Nov 212018
 

Finally, after months of being put on the back burner because of supply issues, KPOPendants have finally debuted! I’m smitten with them. I wanted them to have a Victorian-esque cameo feel to them.

Here are the first four in the shop, but in the coming days, I’ll be adding Taemin, Jackson, Kai, Jin, and Jungkook, plus more!

First up, for your consideration, is the perfectly elven face of Kim Taehyung from BTS.

This is my friend Janna’s bias, only because I made her choose one.

Next up is Park Jimin, also from BTS (Armys, I hear you, and soon all 7 will be in pendant-form).

Please don’t mind the glare! These things are difficult to photograph.

I’m sorry, but I just don’t see enough Cha Eun-woo things out there. They don’t call him a face genius for no reason!

And the one that started it all, our king, Kwon Jiyong aka the legendary G-Dragon. This was my first pendant design and it was honestly because I wanted one to wear for myself, lol.

And it’s no surprise that he was the first one to sell!

All pendants set in a resin frame, capped off with a glass cabochon, and come ready-to-wear with a silver-plated 18 inch chain. Pendant itself measures 2.75in. x 1.5in.

These cuties can be found in the pendant section of Hello Hanguk and while you’re there, maybe grab a greeting card to go with it?! God, I’m such a great peddler.

Sep 252018
 

Like pretty much everyone in  this country it seems, I have been interested in true crime for as long as I can remember. But my first true “killer” love was Lizzie Borden. I mean, her story had it all: the Victorian setting, the gruesome crime scenes, the mystery and intrigue, the…pears.

One of the greatest things Henry ever did for me was take me to Fall River, Massachusetts for my birthday in 2003 and we stayed overnight at the Lizzie Borden Bed & Breakfast. It was…SO FUCKING SCARY.  I mean, nothing obtusely paranormal happened to us, but aside from the summer caretaker (Mike, whom I learned several years ago perished in a house fire!!) we were the only guests there on that hot summer night.

It was one of the coolest experiences, even though this was back when Henry and I fought constantly because he was trying to hard to domesticate me.

Years later, we went back with Chooch. We didn’t stay overnight, but we did take a tour and visit the cemetery. Chooch was super interested and well-behaved during the whole tour so I was like TAKE THAT to the people on the tour with us who silently judged our decision to bring our  7-year-old but joke’s on them because he’s an ax-murderer too.

LOL sike j/k.

Recreating the crime scene.

So all of this is a big lead-in for my new serial killer birthday card! I know, I know, Lizzie isn’t exactly a serial killer, but she’s definitely an American horror icon so I do tend to include her occasionally in my cards. I felt it was fitting to have her play the role of the matriarch at the kid’s birthday party in my latest card, though, and I am so giddy about it! I think that this is my current favorite design in the non compos collection and I hope that my customers love it as much as I do.

The gang’s all here waiting for Lizzie to serve them up a scoop of sherbet! Can you name them all?

I felt that the image on this card was good enough and didn’t need to be cluttered with text, so I stuck with a simple “Happy Birthday” and then a short sentiment on the inside.

Serve this sucker up to your favorite murderino on their next birthday!

Or if you know someone who is just strictly a Lizzie lover, might you consider this festive design?

It’s a little known, oft-glossed over fact that Lizzie Borden was a gold medalist in the Fall River Birthday Cake Cutting Olympics. Funny how no one cared about her deft, hatchet-wielding prowess until she advanced from cakes to craniums.

Now we can help teach the world about Lizzie’s non-murderous talents, one birthday card at a time. THANK GOD.

This educational card comes with an envelope, because the last time I tried to mail something in an eggshell, it never made it.

(This is not true. I feel obliged to clarify because the last time I posted this on the socials, someone asked if it was true. I mean, maybe? But probably not  because I’m pretty sure I just cooked it up in my head because I have lots of empty space up there.)

The card has an inside and this is it.

I also have these fancy and sophisticated Lizzie note cards, the first note card set I ever offered in my shop! These are great for when you feel like practicing your calligraphy or owe your death row pen pal a letter but ran out of sheaths of the pig skin you would normally use.

“Pig.”

And I’ll leave you with this vintage snap of Henry reenacting the Borden crime scene during our overnight stay – look at him, still swathed in nondescript duds even back in 2003!

OK guys, this has been my Lizzie Borden interlude. Carry on.

Sep 202018
 

Wow man wow, we’ve been busy over in our sweatshop, updating the line of killer birthday cards. It’s been a long while since I showed them off on here, so let’s give these babies their moment in the sun, shall we?

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The gang’s all here to wish someone a killer birthday! Ed Kemper, Aileen Wuornos, Albert Fish, Ed Gein, and Jeffrey Dahmer all came out to play, donning festive accouterments, to make this card as chillingly cheerful as possible. This card is perfect for all the true crime creeps in your life, innocent friends you love to scare, or an in-law that you really effing hate! I mean, when you care enough to send the very best, am I right?

The inside is blank so you can let your creativity go hog-wild…or keep the creativity hog-tied and just sign your name. Hey, you bought the card. Do what you want!

Comes with an envelope. Fill it with crime-related newspaper clippings!

Here’s what people are saying about it:

I sent this card to my mother-in-law and now she never comes to our house anymore. Thank you, non compos cards!

Kathy Kanooplepoop – Carbuncle, Colorado

Click here to purchase!


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Nothing like sending a shiver down someone’s spine on their birthday, and what better way to do so than with this sinister BTK card, complete with a bound piece of cake?

I mean….um, kake.

Hey, poetic license, OK?

Super great story about BTK: Sometime back in 2000 or 2001, I became obsessed with this guy who was friends with my birth dad and was with him the night he died back in 1983. THIS STORY IS SO GREAT ALREADY RIGHT.

Anyway, dude’s name was Dennis Rader and all I knew was that he moved out of state sometime after my dad’s accident so I got out the trusty WHITE PAGES and called every Dennis Rader in that damn book, looking for the one who knew my dad. I talked to several of them but none turned out to be the right one. However, years later after BTK was caught, I realized he had the same name as my dad’s friend and IT WAS HIM.

