First Friday Five of the New Year, what’s good yo.

1. My Top Nine of 2024

I had already checked out my Top 9 earlier in the month, but now you apparently have to pay to UNLOCK the middle picture? Too bad I already know that it’s the picture of my Bambi memorial tattoo, nice try Diddy.

I feel that these are pretty self-explanatory but:

1. Married in Korea
2. Chooch’s last day of high school
3. Chooch’s graduation
4. Chooch’s first day of senior (wow, a theme you say)
5.  :(
6. Chooch’s graduation party
7. Bambi’s memorial IG post :(
8. Making our wedding bands in Korea
9. A click-bait re: Chooch letting me buy him a jacket in Korea because it was March and chilly and he only packed t-shirts per his norm.

2. We Got a Rug

….we got a rug. It doesn’t fit the entire back porch but it covers most of the cold cement that wasn’t already covered by another rug. I like this. It was cheap and fits the bill. And so PINK! It arrived just in time for Chingumas which was nice because the weather was mild enough to use the porch as a “party annex” and the rug made it feel so cozy.

3. Suprise Package

My co-worker Amanda sent me this cute squirrel dish towel set for Christmas and I thought that was really nice. And speaking of my squirrels.

One of my neighborhood squirrels came to the porch last week, begging for walnuts. I started to open the door to put walnuts in his bowl (literally a small pet food bowl that I keep on a chair on the porch – they’re so spoiled) but one of my neighbors was outside so I didn’t want to get stuck talking. Instead, I opened the door a bit and tossed some walnuts onto the porch….

Buddy jumped off the chair, sniffed the walnuts, stood up at my front door with his paw on the window, gave me A LOOK (I swear to God) and then jumped back on the chair next to his bowl. He wouldn’t eat the walnuts off the ground because he wanted them in his bowl!! They have me wrapped around their creepy little fingers!

4. Petty Post-Christmas Feelings

Although, I have confirmed with several people and my therapist that my feelings are valid. But on Christmas Eve, I had taken a large bottle of Delirium Noel to Corey’s house so that we could all enjoy it with dinner. My mom didn’t have any of it, so I was surprised the next day when she texted me some questions about it, i.e. where I bought it, how much. I was so stoked about this because silly me, I thought she was showing an interest in something that I clearly based on my exuberant Belgian beer gushing at Christmas Eve dinner.

But no, she was just interested because her best friend’s daughter who she is like obsessed with and likes so much more than me “likes beer” – just “beer” in general I guess so presumably my mom is going to get her a bottle or tell her about it, or adopt her as her own daughter and turn the attic into one large bedroom for her with a slide that goes down into my old bedroom which will be converted into a walk-in closet/lounge area which was something that I wanted to happen when I still lived at home BUT NEVER DID probably because my dad intervened, who knows.

But yeah, I’m jealous of a girl I only met once when I was in my 20s and she was like, who knows, 5 or something and even then my mom was smitten with her and me, the 20-something year old, got so upset at my mom’s house when we were all over there one summer afternoon that I hid for hours underneath the antique roll-top desk in the living room and no one cared except for Corey, and Henry’s sons, who were all in elementary school at the time, and they were the only ones trying to find me.

Suddenly, a text message about Delirium had me wanting to hide under antique furniture all over again, age 45.

I talked about this in therapy yesterday because my therapist knew I was anxious about seeing my mom on Christmas Eve and I just started pouring it all out of my brain and heart and she was like, “This is really unfortunate because you live such a cool and colorful life and you and Henry are always going places and doing fun stuff, but she doesn’t show any interest in knowing this about you.” And that’s it for me, exactly. What else can I do? Nothing really. I have to just live the best life I can for myself, for Henry, and for Chooch and that has to be enough. I know this deep down and I know that with a lot of hard work therapy will eventually help me with that but everything still feels so raw like it was yesterday that I moved out of her house.

HAHAHA FAMILY AMIRITE.

5. End of a (sweet) era

Our Sugarspell Scoops friends are temporarily closing shop here soon because they were not able to come to an agreement with their landlord, so we stopped by last weekend to stock on some pints and give them some Kpop Dad’s (Vegan) Kimchi, haha.  I have loved supporting these guys over the years and am confident that once they find a new location, people will follow.

Anyway, we got a Ho-Hos pint and dammit if it doesn’t actually taste like frozen Ho-Hos in ice cream! It made me nostalgic because I can’t remember the last time I had a Ho-Ho (they were my faves as a kid until I discovered Zebra Cakes in the middle school cafeteria) and I attribute much of baby-fat to those delicious rolls of processed sugar.

——————————-

A BONUS PICTURE OF PENELOPE THROUGH THE CHRISTMAS LENS:

New Year’s Eve was relatively boring and lowkey which is really all I wanted because I wasn’t feeling celebratory by any means. Henry and I just watched kpop stuff and had like, 1.5 drinks. We go hard.

But then Chooch started messing around with stuff on his new phone, for example, he made an emoji that looks nothing like me by putting in “woman crying” because that’s me.

Then he showed me a picture he made of his friend Zakk as a farmer using Apple AI and I was like OOOH MAKE ONE OF JANNA HOLDING POOP IN HER HANDS AND IT’S BEING SQUEEZED THROUGH HER FINGERS!!

I laughed so hard that it turned into a really painful wheeze. Apparently poop is a banned word so he had to use manure.

This was supposed to be Janna sick and slurping Robitussin.

But he said it wouldn’t accept the sick command and he had to get creative with Robitussin, nevertheless Corey knew exactly what it was supposed to be and died along with me when I sent it to him that night lol.

LOL the nose specifically is so accurate. Uncanny.

this was supposed to be in Korea holding a lightstick but all variations of SK and Seoul are banned, but it took the lightstick portion very literally!

I tied this is a few weeks ago in Instagram but it wouldn’t give me any results for “Danny Bonaduce dressed as a clown on a toilet” so I quit.

