Dec 122017

Bulletpoints for any chingu of mine who’s into that shit. (That originally said “whose” because I AM SO SMRTZ.)

  • Secret Santa started today! I’m not really into Christmas this year but I did sign up for Secret Santa because it’s good old-fashioned office fun and we could definitely used that shit up in here always. I already mentioned that I’m happy with who I got and I put a lot of thought in my choices. So today, I got in and there was nothing on my desk. That’s OK! Some people work different shifts so this happens. I got up, made some coffee, talked to Carrie for a bit, and came back to my desk. “Aw, there’s still nothing here!” I cried to Glenn like a baby, but then I noticed a red gift bag on the floor next to my desk! I was so excited! I started tearing out tufts of tissue paper and unearthed a Kenneth Cole toiletry bag. I thought it was weird that it was a standard camel-colored leather and not like, flamingo pink or gold glittered, which is my style, but I loved it nevertheless! I opened it and tore out the compacted wads of stuffing while regaling Glenn with a tale from my golden youth. Here I’ll tell you:
    • My grandma had this friend, JEAN ARSONEUX, who once gave me a white purse when I was around 5 years old, and when I opened it, it was chockablock of small toys and things like Bonne Bell lipgloss and what was that kids’ nail polish called that peeled off? That stuff, too. So then I just assumed that all purses came stuffed with things but SADLY this has not happened to me again. The end.
  • Back to Secret Santa. I was showing Glenn my new bag and said, “YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO WITH THIS? TAKE IT TO KOREA WITH ME AND FILL IT WITH KOREAN BEAUTY PRODUCTS!” and then Glenn said something about hoping I get stopped by TSA and that reminded me of ANOTHER story from when I was 11….
    • ….and got food poisoning in Rome, Italy and my aunt Sharon went down to the hotel restaurant to get me rolls and other starchy things for breakfast so I wouldn’t puke. I mean, this was the last day of vacation but it still went down in history as the Time Erin Ruined Vacation which would make family members ask, “Wait, but which time though?” Anyway, we left Italy the next day to go home and Sharon got whisked off into some holding cell/interrogation room because SHE FORGOT TO TAKE THE BUTTER KNIFE OUT OF HER PURSE from the hotel and it turned into a whole terrorist thing and my pappap was so pissed and Sharon was crying and I was cracking up and frantically scribbling all of this down in my travel journal and my grandma was all, “OH HONESTLY SHARON AND ERIN!!!” Spoiler: Sharon got to come home with us.
  • Seriously, back to Secret Santa for real this time. A few minutes later, [REDACTED UNTIL SECRET SANTA IS OVER] came over and was all, “Can you put that bag on [REDACTED UNTIL SECRET SANTA IS OVER]’s desk for me?” And I was like, “So this isn’t mine?” And [REDACTED] was all, “No, sorry, I thought you were in the kitchen and went in there to tell you, but you weren’t there” and I was like, “No because I was over here OPENING A PRESENT THAT WASN’T MINE!” So then we had to take the tissue out of my garbage can and restuff the toiletry bag that isn’t mine.

  • I accidentally took a puzzle piece to work with me the other day and I thought Chooch was going to jump out a window. There have been no puzzle updates since the last.
  • Today is our dept holiday food party thing apparently. I had fruit and then a piece of some kind of raspberry bread thing and didn’t even go to the other food tables because I know I have some sort of eating disorder where I’m not anorexic or bulimic but the thought of eating food and gaining weight terrifies me. I mean believe me I still eat like a pig, but it’s mostly all homemade Korean food that Henry makes me which is 50% vegetables, 25% gochujang, and 25% kimchi. Add this to my growing list of issues. :/
    • I eventually went back and made a small plate because I felt guilty for not eating.