No sike my dad wasn’t friends with BTK but the whole point of this story is that maybe one of the Dennis Raders I spoke with that day was BTK.

Can’t wait to tell this story to my future grandchildren and then teach them the definition of “anticlimactic.” (I did eventually meet up with the Dennis Rader who knew my dad and he was pretty creepy too and low key hit on me the whole time so that was great.)

This card comes with an envelope, so you can include a stocking or rope-snipping for that extra punch.

Here’s what people are saying about this card:

I’m a cannibal and wanted my serial killer name to also be BTK for “butter the kids” but this d-bag beat me to the name so now I’m just “that guy down the street who eats people.”  Anyway, I bought this card for my niece because she likes lassoing cake.

Percival Peoplevore – Skintown, Nebraska

Click here to purchase!


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Recently I realized that I didn’t have any Charles Manson birthday cards, and for a regular Etsy card shop, that would probably be a weird realization, but just a normal think tank conclusion over here at non compos cards. I added the happy birthday to the inside of the card, but you can use this for any grand occasion such as: devil’s night, the celebration of a divorce, a Beatles listening party…I don’t know, it’s late and I can’t think of anything else but I trust that my customers are creative treasure chests.

I designed this card while the sweetest Kpop was playing on the TV behind me, such strange juxtaposition.

Anyway, this card comes with an envelope and I just had a flashback to when I was deep in the pen pal scene and we used to call them “envies.” Don’t be jealous of my past.

Click here to purchase!


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Have you ever wondered if serial killers were able to slice a birthday cake or cut up a piece of (non-human) meat without being triggered? Anyway, here’s a delightful Ed Kemper birthday card to wish any of your loved ones a slayful day.

(Funny cake-related story that just came to mind as I’m sitting here writing this before work: when I was a teenager, I hated my stepdad so much. The whole family was going to my grandparents’ house one day for some lame birthday cookout for him and I was in charge of carrying the cake. Like, how dumb was my mom. So my grandparents only lived two houses up from us and the cake wasn’t heavy by any means, but I just had this urge to flip the box off my hands and it landed upside down in the yard, and I dramatically said, “oops.” I got in so much trouble but it was worth it. That smashed cake was the best cake I’ve ever eaten.)

(My stepdad and I get along fine now. I know you were wondering.)

(And he would’ve done the same thing to me if he had the opportunity.)

(Sorry this didn’t have more violence in it.)

(Comes with an envelope.)

Here’s what people are saying about this card:

Every time I look at this card, I think it’s a picture of Dad when he was younger.

My Kid (yes I have a kid, yes I know that’s scary)

Click here to purchase!


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I mean, who wouldn’t want the deliriously smirking face of Aileen Wuornos greeting them on their birthday? Well, aside from johns all over the world. True story: I used to be something of a serial hitchhiker-picker-upper in my younger years because I had some kind of subconscious death wish, I guess. But the ONLY time I was EVER scared and paranoid was when I picked up my first and only woman hitchhiker. It was one of the few times I had a friend with me when engaging in these illicit pre-Uber sessions, so this broad was in the backseat and something about the way she was jangling her keys really made my spine tingle and she really did have a Wuornos-esque vibe to her. Supposedly her car had broken down but I could have been driving her away from a crime scene for all I know – SHE WAS SUPER TWITCHY AND SKETCHY. We kept making eye contact in my rear view mirror and I just now had a chill thinking about it even though it’s been nearly 20 years.

Anyway, here I am, alive to tell the tale and then I started dating Henry a/k/a my shop helper & moral compass shortly after this and he was like, “Did no one seriously ever tell you not to pick up hitchhikers?!” So yeah, moral of the story is “don’t pick up hitchhikers” and if you do, probably not a good idea to pay them for sex either.

(I also used to have house parties and invite in strangers straight off the street; see also my BTK note card listing where I talk about being dropped on my head as a kid.)

Yeah boi, back to the card! It comes with an envelope. Slip in a gift card for a cafe as a shout out to the cup of coffee Aileen requested as her last meal.

Click here to purchase!


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If this card doesn’t just positively EXCRETE enthusiasm, then I guess I need to go back to fifth grade and retake my vocab tests. This card is perfect for any of those true crime aficionados in your life, you know the ones who call in sick to work because they can’t stop watching Forensic Files? We all know someone like that.

This card comes with an envelope, but no ammo.

Here’s what people are saying about this card:

I needed a good card to go with the Satanic talking dog that I got for my nephew’s 3rd birthday. This really complemented that rapid canine well. However, half of my brother’s neighborhood has since been massacred and I’ve been asked to come in to the station for questioning, so.

Morgan Maplebitch – Hell, Michigan

Click here to purchase card, but not talking dog!


And that’s all for now, my freaks & geeks. Soon I’ll be working on revamping some of the older Christmas card designs and I’ll probably have a giveaway for that, so check back!

Sep 142018
 

I’m so excited about this, you guys! I’m in the process of expanding my Hello Hanguk line to include idol pendants!

I was looking online for kpop pendants and when I couldn’t find anything that appealed to me, I took matters in my own hands and made this G-Dragon beauty.  I am so smitten with it that I decided to create a whole idol profile series!

These photos don’t do it justice because I used my phone but I wanted to do a little sneak peek because you know me and how I just can’t ever wait.

Honestly, I consider it to be an amulet.

Even my co-workers were like, “OK fine, that’s actually pretty nice” and I know it was hard for them because they generally hate encouraging my kpop fanaticism.

I have a whole list of idols to immortalize in ornate pendant frames but if you have a specific bias that you want to see, please let me know!

In other Hello Hanguk news, I made a Sunmi birthday card this week and didn’t think it would do well but I had two orders so far!

Here’s a birthday card for your favorite little gashina (did you know that this is also means bitch in Korean? Be careful who you say this to, I guess!). The inside has a colorful bouquet to remind your friend to live their life like a flower.

Comes with an envelope.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and practice that gun dance again. I just can’t bend back that far.

(I have a bad back, OK?!)

And I had to feed the desire to make another BIGBANG card. They’re the kings, after all!

