Jan 212017
 

Remember that time I promised Henry that if he went to see Circa Survive with me at Stage AE, we could go upstairs and sit through it because I know he’s old and feeble, and I’ve seen Circa Survive approximately 87 times since 2005? But then we got inside Stage AE and I realized that I left my ID in the car and there’s no reentry and the upstairs is 21+? And they don’t give a fuck if I have gray hair if I don’t also have a drivers license they can shine their dumb flashlight on? And then I suggested that I could just show them the green wristband from the show I went to a week earlier that said 21 AND OLDER all over it and Henry was like DON’T BE DUMB THAT WON’T WORK so then he had to stand and complain the whole time?

And also when we accidentally got there an hour before doors opened because I thought they opened at 6 since I’m used to earlier shows and then we had to stand outside for an hour in the rain but luckily we were one of the few people who got to stand under an overhang because we were literally the fifth people in line like Super Fans?

Yeah, that was last Tuesday night and Henry is still mad about it, haha.

When we were standing in line, I saw one of the guys from Primer and Grayscale! Henry was like, “Go say hi” in a tone that implied he realized it was a dumb suggestion because I don’t talk to musicians. I’m Erin R. Kelly, remember? My voice box tumbles out of my kooka before I can even say hello to someone in a band.

And then I made him buy me a Blue Moon, which he did, grudgingly, and then goaded me the whole time I was drinking it because there’s an old man in a red shirt whose only job is to walk around and spontaneously card people who are drinking and I was like, “HAHA yeah right” but then I saw him do it with my own two eyes and I started to get super nervous about it because I literally watched him nab an underage couple and escort them off into a secret room AND THEY LOOKED OLD ENOUGH TO BE DRINKING so what if he didn’t care that I’m literally a 37 year old mom?!

I kept making Henry hold my beer so then he was mad about that too.

Then we saw our photographer friend that we met at the Hotel Books show except that he’s not actually our friend, just someone I had a 10 minute awkward conversation while waiting for Diesel to open their doors and then I’ve seen him at probably 4 shows since then and we act like that never happened.

I AM GREAT AT MAKING CONNECTIONS.

I gotta be honest, I was really excited to see Circa Survive because this was their On Letting Go 10th anniversary tour, but I would have been just as happy being home, watching Bigbang videos which is how I know this obsession is real. Please send help. I actually started crying about it in the kitchen this morning. My life is confusing. Emotions are weird.

Anyway! I was also stoked to be seeing Turnover again!! And of course they were wonderful. I love my Run For Cover bands.

I've been dying to get you dizzy.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

You guys, they played Danny Elfman’s Pee Wee’s Big Adventure theme in between sets and it was bliss. The last show I saw at Stage AE was Thrice and the house music was SHIT. Have I told you lately how much I dislike Stage AE? I always feel so cold and unwelcome there.

ūüėā #henrysbigadventure

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

 

After Turnover was MewithoutYou and to be honest, I haven’t paid attention to their career in probably 10 years, but I still thought that perhaps Henry would enjoy them.

In a shocking turn of events, he did not.

Sometime during their set, two annoying broads beamed down behind me and you know how once you zero in on a sound, it’s ALL YOU CAN HEAR? Like someone crunching on a bag of chips nearby? Well, this happened to me and one of their voices. She had that god awful vocal fry, you guys. WHAT IS WITH THAT. And a nasally vocal fry at that.

“Like, On Letting Go like totally changed my life,” she fried away in a monotone to her friend, and my shoulders immediately crunched up to my ears. And then I could barely hear MewithoutYou over top of her frying pan of sizzling ear-sounds. And when she said, “Can we squeeze in here?” to the lady next to me along the railing, I looked at Henry and said, “Please, you have to switch places with me when Circa Survive comes on because she’s going to ruin the whole show for me. PLEASE.”

And when Henry wouldn’t do it, I physically moved him myself so that he was now my vocal fry barrier.

According to Henry, she didn’t talk through the whole show, but her friend who was actually the one standing next to him, had really long hair extensions that kept hitting his face and arm and making him itchy, so that’s another thing that he’s been angry about all week, lol.

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Oh man, but then Circa Survive came out and as soon as that angel-faced Anthony Green started singing, the tears fell from my eyes like water balloons. I didn’t bother wiping them away because I knew there would be more, and there were: four entire songs worth of them. But then I was OK!

I love this album too, but unlike Vocal Stir Fry, it didn’t change my life.

That was their first album, Juturna. They did a 10-year anniversary tour for that too, but it didn’t come to Pittsburgh and we couldn’t feasibly travel to any of the other dates, so I’m still kind of bitter about that. That album is everything to me.

Still, it was a beautiful night and as usual, I felt blessed to be in the same room as Anthony Green. He’s a living legend to me. Such a powerful, veteran voice in my scene. I can’t believe I’ve been going to his shows for 12 years now!  This was the biggest one yet (aside from Riot Fest). Usually Circa plays at Mr. Smalls, which is much smaller than Stage AE.

I cried through the first four songs real hardcore-like.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on


When oppa disappeared briefly, I assumed he had just slipped off into the bathroom to cry about his shitty life, but when he came back he had a tour poster in his hand. Oppa really does love me after all! (Or else he just really secretly loves Circa Survive and wanted the poster for himself—both of these options are a stretch.)

It was a good night though. Henry rarely goes to shows with me anymore, and it was nice to not be at one alone for once. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE A DATE. Except that I was mad he didn’t wear a beanie. I like when Henry-oppa wears beanies. 

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Jan 192017
 

Let’s just get right into it, the ten albums that defined my teen years in no particular order.

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This album! I was obsessed, so obsessed. Literally none of my friends could understand why¬†I loved it so much, but let me just say that I’ve own three copies of it in my lifetime because I kept playing it out so hard. “Can’t Get Enough” and “I’ll Be There” were my favorite jams on it. If I hear either of them right now, I’ll start to cry. I know — there’s a thing that rarely happens!

(Really fun side note for no one but me, Bigbang’s “Caf√©” reminds me SO MUCH of El DeBarge that I started feeling like I was legit 15 again the other day when listening to it and Henry was like “Well you act 15 so you might as feel 15 too.” He didn’t say that, really. But HE WAS PROBABLY THINKING IT. Anyway, El DeBarge has been on my mind this week so that’s why I decided to do this dumb list thing that everyone else was doing.)

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Like…le duh. Creepin’ on ah Come-Up was also my jam, but this album start to finish was something that I really connected with. Which is weird I guess, because I was a suburban white girl, but you have no idea how much soul I had back then, you guys. When my friend Christy got her drivers license, I begged her to drive me to Cleveland so I could try to see them; she refused, but SPOILER ALERT: I got Henry to take me in 2003 and it’s surprising we’re still together after that fuckarow. I did get to see them in concert in 1995 though, at the Palace in Monroeville with my then-boyfriend Russ who embarrassed me by wearing a NIN shirt. Also, there was a shooting in the parking lot afterward. Also, my aunt Sharon drove us (and also my friends Erika and Jameelah). So fucking cool, yo, rolling up in your middle-aged aunt’s car. But yeah, Bone was a huge chunk of my teenage years, for sure.

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This came out during the tail-end of my teen years, but it sent me down a path of alt-obsession. I had it so bad for OLP for years and years, until Mike left the band and then they shifted from being that weird, quirky alternative band to safe, radio-friendly generic band. But holy shit, the amount of times I scream-sang along to “Superman’s Dead” in my 1995 Eagle Talon, you guys. Those were the motherfucking days.