  • Speaking of Korean food, we’re going to have bottles of BIGBANG tea for all the lucky guests. And then everyone can keep theirs forever as a souvenir and stick flowers in them like I do at work. (OK I only did that once when Henry sent me flowers to embarrass me and also to apologize for exacerbating my bi-polarism.)
  • This is some linguistic nerd stuff but there is this part of Taemin’s Press Your Number that I always thought was “Girl there’s something about your body body body” because it’s not unusual for Kpop to have some English sprinkled in there. But then I happen to glance at the captions during one of his live performances of that song, and I noticed that it wasn’t “body,” but “바래” which means “hope” according to Google translate which I have learned is not always accurate. I was confused because I thought that the ㄹ sound was something more of an r/l so why was this word pronounced in a way that sounded like “body”?! Then I started thinking about Arirang radio, a Korean radio station I listen to, and how that’s also pronounced with a slight “d” sound (“Ari-dong”) so I was FREAKING OUT and UTTERLY CONFUSED. “Maybe I should ask Talk To Me In Korean to explain it,” I said to Henry before I went to bed last night, after trying to explain this to him. I didn’t do that, because you know how shit like that goes — I got distracted by some Soompi alert or something, I’m sure. BUT YOU GUYS. When I woke up this morning, I looked at my phone and saw THIS – HOW DID THEY KNOW!?!?:

  • Anyway, I watched the video and now I’m even more confused because my tongue is incapable of making all of these intricate sounds I AM SUCH A BARBARIC AMERICAN UGHHH.

  • My top two Instagram posts above were actually videos – that G-Dragon one was viewed like 50,000 times. And the other one is Twice at KCON! I love that the two most-viewed/liked things for me in IG were both Kpop-related because that for sure defined my year and when things got rocky elsewhere in life, at least I had that to fall back on like a warm fucking made-in-Korea blanket.
  • Oh wow, how shocking, another day, another comment from Glenn about a Kpop guy being a “pretty little girl.” Such open-mindedness around here!

  • GUYS LOOK WHAT CAME! MY SECRET SANTA PRESENT! I love it. And this is way more my color-scheme than the brown toiletry bag I thought was mine for 5 minutes. “Good, now you’ll stop whining,” Glenn said and I was like, “Yeah but now you guys have to listen to me be excited and thrilled over my adorable beverage vessels.” And also, I wasn’t whining! I even said that worst case scenario, I would probably just have TWO things to unwrap tomorrow, because I am not an ungrateful brat (just to Henry…and Janna too a little).
    • Lauren just came over and said “What cute vessels!” and I had to pull this up and show her that’s exactly what I called them on my blog! What a strange wavelength.
  • Speaking of Janna! She got a new job right next to my building so now we can like go to lunch or yoga (not yoga) together like real working ladies do.

  • Just sitting here at work sick to my stomach thinking about what’s going in these Alabama elections. Fuck Roy Moore forever.
  • Oh shit one night last week someone with a headlamp knocked on our door so I screamed & ran upstairs because I thought it was a coal miner but it ended up just being a Verizon guy and Henry was all “I can’t talk about your great deal right now, but please come back” & HE DID COME BACK after Henry left for the “store” so then he was out there knocking & I wouldn’t answer because I’m not entirely convinced he wasn’t a coal miner.

  • I was craving soondubu jjigae so Henry was all, “ALRIGHT, I HEAR YOU” and took me to Nak Won Garden for lunch on Saturday and I felt whole again. The playlist they had on was amaze, like being at home – Ailee, IU, Sistar, BTS…in fact, a Korean couple came in and sat down at the table next to us, and in Korean, the girl said, “It’s Bangtan Sondonyeon” to the guy and I was like, “YES – I UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE SAID.” When the owner brought out the banchan (side dishes), I immediately snatched the kimchi and slid it closer to me and Henry was sad. Henry ordered tonkatsu but did not eat it as handsomely as Taemin.
    • But oh lord, that jjigae was exactly what I had been lusting after and it burnt my tongue in ways I would never usually allow.
    • Mamamoo was playing as we left. Great playlist, Nak Won! It put me in such a great mood for the rest day even though part of the day involved shopping which I hate.
  • But speaking of Saturday, that evening, we moved the furniture out of the living room and had FAMILY KPOPX NIGHT which was the second time this has happened and it is so much fun (for me)! I made an hour-long playlist on YouTube of various k-dance workouts and then we dove right in. Except for Henry, who kind of just hung in the back, flopping around. But at least he didn’t stop moving! I’m trying to get them to do this with me at least once a week but there’s been a bit of push-back.
  • The one thing that has stuck, at least, is that Chooch goes on walks with me everyday. I take at least three walks a day because I’m insane and it helps me calm down when I start to feel like I’m losing control. And Chooch tags along because we always have good conversations BUT THINGS WENT AWRY ON OUR SUNDAY NIGHT WALK. I don’t remember how it happened, but it was in front of the teen outreach center thing where Chooch started to get an attitude with me over cheese sandwiches and I was like WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I ATE WHAT MY MOM MADE ME FOR LUNCH YOU’RE SUCH AN ENTITLED JERK and he denied that he was that, so I started walking faster than him because that’s how I act when I’m mad – like a scorned teenager! On our way back home, I yelled, “I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL I’M ON MY DEATH BED SO I CAN REMIND YOU OF ALL THE TIMES YOU BROKE MY HEART!” and then he was like, “WHAT IF I DON’T EVEN SHOW UP?!” and then we both started laughing and everything was OK.

