Henry and I went to Freeport on Sunday afternoon just for something to do because it was kind of bleak and boring. There is a cafe there called 1883 or something, it’s a number and I don’t feel like looking it up because I’m so blasé about blogging these days. But we went there once last spring and I liked the vibe so I started following them on Instagram and their spring menu just came out. It looked pretty fire so I said let’s go and Henry said only of you’re driving lol j/k.

I got the almond rose torte latte I think and Henry got the chocolate chip cold brew and there was confusion amongst the young baristas because he ordered it with almond milk but it comes with cold foam and that is made with MILK. He was like I DON’T CARE and they seemed confused like he was being a fake ass vegan or something but he only orders almond milk because he likes the taste.

Now that you know Henry’s coffee milk preference…

I bought some local’s debut novel while waiting for our drinks, because there was a little stack on display and a Venmo QR code. His name is HAWK STEVENSON and he wrote and edited the book while chilling in the cafe and I thought that was kind of cool. I haven’t started reading it yet but I will be SURE to let you know, cyber crew.

After this, we strolled around Freeport and it was mid. There is not much to see or do there. Vivian’s Bakery or whatever the fuck had literally closed the second we walked out of the cafe, so that was off the table. I considering knocking on the door to see if they would sell us the remaining scraps of the day but Henry was like I DON’T THINK SO.

Sounds like the assurance of someone who has tried this before.

We walked to some gazebo and looked at the ugly river. That was boring. Then I wanted a sugar and pouted so Henry went back to the cafe to procure a sugar while I waited at the car because the vibe there was off today. He came out with two cookies and a banana nut muffin for us to share, and said that while he was waiting, a lady asked the young and personality-void baristas if espresso has caffeine in it and THEY SAID NO?

OK.

We drove to a nearby park called Harrison Hills or something and I can’t hear “Harrison” without thinking of Dexter’s son but that’s ok. So we go to this park and it’s still ugly and cold out but at least the park was kind of nice? There was some stupid overlook thing by a playground so we walked out onto it and I was like, “OK, so we can see across the ugly river, cool.”

Then we took the above picture to send to Chooch as a reminder that we exist, and he said “Wow.”

And you know what, that was pretty much it for Sunday.

The weather was so blah over the weekend, BUT! It was still such a nice one. Mostly because on Saturday, we had plans to meet up with some friends at Golden Age, a brewery in Homestead. Way back at Chingumas, our friend Sean was telling us about it and we did the whole, “Oh, we’ll have to make plans to meet up there!” song and dance. But you know what? No more excuses! I followed up on this and then when our friend Todd found out and mentioned he hadn’t seen Sean in years, I said YOU SHOULD COME TOO BUT YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Todd had mentioned that his gf Brittany loves going to concerts and watching K-dramas so I was like, “I need to be her friend!”

I’m not desperate. I swear.

Anyway, I felt like a secretary going back and forth between text and Teams, but we eventually locked in a date and I felt so accomplished.

Henry and I got there first. I had emphatically said that I was only drinking one (1) beer. I get way too overzealous when we’re with Amy, wanting to sample everything, and then I don’t realize how wasted I am until it’s too late and then the rest of the day/evening is shot! But this time, I said, “One beer, with food.” And I held myself accountable! Actually, drinking one full sized pour pretty much does me in, anyway. There was no way I could drink anything after this Belgian thing, especially because it didn’t WOW me. I am learning that just because I like “Belgian beer” does not mean I like “all Belgian beer.”

Henry got something that tasted like smoke. I didn’t like it. But I did sip his next beer and I liked that a lot. I don’t remember what it was. I’m so great at blogging. Hire me to be the historian of your next event.

Sean arrived next, and then Todd and Brittany! I practically shoved Todd out of the way in my effort to greet Brittany – you know how sometimes you just get A VIBE from someone and know it’s going to be good? It was that for me. Brittany has this confident and friendly air about her and we (after I assigned Todd a seat at the end of the table so that Brittany could sit next to me haha) settled into easy conversation right away. Do you how awkward I can make introductory meet-ups? Very. But because Brittany was so cool and casual, it set the precedent for the rest of our drinking lunch.

Sean and Todd gossiped like little girls about ancient Law Firm things* while Brittany asked Henry and me about my favorite subject – Korea!