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Probably not a surprise to anyone who knows me, because I have never one to hide my affinity for soft rock. Phil Collins not only was a huge part of my teen years, but also my early childhood…and present. Hearing any of his music from the 80s conjures up the happiest memories of my Pappap. I finally got to see him live when I was in high school, at the old Civic Arena, and it was mind-blowing.


Even though my relationship with Psycho Mike was tumultuous at best (did the “Psycho” in his name ruin that surprise?), he definitely broadened my musical horizons. When we first started dating junior year, I primarily listened to rap (gangsta) and r&b. He had me listening to Neutral Milk Hotel, Radiohead, and Hayden in no time. But the one that really affected me was Billy Bragg. I will always owe Mike that much.

(I also listened to a shit of soft rock then too, and he was the first person my age I ever met who would actually sing those songs along with me. We loved us some soft rock. Whaddup, England Dan & John Ford Coley?)

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I “bought” this through Columbia House or BMG without knocking much about her, other than I had 12 free CDs to choose and needed one more. THIS ALBUM IS EVERYTHING. I had all this insane mood lighting in my childhood bedroom (obviously where my love of lights and marquees come from) and I would throw this CD on my 6-disc changer and just cry and cry.

MY LIFE IS SO DIFFERENT NOW. I just use Spotify or an actual record player.

Or YouTube. Whatever gets ‘er done.

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“Come Undone.” That fucking song. I remember it so vividly because my bed placement. It was against a different wall when this album came out, and so anytime I hear any song from it, I’m looking at my old childhood bedroom from that specific perspective of sitting on my bed, and it’s so weird because my bed wasn’t against that wall for very long.

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This is still a go-to for me! I listened to this so much in middle school and that Mummy Calls track is still THE MOTHERFUCKING JAM. If I ever find someone dumb enough to marry me, we’re dancing to that shit. Henry bought me the vinyl last year and I cried.
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I don’t know guys – I had a thing for movie soundtracks. But this one opened the door to Elliott Smith for me and it will always remind me of when I moved into my first and most beloved apartment, before things went bad. This was another album for the tail-end of my teenage years, but it has definitely stuck with me. And those Danny Elfman tracks, though.
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And the biggest “duh” of them all.
BONUS!
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This Sade album goes hand-in-hand with the aforementioned Duran Duran, because of the placement of my bed. Don’t ask. Furniture location is apparently a thing for me.
Also, I’m sure I will wake up at 3AM and think OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT “________________”
(Speaking of 3AM….I was SO TOTALLY INTO Matchbox 20s first album, LOL I don’t care. Hate me.)

 

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Jan 182017
 

Just joshing! This January has been pretty legit, and this past weekend was no pocketful of Zzzzz’s.

I like to recap even the seemingly uneventful weekends because someday maybe I’ll be in a pit of despair and could use some nice memories to scroll through. Or maybe I’m just bored on the trolley and feeling nostalgic for some random January recaps. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

Here are the highlights.

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Henry made me kimbap for lunch on Saturday! I love that he acts all disgruntled whenever I go through lifestyle changes, yet he does nothing to discourage me from riding my latest obsession like a unicorn.

A Korean unicorn.

Anyway, Henry didn’t have all of the things he needed to put inside the kimbap so the things:rice ratio was pretty poor, but it still tasted like Awesome Life Choices.

Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy to be alive! Earlier tonight, I started giggling uncontrollably and Henry, totally alarmed, called out from the kitchen to see what was wrong.

But I was literally just watching Bingbang videos, you guys.

(Henry probably thought I was photoshopping weeners onto his face again.)

Family photo minus Chooch and Penelope, who we just call Penis now I guess.

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Later on Saturday, I had a mini-reunion at Someone Else’s Bar with Lisa and Lawson….and it was also amazing! Granted, I had to cheat on my Korean diet in order to enjoy their company, but it was worth it. It’s hard to believe how much time has passed since we used to hang out nearly every weekend together. I suggested having a viewing party of all of the old home movies I used to make back in high school, but that suggestion was met with a resounding NO from Lawson, which only made me crack up even harder.

When I think of this get-together in the future, it will be all giggles, candy on the table, and ELEVEN DIFFERENT HANDSOAPS TO CHOOSE FROM IN THE WOMENS ROOM, WHAT.

And now I just realized that I forgot to beg Lawson to do his Chewbacca impression, which I used to do a lot in high school and he would always be like, “Ugh why” but then he would do it! Every time!

Lisa and Lawson went to the same elementary school, but I went to a different one, so while they were talking about elementary school things, I was like HELLO REMEMBER ME and maybe the next time we hang out, I’ll be able to say that in Korean. Anyway, they were talking about some dumb teacher they had and Lawson was all, “Did you know he was also the mayor of Finleyville at the same time he was our teacher?” and for some reason, this stuck in my mind as something of value to mention to Henry when I was recapping the reunion (?).

“Mr. K?” Henry asked, and I was all, “OMG DID YOU GO TO THAT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TOO?!” because Henry also grew up in the same town as Lisa and Lawson (I lived one town over, so I went to a different elementary school but then we all merged for middle school).

“No,” he said. “But my mom dated his brother.”

Oh my god, of course there would be a Judy connection!

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Later that night, we walked to Eat n Park for dessert and Chooch squirmed the whole time because his first love Courtney was working. (She was a mentor in his class when he was in 1st grade and she was in like 7th or 8th and they like the same bands; we see her at Warped Tour every year and she was at one of the Emarosa shows we went to, which made Chooch die.) I took this picture of us right around the time he realized she was working, and then later she came over to say hi to him and then liked my picture on Instagram, lol all the way to Busan. On a train.

I would also like to point out that Chooch’s face looks like this often because he thinks everything I do is so ridiculous, and my latest craze is making him angry, I think. For Henry though, anything is better than my former, years-long Jonny Craig obsession.

G-Dragon is way better than Jonny Craig, anyway!!

(G-Dragon is my bias. It used to be Daesung, but then G-Dragon crept right in and stole my stupid American heart. Ugh, why do I have to be a dumb American.)

(Everyone at work was really excited for this update, btw. Hearing Glenn mumble to Todd, “Did you hear the news? Erin has a new bias” was pretty much the funniest thing that has happened all week, which makes it sound like I live a boring life.)

(I haven’t been this swoony over something since I was at the height of my Cure mania, you guys. This is real. Send help. Send it to Korea, which is where I’ll probably be living soon.)

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Leisurely Sunday hangs.

Bro, they know.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

Sunday was all well and good until we dropped Chooch off at piano lessons and I realized that Henry had basically shut down and I got super angry, like why are you being an asshole, Henry?! So I went for a walk around Lawrenceville by myself, which is what I do when I’m pouting — I storm off and pretend like I just want to be alone, when really I’m expecting Henry to chase after me because hello, I’m a girl. I kept looking over my shoulder and didn’t see him, so then I started texting him all kinds of break-up threats, until I realized that he was trailing me, but ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET. So I hurried up and crossed over and started walking back, but he saw me seeing him so he DUCKED SOMEWHERE and then I couldn’t find him and I got mad all over again and somehow ended up in an alley and then I saw him and it was all 1970s sitcom laughter and then we continued walking together, and that’s when he told me that he was prematurely in a bad mood because I had planned on taking pictures of Chooch after his lessons and Henry knows better than anyone how stressful those photoshoots are and how they bring out the worst, vein-pulsing monster in me. So he was being mad and brooding ahead of time. What a fucking weirdo.