I hated 2024 A LOT a lot. It was full of death, stress, college tuition hardships, mental and emotional breakdowns that had me wishing death upon myself more times than I can count most vividly in a parking garage outside of Chicago where I had the scariest fleeting thoughts of “what if I just jumped?”, all while trying to get comfortable in this new chapter of life where Chooch doesn’t live here anymore. I haven’t felt this out of control since my early 20s. This past year made me lose myself in ways that are terrifying and I have spent the second half of 2024 working through that in therapy but so far I still feel the same.

Yeah, there were good moments but the bad / tragic / traumatic really do overshadow what looks like it could have been one of the best years of my life. I don’t even have the energy to recap those moments so instead here is a picture of me casually blending into a rug and wishing it would just completely engulf me forever. C H E E R S.

I hope 2025 is gentle on all of us.

We were in the middle of having a holiday party to celebrate South Korea and their food and culture when the Jeju plane crash happened. The irony is not lost on me.

Seeing that news alert come through on my phone was a sickening jolt. It made me feel a real icky type of way to be smack in the middle of a party with Korean food on the table and Kpop videos playing on TV.

South Korea, being an empathetic country, are currently in a seven day mourning period. Entertainment broadcasts and schedules have been postponed or canceled. As such, I am going to wait until the weekend to post about Chingumas 2.0 here and Instagram.

So here are two pictures of Chooch instead. I have been loving having him home and really don’t want to take him back to Philly on Saturday. :(

I got him those pants for Christmas because he’s a college kid so living in PJ pants is now part of who he is.

I made him come downstairs because some of the YouTubers that were on that coaster trip with us OVER A YEAR AGO are still posting content from it so I begged him to watch the latest one with us. He came down but teased Penelope and then did phone stuff the whole time but at least he was sitting with us! It gave me time to pelt him with questions, such as DO YOU LOVE US ARE YOU HAPPY DID YOU HAVE A GOOD CHILDHOOD DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY IF SO WILL YOU HAVE KIDS AND TAKE THEM TO LISEBERG* IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD CHANGE ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.

Breathe, Erin. Breathe.

*(Liseberg is a theme park in Gothenburg, Sweden and was the YouTube vlog we were currently watching.)

Well, it’s New Years Eve. I think we might start watching Squid Games 2 tonight. T.O.P. formerly of BIGBANG is in it and I want to see him. Also really excited to say goodbye to 2024.

I’m really grateful that Corey offered to host Christmas Eve at his house this year. We put way too much money, time and effort into the planning of Chingumas 2024 and I think doing Christmas on top of that would have broken us. Granted, Henry still spent most of the day cooking but at least we didn’t have to set up and clean too, etc.

Oh!! I forgot to mention that a fucking HAWK came to hang out in the backyard THREE TIMES during the day. It was so maddening and took up a large part of the day, our amateur efforts to chase the fucker away.

Without hurting it, Chooch was pinging the tree branch with pennies from his window and Henry was trying to distract it with a laser pointer while I was trying to make sure he didn’t set his sights on any of the squirrels who were BLATANTLY frolicking around until they finally realized what was going on.

It’s probably a bad thing (ok it is and I know it) but the squirrels have a Pavlovian response to me and immediately started prancing around me thinking I had peanuts. I was HISSING, “Guys, be careful!!! Do you want to die!??”

Aish!! So annoying and stressful!! But Henry eventually scared it off when he tapped the laser pointer against our car – he could tolerate objects cruising past him in the tree but a TAPPING sound was far too much.

Buhbye motherfucker.

Corey’s famous spinach dip! It’s a running joke because this was all he could handle making when he hosted for the first time two years ago and he was sending me (of all people!) frantic text questions from the grocery store like I have a secret Julia Child gene waiting for that precise moment to present itself.

This time, he texted me the day before because he COULDNT FIND THE ORIGINAL RECIPE HE USED BEFORE! Luckily he found a substitute (they’re pretty much all the same though right??!!).

Apparently our dad gave him a wholesale quantity of paper plates so Corey’s been trying to use them up. Hence, these festive day of the dead plates (why did our dad have these in the first place????)

Everything was great! Henry made a vegan shepherds pie which I admittedly thought was just mid that night but in leftover form, it was fantastic. There was some red wine action going on in it and it was like the gift kept on giving as days went on.

My mom made some savory cornbread-ish casserole which was my favorite thing that night. She also brought her famous potato casserole which I loved since I was a wee one but Chooch was like THERE IS HAM IN THIS SUDDENLY and I said NO U MUST BE MISTAKEN SHE WOULD NEVER and Henry was like I CAN CONFIRM THAT SHE PUT HAM IN THIS.

I was lowkey moody about that.

Corey had this non-alcoholic option on hand for Chooch and kept plying him with it. HAVE MORE PUNCH! he kept saying, popping around corners, from under tables, hanging from the rafters with the bottle in hand. Chooch was like “what is the deal with this punch?!” OK, Uncle Jim Jones!

I was trying to go easy on Henry by suggesting that we just buy a pie to bring but after a few days of frustrating searching, he decided to just make a pie after all. Instead of something fancy and outrageous like I usually throw at him, I said he should hat keep it simple and make a sweet potato pie. As he was scrolling through recipes, I yelled, “Stop! Does that say PATTI LABELLES sweet potato pie?! That’s the one.”

Corey is mildly obsessed with the retro footage of Patti Labelle singing at a Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony in the 90s (I can’t remember what it was specifically but the Clintons were there and it was nationally broadcast, so not some podunk town’s festival or anything). She doesn’t know the words, the cue cards aren’t in the right order, she doesn’t have her backup singers and repeatedly yell-sings, “WHERE MY BACKUP SINGERS” – it’s a mess but soooo funny and she actually handles it pretty well considering. I’d have swan-dived off the stage into a nest of electrical equipment if that happened to me.