Yeah, this card had to be made. BIGBANG is my favorite Kpop group of all time and I could certainly fill this whole shop with just BIGBANG cards but, you know, variety is good too. Ugh. Anyway, this card could be used for Valentines Day, an anniversary, birthday, Flag Day—who wouldn’t be stoked to get a card on freakin’ Flag Day!?

It comes with an envelope. Stick a room key in it if you’re feeling especially ballsy & proposition-y.

And that’s my super-quick kpop shop update! I also have another Valentine set coming up soon, so check back for that if you’re into super kpoppy mini-Valentines to pass out at school, work, prison, wherever!

 

Aug 222018
 

Lately, I have been feeling 진짜 inspired to add new designs to my Kpop card shop. I am such a bad Etsyer but I don’t always have the time or energy that I need to devote to my shops. (Somehow I recently surpassed the “50 Sales” milestone for Hello Hanguk without doing much promoting at all! #blessed) But then my secret weapon known as MANIA kicks in and I get on a roll. The last several days, I’ve been staying up way too late making these because I’m determined to get at least one set of mini Valentines done before the end of 2018 instead of, you know, three weeks before Valentine’s Day like I did last year. I AM SO GOOD AT THIS!

For example: I spent two days KCON in June and passed out ONE BUSINESS CARD and by “passed out” I mean that my kid tossed one on a retaining wall outside of the Prudential Center.

Anyway, I made some new Valentines for the upcoming third set I’m working on (please see set #1 and set #2 here!) and also some designs for a note card set. I’m such a huge advocate of note card sets because it’s always nice to send a friend a card for no reason.

LIKE THIS (G)I-DLE “LATATA” CARD!

We all get caught up in life and I know for sure that I can be bad at keeping up with friendships. Wouldn’t it be nice to send this to someone in the actual mail instead of sending a sterile text? If I ever make any local Kpop friends, I’m going to send them this card. TRY AND STOP ME.

This is a play on (G)i-dle’s song “Latata.” I wanted to make a card with them on it because I’ve really been into them lately, but I couldn’t think of anything good and then this hit me late last night. I woke up Henry to show him and he tried to mask a smile with a frown, so that’s how I know it’s a pretty good one.

Guys, you’re about to get some Kpop tea: This card is bittersweet because today it was just confirmed that E’Dawn (along with Yan An) is taking an indefinite hiatus from Pentagon due to “unspecified reasons” which everyone knows means he’s being punished for having the audacity to be in a relationship with Hyuna! I’m really upset and frustrated over this not just because E’Dawn is my favorite in Pentagon, but because it’s just so…just so…UNJUST. I hope that this blows over and he comes back.

And here’s all of Pentagon with a line from their fantastic song Shine. This will be part of the Valentine set but it could also be used as an everyday reminded that, “Hey, friend, you’re pretty effing boss, ain’t nobody like you.” We all need those reminders that we’re unique individuals.

And while we’re on the Pentagon topic…here is a Hui / Third Wheel card. Hui and E’Dawn have a side project with Hyuna called Triple H and when it was announced that E’Dawn and Hyuna are dating, the third wheel memes came out strong.

When Henry and I first got together, I was friends with this girl who was ALWAYS HANGING AROUND. One day, my friend Brian said to Henry, “Didn’t anyone tell you that when you date Erin, you date Christine Haney too?” And Henry laughed because he didn’t yet know that IT WAS TRUE. Anyway, I have a feeling that Hui is not the psycho brand of third wheel though and that Triple H can bounce back and continue to make super retro music. Sigh.

Love Scenario” is such a sweet jam, and now you can use it to tell someone how much they mean to you. Why save this just for Valentine’s Day – give it to your kpop-loving partner on just a regular old Tuesday to let them know you’re thinking of them!

Hopefully you don’t need to send a follow-up “Killing Me” card!

Not many people make a better brooding face than T.O.P. from BIGBANG, sigh. Anyway, let your BFF, partner, spouse, mom, barber, grocery store bagger know that they’re at the top of your list. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, or any old calendar day to make someone you love smile.

I mean, unless they’re not into Kpop. Then they’ll probably think this card is missing a word.

(I’ve been making cards since 2009 and have yet to make any with missing words, but there is always tomorrow.)

For the person you have more than just a 4Minute crush on.

Seriously though, who else misses this group?! (Fun fact about me: Hot Issue was the first Kpop song I ever bought from iTunes and it was my alarm song for nearly a year!)

Shameless KpopX Fitness shoutout:

Life offers us so many opportunities to say sorry (sorry sorry sorry) and sometimes apologizing to someone is so much easier in writing! This Super Junior “Sorry Sorry” card is the perfect vehicle to carry your atonement. Or maybe you just simply want to say “Sorry you didn’t get BTS tickets” or “Sorry your plant died.”

The premise for this card design has been in my head for months and months and I’m so relieved I finally made time to get this one done! It was another “Wake up Henry to show him” card and he was not thrilled.

I had a slew of really dramatic, terrible birthdays when I was younger. Turns out, the common denominator was that I was just hanging out with some crappy people and also, I didn’t have KPOP in my life yet! This Monsta X birthday card is perfect to show anyone in your monbebe tribe that your wish is for them to have a smooth-sailing birthday, no drama, no stress. And if they’re anything like me, they won’t be able to help but sing-read this card out loud when they see it!

Honestly, listen to this song and then tell me it’s not all you hear when you look at this card!)

Remember back in the day when Aaliyah coined the old adage that “Age ain’t nuthin’ but a numba”? It’s true. And I think any BTS stan will stay forever young as long as they’ve got kpop in their hearts. So give this card to your friends who might be less than stoked about their next birthday (my next birthday will be the big 4-0 you guys, help) because the charming visages of those bangtan beauts is enough to distract any of us from the cold hard reality of growing older.

The inside says “even though it’s your birthday” and it comes with an envelope so you can slide in some anti-aging beauty samples if you really want to make ’em feel great.

 

It’s no secret that I am obsessed with Hyolyn. I would go as far as to say she’s my ultimate girl kpop bias and she has blessed us with the best summer jams this year! “Tasty sexy hashtag” is a line from her most recent single, Bae, and it was too good not to turn into a card.

This will be part of the upcoming third set of mini Kpop Valentines but I’ll also be listing it as a full-sized single card too.