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LOL, then it was time to take pictures of Chooch and guess who turned into the worst, vein-pulsing monster? THIS DUMB BITCH. Um, sorry guys. I’m sorry for all the times I screamed at you both for ruining my life and being worthless dicks. But um, we got some great photos, didn’t we?!

Ugh, whatever. Henry is my real life bias.

The rest of the day was wonderful and I don’t think we fought again. Because I got what I wanted, and that’s all that matters!

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Jan 162017
 

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After an entirely too long concert hiatus—seriously, the last one was in December!–I went to see Pianos Become the Teeth at the Smiling Moose after work last Thursday, and it was a particularly shitty day at work too so I love when it works out like that. Makes it feel even more therapeutic, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Yeah, you do.

Since this show was at the Smiling Moose, I didn’t even bother asking Henry (or anyone else) to go with me. I love the Smiling Moose and have no problems blending into the wall there. However, the dumb doors didn’t open until 6:30, which meant I had to hang out downstairs at the bar, being sad and lonely with my hastily-ordered beer (Pumpking because I needed to quell my nerves fast). Look, I’m sure no one even gave a shit about The Girl Sitting Alone at the Bar, but I fucking hate it. I’m a social drinker and like bullshitting with people over drinks, but everyone around me was either engrossed in their own private conversations with their actual friends, or sitting next to their actual friends and scrolling through Facebook because this is where we are as A People.

Such social creatures.

I vacillate between SOMEONE TALK TO ME and NO DONT SEE ME, because I just never know what I want. To be left alone or to be harassed? That is the question. 

Anyway, while being acutely aware that some of the guys from Pianos were sitting right next to me (and looking at their phones), I ordered a second beer (a Hoegaarten, which Henry gets a lot and it tastes like floor cleaner to me so I don’t know why I ordered it so let’s just call it panic) and chugged it just as the clock hit 6:30.

SEE YA, AWKWARD BAR!!

I felt much more at home upstairs with the other loners who were standing around looking lost and praying for the first band to hurry up and get on stage. It was at this point where I realized that I honestly haven’t listened to much American music in over a month. K-pop has legitimately taken over my life. It’s like when the elective becomes the major. And I’m not even sorry. THERE’S ROOM FOR ALL GENRES IN MY LIFE.

But yeah, it was all BigBang in my head in between bands playing.

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My people. This crowd was really great. I liked them a lot. I mean, from a distance. Because, don’t touch me.

The first band that played was a local band, total emo revival, the type of band with vocals that almost seem secondary to the music at times, like another layer of instrumentation in and of itself. They were raw and, well, you know, emotional. I loved them from opening to closing note, but I couldn’t understand for the life of me what their name was each time the singer said it.

I even, gasp, SPOKE to the two girls behind me to see if they knew and even they were like “Shrug.”

Turns out, they were Curse Words and I’ve seen them before….

Oops.

But in my defense, I go to a lot of shows….so.

Second band was Primer & Grayscale from Beaver Falls and I was again pleasantly surprised at how lovely they sounded. There’s no good way to say this without sounding like a hater so please know that I don’t mean this in a terrible way, but you know how sometimes the local opener sounds just like…The Local Opener? Maybe a little bit amateurish and rough? A little garage-y? These two openers did not have that at all and I couldn’t have been more pleased at the line-up. Plus, only two openers?! Thank you, Drusky Entertainment. This old bitch wanted to be home by 10.

Primer & Grayscale – obsessed.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

Nothing significant happened in between bands. When I saw some of the guys from Piano get on stage to soundcheck, I squeezed my way up a little bit further and then sent Henry a flurry of texts reminding him of my existence and filling him in on the all the things he was purposely missing.

I’m pretty sure he probably slept the whole time I was at the show. Henry’s dream life, realized.

Anyway, it wasn’t even 9pm yet and Pianos was about to start playing. I was scanning the room wildly, looking for their singer Kyle, but then I became aware of the guy gripping the mic stand, not moving, totally taking Kyle’s spot….until I realized that holy shit, that was Kyle! Gone were his long locks that curtained his face the other 3 times I’ve seen them live. He looked like…just some tall, thin guy. I guess I never really paid attention to his face before!

But who cares. Long hair or not, his voice was still trembling with the feels and I felt my heart begin to inflate from that sad, flattened state the last month had left in it. And I was once again glad that I came out to this show even though I didn’t have anyone to go with me, because really, it’s so much better this way. I don’t have to worry about if whoever is with me is going to enjoy the band, or if they want to leave early, or if they want to start talking over top of the band, or if they judge me for weeping like Henry when he forgets his gochugaru* coupons at home.

*(We’re a Korean-only kitchen now, you wouldn’t understand.)

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I was sitting next to him at the bar and decided that we definitely imprinted. I giddily told Henry when he picked me up and he said he’ll be my flower girl for sure.

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SHORT HAIR DON’T CARE. I mean, maybe he cares. It didn’t come up during in between song banter, though.

It blows my mind that a band with this caliber of talent and musicianship is only playing Smiling Moose. They deserve more attention, more love, more recognition. So do me a favor and watch this video (I’m pretty sure I’ve posted it on here at least 3 other times in the last 3 years because it’s my favorite), soak up the words, float on the beautiful music. And then if you still think I listen to shitty music, then by all means, continue to make fun of me for it. I don’t care anymore! Kpop has buffeted my sensitive feelings with a cotton candy cocoon, you guys. Ridicule just gets caught in my candy-coated web like a surly, mean-spirited old fly sent by those dickheads at Pitchfork and then I eat it with my new Korean-speaking mouth.

(Ugh, I only know like 5 words so far, but that’s three more since the last time I checked in with you!)

I also really like Ripple Water Shine but that video is about a dog dying and aren’t we all depressed enough?

ūüéĻūüéĻLike a sister who's finally had it.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

I love nights like this. Even when I don’t have mean ol’ Henry next to me, grimacing at the sounds he doesn’t understand.

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Jan 152017
 

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We fought a lot today, but everyone’s friends again. Don’t worry.

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I have my own similar “brooding through a chain link fence” emo band shot of myself. Not ashamed. 

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Brought to you by hateful yelling, BIGBANG style inspo, early-00’s Contempo outerwear. 

The end.

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Jan 142017
 

Granpatales

I’ve been waiting patiently(ish) for the go-ahead to put this on my blog (yes, sometimes I seek permission, can you imagine!?) but Henry is going to become a grandfather this year!

If anyone actually read my Holiday Hangs blog post last month, I quickly slipped it in there that Henry’s oldest son Robbie and his girlfriend Nikki are expecting twins this March!

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^^^TWINS! My family has zero twins in it so this is super exciting for me even though I’m not actually going to be a real grandma or even step-grandma because Robbie’s dumb dad still hasn’t married me, so just consider me an imaginary grandma. A faux-ma. A dress-up grandma. A cosplay grandma.

An Erinma.

Robbie told me the news when I was at work one day and sorry co-workers, but I basically signed off for the rest of the day because I was too busy looking for baby-sized Chiodos and Dance Gavin Dance shirts. 

But guys, just like the best of the best infomercials….BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!

