Mar 162018
 

I officially have less than a week to get through before vacation and it’s been dra-hahahahaha-gging. I’ve been doing very little lately in order to conserve energy and money for our trip, but here is a round-up of pictures and mediocre points of interest.

  • Drew and Penelope’s condo has a big addition now and HENRY ACTUALLY HELPED! Here’s what happened: Chooch brought up this large box from the basement and I suggested that he connect it to the main part of their estate with a large circle opening (not shown, this is just a small window that Drew’s peeking out of). Well, this turned into A Thing because Chooch was all, “MY PROTRACTOR ISN’T THAT BIG” and we were like “WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO” so Henry sighed his “goddammit” sigh, disappeared into the basement and re-emerged with an actual power saw-thing!! Henry put on his construction-pants and helped make the Cat Estate Great Again, we couldn’t believe our eyes! Anyway, after he made a same-sized opening in both boxes (which, had I done it, they would have been way different circumferences and probably not even near each other), and then decided that he was sick of Chooch using all of his duct tape so he went to Lowe’s and got these plastic things to hold the boxes together! So now only part of their house looks like a hobo built it!

  • Remember how my neighbor got arrested last week? WELL GUESS WHAT. I was on my lunch break walk on Wednesday, getting ready to cross the street by the Westin, when WHO WALKED PAST ME BUT TED!!!! I was on the phone with Henry and started saying, “OMGOMGOMG” in a very huminahumina-type of way. We made eye contact and then he kept walking so I was like, “DOES HE HONESTLY RECOGNIZE ME AFTER ALL OF THOSE FRIENDLY NEIGHBOR-WAVES WE SHARED?!” but I think he was purposely avoiding me. He was walking into town with papers in his hand, so Henry said maybe he was going to meet his lawyer? He apparently posted bail and has a hearing next week, but he hasn’t been back home as far as we know since everything happened last week. His car hasn’t moved, however!! The broad was back yesterday. Henry said she was very quiet over there, although Chooch said he heard her going up and down the steps. She came and left twice so our assumption is that she was getting her stuff? She better leave and never come back, that snitch!

  • I had dinner with Barb at Amel’s the other night and it was awesome as usual! I miss seeing her and talking to her everyday — I can’t believe it’s been three years since she left the law firm! Anyway, my favorite part of the night was when she was showing me her Pinterest full of potential hairstyles and we spent a good minute looking at this one she had pinned which was so wild! It was a really cool fauxhawk in an unnatural silver/platinum color. “Yeah, I really like it a lot too,” Barb said, half-convinced that this was going to be her Hairstyle of Tomorrow, before slowly realizing that she wasn’t showing me the right pins. She eventually found the right ones, which were all great too, but now I’m sad that Barb isn’t getting a metallic silver lady fauxhawk. :(
    • Runner-up moment: when we fell down the Salem rabbit hole and talked about Days of Our Lives for 20 minutes.

  • For at least a year, Chooch has been hounding Henry for a neck pillow because he’s a geriatric pre-teen. (“I can’t walk any farther because my hip hurts,” is an actually complaint he gives from time to time.) We went to Target last weekend and he FINALLY got his damn neck pillow which came with a bonus sleep mask. Also, it’s from Love, Taza which made me laugh because she’s such an obnoxious blogger with like 79 separate forums on GOMI (Barb, before you ask, that stands for “Get Off My Internet”). Chooch walks around the house with it around his shoulders. He’s such a diva.

  • I made the bed the other day and it was such a big Suzy Homemaker accomplishment for me that I took a picture because I knew it wouldn’t last long since we live like college kids. And then I started to laugh because NOTHING IN OUR HOUSE MATCHES. I like it that way, but I can only imagine the anxiety it would cause for other people. Our pillow cases not only don’t match the comforters, but they don’t match each other either, lol. Can you guess which one is Henry’s? NOT THE BANANAS. Henry lays his precious head down on pretty hearts and skulls.