If you ask me, the cheesier the better when it comes to Valentines! Let Key from SHINee help you tell someone how you feel! You have the KEY to my heart. Get it? THE KEY? Because his name is…OK yeah you get it.

The inside is blank so this doesn’t have to just be used on Valentine’s Day. And it comes with an envelope, so if you’re tryna take your relationship to the next level, you could put AN ACTUAL key in there, I mean, as long as you trust the person and you have good communication, and—wait, I’m not your mom. Do whatever you want!

It’s always nice to get mail from friends, so next time you’re thinking of giving your favorite Shawol a Ring Ding Dong, send them this cute card instead! It features all five members of SHINee because SHINee will always be five. The bright faces of Onew, Jonghyun, Taemin, Minho, and Key paired with these fun Saved By the Bell-esque colors will be sure to put a smile on anyone’s face! (UNLESS THEY ARE HEARTLESS JERKS.)

Hello” was my first favorite SHINee song, and I have no shame.

The inside is blank, a wide open field for your ink-flowers to flourish!

(P.S. Do you know how hard it is to not just make Taemin cards all day long? I even briefly considered getting into enamel pin-making because the Taemin/SHINee options are lacking.)

Henry didn’t get this one because he doesn’t care about NCT 127, but this card features member Ten.

Get it? I think you’re a …. Ten?

Because his name is Ten?

Valentines are meant to be like dad jokes times Ten, OK?!

Do you ever think of someone and get so happy that you start doing the jumping pony dance*? Then this card is for you! To give to them! So really, this card is for them!

*(I’m not well-versed in dance language and have no idea what you call that dance they do.)

Momoland never fails to bring a smile to m face, and hopefully this card will do the same to someone you care about.

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Well guys, that’s all I got for right now. If you know anyone who likes Kpop, please send them my way. Or better yet, buy a card from Hello Hanguk for them!
Aug 122018
 

You guys rioted* when my other serial killer notecard set didn’t include Jeffrey Dahmer, so here is the much-anticipated second series with 8 more vicious bastards to terrorize mail recipients, including the ever-popular Jeffrey Dahmer.

*(OK literally just one person was like “No Dahmer?” on Instagram. But hey this is proof that I consider your feedback!)

Each card features 1970s wallpaper backgrounds and famous quotes from each killer, or as I like to alternately call these: Things Not to Say on a First Date.

Or job interview.

Or ever, probably.

These cards are the A2 size, smaller than the single cards I sell in this shop. 8 envelopes are included for free. I was going to charge extra for them but my boyfriend showed me the definition of “dick move” and it said “Charging extra for envelopes.”

This set includes: Jeffrey Dahmer, Carl Panzram, Charles Manson, BTK/Dennis Rader, Gary Ridgway/Green River Killer, Henry Lee Lucas, Richard Speck, and Andrei Chikatilo (somehow I realized that in the 10 years I’ve been making these cards, I don’t have a single Chikatilo design, like America’s the only country with deranged killers).

I wanted to give the second series more of a retro feel, whereas the first set is more of a “granny’s stationary drawer” feel. I had so much perusing various 1970s wallpaper designs, that’s for sure. (Much less fun looking up killer quotes, though.)

Gary Ridgway.

Henry Lee Lucas.

BTK.

I think we can all use that “head dropping” excuse though, right? I was definitely dropped on my head as a kid and also as a teenager when Jared and Damien were trying to drag me over to the window of our 8th grade homeroom because my mega-crush was outside and I was like DONT MAKE ME TALK TO HIM and one of them DROPPED ME ON MY HEAD because I was not going willingly and I saw animated bluebirds for real, you guys.

Granted, I haven’t killed anyone or even tortured or bound anyone yet but at least if I decide to, I know I have a SOLID EXCUSE.

J/K please don’t report me. 

Andrei Chikatilo

This one just makes me laugh, but also it makes me wish that some group of people would want to buy my brains when I die.

Charles Manson, le duh.

Has there ever been a more relevant sentiment uttered by a cult leader? Everybody out here trying to out-crazy each other, man. Anyway, this note card is blank inside and if you’re like me and work in a city, it could easily be filled up with the nutso things you see during your lunch break strolls through downtown alleys. For example, one time some dude walked to the nearby Army Navy store, bought a machete, and then used it to chop a dude’s hand RIGHT ACROSS FROM WHERE I WORK. No one died or anything, but there was a crime scene with blood so you better believe I went out there and took pictures of it. After I was sure that it wasn’t Jason Voorhees, that is. Turns out it was an isolated incident and the two guys knew each other and were fighting over a broad. A tale as old as time. Or at least as old as 2014. 

Jeffrey Dahmer.

Richard Speck

Fun fact about me: I had a cat named Nicotina but I started calling her Speck one day, one of those instances* where you see one of your pets and just blurt out a new name for them, because Richard Speck happened to be on my mind for some reason, and then that name stuck to the point where my son was born several years later and that was the only name he ever knew for her.

*(I also called her Breakfast Nook and Pickles.)

***

These sets come with envelopes, perfect for slipping in a handwritten excuse signed by a parent. Any parent. I’m a parent* and can sign it for you if you want.

*(I know, right?!)

They can also be purchased individually, so just send me a convo if, say, you only want the Gary Ridgway one or something. I will accommodate!

In other greeting card news, I’m working on some new Kpop cards for my Hello Hanguk shop and hope to have a THIRD set of mini-Valentines ready for 2019, and also some Christmas card sets. I have not had very much time to give these shops the proper attention that they deserve, but I’m trying to be more mindful of carving out time. So if there are any killers or Kpop groups/idols you want to see featured on some cards, let me know!

Mar 142018
 

When of the reviews I got in my non compos cards shop was that they loved my cards a lot but wish there was more variety/types of cards. I get it, and I got you. I have several future plans in my head (especially for more Valentines, which are my favorites to make) but to start, I’m focusing on notecard sets. I’ve already posted the serial killer set (I’m working on set #2!), and a BTS set (next up is a Kpop assortment!), and last weekend I finished this divine Golden Girls set!

