. A public parking garage was provided as a courtesy to the citizens, but Oscar preferred parking on the street. He loved the way the quarters sounded as their shiny disks slid into the metal slot of the meter. It was slightly arousing, but only Oscar’s therapist knew this.

“Sometimes I lick the quarters before they leave my hand, and often I feel pained to release them. But once I hear that sound, it makes me swell. You know. Swell. And that is one of the most rewarding sensations this life has to offer, I really think.” Oscar’s therapist copied this quote for his file in bright red ink.

One day, Oscar was granted a handsome bonus because the company had enjoyed a very successful quarter. He went home that night, scrubbed each limb with a vibrant pine-scented homemade bar of soap that he purchased from Ethel who worked on the twenty-fourth floor but was visiting her friend on the twenty-fifth floor at the time of purchase. Thumbing through the phone book, he found just the number he was looking for.

At exactly 9:41, his doorbell rang. He dawdled and stalled, pacing beneath the stately portrait of George Washington which hung in the foyer, and chugging on a quart of half-spoiled vitamin D milk, until 9:45, at which time he found it perfect to open the door and greet the four prostitutes he ordered.

For a quarter of an hour, they quietly noshed on tea sandwiches, which Oscar had meticulously de-crusted and quartered over top of his grandmother’s serving tray, which was conveniently divided into quadrants. He precisely slipped his Quarterflash album from its sleeve and placed it gently upon the record player. Then they moved to his slumber quarters, where Oscar requested that he be tied to each one of the bedposts. The four cocottes silently obliged.

As Oscar lay there, mind soaring with the possibilities, wondering if he would become as tumescent as he did in the company of parking meters, one of the harlots brandished a chainsaw from her purse and by 11:15, Oscar’s post-quartering torso was left in the center of his bed, and his limbs were sold to the slaughterhouse below where they were wrapped in freezer paper and sold for a quarter a pound.

I kept putting off buying a BIGBANG light stick because I’m a tightwad but then Henry got me a gift certificate for an online Kpop store so bam that bitch went all up in my cart.

Even though it will be years (IF EVER!!) that my light stick will get to experience a BIGBANG concert what with the impending military enlistments.

Sigh.

Anyway, my light stick arrived the other day and I was sad because it takes two AAA batteries and we only had spare AAs on hand. This was a huge issue, nevermind the fact that we have a freakin’ CVS three blocks away and I could have just walked my ass there, but then Chooch was all, “DADDY’S SMALL FLASHLIGHT MIGHT HAVE TRIPLE As” and before Henry had a chance to snatch his coveted flashlight from us, I had thieved the batteries.

“Come on!” Henry cried as I fled with them in my clenched fist. He is SO POSSESSIVE OF HIS FLASHLIGHTS. Actually, this is the only flashlight he has right now for some reason.

(One time I let a neighbor borrow one of his flashlights without asking him first and it was A Very Big Deal.)

“Let me do it!” Chooch begged, because inserting batteries into a thing is like really amazing you guys. Instead of being mature and lettin my 11-year-old son have a moment to shine, I said, and I do mean shrieked, “NO IT’S MY LIGHT STICK DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH IT YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK IT!” and then I promptly jammed the first battery in the wrong way and got it stuck, resulting in Henry having to devote a half hour of his life to surgically extract it.

Oh you guys it was such a scary time, not knowing if my light stick was going to make it out alive.

But Henry was a hero as usual and managed to salvage my precious BIGBANG light stick. And then I had an impromptu concert of my own. I bribed the cats to attend.

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The next day, I took it to work and even Glenn was like, “That is pretty cool I guess” but then he asked how much it cost and was like ARE YOU KIDDING THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS.

Of course, several days later, Henry had a need for his flashlight and as soon as he tried to flick it on, he remembered that the batteries now reside inside my light stick and he muttered, “God dammit.”

Hopefully one day my light stick can be in a crowd of other BIGBANG light sticks.