Back in October, at Demon House to be exact, Blake and Haley told us that THEY TOO ARE EXPECTING!

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They just gave me the OK last night to put this out here on blog because you know how I am with this idiotic blog. I really wanted to write about it though because so many of my friends have watched Blake and Robbie grow up and it’s something that I’m extremely excited about — CHRISTMASES ARE GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!!! AND OMG, KENNYWOOD! I’M GOING TO BUY THEM CURE ALBUMS!

Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering, girls are clearly not invited to this family because all three babies are BOYS!

I’ve known Robbie and Blake since they were 10 & 8, respectively, and it’s been so awesome to see the great adults they’ve grown into (OMG I still can’t believe they’re adults….I can’t believe I’M an adult!). I know they’re going to make fantastic dads, and Nikki and Haley are going to rock as moms.  I can’t wait to babysit! And by that, I mean that Henry will do all the hard work / clean-up while I teach them about kpop and Italian horror. I’ll even let them sit on my good wheelchair!

This is just the best. Everything is awesome!

(Henry needs a better name than Grandpa Henry though…open to suggestions!)

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Jan 132017
 

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Once on some Friday the 13th long ago, I wore this Jason Voorhees hair fascinator thing to work and got faux-offended when Amber1 said that it was cute. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CREEPY! (It is super cute though — but still!) Anyway, it became tradition to wear it on every Friday the 13th after that, and anytime I would forget, Amber would be let down. Finally, I bought another Jason Voorhees hair clip (this one is a bloody bow) to keep in my desk for those instances when I forgot the good Jason hair clip.

Which happens a lot!

But today I remembered to wear the good one, much to Amber’s delight. This  meant I had a SPARE Jason accessory in my desk, and I somehow conned Todd into wearing it clipped to the drawstring of his hoodie.

Hours later, Amber walked by him and said, “Aw Toddles, you have a Jason bow too!” Todd was like, “The fuck are you talking about?” and then remembered it was clipped to his shirt, just high enough up that it appeared he was wearing a girlish bow tie with Jason Voorhees emblazoned in the middle.

“Aw man, I forgot that was there! No wonder everyone was looking at me weird when I went out to get soup.”

YESSSSS.

That was pretty much the highlight of the work day.

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Came home to a beautiful doenjang jjigae. Henry is secretly enjoying this, I think. He bought a bamboo mat so that he can make me kimbap!

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We were all laying about like Friday night sloths when Haley messaged me to see what we were up to and I was like NOTHING COME OVER and they did! So then it was Kards & Kpop night. We played Exploding Kittens and Chooch legit cried because he was the first one out and this was apparently my fault so I’ll probably wake up to cat poop on my pillow, or worse — one of those asshole YouTubers he loves, screaming into my ear.

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Honestly though, when Chooch lost it was so funny that I nearly peed my pants from laughing. I’ll pay for this sooner or later. If there’s anyone more competitive than me, it’s Chooch.

LOL JUST KIDDING IT’S NO ONE. I WIN AT BEING COMPETITIVE.

Anyway, Blake is now all aboard the Kpop train. Sorry, Haley!

 

 

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Jan 122017
 

These are in no particular order. Just one giant RIP dump. I’m in a really bad mood today so there likely won’t be much commentary.

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I used to kind of watch M.A.S.H. as a kid as somehow completely missed the fact that this dude’s character was a priest.

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I am just not eloquent enough to put into words everything that Leonard Cohen encompasses and represents as an artist. And now I’m sitting here crying at my desk. Thanks, guys.

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Really??

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REALLY!?!?!!?

I’m sorry, but words escape me with these two as well. ¬†And for all the dickheads who are all, “Oh boo hoo, a celebrity has died. Get over it” NO YOU GET OVER IT. 2016 chipped¬†away at peoples’ childhoods left and right, man. Let us grieve.

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Ugh. I wrote a whole thing here in case you missed it, or purposely skipped it, whatever. You don’t get paid to read this shit!

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As sad as it was to hear of the passing of John Glenn, I was excited to get to actually the “glenn” text that prints out on all of my Glenn sheets. LOL all through space.

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Subtle Tracy Gold vomit.

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Eh.

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Sandy said she appreciated the inclusion of the Wesson bottle.

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I only know the iced tea/lemonade thing.

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UM LE DUH.

A few weeks ago, when I was growing through a mad dash to get all my RIP Glenns done, Alive Glenn mumbled, “Did you make a Glenn for America yet?” And I was like, “Um, yeah Glenn. On November 9th. Pfft.”

OK, today has been awful. But I’m going to see Pianos Become the Teeth after work and I’m really thankful for that! And also for Lauren who took my dumb Thursday late shift so that I could go.

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, as they say.

P.S. If you’re all, “But no George Michael, though?” I would like to take this moment to direct your eyeballs here.

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Jan 102017
 

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Something I’m currently obsessed with:

Well um, I’m currently obsessed with… MKTO I was listening to like everyone of their songs and its super good go check them out!

Something I did in school recently: 

Well… As embarrassing as it is… I have to embrace the cringe and say that we HAVE to do ballroom dancing and we have to “dance?” with every girl in the class and so do the girls (except with the boys). But thankfully we had to dance a foot away from each other. *PHEW*

Something that is currently annoying me: 

Easy… Mommy!

Something I like listening to: 

As I said for number 1, MKTO!

Something I want to do this weekend: 

Go to Japan or England

(Mom Edit: Lies. He wants to learn the choreography for his favorite Kpop song “TT.”)

Something I would do in Japan:

 Visit Tokyo duh.. Oh you mean do in Tokyo? Oh well explore the anime, Pokemon, and Cat Caf√©, oh yah and probably for mommy, visit Owl Caf√©! I KNOW CRAZY RIGHT!?

Something I would bring to show & tell if I was still in preschool: 

Well I know how schools don’t allow pets, except for my old school, we were allowed to bring our pets one day, but mommy wouldn’t let me bring Marcy because she would kill every kid, and teacher! So I would bring DREW! Screw school policies!

Something I would do if I were a cat: 

Annoy my owner and eat MeowMix. WHAT?!! IM INTERESTED!!

Something I’d like to say about the song “Something” by Kpop sensations Girl’s Day: 

Who’s that?

<https://youtu.be/Gdma5UiMaEQ

Something I’d eat every day if I could: 

Well… French fries maybe? Oh I know! Cat Food*.

Something I would say to our mannequin Trudy if she came to life: 

I’d say “Go back to your normal self, you hobo!”

Something something something: 

Umm what’s wrong is your head ok? You’re repeating the same word three times.


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*(Should I be concerned?)

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Jan 092017
 

Sometimes I like to make sure I have my weekends accounted for in case I’m brought in as a murder suspect sometime down the road and they’re like WHERE WERE YOU ON SUNDAY JANUARY 8th and I can scream back AT EITHER ONE OF TWO ASIAN MARKETS, AHHHH!!

So even though the weekend wasn’t exactly chockful of raves and slaughter, here’s a run-down of my Sat&Sun minutiae, just like the LiveJournal days of “Hey guys, I woke up and had breakfast. Heh. My cat just walked into the room. Lol. Like, everything is so meh. Do you like my new Squee icon?”

Don’t pretend like you don’t remember those days!

