Jun 052009
 

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 13:28 My house was so much cleaner WHEN I LIVED ALONE. I’m moving Chooch and Henry out to the garage. #
  • 13:43 Chooch watched the New Moon trailer 56578x but is frustrated that Jacob is not a polar bear. #
  • 20:15 My 3yo recognizing & excitedly yelling SPENCER! at the TV while watching “I’m a Celebrity…” makes me choke on parental failure. #
  • 20:50 Chooch: “I’mma go to the store with daddy, buy you a Sidney Crosby cookie. And I’ll have Malkin one.” <3 that damn kid. #

  • 09:18 Chooch is sleeping with a Cure flask next to him & I swear it’s not what it seems. #
  • 14:05 I wish I had a Brody Jenner in my life to go to for advice, like which sunglasses to wear on a day I want to look particularly douchey. #
  • 14:14 Come to my house & bat balloons with a flyswatter. It’s like a game you’d play at a trailer park bbq but with a real balloon, not a condom #
  • 14:26 Me, about hockey: “This is exactly how I used to feel when I’d watch Andre Agassi play, too.” Henry: “Gay?” #
  • 19:56 Alisha’s at my hizzy, haaaaay! #
  • 22:05 Maybe Lemieux should suit up. #
  • 22:34 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #letsgopens wtfomgijustpeed #
  • 22:35 I managed to hurt my wrist by punching the air. #

  • 17:13 Tonight we feast on burnt spaghetti. #
  • 19:53 Chooch just delved into MY branch of culinary arts by baking a plastic lid. #
  • 22:06 I could listen to Chooch say “god dammit Marvin” all the livelong day. #

  • 16:35 How many fingernails will tonight’s game strip from me – I only have 4 left. #
  • 16:49 Only way to get Chooch to eat Spaghetti-Os was by telling him the meatballs were made from vampire flesh. #
  • 20:27 I feel like I need to take a vaca after this hockey bullshit. And also get my heart checked. #
  • 20:30 Pedestrians outside my house think I’m dubbing an aggro porno. #
  • 21:41 HELLO THESE ARE THE PENGUINS WE KNOW & LOVE! #
  • 22:57 I think the Red Wings are a great, skilled team. But after awhile they looked like a bunch of Henrys out there: old & beat. #

  • 12:22 Would like to know why my son keeps saying there are dead people in his diaper, & why that isn’t tempting him to use the FUCKING POTTY. #
  • 12:27 The scene in Monster Squad where Frank sees a mask of himself and asks “Sc-scary?” KILLS ME every time. Probably because I can relate. #
  • 12:49 Remember when I went thru that phase where I could only get off by thinking of dead people? Maybe those same ones are in Chooch’s diaper. #

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