*(I failed to mention that Sean worked there when I first started and then left around three years later I think, so Todd and I both got to work with him long enough to actually care and be sad that he left.)

We also talked a lot about music – yes, I was also engaging in the work gossip but hello that was boring for Henry & Brittany so I kept trying to steer the conversation away from work. Brittany likes trip hop! And she was also talking about a concert that she and Todd went to at the Warhol, where they were in the FRONT ROW and Todd fell asleep – what a Henry move! Anyway, Brittany explained that it was extra embarrassing because the singer was talking about her time working with Diddy and the abuse she endured. “She was in one of his groups,” Brittany clarified and I cried out, “DANITY KANE???”

“Yes!” Brittany said, and Henry and I were like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because Danity Kane has come up in conversation at least 3x for us in as many months, to the point where we I was going down the Wiki rabbit hole a few months ago to see who’s where doing what, and then on our drive home from Philly two weekends ago, it came up AGAIN because Henry said that one of Jennie’s new solo songs sounds like Showstopper, so we ended up listening to their whole discography (I probably included that in my liveblog!). I just thought it was so wild that here they were, coming up again.

Then we had a moment of silence for them, the girl group that could have been SO BIG.

Meanwhile, Todd was at the end of the table frantically trying to defend his concert snoozin’.

“She had a HARP!” he said. Henry and Sean were like, “Oh! Say no more.” But I was still on Brittany’s team for this one. It was DAWN RICHARD!! Up close and personal and Todd’s over there snoring in her face.

Things not related to our company that I want to remember:

• Golden Age has super friendly staff
• They have complimentary Chex Mix that one of them makes themself and it was so buttery and inexplicably delicious. I thought about it all weekend, which is no surprise considering my penchant for latching on and obsessing over the random side characters
  • (in this case, homemade Chex Mix)
• Bomb seitan wings
• At Chingumas, my friend Cara said that some guy we went to high school with owns or co-owns this place. The name sounded familiar but I don’t have any memories of him. That’s all.

I made Henry take a group picture before we left because you know how synonymous Henry is with “group selfie” lol:

Sean already has the next place picked out and said his wife Ines is going to come that time too! I kind of want to leave it up to the guys to schedule this one but then it could be like 9 years from now.

I’ll tell you, it certainly does not feel like spring as some crazy snow storm thing is blowing in but whatever. Here’s a Monday bullet train of things!

• A new cafe opened down the street in Dormont! I already forget the name but it’s owned by the neighboring Vietnamese restaurant and they have boba, so when Chooch was home we walked there on one of my lunch breaks. It was delightful! I got a triple taro boba and Chooch got an iced Vietnamese latte or something, I can’t remember but the young guy working there was so friendly and I felt like I knew him from a TV show or something. Anyway, look at how cutely aesthetic this place is!

• Can we just take a moment to think about how amazing Cory Booker and his 25 hour filibuster was? Just in case you didn’t know, I have been his fan girl for many years and he was my presidential pick for 2020. I was so bummed when he dropped out of the primaries, and I couldn’t vote for him.
• Speaking of politics and being bummed (this could go in so many directions actually) I had big FOMO that I couldn’t attend the #HandsOff protest on Saturday. We had prior plans and I didn’t want to bail last minute on those but shooooo, watching the footage from all over the country (and parts of the world!) had me screaming in solidarity! I heard there might be another round on the 19th – we’ll be in Philly visiting Chooch so I asked him if we could do it if it’s happening and he said, “I guess.” That’s mommy’s patriotic boy.
• Mark (or MORK as Haechan would say) just dropped his first full length album today and it is perfection! I am so proud of him. Let’s watch this together, shall we?

• New Girl Buddy has babies! I’m not sure how many yet but they are living in HNC’s porch roof as usual lol and every so often I will see one of them poking their little head out of the hole in the roof, like a little sardine and it’s so cute! I keep telling Girl Buddy to bring them over but she always turns her back on me when I talk to her. She’s kind of bitch, just gonna say it.

