Nov 022012
 

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 Flock of Seaglenns, Dennis Rodman Glenn, Whoopi Glennberg, Hello Kitty Glenn.

I’m pretty sure these are the last of the Glenn stragglers. How anticlimatic, right? I haven’t known what to do with myself during my breaks everyday now. I wanted to take Real Glenn’s picture next to the Wall of Glenns, but he got all weird about it.

Starting on Monday, I have a new position here at The Law Firm, and a new boss too. Joy said that as my new supervisor, she demands a Glenn a day. So maybe I’ll find some non-Halloween slant to keep this alive.

One of the things I really wanted to do was to post an untarnished Glenn base here on the blog and have you guys make your own Glenns. You could either print it out and mail it back to me, or do it digitally and then we could have an Internet collection! I MEAN COME ON YOU GUYS, HOW MUCH FUN WOULD THAT BE!?

(Yes, this is the actual size of the Glenns I’ve been making.)

Look! I even made an email address for it: theglennproject@gmail.com Send in  your Glenns!!

Nov 012012
 

Started stripping my desk of all its creepy carnival splendor today. It looks so bare and professional (well, as professional as a desk wrapped around an Erin Rachelle Kelly can look) and BORING.

A few people came over to get their Glenns and I had to send them away. The Glenn Dispenser is on the floor now, empty of encapsulated Halloween fun-balls. No more Glenns. No more fun.

:(

:(

:(!!!!!!!

One of my co-workers called me a wasted talent while admiring the Wall of Glenns. I know, right? If only there was a bigger market for miniature Glenn doodles.

Barb, happy that her recent back pain has lessened enough for her to be able to stand up straight, exclaimed, “I feel like I’m so much taller now, like the Jolly Green Giant.”

“UGH, Jolly Green Giant Glenn!” I cried. God, all the good Glenns have been coming to me after the fact.

Elsewhere at The Law Firm, there are speculations that the Anti-Paperclip Goblin might be leaving and I’m getting moved to a new area which I’m both happy and sad about. I suspect my work life is going to become extremely stressful. At least for a little while. Not like the Internet will have to deal with me bitching about it.

Earlier this evening, I overheard my boss yell to Carey, “Did you seriously just ask Erin Kelly if she watches American Horror Story? Of COURSE she watches American Horror Story, she’s ERIN KELLY.”

I guess I can think of worse reputations to have at work.

Oct 302012
 

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Aladdin Glenn, Lizzie Borden Glenn, Garden Gnome Glenn, Wolf Glenn, Dios de los Muertos Glenn, Bob Ross Glenn

I have the day off tomorrow, so there will still be one more post for the last few Glenn stragglers on Thursday, but I don’t think there are many more that I haven’t photographed already. I was really disappointed that I didn’t get much free time tonight at work to knock out some more.

Priorities. I gots ’em.

But mostly, this is it. The Last of the Glennhicans.

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More Cowbell Glenn (requested by my friend Chris who doesn’t work with me but has greatly delighted my co-workers with this one!), Tippi Hedren/The Birds Glenn, Monopoly Banker Glenn, Miss Piggy Glenn, Charles Manson Glenn, Walmart Greeter Glenn

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Mama Cass Glenn, Magnum P.I. Glenn, Conan Glenn, Astronaut Glenn, Marie Antoinette Glenn (this one was a gigantic bomb), The Shining Glenn

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Candy Striper Glenn, Just Married Glenn, Octomom Glenn, King Kong Glenn (for Tyler, one of the envied Law Firm escapees), Dorothy Glenn, Malibu Glenn (for Heather)

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The Beatles Glenn, Glenny Appleseed, Shark Attack Glenn

There are only a handful left in the big giant Glenn dispenser for people to pick tomorrow. I’m sad I won’t be there! But then I remember it’s work, and suddenly I’m OK with having the day off.

Oct 262012
 

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 Glenn Close Glenn (Henry didn’t get this one!), Chef BoyarG, Luau Glenn, Glenn in the Hat, Miami Vice Glenn, Glenn Danzig Glenn.