ANYWAY. What did I do on Saturday. I woke up at some point obviously and demanded that Henry make me ramyeon for breakfast because did I tell you I’m on a Kpop diet? I LOST THREE POUNDS LAST WEEK. Sure, I’m eating a fuck-ton of noodles but all the kpopx (and also Figurerobics – a new Korean workout I’ve added to my repertoire in addition to straight up freestyling to Kpop videos because this is real life now) is burning through it and I have so much more energy now! DONT TRY TO NUTRITION ME.

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MMM BREAKFAST RAMYEON.

Um, then I Kpopped a lot. I told Chooch that we’re going to have a kpop party, and somewhere from the hollows of upstairs, Henry called out, “No we’re not.”

(Sometimes he accidentally busts out with Red Velvet and EXID songs.)

And then Robbie and Nikki came over and we went to a late lunch at Zenith (without Chooch, so in case he’s the one who’s in trouble – he was at the game place in Brookline with his friend Dang and I have no idea what he was doing — I’m not taking the fall for him!). It was Robbie and Nikki’s first time at Zenith and I was so excited for Nikki to see the bathrooms. Zenith has so much going for it but that owl bathroom is definitely something you’d write home about.

Anyway, Henry thinks he’s like super cool now because this was like his fourth time at Zenith, and he was totally trying to yuk it up and flex his faux-vegan muscles to impress Robbie, who was just like, “Dad, why are you being weird?” I thing Henry name-dropped “seitan” at least 18 times while we were there.

Like, get a life, gramps.

Nikki and I both got the tofishy sandwich and as usual, I am still daydreaming about it two days later. It’s the best, just the absolute best sandwich I have ever had at a vegetarian restaurant and the vegan tartar sauce is like straight from God’s lovegutter.

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Dumbass Henry planned this perfectly so that we would have to rush out in order to pick up Chooch, leaving me NO TIME to look around and buy things. I was heartbroken, and made sure to call him out for this on Instagram. Zenith commented and called him a jerk! YES! Henry just mumbled, “Thanks, Erin.” Whatever Henry. I liked Zenith first.

Later that evening, we went to Target and I tried to deter Henry from buying a shapeless, lame pair of Wranglers.

“Ok DAD!” I sneered as he sauntered off to the fitting room to try on the bland, stiff denim leg-sacks.

“Well, I am a dad,” Henry replied. “And a soon-to-be grandfather, so…”

TOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER.

Of course we left Target without the thing we went to Target for. Fucking Target.

Came home and did more Kpopx while Henry actually cleaned some of the attic for real this time! Ugh, he has so many old computers, computer parts, and milk crates of CD-ROMs just chillin’ up there, obstructing my dreams of a Neon Paradise. However, I did find the paper mache Henry head we made for our Christmas cards several years back, so voila, Trudy suddenly has a new head:

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I put it on briefly and Drew was super freaked out. SORRY, DREW.

Sunday, we went to one of the Asian markets while Chooch was at piano lessons. I am so lucky to be with someone who supports my lifestyle* changes! Is he happy about it? Eh…he’s more tolerant of it than Chooch though. Chooch snapped yesterday and said, “I wish you never got into kpop again!!!” Lol.

*(I’m trying to learn Korean. So far I only know hello/goodbye and boyfriend, which is the same word for older brother? Anyway, I have been saying hello to everyone at work in Korean now and Glenn said that I just sound like I’m saying onion. TT)

As I’m typing this,  Henry is seriously ENGAGED by one of Jellybeannose’s kpop dance challenges, to the point where he just laughed and cried out, “She just kicked Ricky in the back of the leg!” LOL, he’s learning the names of the K-Con regulars. By the way, I told him he could turn this off, and that was a half hour ago!!

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Anyway, we stocked up on Korean kitchen staples, like gochujang and gochugaru, and various fruits for my weekly fruit salad. I think that Henry is secretly into it because he genuinely loves to cook so now he’s being forced to, you know, cook outside the box, or whatever. Spoiler alert: he made tteokbokki for dinner last night and it was everything. Just everything. I AM NEVER HUNGRY ANYMORE.

But then after Chooch’s piano lesson, we had to go back to the other Asian market in order to get the gochugaru which we couldn’t find at the first one and were both too afraid to ask. This particular market also has a counter where you can order food so me and Chooch got three car wheel cakes (custard, taro and red bean) which were amaze. I also bought a bag of soy bean & pumpkin instant cereal to replace my Cream of Wheat, despite Henry’s wise warnings.

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Tteokbokki, you’re a fucking heartthrob.

Chooch had plain ramyeon and yelled at me for being “weird.”

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Yeah. I’m weird.

Um, and then I started to work on a new painting! I haven’t really been painting much lately, aside from several customs that I did for Christmas. Maybe 2017 will be more inspiring for me!

At some point on Sunday, I went for a walk around on Brookline which was a ninny move because it was approximately 10 degrees outside. When I was walking back to the house, Boots was outside on his porch, in fucking SHORTS, A T-SHIRTS, AND SOCKS. We made eye contact and he’s obviously afraid of me now so he started to turn around, but then I just started cracking up. Like, I couldn’t even help it.

So then he looked at me expectantly and I cried, “How are you standing out here in shorts!?”

He laughed nervously, clearly trying to figure out if this was a trap, and then he put a fist in the air and said, “I’m a true Steelers fan!” Like, OK buddy.

I went inside and said, “I just talked to Boots for the second time!”

“Isn’t that the third time?” Chooch asked. “Or are you not counting the time you looked at him and said ‘Ew’?” LOL I forgot about that. But my point is that my new lifestyle just has me in the best mood. I just want to be nice and say annyeong to everyone! Even the haters like Chooch and Glenn.

Maybe I’ll start to learn more of the language once I get a Korean pen pal.

And I’ll leave you with my current favorite Kpop song. I hope KpopX makes a workout for it soon!

P.S. I had one of the soy bean pumpkin packets today at work and legitimately almost threw up, much to the delight of Glenn and Todd. Later in the afternoon, I had a fleeting taste-memory of it and started dry-heaving a little as I walked down the hall to a meeting, which would have been more enjoyable had there been Kpop playing softly in the background. 

(The meeting, not my dry-heaving.)

(Ok my dry-heaving too.)

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Jan 082017
 

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This weekend has been super chill & cat-filled. Enjoy some pictures of said cats. 

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This was right after Chooch lifted the lid of a cooler filled with melted ice and Drew  dove right in with impeccable timing. That’s what you might call a RUDE AWAKENING but what do I know about diving into coolers of melted ice. 

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Then Chooch left the house and Drew became SUPER CONCERNED. Somehow she knows that Chooch is her Person. He’s the only one who can hold her without her squirming and wriggling and taking strips of your skin with her. 

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Ears. 

Monica replied to this picture on Twitter with a gif of Yoda and I couldn’t agree more! Except that Drew is way less wise. See above coole dive tale. 

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Drew sits on that stool everyday like she owns it or something. 

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Henry was supposed to be cleaning out all his garbage (read: possessions) from the attic. I had some pressing Kpop news to tell him probably so I ran upstairs but then didn’t have to go any further because I found him in Chooch’s room, playing Xbox with Penelope. 

Ugh. 

But he did eventually travel to the attic and ended up making a small dent in it. I hate when things aren’t immediately finished! But I’ll be patient and then someday by Neon Paradise will be complete. 

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Jan 062017
 

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I know you’ve been chomping at the bit for an update on my lunatic neighbors, so here is a handy run-down of December happenings. I am literally That Nosy Housewife who stands with a glass to the wall in order to hear the conversations better.