No really, this is the last. I swear. It’s just that I couldn’t sleep one night last week and I was thinking, “How can I further expand my card line/release some of this psychotic energy that’s keeping me awake?” And then I wondered if the Golden Girls would be a good fit with the serial killers and vintage porn stars of noncomposcards and you guys, I think it’s a good fit. I mean, someone bought two GG cards and a porn star set so…

Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

I know I’m not alone in deriving great comfort from Golden Girls reruns. Like so many others, I grew up on this show in the 80s. Of course, back then, it was way too “adult” for me, and most of it went way over my head, but I still watched it because I loved Rose and her St. Olaf tales and Dorothy’s relationship with her mom and Blanche was always GOALS. I used to sleep over my grandparents house on Saturday nights and it honestly feels like yesterday when I would sit on the couch next to my Grandma, wearing some old oversized beer t-shirt as a nightgown, watching The Golden Girls and Empty Nest. (And Hunter but was that on Fridays? I only ever watched Hunter at my grandparents house.)

Very little in life has felt more comfortable and warm to me than those childhood Saturday nights on Gillcrest Drive.

I think like there are a lot of people who can relate to this!

Cheesecake & Chill?

Vertubenflugen

Blanche Devereaux Girl’s Night 

Funny story – one time many moons ago I sent Henry to the video rental place down the street and made him ask the guy in the back for Revolutionary War porn, so he was already flustered about that, and then he turned around and accidentally knocked over an entire rack of pornos, cutting his knuckle in the process and to this day I still refer it as The Porn Wound. He gets so mad.

Now you know something about me! Well, about my boyfriend.

My goal this past week was to get enough designs in order to make these available as a mini set because I think they’re no fun and novel. Originally, I was just going to make 8 designs and have 2 of each in the sets but because I love overachieving, not sleeping, and feeling stressed out, I ended up making 16 different ones, and finished it this morning!

The backs are cute AF, IMO.

Literally, not once in this Valentine promotion series have I had presentable nails. I’M SORRY, YOU GUYS. I’m hideous.

But enough about my chipped polish, what I like about these cards is that there’s something in there for both platonic friends and people you’re legit hot for.

This Sophia one is my favorite though because I love vintage porn and Sicily 1969 porn is probably pretty hot. Especially if it’s Mt. Etna-themed.

I know, I know – “Bea Mine,” what a fucking cop-out. But I wanted to get these done for you in time! I’m already jotting down ideas for a second set for next year, so I will redeem myself for being so basic.

Most of these are adapted quotes from the show, and I thought the Sophia one up there was actually super romantic if you think of it in terms of “Hey, let’s grow old and toothless together.” You know? Maybe I do have a heart after all.

Similar to the serial killer, porn, and kpop sets (god, what a collection), there are 16 different cards in this set, perfect for passing out like you’re still a kid in elementary school when the only care was, “YEAH BUT WHAT CANDY COMES WITH IT” – oh wait, that’s still a major concern! Fuck off with those fruit-flavored tootsie rolls!

And there you have it. The final editions to this 2018 V-Day season. $8 for the whole set!

Here are some things that I’m currently super into, aside from photobombing 75% of my own pictures with my dumb hand.

1. Trying to poison my work friends

I bought these “brown sugar flavor” rice crackers at the Asian market last weekend because that box is cute AF. I tried to tempt Lori with one, but she was all, “EW THESE ARE OUT OF DATE!” and I was like, “Oh shit, you’re right” and then I blamed Henry because he’s the one who usually checks for that shit at the store. I was going to throw them away but Glenn was like, “DON’T THROW THEM AWAY. THEY’RE FINE” and Lauren was like, “maybe just put a disclaimer on  them like you did with the [red bean White Rabbits].” I was going to do that but I forgot and then people started taking them on their own and by that point I felt like I was in too deep in my web of lies, so I just LET IT HAPPEN. No one has died yet. I did tell Lloyd that they were out of date and he said, “Well in that case, I’m taking two.” So then it turned into this weird carnival of people who wanted to eat the expired rice crackers, like it was a dare or something. And Glenn even admitted that he liked them. Not that they were “ok” or “not bad,” but that he genuinely liked them! It was still really funny though when Lori pointed out because I got all defensive and yelled, “NOVEMBER WAS NOT THAT LONG AGO!” and “I mean, it’s not like it’s MILK!” Oh, Asian snacks. You make the workplace so much fun!

P.S. Don’t let those bars of chocolate on the box fool you — there is no chocolate in these rice crackers.

2. Etude House Dear Darling Tint

So I kept putting this off and putting this off, but then I got an Amazon gift card from work for Christmas so I decided to finally buy some of this lip gloss I’d been wanting to try for awhile. It came from Korea so of course it took for-fucking-ever and I only just got it yesterday. Worth it. It’s so light and has a subtle grape taste! I love it and am going to buy so many more when I’m there next month. Here I am wearing it. I do not know how to model lipgloss.