• I started eating blueberries again, for the first time since Bambi died. I’m not exactly sure where the correlation is there but I just know that I used to snack on them daily and then she died in front of me and I never wanted to eat blueberries again. But now I’m reintroducing them into my life. I also started painting my nails again after having bare nails since November because I lost the will to do these miniscule things that used to be habitual. I am still very hollow in some sense, and I definitely still cry every day, but I consider these to be pretty successful baby steps. Although, Janna recently sent me pictures of kittens and then sent me into a downward spiral lol. Baby steps, more like in utero doggypaddling.
  • The dichotomy is nutzo though because usually when I am this depressed, I shut myself off but lately I have been more social than ever and even though I am still in this weird limbo, I am at least enjoying life in the moment so that is a relief to me because for many mths there I felt like I could die at any moment and not care at all.
• Ugh Henry is two rooms away and I can still hear him eating. Then we just made eye contact and he froze mid-chew and I am so annoyed. He is so annoying when he chews. It’s like he’s claymation, there is no need for a human to make such exaggerated facial movements.
• I never thought that after decades of pointedly ignoring economics I would be suddenly understand tariffs, by no choice of my own, way better than the “president” of the United States.Well, I really think that’s all that I’ve got to say for now. Be nice to your neighborhood squirrels. 

My attention has been monopolized by G-Dragon and his recent comeback concerts in Seoul last weekend. Oh my Christ what I would have given be in attendance, especially day 2 where Daesung and Taeyang made guest appearances.

I’ve just been so thrilled that he is back in the public eye as an entertainer because it really seemed so hip in the air there for a while, but he’s back and has proven once again that he is more than just a “kpop idol” in Korea. He really is so much more than that, literally Korea’s treasure.

Anyway, I was inspired to do something with this picture of the first outfit he appeared in at his concerts, crown and all because he is THE KING AND KNOWS IT. I sent the picture to my friend Lyda at work – I was FIXIN’ to dish about it but have no one around me who cares so I have to force this upon people sometimes lol. I told her I was obsessing over his concert looks and she admitted to googling him and then was like, “Now I’m obsessed with G-Dragon.”

THAT’S RIGHT GIRL JOIN ME.

I needed to DO SOMETHING with this picture of him so I made a background of his signature daisies and then Henry’s Crafty made it into a pin for me, complete with black velvet backing.

The picture in the background was given to us by GD’s uncle the day we checked out of Dolce Bita in Pocheon and his uncle drove us back to the Ildong bus station while blasting GD’s music, literally one of the wildest and most memorable moments of my life, that actually had me saying, “Did that really happen??” to Henry and Chooch for approx. a year.

I love this so much and wore it out yesterday like a shiny badge of honor when we met friends for lunch (more on that separately!).

Jesus. Much like Robert Smith and Scooter Ward before him, I don’t think I can ever fully explain how much I admire and idolize this man. He is such a genius. There is no one to compare him to either – he is one of a kind. Ughhhhhh I love you, Jiyong.

Henry and I met Amy and Dick at Coven Brewing for our March Brewery Meet-Up. For as much as I had been enjoying trying new beers after discovering that I actually like beer now, I recently decided that I will only drink in social settings now because if there is one thing about me, it’s that I will go ALL IN when I like something and I was actually afraid that I was on the path to addiction. Yes, I know that it was mostly excitement but when I was finding myself eager to log off work so I could try a new beer in the fridge…well. To me, that’s a prob. So now, it’s weekends only AND it has to be if we’re going out with friends. Not just me and Henry sitting at home watching Kpop content and drinking.

(I think a lot of this is also akin to a midlife crisis, if we’re being honest with each other, Peggy.)

All of this is to say, I was looking forward to not only seeing Amy & Dick, but also having my first beer in over a week.

There were only two other patrons there when we arrived, which was good because that joint is TINY.

I don’t have much to say about this place. The vibe itself was fine, but I am an IPA snob now and I was not wowed by any of their offerings. I did have a strawberry & peanut butter sour that was rather delightful though, and then I let Amy talk me into the stout (porter? I never know) that tasted like thick, syrupy alcoholic coffee. I actually liked it but there is no way I could ever imbibe a full serving of that sludge. I should have stopped after my one IPA and sour (they were all in those glasses above – Coven doesn’t do flights but you can get tiny glasses which seemed like they were the same size you’d get with a flight), but I ended up also having that stout and something else- a lager or something. I just get so excited to hang out with Amy that I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing and end up going overboard. :/

A large group of bronzered women came in, looking like they missed the exit to Nashville, and the vibe was immediately turned on its end. I don’t know if it was a bachelorette thing or what but they were rowdy and 100% not my type of peeps. They did simmer down after a bit, or maybe my ears had just acclimated to the noise pollution, but when Amy asked if we wanted to get another round there, I suggested that we abandon ship and go down the street to Lolev.