I want this to happen to Halsey now.

Anyway, Corey really appreciated this!

Conversation during dinner ebbed and flowed – when Corey and I were telling stories, everyone was laughing, but if Corey and I aren’t talking we’d probably go through the entire meal in silence. I eventually started peppering our brother Ryan with questions about Las Vegas (he goes A LOT and his trips are next level, is all I’m saying) and once you get Ryan talking, all is well.

But it does make me sad. I shouldn’t feel so uncomfortable around my family especially since we were all relatively close when I was growing up, but I just kind of feel that no one really cares about my life, what I do, etc. and you know, it is what it is.

Chooch found an old receipt for a picture that was taken somewhere in the pocket of this coat that I haven’t worn in years – we spent entirely too much time that night fixating on it and googling, but chooch and Henry came to the conclusion that it must have been from Dutch Wonderland when we went there in 2010.

What a seriously lame mystery.

Then me, Corey, Chooch and Henry played … Ugh I forget the name of it but it’s like the commercially packaged version of the lip reading game that Kpop idols always play. Henry and I were a team and we killed it – Henry is obviously really good at reading lips because he can barely hear but I think I’m just naturally good at everything in general, as expected. Just that I was born that way, you know.

Then the three of them played Scattergories. I retired from this game because when you always win at something, it gets old. You probably don’t know what that feels like but trust my word ok.

Apparently, Chooch has learned a lot from me because his answers were so questionable that I had to step in as a judge numerous times. Then Henry went to the bathroom and they didn’t want to wait so I was tapped in as his substitute and immediately blew Corey and Chooch out of the water, you’re welcome for the victory, Henry.

Afterward, Chooch began rifling through old historical answers that were still in the box and he goes, “oh this HAS to be one of yours” as he read off hysterical and alliterational made-up answers.

“No wonder people don’t want to play this with you anymore,” he said. Whoa whoa whoa where did he hear that from?!

(My mom brought a bag of old pictures over from her house and that’s what Ryan was doing in the background while my mom was watching TikTok videos or something probably.)

Apparently Chooch is really into the Seahawks?! When Ryan asked me a few weeks ago what he could get him, I was like “he’s randomly into the Seahawks for some reason” and Ryan was like, “the SEATTLE Seahawks? That is random but ok” and then proceeded to gift him a Seahawks starter set basically lol.

Corey got me this candle (lol) and I got him a “now-playing” sweatshirt with Avril Lavine’s I’m With You on it because that’s another thing he’s obsessed with and he sends me reels about it every now and then (it was more like “very frequently” there for a while lol).

And I got Ryan a set of pint glasses that have the street grid of Las Vegas engraved in it.

Ryan got me a bunch of Erin-centric thing including this balloon dog sculpture which is one of those things that I always say “ooh I want that!” when I see it in online shops but I never buy it for myself. Anyway, I was dying when we came home and put it on the beverage buffet because I realized just how perfectly placed it really is:

And that pretty much wraps up Xmas Eve! It hit me later on that this might be the last Christmas in this form for a while because next year, Chooch will be doing his co-op and he won’t get a traditional Christmas break. Whether he gets just Xmas Day, or also Xmas Eve, etc will be dependent upon the company his co-op will be at. So we might be going to Philly to spend Christmas with him there next year. Who knows.

Ch-ch-ch-changes. I can’t stand it.

The last several years, my brother Corey has been gung-ho about the Kelly sibs recreating old pictures. It sucks for me because Corey was born in 1990, at the height of my UG YEARS, so I look like trash in most of these pictures, but I still go along with it because that’s….that’s just the type of loving, supportive sister that I am!

Last year, I suggested a Santa picture for us to recreate, with Henry as Santa. I think Corey was utterly uncomfortable with the idea of sitting on Henry’s lap, so my suggestion was just kind of glossed over. This year though, Corey was like SHIT WE DIDN’T CHOOSE A PICTURE.

“Hear me out,” I said, which is usually the prelude to something sinister when coming from me. “We use that same Santa one I suggested last year, but CHOOCH will be Santa.”

Corey loved it.

Ryan was like, “I will do whatever you freaks say, just leave me alone for the rest of the year.” I mean, he didn’t say that but it was implied. I’m good at interpreting.

“Just so you know, you’re helping us with this year’s picture,” I said to Chooch earlier in the day on Christmas Eve.

“Yeah I know, I always take the picture,” he said.

“No….I mean, this time—”

“Don’t tell me I have to be Santa or something,” he sighed.

DING DANG DONG!

Here he is getting into the Kris Kringle zone while we were waiting for Ryan who we feared was about to pull a runner when we heard the front door open and close.

The Picture.

“You have to put your hands on my hips!” Corey scream-laughed while Chooch just looked like your typical apathetic 18 year old, like he was about to look at the imaginary TV documentary crew and say, “I came home from college for this.”

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Thank god for the “live” feature on photos because Corey’s laughter was the best part!

We also did this one, which was much easier even though they were originally on the wrong sides of me so we had to do a quick re-do right as Ryan was trying to flee the scene:

Ryan was like, “Jesus, your shoulder is low” lol.

And then a normal one!

Merry Christmas from us dumbos over here in Pittsburgh! It’s definitely been a weird one, not bad by any means, but with Chooch being a college kid now, the unwrapping of presents is kind of anticlimactic. Most of what we got him he’s either already received, it’s in the mail, or I’m just giving him my credit card to get himself after Christmas. He seems fine with it – he’s never been a bratty kid when it comes to things like that (unlike me LOL) and it’s just been nice having him home.

We did the whole Christmas Eve shebang at Corey’s with my mom and brother Ryan, so I’ll recap that here soon too – it was nice and we laughed A LOT.