It features 8 cards, 2 for each G-Girl, featuring trademark sayings or funny one-liners from the series.

I wanted the backgrounds to be as Miami as possible, and I think these give off a good Golden Girls’ lanai vibe. Yay or nay?

That Sophia one up there says “May you put your dentures in upside down & chew your head off” and I can’t wait for the day I can say that to Henry!

I’d use glittery cardstock for all of our cards but Henry is like, “Not on my watch.”

 

These are great all-occasion cards! Perfect for when you want to tell your sister that she’s being a slut puppy or when you want to cheer up a co-worker through interoffice mail.

This one is my favorite.

Also the background reminds me of my grandparents’ bedroom. Hey speaking of my grandparents! Here’s a picture I found from probably 1987. I can look at this picture and tell you that for sure it was either a Friday or Saturday night because my sleepover routine was to take a shower, put on probably one of my aunt’s old classy beer t-shirts, then my aunt Sharon would wrap my hair in a towel and my grandma would scratch my back while we watched either Hunter if it was Friday or Golden Girls & Empty Nest if it was Saturday.

(Was MacGyver on Saturdays, too?)

Shit, I would give anything to go back to 1987 and sleep over my grandparents’ house one more time.

But yeah, all of this is just to say that like so many of you out there, I freaking cherish the Golden Girls. Making these cards was pretty therapeutic!

PERHAPS WRITING IN THEM WILL BE THERAPEUTIC FOR YOU! Here’s the link to buy a set!

Feb 282018
 

I’ve been trying to be more diligent and less negligent of my poor Etsy card shop, noncomposcards. (Probably the same thing could be applied to my kid, whoops, where is he.) Usually what happens is I made a new card or two right before Christmas and Valentines Day, and then I get lazy and forget about it. But I want to be a better shop-owner! So I’m trying to add some fresh new products to the line-up, things that can be used all-year round and aren’t holiday specific.

Things that Grandma might send to Aunt Edna.

So I made these lovely serial killer note cards, similar to the BTS ones I made for my Kpop card shop, but you know, way more sinister and disturbing.

This set includes 8 different killers with a horrific quote of theirs. I’m working on a second set right now which is more retro-themed, so if you’re like the kid who commented on my Instagram post and asked, “Where’s Dahmer” when my caption clearly said, “If there’s someone you don’t see, check back because they’ll probably show up in another set,” you can rest-assured motherfuckin’ buttocks-chewing Dahmer will be there.

But for this inaugural set, we got some good ones! You can’t read the quotes that well in these shoddy iPhone pictures (I’m such a profesh) so I will kindly type them out for below each picture.

Mmm-mmm, that juxtaposition of murderous mug and flirty floral. <3

Ted Bundy – What’s one less person on the face of the earth, anyway?

Ed Gein – I had a compulsion to do it.

Aileen Wuornos – Thanks a lot, society, for railroading my ass.

(This is my personal favorite, btw, so if you buy this set, considering writing me a love note on this card?)

Ed Kemper – I just wanted to see how it felt to shoot grandma.

Richard Ramirez – Even psychopaths have emotions. Then again maybe not.

Albert Fish – I like children. They are tasty.

(My kid walked by when I was making the Fish one and he said, disappointedly, “Wow. Nice, mom.” #success)

John Wayne Gacy – The dead won’t bother you. It’s the living you have to worry about.

SAGE SHIT RIGHT THERE.

David Berkowitz – Hello from the gutters of New York City, which are filled with dog manure, vomit, stale wine, and blood.

(OK this is a stretch but I love this quote so much that I had to squeeze it the fuck on there.)

These cards are smaller than the main ones in my shop which means nothing to you if you’ve never previously purchased a non compos card, so let’s just get technical and say that it’s the A2 size.

8 cards in a set, which means….wait for it…8 ENVELOPES. You are so lucky I understand math!

Go get yourself some! You never know when you’ll need to send a card full of nudes to your prison pen pal or a “WE MOVED” address update to your mother-in-law.

Feb 202018
 

If there is one thing you can always count on me to have, it’s a notecard set. You just never know when you’re going to find a need to send a card to someone, and I like to keep a variety on hand at all times. Um, I usually send at least one “Sorry I’m an asshole” notecard a year, so it helps if the card is cute because my dumb puppy eyes don’t cut it anymore.

All of this is to say I added some notecards to the Hello Hanguk line over the weekend! Currently, the sole set is BTS, but I have plans to add some other varieties as well as a serial killer set for non compos cards (I’m about 75% done with that one so check back soon murderinos!).

The BTS cards feature a meme/infamous quote from each member. It’s a really great gift for any BTS Army in your life because they will for sure get all the sayings. Kpop fans spend a lot of time watching videos of their bias groups on V-Live and YouTube, OK? Me included. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched the “you got no jams” video of BTS on the plane to LA and it cracks me every time.

Each card is so glittery and I’m obsessed with them! I have to find myself some kpop penpals so that I can use these myself. (But more importantly, so I can use the G-Dragon and Taemin ones I’ll be making real soon.)

That BTS “Love Yourself” design up there is also available as a full-size single card! I think it’s an awesome message to spread to all your loved ones, especially when it’s so easy to succumb to bullying and insecurities.

8 cards in the set, and it also comes with 8 envelopes because I can count pretty OK.

Ugh they’re so happy and colorful! You should get a set!

Feb 032018
 

No really, this is the last. I swear. It’s just that I couldn’t sleep one night last week and I was thinking, “How can I further expand my card line/release some of this psychotic energy that’s keeping me awake?” And then I wondered if the Golden Girls would be a good fit with the serial killers and vintage porn stars of noncomposcards and you guys, I think it’s a good fit. I mean, someone bought two GG cards and a porn star set so…

Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

I know I’m not alone in deriving great comfort from Golden Girls reruns. Like so many others, I grew up on this show in the 80s. Of course, back then, it was way too “adult” for me, and most of it went way over my head, but I still watched it because I loved Rose and her St. Olaf tales and Dorothy’s relationship with her mom and Blanche was always GOALS. I used to sleep over my grandparents house on Saturday nights and it honestly feels like yesterday when I would sit on the couch next to my Grandma, wearing some old oversized beer t-shirt as a nightgown, watching The Golden Girls and Empty Nest. (And Hunter but was that on Fridays? I only ever watched Hunter at my grandparents house.)