OK not to toot my own horn, but what a great suggestion by yours truly! This place is a gem! Much larger yet somehow more welcoming, it wasn’t too crowded but the people were there all had their dogs in tow and I just felt immediate happiness. The girl behind the bar was super friendly and I had no ordering anxiety except that I thought a half-pour was going to be way smaller than it actually was and we’ll just say your girl was already halfway to wasted and Lolev easily carried me over the finish line.

But can we just talk about the MATCHA LAGER I got??

It was called IROH and for someone who loves matcha like I do, this was a great beer. It was so refreshing and the matcha somehow blended perfectly with the beer taste. I don’t understand it but I loved it. Amy also got it and loved it!

I also got the PRISCUS which is a double IPA – much better than the ones I had at Coven!

Sorry, Coven. I didn’t HATE you, but I just never want to drink your beers again.

I think this was the EPOQ which is a Flanders Red and I reallllly liked this one but in full transparency, Papa H should have cut me off way before this because I was fucking trashed.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT BEER THIS WAS?! I think I took this for Untapped.

I mean just look at me, someone take me home and put me to bed…

…which is exactly what happened after we left – got home around 6pm and passed out in my bed until 10:30, waking up once to puke. \I came downstairs and posted on Instagram only to see that I had already posted the same pictures on Instagram hours before and DO NOT REMEMBER THAT HAPPENING. Presumably in the car on  the way home!? It was at that point that I started to question my life choices, lol. Ugh, this was all too much for a Sunday, you guys. At the time of this writing, I have actually just returned home from another social outing but I limited myself to ONE BEER and guess who is stil fully functional and able to enjoy the rest of her Saturday evening? Your girl Mrs. G-Dragon, that’s who.

Oh, I forgot that we also staggered into Butterwood across the street for some on-the-road baked goods which I don’t even remember eating in the car.

Also, I said on the way there that I wasn’t going to talk about G-Dragon and then I talked about G-Dragon, lol. I can’t be silenced.

l

Corey and I were stressing over finding a good place to eat post-Mattress Factory when we first made plans but then Chooch came home from college and was like, “I want to go to Cafe Moulin. One of my friends recommended it.”

Turns out the FRIEND is Sophia, who probably is legit just a friend but I had to be a total mom about it and start grilling him for info. She’s part of his friend group in Drexel (HER ROOMMATE IS FROM ROMANIA!) and is from Grand Rapids but her dad went to CMU so I guess they were visiting Pittsburgh at some point because of that, but I thought it was kind of funny that we were going somewhere based on a quasi-tourist’s suggestion.

Especially since it wasn’t really anywhere near the Mattress Factory and Chooch said he didn’t necessarily mean that he wanted to go there THAT DAY but once it was mentioned, Corey and I both had CREPES ON THE BRAIN.

Speaking of brain, we spent the whole drive to Shadyside rehashing the body outside of the Mattress Factory. We were all determined to continue having a good day but now there was this macabre fog hunkering down on us, you know? Add to that the fact that Corey had recently hit a deer with his car and when we got out of it in the parking garage, he pointed out some DEER FUR that was still stuck to it?!!? I wailed, “WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT??”

He re-emphasized the fact that the deer was actually fine BUT STILL?! Jesus!

Anyway, Cafe Moulin was packed but luckily we were able to get a table within about 10 minutes. It took us forever to order because Corey couldn’t decide between sweet and savory so finally Chooch had enough and tossed a coffee creamer onto the menu. It landed on the Dubai chocolate crepe so Chooch was like, “Congratulations, now let’s move on with our lives.”

I’m telling you, Chooch is the adult amongst us.

FALALALALALA-FUCK these crepes were things of beauty! Corey let us try his and I had ordering remorse BUT my crepe was also delicious and so was Chooch’s (Chooch and I split ours with each other because we couldn’t choose – we made the right decision).