Today, we went to Pink Box to get our traditional Asian buns, went to Homewood Cemetery where I had a mild fit because there were SO MANY people there strolling about and the spot where it’s most convenient for me to set up my tripod was a veritable hotbed of activity. I was getting snippy about it but it somehow, miracle of miracles, didn’t progress any further from a small, quick spark of irritation. Therapy. LOL.

So, we ended up going to our OG Christmas Cem spot – Uniondale on the Northside. It’s been a minute since we were there (Henry pointed out to Chooch where I wrecked the car in 2022 and blamed on him hahah) and it was nice. Chooch, suddenly into football, was glad because it’s on a hill above Heinz Field (get the fuck outta here with that new name, I refuse) so he was able to hear the Steelers game in person. Suddenly, he was OK with cemetery pictures.

Dude, I just really love my dumb little family and will grasp any opportunity for a family photo!

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OK let’s put a fork in this Jingle Ball series – it’s been exactly two weeks since we were there at this point! I just want to say that I was extremely comforted by the amount of NCT lightsticks (and even some Monsta X ones!) that were dotting the crowd. I had been so nervous about attending a mostly non-Kpop concert, wondering what the fans were going to be like, if there would be assholes around me mocking the Kpop performers in the line-up. I can’t speak for the rest of the arena, but at least in our section we seemed to be buffeted by lots of Kpop stans. Some arrogant looking white men as well, but I didn’t hear anything derogatory from their mouths polluting the air.

YOU GUYS, MOTHERFUCKING WONHO. While I have always liked Monsta X and was gutted when Wonho stepped away in order to protect the group’s name when he was being investigated for some bogus drug allegation (spoiler: he was cleared, but now without a group), I truly think that Wonho absolutely shines as a solo artist. I can say without hesitation that I stan him harder as a soloist than I ever stanned Monsta X. He is talented, has a great personality, and more than enough charisma to hold his own out there.

I still remember the EXACT MOMENT I heard his single “Losing You” – it was in August 2020 when we dared to take a safe, masked day trip to Erie. This song came on the kpop Spotify playlist we had on in the car and I spontaneously burst into tears. I had to immediately look to see who it was and have been a Wonho solo stan (a Wenee!) ever since.

I knew he likely wouldn’t perform this at Jingle Ball because it’s kind of a downer lol, but he did sing my second favorite – Ain’t About You – and I was soooo stoked!

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You guys, I was SWEATING. It was worth every penny to get to see Wonho in the flesh, perform 4 songs. Take me back! And apparently, he was QUITE popular with the I Heart Radio people too as evidenced by the extra love he was given on their Instagram, lol. They are STILL posting about him!

NCT Dream was fourth, and I was READY! Especially after that juicy Wonho appetizer! (That was gross, apologies.)

Oh, my faves. My 7Dream. Renjun is BACK. It was so sad to see them perform on their Dreamscape tour last September without him, and to be honest, since he came back from hiatus last month, I have been very skeptical of his health and have watched him like a hawk because I’m a psycho kpop mom, I dunno, it’s weird but I genuinely care about him and his lack of stability and well-being has been so troublesome. He looked, to me, not ready to be back but by the time Jingle Ball rolled around, he….OK he still appeared to be somewhat of a shell of himself but getting better. And now that they’re back in Korea, he’s been looking even more himself and less like a zombie. I don’t know if he’s on medication, something for anxiety, or what, but in some of the videos I watched from the European leg of their tour after the US one, he looked like he was going off of muscle memory and kind of just stood there in between songs.

Which is why I wish people would be mindful of the fact that music artists and celebrities are people too and just because you CAN say hateful things about them on the Internet, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Particularly with Kpop artists, a large part of their job requires them to regularly interact with fans on social media platforms, fan meets, fan calls, etc. Words fucking matter. And these agencies do fuck all to actually protect their artists from this fucked up abuse and bullying.

It enrages me, honestly.

But yeah, I screamed the loudest for his parts. Renjun forever.

I could listen to the last 20 seconds of this song over and over and over – you can ask Henry. I will SHUSH him with vigor if he deigns to speak over this part.

Also, I was so excited to see them perform their new song, which came out after I saw them in September!

The other night, Janna gave me a heads up that some of the Jingle Ball performances were being televised on ABC and she recorded NCT Dream for me on her phone, lol. I did find it on YouTube though! This must have been from the LA show:

I felt so good after this. Yes, it was only 4 songs – was it ridiculous to drive to Detroit for 4 songs? Nope. Worth every single penny. Because in addition to Jingle Ball, we just genuinely had a really good time away together. It was like a reset. I have been so far from myself this past year, and even worse after Drew died, that it was driving a wedge between Henry and me. Like, congratulations, you finally got married after 23 years, but now here’s all this uncontrollable stress and grief for you to wade through. Good luck, newlyweds!

Therapy, kpop, and Henry’s unwavering patience have been getting me through this, so while the Jingle Ball might seem like the antithesis of everything I stand for (American Top 40 is mostly a no for me, fam!), this ended up being a pivotal moment in my journey to getting better. Thank you, Wonho. Thank you, NCT Dream. Thank you, Henry.

Drama on Pioneer

(Copy-pasta’d from my text messages to my brother because it’s over a week at this point and I have blog apathy.)

Around 630 I was exercising and someone KICKED THE DOOR OPEN really hard – I have boxes behind the door with Christmas stuff for goodwill and the door opened so forcibly that it smashed the boxes.

Corey: OMG???

I thought it was chooch coming home and being his typical dick self so I yelled WTF in my mom voice. Went outside and no one was there.

Henry was in the basement and came running upstairs to see what it was bc he heard it so he went outside to look and was asking our neighbors with the dog Zeus if they saw anyway bc their door is always open but they didn’t. So then Henry called HNC and they were like prowling around together out there like real American heroes but didn’t see anyone. HNC said he heard noises in the backyard a little bit later and they both went out again. HENRY WAS WEARING HIS HEADLAMP THING LIKE A DORK.