Very little in life has felt more comfortable and warm to me than those childhood Saturday nights on Gillcrest Drive.

I think like there are a lot of people who can relate to this!

Cheesecake & Chill?

Vertubenflugen

Blanche Devereaux Girl’s Night 

Funny story – one time many moons ago I sent Henry to the video rental place down the street and made him ask the guy in the back for Revolutionary War porn, so he was already flustered about that, and then he turned around and accidentally knocked over an entire rack of pornos, cutting his knuckle in the process and to this day I still refer it as The Porn Wound. He gets so mad.

Now you know something about me! Well, about my boyfriend.

My goal this past week was to get enough designs in order to make these available as a mini set because I think they’re no fun and novel. Originally, I was just going to make 8 designs and have 2 of each in the sets but because I love overachieving, not sleeping, and feeling stressed out, I ended up making 16 different ones, and finished it this morning!

The backs are cute AF, IMO.

Literally, not once in this Valentine promotion series have I had presentable nails. I’M SORRY, YOU GUYS. I’m hideous.

But enough about my chipped polish, what I like about these cards is that there’s something in there for both platonic friends and people you’re legit hot for.

This Sophia one is my favorite though because I love vintage porn and Sicily 1969 porn is probably pretty hot. Especially if it’s Mt. Etna-themed.

I know, I know – “Bea Mine,” what a fucking cop-out. But I wanted to get these done for you in time! I’m already jotting down ideas for a second set for next year, so I will redeem myself for being so basic.

Most of these are adapted quotes from the show, and I thought the Sophia one up there was actually super romantic if you think of it in terms of “Hey, let’s grow old and toothless together.” You know? Maybe I do have a heart after all.

Similar to the serial killer, porn, and kpop sets (god, what a collection), there are 16 different cards in this set, perfect for passing out like you’re still a kid in elementary school when the only care was, “YEAH BUT WHAT CANDY COMES WITH IT” – oh wait, that’s still a major concern! Fuck off with those fruit-flavored tootsie rolls!

And there you have it. The final editions to this 2018 V-Day season. $8 for the whole set!

Jan 282018
 

When I was designing the other Kpop mini Valentine sets, I kept thinking of all these different BTS ones I wanted to make, but the whole point of those sets was to have a variety of different Kpop groups representin’, you know? So then I thought, well, why not just make a series of all BTS designs?! You can never have too much BTS.

So I activated my Cringe Mode and got to work on 16 new designs! (Technically, 15 new designs – 1 of the 16 is available in one of the variety packs). Then I waited until my nail polish was sufficiently chipped before taking pictures of the result.

Chooch was so full of groans and disappointed head-shakes over the corniness of this particular set, which means I succeeded!

This J-Hope one, though.

Anyway, this set includes one design of each member alone (Jin and RM have two, though because I accidentally played favorites I guess), one of Cypher, and then a ton of the whole group.

I’m so excited about this collection! I love Valentines Day even though Henry is the worst when it comes at being romantic, and the thought of passing out little Valentines a la elementary school days is just so appealing to me! I might pass these out at work and force everyone to listen to a BTS song or 17.

Interested? This set, and two other kpop variety sets, can be purchased over at my Kpop card store on Etsy: Hello Hanguk!

Jan 242018
 

Friends. If you’re not into Valentines, skip this post. Because aside from exercising and watching k-dramas, making Valentines has been consuming my life for the last several weeks and I have to say, I’m not mad about it. Some might know that I have been making greeting cards since 2006 and have had a shop on Etsy since 2009 (I used to sell them out of my main art Etsy but then gave them their own brand after seeing that there was actually (surprisingly) a market for them!

Anyway, this little quick background check is all to say that my interest was really waning recently. I wasn’t really creating any new designs, even though I was getting convos from people asking for certain things, etc. But then I started to add kpop designs into the mix with the good old serial killer and vintage porn star standbys, and suddenly I felt excited and inspired to start creating again. I already posted twice last week about my new line of mini Valentines, but I had to come back and do it again because since then, I have added two new sets to the line-up: Kpop #2 and Serial Killers #2! I am so proud of my little babies!

So please indulge me for a few minutes while I gush and show off my new additions. I’m trying to be more pushy active with promoting my wares.

KPOP Mini Valentine Set #2 comes with 16 new designs!

  • 2NE1
  • Jin (BTS)
  • Bae Suzy
  • BIGBANG
  • Winner
  • Taeyang
  • Blackpink
  • SNSD
  • BTS
  • Kard
  • GOT7
  • F(x)
  • Mamamoo
  • T-ARA
  • U-Kiss
  • Red Velvet

I really enjoy making cards because I get to let my cringe-iness run loose & piss on some fire hydrants and postal carriers, you know?

Each set of 16 comes packaged in a little Valentine bag.

Both sets are only $8 a piece over at Hello Hanguk! I’m also working on a BTS set, as well, to appease all the Armys out there. (When really I just want to be making Taemin-only sets for daaaaays. *lovesick*)

Meanwhile, over on the darkside a/k/a noncomposcards, I made a second set of serial killer Valentines as well!

This set features some old standbys as well as some brand new designs that I made specifically for this set:

  • Harry Powers
  • Ed Gein #1
  • Gary Ridgway
  • Richard Speck
  • Charles Manson
  • HH Holmes
  • Richard Ramirez
  • Ken & Barbie Killers
  • Lizzie Borden
  • Aileen Wuornos (new design!)
  • Ed Gein #2
  • David Berkowitz (new design!)
  • BTK (new design!)
  • Zodiac Killer (new design!)
  • Jeffrey Dahmer
  • Jerry Brudos (new design!)

I’m so into these little guys. Please purchase some! I need money for Korea, lol. And remember, I made custom cards too so if you’re looking for something more specific to your interests, hit me up!

Jan 152018
 

Stop looking at my tacky, chipped nail polish for a second and peep these mini serial killer Valentines instead! In the past, I was selling these as six-card perforated sheets, but let’s be real – you guys want more. I get it! So we made them just a TAD smaller and now you can get SIXTEEN of these babies (SIXTEEN!!) in a set for only $8!