Chooch had to cut mine for me LOLOLOL.

His was the spanakopita and mine was….I forget but it was basically a caprese and oh, did it sweetly butter my muffin.

(Tivoli! Mine was called the Tivoli!)

Other things to note from Cafe Moulin:

• Corey and I go to the same therapy place so we talked extensively about our mutual family issues which inspired me to ask Chooch if he was happy, was his childhood ok, does he think he will need therapy someday?? He said yes, yes, and no!
• There was a young single diner sitting at a table for two, reading TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE while slowly peckig away at a crepe and sipping coffee. No shade on her at all, in fact, I was admiring her because I’m not the type of person who is OK with solo dining, but it did make me chuckle because the book choice kind of sent it over the top for me and I started wondering if she has one of the decks of cards that give you a solo adventure to go on and the one she pulled that morning was “eat crepes alone in a Parisian cafe while reading a famous memoir.”
• Chooch super dramatically spilled his glass of water. Like, he spilled it and then somehow spilled it again when he tried to set the glass upright and water was everywhere, but mostly pooled in the crotch of his pants. Luckily, he was wearing black track pants that day, but it was still enough of a spill that one of the servers had to come over to assist with a thick boi stack of napkins.

Overall, solid 10/10. I don’t have crepes very often but these really seemed like god tier crepes, at least for Pgh anyway.

After this, we went  to Kawaii Gifts and I bought the BSS album!! Corey and Chooch were like, “Mmm. That’s cool.” Things have really changed because when I used to go here, they never had anything kpop-related! And now they have a fairly decent collection, I must say.

Then we went to Amazing Books and as soon as we walked in, Chooch stopped in his tracks.

“Is this….oh wow, it is!” he said, in a “HARK!” stance and looking up at the ceiling. Turns out they were playing the new MEN I TRUST. What the actual fuck, you guys. I will always relate this band to THE MAYBE-DEAD BODY.

Chooch said this was the song that was on in Corey’s car when we were waiting to pull out of the Mattress Factory parking lot and then…well, you know the rest. UNLESS YOU DON’T READ EVERY BLOG POST I WRITE AND IN THAT CASE…well, I probably wouldn’t either I were you.

Chooch went over to the counter and had a lengthy conversation with the two guys working there about the new album while I was pretending to peruse books and not constantly thinking of the lady and the blood and the way her body was slumped over the curb of a random street in the Northside, and Corey was looking at a rack of greeting cards made by local artists which, btw, is also what he was looking at in the Mattress Factory’s gift shop, SHOULD I SEND HIM THE LINK TO MY ETSY CARD SHOP AND REMIND HIM THAT I TOO MAKE GREETING CARDS.

One last stop before we left was the little independent toy store and the lady working there reminded us of Janna’s mom a little so then Corey and I started up again with our favorite memory of Janna being beaten by her mom behind a curtained window and that was fun but also my stomach was starting to hurt from the crepes and the general excitement of the day so now I will associate that toy store with pain. Chooch meanwhile touched every single item in that place and then ended up not wanting anything, not even the dumb things that Janna’s mom was demo’ing for him (“THIS BALL CAN BOUNCE UPWARD OF 10 STORIES!”) which is CRAZY because I was offering to buy him pretty much everything since I was so happy to have him home.

And then we came home, where I would go on to spend the next two weeks hyper-obsessing over THE LADY and driving Henry and Chooch crazy over it.

(The next day when we were at lunch, I asked Chooch if he told any of his friends and he said, “No, because maybe did it occur to you that I’m traumatized and don’t want to talk about it?” he said drily.

“OMG REALLY??” I cried, ready to consult my mental Mothering manual.

“No!” he said, going back to looking at his phone while eating his omelet. Wow.)

Corey, Chooch and I had such a wonderful time at the Mattress Factory while Chooch was home for spring break, but after spending around 2 hours there trying to understand what we were looking at, it was time to go to lunch!

This is something that seemed inconsequential at the time, but as we exited the building and made our way up the steps the parking lot, some people came running down the handicap ramp, screaming. It caught me off guard, but it did appear that were laughing and in good spirits, presumably having just made their way back from the annex building around the corner.