Hours went by and nothing was going on. Then around 9pmI was upstairs in the bathroom snd I heard commotion in the driveway. I thought it was HNC throwing his garbage out and didn’t think anything of it. THEN HNC’S WIFE CALLED ME

Corey: OMG!!

Apparently someone was also kicking her door!!!!! So she called the police. Meanwhile Henry turned on the police scanner because he’s That Guy and the dispatcher was in the middle of profiling a group of 6 kids.

HNC’S WIFE sent the cops here!! I AM DRUNKISH?! And had to give a statement lol

Henry said I was slurring and was embarrassed. Anyway it’s apparently kids and the cops have gotten a bunch of calls. They said I probably really scared them when my door was actually opened. I was like “man they were fast!!!” Then they told me to lock the door and left lol. It actually was very scary though when that happened because my door came FLYING open. I was like “I was just hoping it was a Friday the 13th thing” and they were like “yeah, that’s exactly what it is” and they seemed so annoyed to be dealing with this lol.

My favorite part was when HNC’S WIFE called and said NOW I HAVE TO PUT MY ROBE ON like it was my fault when she was the one who called the effing police!!!

Henry was pissed because I went right back to exercising after seeing no one was on the porch. He was like are you kidding me?? Maybe they got scared because they saw I had weights in my hands haha.

A Sad Saturday

The husband of one of my co-workers recently passed away so I went to the funeral home last Saturday for the viewing. Wendy and Sue were also there, thank God, because I am so fucking worthless in these situations. I just smile sadly, nod, and quietly repeat what everyone else is saying.

Of course it was unbearably sad. I am not close with this co-worker – she moved to our department during the pandemic so we had to train her virtually which is not great. And then when I was going into the office every Tuesday, I would see her then and we would chat a bit. But I still felt as though I should show my support in person. I’m glad that I went and got to see her, but it made me extremely clingy to Henry for the rest of the weekend and I am currently still in the throes of a mortality crisis.

Later that night, Henry and I went to the movie theater in Robinson to see the “live broadcast” of Seventeen’s concert in Osaka. It was being broadcast in 1500 theaters across 64 countries so I think in some places, it actually was “live.” But for us, it was about 12 hours after the fact. It was still really cool though because Seventeen acknowledged the fact that this particular concert was being recorded / livestreamed so it felt super meta every time they added “and the Carats watching in the movie theaters.”

It was essentially the same concert / setlist that we saw when they were touring the US but their Asian concerts are on such a larger scale, with a full band, etc. Plus, they performed their new Japanese single and I sat there with big fat tears rolling down my cheeks.

Not Henry pouting because he wasn’t the only Kpop Dad in the theater haha.

The only bad thing about this evening was that there were two girls and a mom at the other end of our row and the one girl NEVER STOPPED TALKING AND GIGGLING through the whole thing. I could hear her over top of everything and it was so rude and obnoxious. First of all, these tickets were $20 a person (am I just old or is that A LOT for a movie theater??) so kindly STFU. Her cackling was going right through me. What could she POSSIBLY have to talk about throughout the whole 3.5 hours of this?! TAKE A BREAK, KID.

I’m really glad that we went to this. We both love Seventeen so much – yes, Henry too. I was annoyed when I came out of the bathroom afterward because I caught the tail end of a conversation he was having with some girl who was also there for the Seventeen concert broadcast thing and she apparently called him a “trooper” for “sitting through the whole thing” and instead of being like, “I like Seventeen too” he played the exhausted martyr card by saying, “Oh, this isn’t even the worst I’ve done for kpop” or something. Ugh.

Sunday Is For Housework

Henry finally finished patching the giant hole that we’ve had in our ceiling since 2019, you know the one that our slumlord ignores even though he has seen it in person when he walked through our house WITH AN INSPECTOR a few years ago.

We were going to try to buy a house once Chooch left for college but our financial situation with that changed considerably so now I believe we will die in this rental duplex.

It is what it is, as they say.

The rest of Sunday was full of quality time with Penelope and counting down the minutes until the VIP packages for Taemin’s upcoming US tour went on sale.

^^^ This was basically me after spending almost 2 hours in a queue, KNOWING FULL WELL that everything was going to be sold out, but seeing it out to the end because I felt so invested at that point.

It was such a cluster. Taemin fans across the country (and in Europe too) have been so pissed about how this tour is being handled. Taemin left his original agency (SM Entertainment – one of the “big 3” agencies in Korea) for a very small company and I think they grossly underestimated his popularity outside of Korea. I also am trying to be understanding of the fact that they don’t have the same kind of $$$$$$ to throw into a world tour but damn, it’s been a terrible experience so far.

“Oh no,” Chooch monotoned when I told him I didn’t get VIP. “Now Taemin won’t glance at you.”

(One of the perks is the ability to “wave and make eye contact with the artist from a close distance” LOL.)

Well, that’s a recap of the main events from last weekend. Oh!! And I watched the new Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie – “Our Little Secret” – on Netflix, lol. It was cute and helped calm my “impending VIP cluster” nerves.

You guys. I never thought I would say this, as someone who was so firmly mired in the post-hardcore / Warped Tour / goth scene for so many years, but Henry and I attended the IHeartRadio Jingle Ball in Detroit and had a fantastic time!

Granted, we only went because not only was NCT Dream performing with Renjun who has returned from hiatus (he sat out the US tour they recently did in September and he is my Dream bias, so I was bummed about that) but Wonho, formerly of Monsta X and currently a fabulous solo artist was also going to be there! His first time in the US without Monsta X! Henry knew before I even told him that we were going to be attending our first Jingle Ball because of this.

Aside from Jason Derulo, I didn’t know any of the western artists on the Detroit line up (the line up varies by cities and we very luckily dodged a MEGHAN TRAINOR bullet, as she is appearing at several of the dates) but I didn’t care. I figured we’d stay for Wonho and NCT Dream and then leave.