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 Elton John Glenn, Glenn of the Corn, Darth Glenn, Gary Bettman Glenn (NHL Commisioner, FYI), Jigsaw Glenn, Pulp Fiction Overdose Glenn.

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 Devo Glenn, Einstein Glenn, Sea Monkey Glenn, Batman Glenn, Bill Cosby Glenn (with Puddin’ Pop and Jello!), Captain Ahab Glenn.

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 Damsel in Distress Glenn!

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 ALL OF THE GLENNS!

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Also new for this week was Candy the Clown’s stomach contents, which was a big fail. I had Henry make a big batch of slime, and then I added paper clips. Because that is what Glenn the Clown made Candy choke on, you see. Paper clips. Someday I will explain the paper clip obsession.

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Oct 252012
 

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 Warhol Glenn, Honey Glenn Glenn, Glenn Flintstone, Boy Glenn, Lepreglenn, Glenn of Hearts.

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 Mozart, Zsa Zsa Gabor and Crooked Cop Glenn!!, I Love Lucy Glenn, Teletubby Glenn, Michael Jackson Glenn, Rambo Glenn.

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 Dolly Parton Glenn, Jay Leno Glenn, Little Merglenn, Henry Glenn, The Glenn Formerly Known as Glenn, Monica Lewinski & Bill Clinton Glenn.

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 Carrie Glenn, Lone Ranger Glenn, She Ra Glenn, The Glennfather, Jason Voorhees Glenn, Chucky Glenn.

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CHOCOLATE CAKE GLENN!

(Big ups to Sandy for procuring this prime piece of Glenn real estate for me!)

Glenn is getting married on Saturday, so today we celebrated his upcoming nuptials at work with cake and champagne. Barb and I devised a way to keep the Glenn Defacement Project going past Halloween without pissing off the bosses. Pretty pleased about that.

Oct 232012
 

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 Stalker Glenn, Gallagher Glenn (I thought the inclusion of a watermelon would be the tell-tale sign, but alas–wrong guesses across the board), Leatherface Glenn, Ziggy Stardust Glenn (for Maya!), Unicorn Glenn, Flava Flav Glenn (for Seri!)

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 Elliott & ET Glenn, A Clockwork Orange Glenn* (for Sandy, and we are completely dismayed at how this one has stumped everyone), Stay Puft Glenn (for Octavia—turns out it was the Glenn Dispenser hoarding it!), Pippi Glennstocking (for Seri), John Wayne Gacy Glenn (he now resides right beneath his bro Jeffrey Dahmer), G for Glendetta (for Sean).

*Lee just came over and totally guessed that one right away and  wants everyone (a/k/a my 10 readers) to know.20121023-185055.jpg

 Dutch Boy Glenn, Colonel Sanders Glenn, Elvis Glenn, Snooki Glenn, Mama Glenn, Marilyn Manson Glenn.

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 Spongebob Glenn, Dora Glenn (for Sandy!), Austin Powers Glenn, Reunited: Frankenstein and his Bride, Gene Simmons (for Maya), Martian Glenn (Barb didn’t know what this one was because she SUCKS!).

 Bill Paxton Glenn, Don’t Drop the Soap Glenn, Yoda Glenn, Charlie Chapglenn, Glenny, Here Comes the Glenn.

Oct 192012
 

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 Iron Lung Glenn (Barb’s fault), Glenn or Glenda Glenn, Humpty Dumpty Glenn, Chicken Pox Glenn, Jesus Glenn, Hannibal Lecter Glenn (Chooch guessed this one right away, which was my indication that I didn’t need to write who he is on the front)

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 Chiquita Banana Glenn, Brony Glenn, Jonny Craig Glenn, Mary Poppins Glenn, Britney Spears Glenn, Richard Simmons Glenn.

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 Nurse Glenn*, Mork Glenn, Howard Stern Glenn, Sherlock Holmes Glenn, Rudolph Glenn, Blurry Phantom of the Opera Glenn.