I love these cards so much because they bring back fond memories of Valentine parties in elementary school, when we all got to fuck a shoebox with a glue stick and crepe paper and then we all got to run away, stuffing Scooby Doo sentiments into everyone’s “mailbox” even if we didn’t like the person because THE TEACHER SAID. My favorite part was the candy and cupcakes though. I was a fat kid.

And then in fifth grade, I was the fat kid with a perm.

AND BRACES.

FML.

But I somehow still got Valentines so I didn’t hate the damn day.

Even now, as a grown as adult, I like passing out Valentines at work. I passed the serial killer ones out one year to mixed reviews. My one co-worker received an Albert Fish one and sent me an email that said, “OMG I just Wiki’d that guy. He was so terrible! Why would you give me that card?!”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Surprisingly, no one reported me to HR.

Life is all about taking risks, you know?

Each set comes packaged in these adorable little bags. I’m obsessed with them.

I’m in the process of working on the second set so very soon 32 different designs will be available!

The porn star ones have been re-branded as well! Instead of 6, you will now get 16 – 2 each of 8 designs because, well, I only have 8 designs in the porn series.

Who knew Seka would look so precious inside a plastic bag?

When I was working on these over the weekend, my kid walked past me and let out this sort of sarcastic laugh. I asked him what was so funny, and he dryly said, “Oh nothing. My mom makes vintage porn star Valentines, that’s all.”

SO WHAT HE’S SAYING IS THAT HE’S SUPER PROUD OF ME.

Anyway. Both sets are available for purchase on non compos cards along with a dizzying array of full-sized Valentines, birthday cards, Christmas cards, party invitations…it’s a freaking grab-bag of Hallmark rejects, OK?

And for the rest of January, if you use the coupon code “daebak” when you check out, you’ll get free shipping!

Dec 072017
 

Recently, I have been going through a creative drought. Maybe not even so much a drought, but I just haven’t felt like creating anything. I am so distracted by other hobbies and interests now that I was starting to wonder if maybe my ship has sailed, maybe the “making things” part of my life is over? But then a few months ago, on a whim,  I added several Kpop cards to my non compos cards shop on Etsy, which is a stark contrast to my line of seasonal serial killer greets, but you know me: LIKE A FUCKING ONION.

(Layers, etc.)

I thought maybe they were just one-offs, but then last week, I felt inspired again and I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me sooner to meld Kpop and my card-making together, because I haven’t felt this excited to make shit in a long time! And the best part is that some of them are so cringey that it makes Chooch want to puke, and that’s my litmus test right there. I love Kpop A LOT, so this is the softer side of the serial killer greeting card e-boutique. Where else can you buy a Valentine with the sinister Ramirez sneer and a birthday card spilling over with the angelic glisten of G-Dragon’s perfect freakin’ face?

Just a disclaimer: Our cards are made with love and care. Each one is made to order: printed on high-quality paper and then adhered to sturdy card-stock (color varies per card) – this isn’t some quick print-and-fold job! That’s why our prices are a bit higher than other greeting cards you may see around Etsy. Henry takes his job as card assembly line VERY SERIOUSLY and has it down to such a science that anytime I try to help, I fuck up the whole process. So if we ever divorce (LOL just kidding I mean BREAK UP), I’ll either have to close the shop or start hand-drawing my cards on construction paper because our printer beats me every time.

Anyway, here are all of the ones I have made so far, please feel free to purchase many and often!

BTS BANGTAN ANGELS

Guys, we got RM, Jungkook, Jimin, Jin, J-Hope, V, and Suga floating about on this card like the freaking bangtan angels they are, This could be the one Christmas card you send that doesn’t get thrown away after the holidays. Any Kpop fan in your life is guaranteed to be filled with mirth and cheer with this angelic BTS Christmas card, even if they don’t stan them.

BTS is taking over the world, help them take over the fireplace mantel Christmas card collections, too! The inside is blank, lots of room to practice your Hangeul!

Comes with an envelope. I’m always afraid that there will be that one time Henry forgets to include an envelope and then all my envelope jokes will come back to bite me.

GOT7 Christmas Card!

Can you imagine Santa rolling up to your house in a sleigh full of Kpop idols? THAT IS THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS WISH. Well, for some people, anyway. And if you know someone who might have that wish, or at the very least loves Got7, then you should send them this card. The inside says, very succinctly, “Merry Christmas.”

Comes with an envelope because the last time I tried to mail a card in an empty sardine can, it was sent back to me. :(

G-Dragon Santa!!

Ugh, can you imagine sitting on G-Dragon’s lap….I mean HI GUYS here I am peddling another Christmas card! If you have a friend who likes Kpop, then this is the perfect card for them. I mean, G-Dragon dressed as Santa…that’s some merry fantasy.

Front of the card says “ho ho ho” in Hangeul. Inside says “Hope you have a zutter Christmas.” Zutter means “dope” in Korean, but it’s actually pronounced more like jjuttah. It’s also the name of a song that G-Dragon did with T.O.P.! (BTS also has a song called “Dope,” but in the song, they say zutter.) See how educational these cards are?

Comes with an envelope. G-Dragon is unfortunately not included. :(

SHINee Christmas (cringe) card!

This card has just the right amount of Christmas cringe! It’s sure to be appreciated by any Kpop lover you have in your life, especially if they like SHINee (and how can you like Kpop without liking SHINee?!). The inside is a dorky play on one of their more popular songs “Ring Ding Dong” and my 11-year-old son was so repulsed when he read it and called me an embarrassment, and THAT is how I know this card is a winner!

This card comes with an envelope, and not just because I’m all in the holiday spirit or whatever, but because all of my cards come with envelopes.

Speaking of cringe-tastic SHINee cards, here’s a Valentine featuring just Taemin which also made Chooch throw up in his mouth:

Taemin Valentine!

When I made this card, I woke up my 11-year-old son to show him, and his spirited review was, “I hate you.” That’s how I know this card is great! The cringier the better, am I right, you guys?