But then, we were having such a good time, our seats were fantastic, there were no apparent dickheads around us, so I decided that we should stay for the whole thing. We paid enough $$$ for the seats, and if we left early, we’d probably just end up sitting in the hotel room watching Friends reruns.

I will write about Wonho and NCT Dream separately. In this post, I want to just talk about the other artists and how, while a bit of a culture shock to see western pop artists perform (LOL culture shock like I’m not actually American, I’m so fucking annoying even to myself, don’t worry guys – we share the same opinion about this blogger).

The lineup, in order from opening to headliner:

1. Isabel LaRosa
2. Wonho <3
3. Madison Beer
4. NCT Dream <3
5. Jason Derulo
6. Saweetie
7. Teddy Swims
8. Jack Harlow

First of all, the show stared PROMPTLY at 7:30. It was actually borderline jarring because the lights went out and then Isabel walked on stage to the backdrop of thumping bass. I thought this would be like K-Con where there’d be an MC or something that came out first to do their spiel. They did in fact have the local Top 40 radio DJs there, but they came out after Isabel’s set, which…I honestly thoroughly enjoyed. It was definitely giving “sex scene in a student-made horror film that we would have rented from Incredibly Strange Video circa 2002”, that is to say: SEEDY, SLEAZY, CREEPY.

At one point, her hockey jersey came off and she performed the rest of her 4 song set in just a tiny bra and shorts. It was something.

She has a song about “wanting someone older” and the music video for it played on the screen behind her. It of course showed her at a school and her costar was A TEACHER.

“It’s your favorite trope,” I shouted in Henry’s ear and he frowned so hard. He hated all the inappropriate, statutory rapey relationships that peppered the TV series Pretty Little Liars, which we used to watch together, particularly a main story line that involved one of the Liars and her ENGLISH TEACHER. Hooo boy, did that boil Henry’s blood, lol.

(Speaking of, the English teacher was recently in a Netflix Christmas movie with Lindsay Lohan and his girlfriend in that movie was also much younger and there were some “jokes” about that which made Henry frown in disappointment all over again haha.)

Also, I really liked that it was just her and her guitarist on stage. It was minimalistic and somehow still so loud and unnerving.

The more I thought about in the days after Jingle Ball, the more I realized how much I liked this (???) and that it sort of reminded me of the metal-adjacent female-fronted stuff I used to listen to in the early 00s.

Then came Madison Beer after Wonho. I knew A LITTLE about her, like the fact that Justin Bieber made her go viral when she was just 13 and he reposted a video of her singing. And that she was one of the voices for some League of Legends virtual group called K/DA, along with some other broad and two of the (G)-Idle members. So, she’s played a minor role in the kpop realm!

I was SHOCKED by her though because she clearly can SANG and her voice actually had somewhat of an old-fashioned sound to it that I truly appreciated because I’m so tired of these pop girls singing in their fake breathy baby voices a la Halsey.

Did she make me uncomfortable at times? Oh, you know it. Her performance was also sexually-charged but I guess that’s just always been the nature of American pop and I’m so out of the loop that it was like sugar shock.

I guess this song was nominated for a Grammy. I REALLY liked it live, but then later when I watched the video, I didn’t like it as much. But it really works so well as a live performance – I had never heard the song before but when it started, I was fully invested and borderline obsessed. It was dark and thumpy.

I do really appreciate the Jennifer’s Body theme of the music video though, and Jesus Christ she could be Megan Fox’s sister, seriously.

I don’t think Jason Derulo needs any intro! I was seriously shocked that he wasn’t headlining though, because out of everyone, he’s been around the longest and is arguably the most well-known. His set was really energetic and dance-y, and he did a medley of some of his most popular songs too since everyone was really only allotted enough time  to perform 4 songs – he found the loophole lol.

It was during this set though when it occurred to me that it really felt like being in a giant strip club – all of the performances so far (with the exception of NCT Dream, but also even Wonho to an extent lol) were just like living, gyrating, pelvic thrusting billboards for SEX! SEX! SEX! and the only thing missing was poles, honestly. It was entertaining but I think I am officially of the age where I was thankful I didn’t have a young kid in attendance with me.

I’m pretty sure a large portion of the crowd left after Jason.

Then came Saweetie. I didn’t take any pictures of her and my review will be short & s(a)weet(ie):

She is SO BEAUTIFUL. She looked amazing in her adorable little Christmas outfit.

Her DJ was repetitive and annoying.

I guess this is what girl rap sounds like now? Sort of….not rapping, no flow? I was bored with her set (when she was pretending to straddle and ride an imaginary “Big big Santa” was pretty fun though haha) – I grew up on DaBrat and Foxxy Brown so that’s my bar, I guess. Again, just basing this on what I saw that night – I haven’t listened to her in any other context aside from the song she did with IVE last year (which is the only reason I even know who she is).

Teddy Swims was really good but I could never sit through an entire concert of his, I don’t think. All of his songs blended together and I couldn’t stop laughing because he reminded me so much of Christina.

Also, and this pains me to admit but I said it out loud later that night when we were walking back to the hotel, but I still think that the best male singer in North America, maybe even all of the western world, is fucking Jonny Craig. UGH. This Teddy Swims guy has A Voice, but he’s no Jonny Craig. It’s sad because if Jonny hadn’t made such poor life decisions, he could be a household name at this point and not still playing at tiny hole in the wall clubs in his 40s.

But yeah, enjoyed Teddy Swims more than I expected (when I looked up him prior to this and saw the genres he was known for, I scoffed, “YEAH NO I’M NOT GONNA LIKE THIS DOUCHEBAG.”) and at least I can admit this!?