Right after, we got in Corey’s car. I was sitting in the backseat. Corey asked Chooch to recommend something to put on (thank god because it had been early 2000s Top 40 up until then, like Ja Rule-type shit lol). Chooch has really been into sad girl music lately and immediately suggested that Corey play Men I Trust.

As a somber song queued up, Chooch goes, “Not really the vibe, but…” because we were all so giddy. Well, Corey and I were. Chooch is the adult amongst the children. Meanwhile, Corey was unable to pull out of the parking lot because a box truck was blocking the one-way lane.

There were three men standing on the sidewalk to the left of the truck, trying to wave him along. The one who stands out the most vividly in my mind was a young mail man and I think because from a distance and with my bad eyes, he looked like Chooch’s friend Isai. Chooch said he remembers one of the guys was wearing a CCAC shirt, I dunno.

We didn’t think anything of this and, while we were hungry, we also didn’t have reservations or anything like that so we were pleasantly calm about having to wait to see what this truck driver was going to do. After several minutes (honestly, it was less than 4 minutes because the same Men I Trust song was still playing), the truck slowly began to roll forward so Corey swung his car out onto the road and we continued along at the same slow pace.

Slow enough for Chooch to look out of his passenger window and say, “Oh! I think that lady was hit.”

And then I made the fatal error of also looking and oh boy, if I could go back in time. Have you ever glanced at something quickly and felt a jolt, like you just took an ice plunge?  That happened to me here. Nothing about this made me think she was hit by a car. What I saw was an older woman with white/gray hair, crumpled over onto her side along the sidewalk, shoulders and up were hanging off the curb and laying on the road in between an empty space between two parked cars. She had a lot of blood on the side/top of her face.  It didn’t look possible that she could have been hit by a car on that street, definitely not the box truck. To me, there was something about the scene that screamed V I O L E N C E.

What was worse was that I looked directly into her eyes, which looked vacant and icy.

“I THINK SHE IS DEAD??!??!” I cried.

“WHAT???” Corey screamed hysterically. “SHOULD WE TURN AROUND????”

But we had just arrived at a stop sign in time to see a fleet of cops, sirens on, rushing toward us, so there was clearly no need for us to go back, call it in, etc.

This is the illustration I made while I was explaining the sitch to Megan at work. Look, I was rushed. It was almost 5:30 and neither of us need to be staying logged on a minute more than required.

But here is an updated version to illustrate that the placement of the body was likely blocked by the box truck, therefore the men directing the truck to move seemed calm because they likely didn’t know w maybe-dead body was splayed out across the street, and that would also explain why the people who were coming into the Mattress Factory from the Annex seemed in good spirits – if that truck hadn’t been idling there, they probably would have seen the lady and would actually have been screaming as they ran past us as I originally  thought. (Corey and Chooch quickly shot down my second-questioning if we misinterpreted the mood of their screams.)

We did have to circle back around, but on a parallel street, since everything is one-way there. As we passed the intersection from the upper street, I looked down and saw that the cops had blocked the entire area off by then and a sizeable group of onlookers had gathered. I had texted immediately to tell him to find out what was happening, if this lady was attacked, mugged, murdered and dumped, etc. We were all totally fixated and unable to let go.

We drove in silence for a few seconds, and, realizing that Men I Trust was still warbling on in the background, I said, “Well, now it’s the vibe for this music.” And we all laughed drily.

Then Chooch said that one of his friends from Drexel had been to Pgh once and went to Randyland which is on the same street and joked to Chooch to “be careful, that’s a bad area.” And then, surprise, maybe-dead body outside of the Mattress Factory. :/

Meanwhile, Henry was at home checking the police scanner. He was able to find out that the woman had been transported to AGH, a hospital that is luckily EXTREMELY close, as in right down the street, from where the woman was found so that was one silver lining. He said that probably if she was taken to the hospital, she was still alive when they found her.

“Could she have just fallen?” Corey asked, seconding what Henry was also suggesting via text. But you guys, you didn’t see her. This didn’t look like someone who had just stumbled on the sidewalk and hit her head. Especially because of where the blood was, facing up. Unless she fell and rolled over but still, the blood. There was so much.