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 Judge Judy Glenn*, Tight End Glenn*, Ex-boyfriend Glenn, Tinman Glenn, Santa Glenn, Popeye Glenn.

(*Barb’s Glenns)

Seriously, we sit here at work and laugh like lunatics over the tiniest Glenn. The Glennspiration never ends!! For instance, today I made a Zsa Zsa Gabor Glenn and as soon as someone picks him, he’s going right up next to Crooked Cop Glenn. I saved him a spot.

If there’s a Glenn you’d like to see, please leave your suggestions! I’ll be making these until Halloween! (Octavia, if you’re reading this, I made you a Stay Puft Glenn, but either no has gotten it yet, or it’s being HOARDED.)

***

Last night, Henry and I were sitting on the couch, watching “Vampire Diaries.” I was also diligently making new Glenns and suggested that Henry make one too.

“Bitch, please! I’m too busy waiting to see if Damon takes off his shirt!” Henry hissed at me.

Seriously, Henry has admitted that Damon is The Hottest Vampire of All Time. I posted that on Facebook and all these broads started yelling at Henry for being wrong. It was pretty funny. For me, at least.

Way to end on a non-Glenn-related note.

Oct 162012
 

I bought an old muffin tin for a dollar or something (Henry paid, I wasn’t watching) and then made a clown collage for my desk because I felt I didn’t have enough things of a clown nature. I didn’t know right away what I was going to use it for, but this all played out during the weekend before I started decorating my desk, so the clown idea came to me pretty fast. Like “in the car on the way home, exclaimed OH-HO! with so much vigor, it made Henry jolt” fast.

First I painted it and then pasted Internet-procured clown pictures in there.

(“Did you wash it first?” Henry asked. Um, what do you think? Fuck, no.)

Then I coated it with some kind of glaze bullshit. This was on an Erin-level of disaster.

I also super-glued circus peanuts, a clown head and a moustache in three of the thingies. It was on an Erin-level of easiness.

NOTE: If you don’t have an old muffin tin, rob a hoarder.

And that concludes my DIY mixed media thingie tutorial.

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No, Henry didn’t help me with any of this.

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That’s me in the lower righthand corner! I think I was three. Chris said it’s the creepiest picture in there.

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This one is my favorite. I think I found it by Googling “Asian clowns.” I’m really not sure.

Elsewhere in Halloween Desk World, Barb has been helping me make some Glenns.

“Um…why don’t you sign your name to the back of this one?” I suggested when she showed me her so-so rendition of Pinhead. God forbid people think my Glenn-defacing talent is tapped out.

Oct 152012
 

Joy found two old Jesus and Mary portraits at her grandfather’s house and, knowing my gravitation toward things of a religious icon nature, brought them into work for me.

While I was admiring them, Debby came over to my desk and started telling me a story about her great-grandma’s house and how it had a legit parlor room where people were laid out.

“So now I have a big box in my attic full of pictures of dead people,” she finished.

HOLD UP WAIT A SECOND.

“You mean like this,” I asked, pulling open my desk drawer and extracting a photo of some dead dude.

(Yes, I keep post-mortem photos in my desk. Helps motivate me.)

“Um…yeah actually. Just like that,” Debby stammered, clearly not expecting me to have that.

She said she doesn’t want them, but doesn’t like throwing away pictures of people. So now I’m trying to get her to give me the box.

God, I can’t believe she’s known me since May and waited THIS LONG to tell me her dark secret.

***

In other work happenings, the thrill of collecting Glenns hasn’t yet fizzled like I thought it would. In fact, Chooch has jumped on the bandwagon and wants to make Glenns all the time at home now.

Chooch is still really into Japanese horror, so he made a Ju-On Glenn, which absolutely no one will figure out on their own. He was in the middle of making one Saturday night, but it was time to leave for a haunted hayride.

“But I’m not done with my Strawberry Shortcake Glenn!” he wailed, which is totally weird because the other day I was going to make a Strawberry Shortcake Glenn but got distracted. WHAT ARE THE ODDS.

Amish, DJ Lance, Harry Potter Glenn.