  • They have a tv now. A box tv with a bunch of VHS tapes stacked on top. I can see it clearly when I’m across the street getting out of the car and YES I’M PURPOSELY LOOKING.
  • Henry said Larry stopped him on the sidewalk and very earnestly said, “Please don’t associate me with [Boots]. I’m trying to get rid of him, too.” Chooch’s Nemesis Larry….our ally?! I never would have thought….
  • 12/14: Boots & Phyllis have a HUGE FIGHT at 1am which causes me to lose my shit and I start screaming too, and Henry mumbles from beneath his pillow for me to stop and not stoop to their level and I’m all “I’LL SHOW YOU STOOPING!!” as I proceed to stampede up and down the steps and then slam the front door so hard that one of my framed Warped Tour pictures falls off the wall. HEY, IT GETS THEIR ATTENTION and there’s not one more peep for the rest of the night. And I know this because I’m so fucking wired at this point that I just lay in bed and shake.
  • 12/16: Friday night – another GET AWAY FROM ME fight. Phyllis is all,¬†“I’m not leaving in the middle of the night!” And I’m all, “I wish you would, you dumb bitch!” God, SOMETIMES I THINK I’M ON BOOTS’ SIDE.
  • 12/17: Saturday early evening. I’m sitting here trying to watch a vlog of my favorite American Kpop dancer (jellybeannose, le duh) in Korea for¬†a 2013 Kpop convention, when suddenly: EXPLOSION NEXT DOOR. I grab my¬†glass and run up to my room to get a better listen-hear.¬†¬†“You make $300 a month, how are you even paying rent GEORGE? You’re GOOD FOR NOTHIN’. I’d be embarrassed if I was fucking you! Idiot! You’re a fucking IDIOT! You don’t HAVE any friends! They all talk behind your back!” I have literally never herd someone say “good for nothin'” in real life. ¬†Then¬†Boots left. Then he came back. Then SHE left, limping down the street with a blanket, like it was her bindle or something. Boots left a few minutes later and limped a different direction. He came back later but Phyllis never did thank god.
  • 12/19: I was off work this day and suddenly, over top of my TV, I heard, “WOOO! WOOO!”¬†Turns out, Boots was on the phone with someone, and he signed off with a slurred,¬†“Ok I love you talk to you later” –¬†who was he talking to?! Phyllis? His mom? His dealer? More importantly,¬†how the fuck can I hear him ON THE PHONE OVER MY TV when he’s on an entirely different floor in his house?!
    • Later, I heard HOT NAYBOR CHRIS THE JUDAS OFFERING BOOTS ANOTHER TV?! They were outside in the driveway and I kept gasping, “Chris, no!” And Boots was all slurring around the cigarette holes in his throat, “YEAH YEAH I WANT THAT” and then Chris suggested that they go ask LARRY for his dolly and I’m thinking, “We’re trying to get this guy to leave and Chris is trying to make his house more of a home, ugh!”
    • Then after that, the Crazy lady who lives in the big white house up the street stopped¬†on the sidewalk and was talking¬†to Boots about the inside of the house, and then they had a weird¬†argument over the driveway because she didn’t believe that it’s shared between the two house. I was walking home later from the bakery and saw her later pausing in front of our house, scoping out our driveway. SO MANY WEIRDOS IN BROOKLINE.
  • MICHAEL: I began noticing a second derelict accompanying Boots on the porch and turns out his name is Michael and I know this because Boots got locked out for the 8973407290720850834265 time since moving in and started screaming MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL I’M LOCKED OUT and then I heard Michael’s dopey clodhopper footsteps bumbling down the steps and over to the door, at which point Boots had to holler instructions on how to unlock the door so god only knows what sort of jerry-rigged security set-up he’s got going on over there.
  • Without Phyllis, it’s pretty quiet for the rest of the week. Michael doesn’t do much. We did make eye contact once and it was scary though.
  • 12/23: JUDY MADE CONTACT. She was here babysitting Chooch and said that¬†Boots came a’calling during the day, asking if she¬†found a phone in the mailbox because his friend was supposed to have had dropped off a phone to him but thought¬†he might have¬†put it in ours instead. WHAT THE HELL,¬†IS IT A BURNER PHONE?! Judy started¬†white-knighting him and I didn’t like that, not one bit. She said he was “very polite” and Chooch said, “He’s lucky¬†YOU weren’t the one who opened the door”¬†which made Henry laugh without mirth because everyone knows I don’t answer the¬†door when¬†strangers knock. Then Judy got all dreamy-eyed and said,¬†“He looks familiar. Maybe I used to drink with him. Yeah, down at the Soithern Star.” Henry groaned,¬†“Oh god please don’t know him.”
    • Later that night, PHYLLIS RETURNS but Boots isn’t home! I spend a good deal of time in my bedroom, plastered against the wall with my hearing-glass. Some other man is with her and I assume it was her ride there. It sounds like she is getting some of her shit together, and she’s spitting all kinds of hate-speech about Boots (or as she calls him, “George”). The guy with her says something about Boots leaving earlier with his brother, so I think Michael is his brother?!
      • Also, Phyllis keeps saying, “Come here, pretty girl!” and I’m wondering if this is some hostage Boots keeps chained up under the bed, but then I deduce it’s a pet of some sort.¬† A few days later, I see a white and gray cat sitting on the bedroom windowsill. That poor cat. :(
  • 12/25: Christmas morning, a pick-up that looks like it drove off the set of Beverly Hillbillies drops off some real fucking vagabonds. One is a young …. woman and she’s very Hills Have Eyes. A few days later, I saw her outside in an awkward embrace with Michael. Anyway, later that night there are a ton of violent outbursts and then I realize that they’re having¬†what I assume is some type of inbred Steelers party, I don’t know. At some point the next day, the pick-up truck limps its way back to Pioneer Ave and scoops up Hills Have Eyes.
  • 12/31: THE CONFRONTATION. For as much as I sincerely hate Boots, I have to say he’s fairly harmless and quiet (well, he still gets carried away with the door-slamming here and there). But then, Phyllis comes back. So it’s New Years Eve, and again — we’re just hanging out, watching hockey (not Korean hockey, just NHL) when the volatile shouting happens. “YOU’RE A FUCKING CUNT!” Boots shouted, so then I screamed into the wall, “NO YOU’RE A FUCKING CUNT!!!” and Chooch ripped off his headphones and got an excited “Oooh Mommy’s about to put on a show!” look on his face. Meanwhile, Henry was groaning, “Erin, STOP!” and I just lost it, screaming my face off about how trashy these assholes are and how I was ready to fight them. I heard the door slam, so I ran to my front door and stood there with my arms crossed. Boots was walking up the sidewalk, and as he got in front of my house, he looked up at my porch and I held onto the eye contact as angrily as I could. He stopped and I swear he first called me a broad, and then mouthed off about me having a problem. So I stepped out onto the porch and said, “Yeah, I have a problem with you!” He incredulously repeated, “With me?!” And, here is where I wish I could rewind time and say something better, I yelled, “YEAH, YOU AND YOUR YAPPING!” So then he started WALKING DOWN MY SIDEWALK TOWARD ME and I’m thinking, “Oh fucking finally, we’re going to fight! I’m so glad¬† I had that glass of wine first!” But you guys, instead of being the fucking macho man he is when he’s verbally terrorizing Phyllis, he instead got SUPER POLITE and began kissing my ass. “Look, I got a big problem with this woman over there. She’s homeless and I took her in and now I just want her to leave, but she won’t. She’s causing me all kinds of problems!” I’m still being stern at this point, still have my arms crossed angrily, and it occurs to me that I’ve been subconsciously channeling my inner Aunt Sharon, who was NOTORIOUS for confronting people. But at the same time, I now feel myself getting pulled into his dramarama and I’m like, “Well, she’s certainly making you look bad*, so you should just make her leave if she doesn’t live there.” *(Like he needs help in that area.) Then he goes on to tell me about the people coming in and out, taking advantage of him and honestly I have no idea what it is he has to offer unless this really is a drug situation happening (there are two people who roll up frequently, go in his house for a minute, and then leave…like, come on). Also, I can’t believe how excruciatingly difficult it is to understand him. He literally talks like a grouping of dicks is going to cascade from him mouth at any second—what the hell does he have stuffed in there?! His voice, oh my god, you guys. Meanwhile, he was standing bow-legged and all slinky, flapping his arms and swaying back and forth, and I’m not even sure if he was actually drunk or high, or if this is just his standard stance. He is so beyond white trash. Then he went on to explain how he “remodeled” all of the properties on our block (false — he just worked for the contracting company! He made it sound like he did it all himself) and that he “pays his rent” and I’m like, “Well that’s great but you’re disruptive, and I’ve lived here a long ass time without having problems with any of my neighbors” (also false but he is legit the worst). We ended with him swearing to do better and then I just turned around and went inside while he was wishing me a happy new year. I DON’T WANT HIS GROSS WELL-WISHES!!
    • When I turned to come back inside, Chooch nearly fell out of the doorway. He was laughing so hard and Henry was just like “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?” and you know what, yeah motherfucker, I was happy. Man, it felt great to finally face-off with that dickhead, you know? And on my turf, too. I don’t ever want to knock on that door because god only knows what will open it. So I was happy that this happened outside with cars driving by.
    • “How could you even understand him!? He did so much gesturing!” Chooch cried, still doubled-over with laughter.
    • “I’m pretty sure he asked you where your dad is,” Henry said, frowning. OMG DOES HE THINK HENRY IS MY DAD?! It just gets better and better.
  • There hasn’t been anything major to report since then. I haven’t heard Phyllis’s nerve-racking voice so I’m trying to just pretend that she found greener pastures and isn’t chopped up and stuffed in a suitcase somewhere.