3. Sharing old diaries and blog posts with Chooch

I was cleaning out my closet (LOL not really but sort of) and found my very first DIARY, which I have probably already shared on here before but it fucking cracks me up every time I read it (there are only three pages so it’s not like I have to carve out much time for that) because I am still basically eight years old. I let Chooch read it and he was obsessed and then was like, “THAT’S IT!

? WHY DIDN’T YOU WRITE MORE?!” Now that he’s older, I’m having fun showing him some of my blog posts about him too, like this one I stumbled upon the other day from when he was sick in 2011. And then he’s all, “OMG was I really like that?” and then we get to have a real bonding moment all because I plastered his entire childhood all over the Internet.

4. Turning Henry into a fan boy

For Christmas, Henry got me a gift certificate for Choice Music (it’s all kpop). In a highly unusual and selfless move, I bought him something as well — the above standing Jimin doll so that we can be matching because I have the G-Dragon set. Jimin if you remember is the BTS bias I chose for Henry and he gets really flustered about it probably because it’s true. I couldn’t wait to show him this little gift, but when I gave it to him, he was like, “Are you fucking serious” and I was like, “You have to take it to work and keep Jimin on your desk!” but he said, “NO.” Ugh! Of course Chooch was like, “i’ll have it” though. Also, I should note that I only bought this because I was almost to my gift certificate limit and was trying to find something cheap.

I’ll tell you what though, Henry is totally a K-Drama whore though. I think Park Bo Young is his drama bias. I can’t start anything new without him appearing out of nowhere and asking, “WHICH ONE ARE YOU WATCHING NOW.” Sigh.

Just kidding it’s awesome and I love it.

5. Slangin’ my greeting cards!

You guys this has been the Valentine season we’ve ever had, to the point where we almost can’t keep up with sales. We keep our inventory low because it’s time-consuming to print and assemble the cards only to have them sit on a shelf for a year because no one buys it – even when we’ve analyzed our sales and determined what are heavy-hitters are, printing those in advance is a sure-fire to jinx sales. What this means is that most of our cards are made to order — it’s just more price-efficient for us that way. But those little sets that I made this year have been a hot commodity! So I think that once V-Day is over, we will try to slowly build up some inventory for those at least. I have been loving this though – these cards are my babies, and it just makes me so happy that there are people out there who like them, and a lot of them are repeat customers too!

This has also been keeping me busy and distracted so that I’m not flipping out or succumbing to depression or having a fit about the wind blowing the wrong way — you just don’t know with me. I’ve been pretty difficult to be around lately. Anyway, what this means is that my brain has just wanted to create create create so I’m also working on a Golden Girls line of Valentines! I’ll do a full post on those this weekend, but I’m pretty excited about them.

6. My K-Kountdown Kalendar!

After some of my coworkers found out about my upcoming trip, they started to question if there was going to be a countdown calendar like the one Lori made me for the G-Dragon concert. When my SHINee Season’s Greeting set came a few weeks ago, I realized that the poster-sized monthly calendars could be perfect for this cause. February 1st seemed like a good time to start, so I brought in the February (Onew!) and March (Jonghyun, RIP) posters, taped them up  to the side of my cubical wall thing, and then made an airplane.

Chris is really blessed that his office door is right in front of this so he gets to see these beautiful faces every time he emerges.

LOL my dumb face. Amber was like, “Aren’t you going to put Henry and Chooch on it too” and I was like THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEM THIS IS ABOUT ME, a la 1988 Diary-Writing Erin.

The only downside to this is that there are some people here who didn’t previously know about this so the calendar unlocked Pandora’s Box and people had questions.

Which is great but I have been trying to not be super-annoying about this for the sake of those who sit near me, but it’s hard for me to not be like, “OMG OMG OMG” especially when people are asking me about it! I had hoped to get through the whole day without hearing this, but eventually there was that one HILARIOUS “hopefully it’s still by then” comment. It’s whatever though. Traveling anywhere is a risk. Walking out the front door is a risk.

7. Poet/Artist

My Jonghyun preorder arrived today. I am obsessed with this album, especially the song “Take the Dive.

” It’s so bittersweet that he didn’t stay with us long enough to enjoy the success of this release because it really feels like a masterpiece. :(

OK well, I had leftover kimchi bokkeumbap for dinner and now I need to put my head down or go for a walk, I haven’t decided which.