“Head wounds bleed a lot,” Henry said later that day when I was back home and spiraling out, but I cut him off because JESUS CHRIST IS THERE ANY SUBJECT SAFE FROM HIS MANSPLAINING?!

When I say that this completely took over my life for over a week, yikes.  I haven’t even been able to bring myself to finally write about it until now. I spent ALL WEEKEND googling, looking on Pgh Reddit sub-threads, battling the shitty local news websites, seeing that lady’s glassy eyes every time I blinked. I had a very hard falling asleep that weekend.

The next day, I wanted to get coffee at Yinz Coffee on the way home from lunch and record shopping with Henry and Chooch. The Yinz Coffee location that was closest to us is actually right around the corner from the SCENE. First, I tried to get Henry to go into the hospital and inquire about her status, just said he was a concerned citizen and just wanted to know if she was alive. He very vehemently opposed this idea and said that he didn’t want to be put on a suspect list which made me say, “SO YOU AGREE THAT THIS WAS A VIOLENT CRIME AND NOT AN ACCIDENT!”

Then I made him drive past the SCENE once coffee was procured, because maybe there were clues there, a killer lurking behind a lamppost, memorial flowers left at the spot, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TO SEE but it was just a regular slab of sidewalk. Nothing unusual.

I had my weekly therapy session on Tuesday and she was like HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND because I had told her the week before that we had plans and we had chatted about the Mattress Factory so watching her face change as I said, “IT WAS GOOD BUT THEN….” Well, it was something to behold.

We ended up spending half the session talking about this, trying to rationalize it, best-case-scenario it, make it less sinister in my mind. “Maybe picture her surrounded by a white light?” she suggested but when I conjured that image up in my mind, all it did was serve to spotlight the BLOOD AND THOSE EYES.

Saturday night, when Henry and I were driving home from Philly, I blurted out entirely apropos of nothing, “But if she just FELL or something innocent, why did so many cops arrive on the scene?”

Henry looked at me blankly. To be fair, I had been quietly dwelling on this in my corner of the car and brought him into mid-stream of conscious so he had no idea what I was talking about, also because he hasn’t been thinking about it constantly like I have.

On Sunday, we went out with Amy & Dick and I was clamoring to talk about this with someone. That’s just my nature – something happens and I have to rehash it over and over with every new audience put in front of me. So, I’m telling them this story and Henry interrupts.

“Actually, I do know what happened,” he said calmly, in the same manner used for advising your table mates that you know what you want to order for lunch.

I turned on him instantly. “WTF??? Since when?” I cried.

“Since last night. I went back and listened to the calls that came in over the police scanner before the one I originally heard,” he said.

“YOU KNEW SINCE LAST NIGHT?” I screamed. “IT IS NOW—” (checks time on FitBit) “—2:30pm on Sunday! YOU WERE WITH ME ALL DAY AND DIDN’T THINK TO SAY ANYTHING?”

“I forgot,” he calmly shrugged.

Anyway, as I expected, it was not something innocent like she tripped and fell. Oh but she did fall, alright – WHEN SHE FUCKING JUMPED OUT A SECOND STORY WINDOW OR THE ROOF, THEY ARE NOT SURE.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck – this had to have JUST HAPPENED before we walked out of the Mattress Factory. If I had fucking seen that.

If I had watched a person fall out of a building onto a sidewalk.

IF I HEARD IT.

I would have to double-down on therapy.

No. Nope.

And apparently according to the scanner, when it was originally called in, it was picked up by the paramedics so Henry didn’t hear that call, just the one that was made to the cops because they got involved once someone said she had jumped, and I guess they originally thought she was DOA until the cops got there and realized she was still alive.  WHY  DID SHE JUMP? Was she in imminent danger? Is there a perp out there somewhere that got away?? I want to say that I hope she is alive but if she did this to herself intentionally I can’t imagine the pain she was already in, so I am on a loop of hypotheticals over here, freaking myself out.

And then I am still hyper-fixated on the box truck and the three men. Are they even relevant to the story? Was the box truck driver the one who saw it and called it in? Were the three men involved other than just trying to get the box truck to stop holding up traffic on this otherwise innocuous residential street? WERE THEY THE WITNESSES?

UGH. I’ll probably never get the answers and need to let it go.