Jack Harlow – whose name I knew but knew nothing else – was the last to perform. He came strutting out on stage alone in chinos and a fucking fitted black sweater like he just left his cubicle in the IT Dept. And then he started….rapping? Is that what that was? I have no idea but all I could think was, “Who the fuck is this white nerd?” You guys, I didn’t like him at all. Henry didn’t either. We were both pulling stank-face until I threw in the towel after two….songs? Whatever you want to call it. I turned to Henry and said, “Yeah, I’m ready to go if you are” and he was like, “TWIST MY ARM” as he practically pushed me out of my seat and into the aisle in his eagerness to never have to hear Jack Harlow again.

(When we were walking up the steps to leave our section, Jack was in the middle of talking to the audience and even that was getting on my nerves. “Oh boy and he’s a talker,” I mumbled and Henry made the “Pffft” sound in agreement with me because Henry always agrees with me unless I‘m pulling a runner at the eye doctor and then suddenly he’s dying on the Bittel Vision hill.)

We had a pleasant walk back to the hotel – there were cops at every intersection so we felt safe to be walking the several blocks back rather than take the hotel shuttle which Henry asked SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT at the hotel for us to just not bother using it lololol. Then we hit up the vending machines before going back to the room and I was SHOCKED that there was nary a Faygo in sight. Detroit!!

Oh, we also walked around the casino a few times because I thought I had seen a sign for gelato in one of our earlier strolls and it made me laugh that we had made at least 4 laps around the whole casino throughout the day and didn’t even consider to pull a lever on a machine. My brother Ryan, a huge Vegas aficionado, would have SHUDDERED TO THINK.

Ugh, I had an eye appointment after work yesterday. I used to go to one of those shopping center eye chains and I swear the doctor I had there was 18, it was so concerning. Like she got her license from the back of matchbook. I hated the broad in the front of the place though, the one in charge of upselling frames, etc. She reminded me so much of this drag of human being named Brenna that I used to know from LiveJournal. So then I tried going to one of their other locations and was called “kelly” the entire time even after pointing out that my name was “Erin” and receiving an empty apology.

So, then Henry was like, “I found a real eye doctor that we can all go to as a family” (see Monday’s post re: Chooch going to the eye doctor alone and blaming me for his forgetting the insurance and HSA cards). I’ve only been there once so far, in 2023, and it was fine but I’m positive my prescription was wrong. So, there’s that.

The appointment was scheduled for 6pm and they tell you to get there 15 minutes early SO I DID because if people remember one thing about me when I die, let it be that I was punctual to a compulsion. (OK, let it be something cooler and more impressive than that, but still.)

Henry drove me because I had taken my contacts out at home so I wouldn’t have to fuck around with that there, and I literally cannot drive in glasses. I can barely walk down the steps in them. In fact, it had been so long that I wore my glasses (probably April when we were flying home from Korea!?) that I was screaming, “DO MY LEGS ALWAYS LOOK THIS SHORT AND SQUAT???” while Henry was holding my hand as I slowly descended the steps in the house.

I hate hate hate the eye doctor. I get performance anxiety so bad! What is the right answer?! Better or worse?! Or the same?! I legit cannot tell!! It’s nearly 2025 – why do I have to tell THEM?? Can’t a compute just show them how my eyes are seeing the stupid farmhouse in the picture?! I can’t handle it. And as such, my prescription is never correct. I can see but not well. I always have to ask Henry, “What does that say?” when we’re watching TV and it shows like, I dunno, the texts on someone’s phone.

(Luckily, I can still handle the size of subtitles.)

Arriving 15 minutes early like the good, clock-abiding citizen that I am, I walked inside on trembling fawn legs, filled out the required paperwork, and then sat with my legs crossed ultra-tight to suppress the nervous pee sensation.

It was freezing in there and I made sure to text Henry about this numerous times. There was a space heater but some old man was hogging it. He got called back soon after so I moved over to his seat and realized that maybe it wasn’t a space heater after all but an air purifier? I don’t know, but it emitted no heat whatsoever.

I was alone in the drab waiting room (it is like a free clinic in there, if you know what I mean) and no music was playing, even. WHERE IS THE SOFT ROCK, BITTEL VISION FAMILY??

“They still haven’t called me back yet,” I texted Henry with frozen fingers.

“It literally just turned 6:00,” was Henry’s response, and I could already sense that he was changing into his knight’s armor in the car.

Then it was 6:o6 so I made sure to let Henry know that they were officially late.

In all of my eye doctor appointed-spare time, I watched some IG reels with the volume off.

Then, thanks to targeted ads, I started thinking of all the things that I needed Henry to buy for me. Like vitamins.

“Order my vitamins.”
“I can feel myself declining.”
“Since you have been depriving me of them.”

After what seemed like a fortnight, it was now 6:15. I had been sitting there for 30 minutes at this point, with no one popping by to say, “Sorry we’re running a bit behind! Be with you soon!” Had they had the courtesy to check in with me, I wouldn’t have been silently turning into a time bomb in their dirty, ugly waiting room. I started to get the shakes, like I was ready to tear off my skin and show the world my inner Karenwolf, baying at the manager.

I texted Henry: “I’m going to leave.”

Even I didn’t know at the time if I was bluffing or not, but the longer I stewed in the BITTEL VISION inefficiency, the more my blood was boiling and I was starting to picture myself with a “Plus Eight” coif. Could I pull it off?

I could hear the raucous laughter of men down the hall, behind closed doors. Presumably THE BITTELS. This made me even angrier. These assholes were back there yukking it up while I was being robbed of my VERY IMPORTANT TIME.

So I did it. I wasn’t a Karen about it. I didn’t stomp my feet and yell about the unfairness of it all. I didn’t shove the door open angrily on my way out. I just simply got up and quietly left.

Then RAN TO THE CAR.

“Are you fucking serious?” Henry asked as I threw myself in the car like I was being tackled from behind by the eye doctor himself.

Henry, who by this point had finished polishing his feather-topped helmet, white-knighted them the whole way home.

“You have to wait at all doctors! It’s not just them!” he cried.