  • Drew knocked the candy cane out of Trudy’s hands yesterday morning and she is so lucky she’s Chooch’s cat because her ass would have been out in the street j/k I love cats and can’t stay mad ever.
  • It’s cold out today and snowing so Glenn was barely outside on his break. When I was getting ready to go out for mine (I try to spend my lunch hour walking around town no matter what the weather is like) I asked Glenn how long he was out for. He said about 10 minutes so I was like, “OK, then I’ll try for 12 so I can beat you.” I went outside and called Henry who was like, “Why are you outside, fool?? It’s cold!” and I told him I had to outlast Glenn. He was like, “Wow” and then I talked to him for 25 minutes about everything I hate today before yelling, “OMG I JUST FELL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!” and then my phone died because the cold air kills it every time, and I didn’t get a chance to tell Henry that I didn’t actually fall, I just ALMOST fell. Now he’s probably pacing, wondering if I’m dead in the middle of whatever road that is that’s a pretty popular road because it’s downtown but I don’t know road names. Oh well, I guess he’ll find out if he ever reads this blog post. (He won’t.)
  • In case you were wondering if Smokey Robinson is still alive, he is. I know this because Henry and I had a mild argument about it over the weekend and I won.
  • On our walk Friday night, Chooch blurted out, “I’m so glad you’re not a Pinterest Mom.” Same, Chooch. Same. Also, that was a nicer walk than Sunday’s.
  • Oh shit, did I tell you that I finally got half of deep-cleaning done at the dentist last week, and I’m not, in fact, losing my teeth? I know this because I asked the hygienist and she was like, “NO! Why do you keep asking that, calm down.”

  • Oh you guys, my phone just turned back on and look at the texts from Henry, HE ACTUALLY CARES.
  • One day last week, I was in Rock n’ Joe’s for a chai latte. I don’t normally go there because it just doesn’t really do it for me, BUT two of the nearby Crazy Mochas were fucking packed with people like really, at 2:30pm? Come the fuck on! I almost never have to wait in line for coffee/chai. So Rock n’ Joe’s it was. As I was waiting for my chai, “Sex & Candy” came on and I was like, “*BARRAGE OF MARCY MEMORIES*” But then the barista started singing it in front of me and I just lost all control of my filter and blurted out, “MY CAT WAS NAMED AFTER THIS BAND & I’M ABOUT TO CRY” because I’m either cripplingly introverted or flinging out unfiltered facts willy-nilly, no in between “Aw…well, um, that wasn’t our intention,” the barista said, like I was going to sue them or something. As I walking out, I heard one of the other baristas ask her what all that was about and she was like, “CRAZY CAT LADY ALERT” I don’t know, I couldn’t hear. I mean, at least I didn’t show her my tattoo but that’s mostly because I was wearing a coat.
  • I was going to tell another lunch break story but then remembered LUNCH BREAK TALES so maybe I should just wait until I have more tales to tell and then we’ll do that.

OK, I’m over 2,000 words and none of this is great.

  4 Responses to “Tuesday Truths: some December things”

  1. None of this is great? No no no. ALL of this is great. I love reading your ramblings!

  2. “it turned into a whole terrorist thing and my pappap was so pissed and Sharon was crying and I was cracking up and frantically scribbling all of this down in my travel journal and my grandma was all, “OH HONESTLY SHARON AND ERIN!!!” Spoiler: Sharon got to come home with us.”

    WHY is this cracking me up so bad? “OH HONESTLY SHARON AND ERIN!!!” *dying*

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