As I type this, there’s some moderate commotion next door, but my hearing-glass has helped me determine that it’s not of the violent variety. It’s the weekend and I guess some of the friends that Boots doesn’t have according to Phyllis are visiting him from the halfway house, where they will later return and talk about him behind his back.

ALTHOUGH IF HE SLAMS THAT FUCKING DOOR ONE MORE TIME….

I wonder what Boots’ spy-log for me would look like?

  • The broad is doing Korean aerobics again
  • The broad is listening to Korean music again
  • They’re all yelling at the cats
  • The broad is yelling at the hockey game
  • The broad is dragging another wheelchair into the house — WHO IN THERE IS PARALYZED?!
  • The broad and the kid are beating up their dad again

But you know, the spelling would be worse than my usual abomination of the written word.

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Jan 052017
 

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Going to the Einst√ľrzende Neubauten show.

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How Hulk loafs around in the privacy of his home is none of your concern.

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Cat torture attire.

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Lower half is ready for a night of gothic boot-stomping at the Bat Cave, top half is ready to drink craft beer while building a terrarium at PLANT NITE.

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If John Waters had directed Mary Poppins.

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Jan 042017
 

Some things, in a list.

  • You could turn pictures of my house into a goddamn I Spy book. Some days I think that’s awesome, but then other days I want to get industrial-sized garbage bags and go on a decluttering spree. (Don’t worry, it would only be Henry and Chooch’s shit though.)
  • I had to type out”Connecticut” at work today and I just stared at it like HOW CAN THAT BE RIGHT. 
  • Henry said he had a dream the other night that we got married. Notice he said DREAM and not NIGHTMARE. Making progress! We might actually be wed before Chooch!

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  • This was my favorite painting in my grandma’s clown room. My mom brought it over for me last week. Bitter-fucking-sweet. It’s still my dream to have my own clown room one day in honor of my grandparents. I have a ton in my collection already but I need an entire room for it and this house doesn’t have it.
  • Too bad I ran out of people to send Greetings From Erin’s Lunch Break postcards to, because last week’s would have been a great one. I was walking back to work while on my lunch break when some young guy walked past me and, in a very concerned voice, called out, “You dropped your turtles!” I spun around and cried, “What OMG no—-wait….” and then he pointed at me said, “Gotchu!” and I responded with a “ha, you got me!” face and it was a total Mentos moment. This was a few minutes after I got busted at the Point talking to my shoe.
    • What? It had come untied for the fourth time on my walk (Henry thinks this is because I “tie them wrong” but he can go fuck himself, really) and, while I was crouched down retying it, I cried, “Untied again? Man, fuck you, shoe” just as some man walked by and chuckled. Oh, like he doesn’t talk to his shoes too.

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  • I decided that my life is sorely missing the days of exotic fruit salads, so I made Henry go to the Asian market with me on our day off on Monday. (“Just how I wanted to spend my day off” he mumbled, and I was like, “OH THEN LET’S STAY HOME AND YOU CAN START CLEANING YOUR SHIT OUT OF THE ATTIC, ASSHOLE” — suddenly, he had the car keys in his hand and was ushering us out of the house.) We went to Lotus instead of Oriental Market which is where we typically go but I couldn’t bear the thought of McKnight Rd (it just makes me angry) and the selection was semi-OK. I got various Asian pears and dragonfruit, but the vegetables was where it was at, you guys. We got purple and regular yams, pumpkin, some squash thing, and TARO – I fucking love taro. There used to be a froyo place nearby that we went to a lot and sometimes they would have TARO froyo, and fresh JACKFRUIT AND LONGAN toppings. Yeah boi. Anyway, right after this, I decided that I should just adopt a full Korean diet to go along with my kpop workouts so now I’ve been sending Henry all kinds of vegetarian Korean recipes, none of which he’s made me yet. Instead, he just made various vegetables (like woodear mushrooms, which taste much better when they’re not a dessert!), udon, and tofu and was like, “I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS KOREAN, BUT YOU’RE GOING TO EAT IT” and he’s right — I ate it. And it was wonderous. I love my new lifestyle!

  • After watching the 18th video of American girls reacting to Kpop music videos, Henry mumbled that he hates when I get obsessed with things and I’m like dude, that’s my personality. When he first met me, I had literally just come back from seeing The Cure in Australia because OBSESSED. That should have been his signal to opt out!
    • Anyway, this isn’t an obsession. This is my new lifestyle. I decided that since the kpop obsession came back to me after I let it free, then it is TRULY MEANT TO BE. (I went through a heavy k-obsession in my early 20s until Comcast decided that the international channels were too premium to be loafing in the basic tier.)
      • Also, they play Carly Rae Jepsen in the background of a lot of the Korean videos I watch on YouTube. <3

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  • I woke henry up to ask him what he’s making me to take to work for dinner since I’m late shift and he said, “There are frozen meals in the freezer.” Um, they’re not K-frozen meals? “Not everything is going to be Korean!” he yelled, to which I replied, “Well yeah actually it is because this is my life now.” And that dickhead had the audacity to tell me I better learn how to cook then. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A THREAT. 