  • Chooch and I have been desperately trying to get Henry to power-up to a cooler wardrobe…OK but not even so much “cool” as “less lame and logo-oriented.” Almost all of his shirts are from work so he’s a walking beverage advert. We wanted him to at least just get better-fitting jeans and some normal shirts to take to Korea but he’s like, “I WILL WEAR WHAT I WANT” so basically he’s going to be an American ahjussi, which is fine. You do you, Hank. But then I started cracking up imagining him starting a new “middle-age beverage warehouse manager” fashion trend in Korea. All the young kids out there wearing dad jeans, dirty white New Balances, and Faygo t-shirts. Oh, what a sight!

There was a bird out there mocking them.

  • I think Penelope’s lip got cut in one of her battles with Drew. They don’t like, HATE EACH OTHER, but they definitely don’t go out of their way to hang out together, either. And I think Drew gets mad because in her head, she’s the alpha but Penelope never backs down and if she’s even a little bit afraid of Drew, she certainly doesn’t show it!

  • We went to the nearly-closed down mall last week so I could get new shoes (it was a fail – I bought a pair of furry Pumas from their juniors line and didn’t realize until I had already trekked through most of downtown in the them on Monday that they’re TOO BIG, a pair of fucking KIDS SHOES. I was flopping around like a clown out there!). Anyway, I took this picture of the main entrance area of the mall because it’s so goddamn sad and you would honestly think it’s abandoned just from this view. They have a small Easter area set up and I was like, “CHOOCH LET’S GET YOUR PICTURE TAK—–OMG IS THE EASTER BUNNY SLEEPING IN THE CHAIR?!” but Chooch snapped, “That’s a STUFFED ANIMAL.” Sorry, my eyes are not great! Also, anything’s possible at Century III Mall and a passed-out Easter bunny seems pretty apropos.

  • My favorite thing to do with Drew is play hide and seek. She gets so concerned when she suddenly can’t find! Usually, I’m just holding a pillow in front of my face or crouching down behind a dining room chair. She’ll start meowing loudly until she finds me, and then we’ll just stare at each and she cries louder. It’s so weird and fun. For someone who is so worried that I vanished, she never fucking cuddles with me!!

  • Lori sent me a link from Time Magazine about how G-Dragon is getting so many emails sent to him at his military base that it shut down the servers. I forwarded it along to some of my other co-workers because I like it when I get the chance to show them that G-Dragon is so famous that THERE ARE SOME AMERICAN OUTLETS that recognize his fame. Amber replied, “How many emails did you send him, Erin!??!” A valid question! But even though I had the info, I swear to god I didn’t send any! I really wanted to, though.
    • We talk a good bit about the mandatory military enlistments at work, and I showed some of my co-workers the above (and adorable) photo of GD with his new military peeps, and that’s when we realized that I too was dressed like I was enlisting in the military which had me cracking up because it was 100% unintentional! I don’t take many full-body mirror pics, but this was an exception!

On that note, let’s end with a BIGBANG. Since 4/5 of them are now enlisted in the military, I’ve been taking comfort in all of the live performances they have on YouTube. What did we do before YouTube, you guys!? Between that and Roku, I barely ever turn on the regular TV. (Although I did fall asleep to CNN Tuesday night thanks to that fucking Special Election in Western PA that I couldn’t vote in because it wasn’t my dumb district, whatever that means.) Right, so…here’s a video of one of their live performances from 2015. A quick explanation: it starts out with “Crayon,” a G-Dragon solo song, but instead of GD, the other members of BIGBANG come out one by one and sing it before G-Dragon finally appears for the beginning of “Fantastic Baby.” This entire performance makes me so happy! You should watch it.

I know, it seems crazy that I went from listening to screamo and post-hardcore almost exclusively, but the charisma of BIGBANG is really hard to ignore. Even with all of those other bands that I have loved for years, I never really knew any of the members, but with BIGBANG (and a lot of kpop groups), there are five very distinct personalities there and the more you learn about each one, the harder it is to have a favorite (although it will always be G-Dragon for me!). Their performances are nutso and even though they might be going silent for the next two years, they will still be the fucking kings of kpop. Legends.

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