“It’s the fact that no one came out and apologized for the delay!” I countered. “If the receptionist had bothered to open her stupid privacy window and acknowledge that I had been LEFT TO DIE OUT THERE, I would have gladly continued to wait! BY THE WAY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE!”

Also, this was DURING PRIME DINNER TIME. I HAD DELAYED MY EVENING FEEDING FOR THESE PEOPLE TO DICK ME AROUND.

(We were at a red light at an intersection and since I had glasses on, all I could see was BOKEH and my eyes were crossing.)

“And I don’t know why you’re such a Bittel stan, they fucked your glasses up last time!” I cried, unwillingly to move on.

“Yeah, and then they fixed it,” Henry said calmly.

“A GOOD EYE DOCTOR WOULDN’T HAVE MESSED IT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE!” I wheezed while clutching my chest.

We drove a bit in silence and then I started reading their reviews on Yelp. “They got shitty reviews, by the way,” I said in my patented, “JUST SO YOU KNOW” teenage lilt.

Then I said I was just going to go back to my old-old eye doctor down the street.

“You stopped going to him because he called you a crackhead!” Henry said.

“Yeah, but that was a long time ago. I’ve moved on from that, and he was really old then so maybe someone has succeeded him by this point.” You never know.

(He called me a crackhead because I was being neurotic as usual and self-diagnosing myself with obscure eye conditions.)

We came home and I immediately started chewing Chooch’s ear off about my mistreatment while Henry stood there with a smirk-frown on his face, waiting for his chance to white knight some more.

“OMG! Go take a bullet for the Bittels, for Christ’s sake!” I screamed. Chooch just shook his head and retreated to his room while CHUCKLING. Great, laugh at your mother’s trauma.

Eventually, Henry apologized to me for taking the side of the BITTELS.

I accepted his apology, but a few minutes later, I started giggling to myself. “Wanna know something funny?” I asked Henry, whose face immediately drained of color.

“WHAT. WHAT DID YOU DO.”

“Well, as I was walking out the door of the eye doctors—-”

“They fucking called your name, didn’t they?” Henry sighed in disappointment.

“Yeah, someone was totally walking down the hall calling my name,” I laughed. “But it was too late! I couldn’t turn around at that point! I had to stay committed to the cause.”

“omg,” Henry muttered.

———————

Later that night,  Henry and I were sharing a beer.  “That’s pretty good, I like it,” Henry said innocently.

“It’s no BITTEL VISION though!” I shouted mockingly and he floated out of the room on the pillowy bed of his deep sigh.

Seven years ago today, I woke up and looked at my phone as is the A.M. tradition for all of us in the 21st century. The first thing I saw was a news alert from Korean media saying that Jonghyun of SHINee had been found unresponsive in his apartment and rushed to the hospital. I remember thinking that no, this was wrong. It must be someone else. But as I got ready for work, I continued to check my phone until the news eventually broke that he had died.

I still feel the same way about this as I did that morning. Sick. Gutted. Devastated. This was the one celebrity death that really took me out and continues to upset me. Knowing that he felt that he had nothing else to give, couldn’t hold any longer while being the source of happiness for millions of people. Depression is such a silent killer – on some levels, I have felt similarly and knowing that he felt this way and worse breaks me. He was such a talented and bright light for so many people – I wish that could have provided him the hope that he needed.

Today always serves as a reminder to me to just be nice. Ask your friends and family how they are doing. Take time out of your day to really listen. You never know who around you are quietly suffering inside. <3

• “There’s nothing to eat in this house.” x26278344 throughout the day.
• Walking into the kitchen in the morning to a sink full of dirty dishes even though “there’s nothing to eat in this house.”
• Towels all over the bathroom floor.
• Globs of toothpaste in the sink.
• “I’m bored.” x1728383949 throughout the day.
• Maniacal laughter and screaming well into the night as he plays his dumb computer games with his friends.
• Household expenses ⬆️.
• “I want….” x373848484 throughout the day.
• “I need….” x383849494 throughout the day.
• Annoying YouTube videos featuring grown men screaming playing in the background while I’m working.
• “There’s nothing to do.” x9992827737 throughout the day.
• The rise in my blood pressure when he has an eye appt and I give him my insurance and HSA card and he OF COURSE leaves the house without it and then texts me angrily from the doctor demanding me to “take a picture of the insurance card” so I do and then I go back to work and about 30 minutes later he texts again this time needing my HSA card # and because it took me a whopping 10 seconds to retrieve the card, he then texts THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. Well yeah and good for the doof who WAS PROVIDED BOTH CARDS IN ADVANCE BY A RESPONSIBLE PARENT yet STILL LEFT WITHOUT BOTH.
• A text sarcastically thanking me for not telling him some road is one lane due to construction.
• Being in the middle of writing a work email while a rant about “and why did I have to pay anything anyway, isn’t that what insurance is for?!” is being tossed around behind me. Welcome to America, sonny boy. (It was a $10 copay but still, he was S H O C K E D by this.)
• Being told throughout the day that everything I do, say, an(d like is dumb like it’s my life’s theme song (omg is this how Henry feels lol).

But other than that, it’s been so nice having him home! 😆

Mark Lee from my fave NCT just released another solo today with the AMAZING Lee YoungJi. It has killed me dead. Mark is so underrated and should be a universal household name.

But yeah honestly can you guys let him rest, SM? He just finished an international tour with NCT Dream, got literally mobbed in NYC, flew back to Korea in time to perform at the end of the year shows, is going to be recording another NCT Dream album, has an NCT127 tour in March…and this is just what I know off the top of my head, I’m not his freaking manager.

But maybe I should be.

Earlier today, I was trying to get Henry to show off his Seventeen member knowledge to Chooch and he refused.

“Then I’m not talking to you for the rest of the day!” I cried.

“Can you not talk to me too?” Chooch asked with faux enthusiasm.

Just in case you were wondering how “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is working out for our family.