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  • Can someone please teach my kid how to eat? I deemed 2017 the year of expanding Chooch’s dietary horizons. He is so fucking picky and it makes it even harder now that he is a vegetarian. I mean, we can only feed him so many faux-chicken nuggets. (Lol @ “we.”) He’ll eat tofu, but he is so stubborn with everything else. We took him to Salem’s Market after the Asian market and tried to get him to eat falafel and he said he liked it but basically didn’t want to taste it again. And also, he hated the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and “weird sauce.” So then he was like, “Maybe I would like it better if it wasn’t wrapped up” and so he dumped it all out and then proceeded to just eat the rest of his French fries and I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN HIM. He’s supposed to be my partner in vegetarian…crime? If Henry will ever get off his ass and make me some bibambap, maybe he’ll like that.
    • LOL, yeah right.
  • Chooch was watching videos on the TV in his room the other night and couldn’t hear screaming for him to turn it down, so Henry was all, “I’ll take care of this” and opened the Roku app on his phone and hit “listen privately” which basically muted it I guess, so we heard a brief window of silence, and then Chooch mutter, “…the fuck.” Then he figured out how to turn the volume back on, so Henry did it again. Now Chooch was getting agitated. (He goes from 0 to 100 in a second, just like his beautiful, amazing mommy.) He started swearing and then the “DADDY!!!! COME HERE!!!!” started. Henry was like, “Nope.” So Chooch turned the volume back on and then Henry turned the entire TV off from his phone and now Chooch was ENRAGED and screaming for Henry to come and help him. So he got it turned back on and Henry went up to act concerned, while I started playing videos of this American girl teaching kpop choreography, which Chooch HATES. So then he started to CRY because he was so freaked out and I swear to god we did this to him before, did he forget?! So I just kept turning the kpop girl video back on, over and over, until Henry called downstairs for me to stop because Chooch was actually THAT UPSET. Apparently, he thought his TV broke or something — YEAH RIGHT, HE THOUGHT THE MAN IN THE ATTIC STRUCK AGAIN. I went upstairs about an hour later, and as I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth, Chooch started yelling at me from his room about how blah blah blah, he wasn’t scared, just pissed, etc etc, so I swapped out whatever dumb YouTube video he was watching for a scene from The Exorcist. SWEET DREAMS, BOO THANG.

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  • Speaking of Chooch and his dumb YouTube videos, I bought him some YouTuber’s “memoirs” for Xmas, against Henry’s better judgment, and that son of bitch wolfed down those words with his eyeballs in two days. I had the vague sense that this book was inappropriate, and Chooch started telling me parts of it, and I was like OK STOP LALALALA.
    • He was cracking up pretty hard while reading it so I said, “So, it’s kind of like reading my blog, right?” and he said, “Uh….well….it’s just that….his life is actually interesting.” WOW.
      • JUST WOW. TT
  • I went for a walk around Brookline the other day and was shocked to see that a bar spelled “potato” correctly on their sidewalk menu. Proud of them!
  • I figured something out over the weekend: Chooch’s wardrobe doesn’t have enough sequins. I’m doing a shitty job as his stylist. :/
  • OK confession: for the entire month of December, I had on the radio station that plays all Xmas music, all the time, because I was trying to torture Boots and Phyllis since my bedroom radio is right up against our shared wall. Not sure if it worked, but it definitely tortured ME in the process. I’m so thankful it’s over, because if I had to hear Taylor Swift’s version of Santa Baby one more time…it is so fucking sterile and asexual! She should’ve changed the lyrics to be about an actual baby.

OK,  I’m out. I have to go find a YouTube tutorial on how to tell my kid to take a fucking shower in Korean. Annyeoung!

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Jan 032017
 

For the newcomers or FAIRWEATHERED BLOG READERS (lol, j/k – fairweathered is better than no-weathered), RIP Glenns¬†is the brainchild of Amber2. It’s a mash-up of the Halloween-costumed Glenns I made for my Halloween desk theme in 2012, where I printed out pictures of Glenn’s employee ID and essentially defaced them and put them in prize capsules. Then people would come to my desk every day to get their daily Glenn and candy and it was so much fun! Prior to that, we had a wall in the department where we would hang pictures of dead celebrities, but then we had to take them down for whatever reason. So Amber2 had the brilliant idea to merge the two!¬† The more you know.

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Ugh you guys. So many celebrities died in 2016 that I could barely keep up with the RIP Glenns. In fact, I didn’t even do all of the ones I had on my list (sorry, Janet Reno!) because contrary to popular belief, I actually have real work to do at work, too. If there’s a celebrity that died sometime in the first half of 2016 that you feel is sorely remiss from the Glenn collection, please let me know and I will make one JUST FOR YOU. Because that’s the new me, you guys. Accommodating.

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I think only three people appreciated this one, but man — Garry Shandling brings back fond memories of my childhood and watching age-inappropriate television.

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Meh. I don’t really have anything eulogy-ish to say about Chyna. SORRY CHYNA.

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If you’re any kind of hockey fan, you probably shed a tear when you heard that Mr. Hockey himself had passed away. </3

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I posted this one right after Prince died, dedicating a whole post to him because come on, it’s motherfucking Prince.

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Chiller Theatre was a little bit before my time, but my dad LOVED IT and would often reference it, so I had no choice but to know about it. For those non-Pittsburghers, Bill Cardille is a local treasure. As the persona Chill Billy, he hosted the show Chiller Theater, which aired sci-fi and horror movies. He also had a tourism company, which my grandma and Aunt Sharon used a few times for their trips to Europe, and it was like a huge deal that they were essentially “vacationing” with Chilly Billy. They always raved about how nice of a guy he was, and now I wish I had met him!

When I was helping my mom clean out my grandparents’ house last year, I came across a bunch of pictures they had taken from those trips, and he was in a lot of them. Everyone looked so happy AND NOW EVERYONE IS DEAD.

#SoDepressed

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UGH talk about total childhood memories! When I was a kid, Nick At Nite used to play legitimate classic sitcoms, like The Donna Reed Show, Leave It To Beaver, and the Patty Duke Show. I used to fucking watch the shit out of those shows after dinner, while writing letters to my pen pals that I found in the Alby’s Big Boy kids menu. (THEY EVEN PRINTED MY ADDRESS ONE TIME!!!!!) So when I think of Patty Duke, I think of innocent TV times. Also, HELEN KELLER? And she gave birth to MIKEY FROM THE GOONIES?! This lady ruled.

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Who would have thought the murder (I don’t care what you say, it was murder) of a gorilla would spawn such an intense Internet meme? You can’t even read the comments on ANYTHING without seeing at least one Harambe-centric comment (unless you peep the comments on this here blog, because there are usually none, lol all the way home from the market). Harambe is the new Illuminati, I guess.

Dicks out for Harambe. :(

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I’m not a boxing fan by any means, but this was just a big loss for sports in general. We were in Louisville last September and I wanted to go and see his grave but Henry was all “[BIG DUMB EXCUSES]” so I didn’t get to see it. :(

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OK, I think that pretty much covers the RIP Glenns from spring and summer. I’ll be back later with fall and winter 2016. Boo hiss. Death sucks.

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