If you’re into Kpop, or know anyone who is, this card is guarenteed to get a great reaction because hello, what set of working eyeballs in this world don’t enjoy feasting upon the flesh-masterpiece that is LEE TAEMIN?

There’s plenty of space inside to scribble some fingerhearts or write secret love messages in Hangeul. Plus, it comes with an envelope because we don’t skimp here at noncomposcards.

Inside:

I know I already posted this one on here but I wanted to look at his pretty face again, so shut up.

 

Speaking of Valentines!

Apink Mr. Chu Valentine/Love/Anniversary card!

I told Henry I want a Mr. Chu for Valentine’s Day and he didn’t answer me because he was napping as usual. So I will not be giving him this card. But perhaps you have someone in mind who naps less and pays more attention than my ever-exhausted elderfriend! Then this card would work for you. Anyway, this is a nice Apink Valentine for someone you know who likes kpop.

It comes with an envelope that you can slip a house key in or whatever. I don’t know what you kids do these days.

The inside says “I’m falling, falling for your love.” Obviously. (Side note: “Mr. Chu” was one of the first KpopX routines I ever did two years ago so it will always feel special to me!)

BTS “Save Me” Valentine/Love/Anniversary Card

Valentine’s Day, Anniversary, Just Because…show your favorite Kpop-lovin’ person you love them with this adorable BTS-as-cherubs cards. The inside has lyrics from “Save Me” but can also be blank or customized – just let me know in “note to seller.” The inside says “I need your love before I fall, fall.” Ugh, just go listen to the song!

Comes with an envelope in case you don’t feel like hand-delivering this fine piece of Korean art.

A funny/cute/adorable thing to note about this card is that Henry was helping me cut out all of the faces, and he had each one saved individually as their name, so like Jin.psd, JHope.psd, etc. Henry knows all of their names and I think this is just the sweetest thing in the whole world HENRY LIKES KPOP PASS IT ON.

Birthdays exist too! Here are some cards for that:

BIGBANG birthday card!

This was the first kpop card I made over the summer! Let the boys of BIGBANG do all the heavy-lifting birthday-wishing for you with the most beautiful, Heaven-sent card for any Kpop fan!

As always, this card comes with an envelope that could probably be used as a face mask afterward, with way less benefits of a legit Korean brand, though.

BTS “Jams” Birthday Card

The perfect card for kpop lovers! Let your best BTS friend know that you’re wishing them lots of fun, er, jams, on their special day. No explanation needed for BTS fans, but this is kind of tricky to explain for anyone else because it’s a play on a Korean word and there was a whole meme made out of it which was super popular in the kpopsphere. My friend Lizz who has liked kpop way longer than me approved of this card when she saw it, and that’s good enough for me!

This card comes with an envelope. Add a packet of Smuckers at your own risk.

Red Velvet Birthday Card!

I went through a phase where I would snub my nose at any cake that wasn’t red velvet. I try not to be that way with kpop groups, but Red Velvet is seriously one of the best girl groups out there IN MY OPINION. And maybe you know someone who agrees with me and would be downright tickled to receive a birthday greeting with Red Velvet splayed across the front!

The inside of the card features lyrics from their song “Ice Cream Cake” (“May your day be vanilla chocolate honey with a cherry on top”) and if that doesn’t scream HAPPY BIRTHDAY then maybe you’re normal and I should go see a doctor because my greeting cards are talking to me.

An envelope is included. Maybe you could slip in a piece of ice cream cake, just kidding, don’t do that. The mailman will eat it.

OK that’s all I have so far! But I have a ton more that I’m working out in my head (including a sheet of mini-Valentines like I have for the serial killers and vintage porn star collection), and I’m probably going to open a separate Etsy for the Kpop line at some point. And don’t worry, EXOLS, I have some EXO cards I’m working on, too.

It feels nice to be inspired again, so as usual, thank you Kpop!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY INFOMERCIAL.

Jan 262017
 

Need a little distraction? How about perusing my Etsy shop for some sick Valentines, man? Here’s a sampling, including a brand new Dahmer card for 2017! I know, I know, another Dahmer card!? He’s a hot commodity, what can I say.
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One time when I was in high school, I had this huge crush on this kid GREG who sat near me in some dumb class, Civics or something. I brought little treat bags in for everyone that year for Valentines Day, but I put extra special candy in Greg’s bag. And then some kid who’s a cop now sold me out in front of the whole class when he noticed that OMG GREG GOT BETTER CANDY THAN THE REST OF US! ERIN LOVES GREG!

Greg and I never made it out of the friend zone (in fact, we never even made it INTO the friend zone) but the moral of my story is that IT TOOK GUTS to give him that special bag of love candy.

I just really felt like getting that off my chest. Thanks, Etsy Description Box.

Anyway, this here is a card that illustrates the statement of pulse-racing February bravery. Perfect for that person you met in the true crime Amino app who makes your sick black heart flutter…or whatever sick black hearts do.

It comes with an envelope. Stick some special candy in it when no one’s looking!

Vintage Porn Stars sheet of Valentines

The sisters to the serial killer cards! One sheet consists of 6 perforated porn-y designs which you can tear off and pass out with wanton abandon. Terrorize your most vanilla pals with them!

Please note: if you purchase one of the multi-sheet bundles, you may mix and match these with the serial killer varieties. Thanks for looking!

These do NOT come with envelopes. These are meant to be handed out grade school-Valentine style! Have fun with them! Stick ’em in a g-string!

John Wayne Gacy Killer Clown valentine

Oh, sweet romance. And what better way to promote it than by using the mug of a disgusting serial killer clown who stuffed bodies beneath his floorboards? God, way to perpetuate stereotypes, John Wayne Gacy.

The inside includes a romantic little poem. Comes with an envelope so you can practice your stuffing techniques.

Jeffrey Dahmer Valentine Love Card Serial Killer

That time Jeffrey Dahmer rose from the dead in 2016, slipped up and Tinder-invited a young blood to “Netflix and kill?” So romantic!

The inside is blank – what you do with it is not my problem! Think of something to write and then change your mind 187 times just like when trying to choose something to watch on Netflix! Comes with an envelope too so you don’t have to make one out of toilet paper and honey.