Literally only 2 people have recognized this as Robert Smith Glenn. God, get with it, Law Firm.

Jesus, Phantom of the Opera, Native American, Bieber Glenn.

“I don’t think you should do a Jesus Glenn,” Barb said at the exact moment I dropped the vending capsule containing Jesus Glenn into the clown head. I guess because Sue vetoed Barb’s desire to do an Hasidic Jew Glenn. But it was too late, Jesus Glenn was already inside the clown head, lost amonst the other plastic balls. “Well, maybe just tell whoever gets it to not hang it up,” she advised.

But George, who gets all the good Glenns, got Jesus Glenn and it went right up on the wall. I pointed it out to Barb today and she mumbled, “Yeah, I saw.” Clearly, she’s harboring a little resentment!

Juice Head Glenn and Pinocchio Glenn!

Little Red Riding Hood (Brad’s suggestion) and Jack-in-the-Box Glenn. Even with the “Yay grandma!”, some people are still having a hard time figuring out Little Red Riding Glenn. :(

Today, Chris got Kato Kaelin Glenn (basically looks like a broad in a blazer but it amused me immensely to draw it) but refuses to put it on the wall with the other Glenns because he wants them all for himself. When Jamie found this out, she marched into his office and schooled him.

“At least put the Kato Kaelin Glenn on the wall!” I pleaded when Chris walked by a few minutes later.

“Kato Kaelin Glenn…do I have that one?”

Barb gave him a weird look. “Um, you JUST got that one like five minutes ago,” she said.

He doesn’t even know which Glenns he has! What a Glenn-collecting poser!

He’s still hoarding them though.

Otherwise, my life goes like this: haunted houses, haunted houses, haunted trails, haunted hayrides, haunted hayrides, haunted houses, pie party.

I have a tough life.

Oct 122012
 

I heard through the grapevine that Glenn liked last year’s Murder Desk better than this year’s Carnival Desk because he got to be the killer. (I’m going to pretend that he wasn’t being sarcastic.)

So I decided to incorporate his murderous streak into this year’s theme, too.

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I’ve been calling this Candy’s Corner.

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Remains of Candy mingle amongst circus peanuts.

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I figured I could use Glenn to tie in Candy’s Corner with all the department sideshow freaks, so I made a newspaper article. (The picture of Candy is random — I didn’t want anyone here to be all, “OMH WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE VICTIM!?”)

(But really, aren’t we all?)

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The “unknown metal object” will be officially revealed next week when I have Candy’s stomach contents on my desk.

I tried to throw in a few shout-outs here and there, like Barb’s newfound predilection for tacking on “holla!” to the end of random proclamations and Amber1’s publicly shared affection for her wiener dog.

And Brad’s midget-ness.

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Another new addition: creepy old jack in the box!

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Candy’s wig and bow.

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Sean and Glenn chekcing out the latest Glenns on the wall. The real Glenn got Little Orphan Glenn in today’s clown head digging. George got Jesus Glenn, and to quote Lee: “George gets ALL of the good Glenns!”

Oct 102012
 

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I’m so happy that the Glenn Dispenser (as dubbed by A-Ron) is a hit! (Above is a close-up of the clown head’s mouth, where all the fun is.) It makes me laugh to hear my work friends asking each other, “Which Glenn did you get??” And when Lee found out George got the coveted Juggalo Glenn, he whined, “George always gets the good Glenns!”

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I added a bunch more Glenns to the mix today, including Rainbow Brite Glenn, Swoop-era Bieber Glenn, Furry Glenn, and “Carrie” Glenn.

Today, Glenn’s prize capsule contained a fortune. “Wow. How deep,” he mumbled after reading it, but really I think he was disappointed that he didn’t get a Himself.

Oct 092012
 

;

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Finally, we got the approval to decorate for Halloween again this year! I’ve known since last October what I was going to do this year. Last year’s was so graphic and murder-y, so I decided to go a different route: clowns. It seems like most of the department are coulrophobic! And it just so happens I have a few clowns in my collection.

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Henry and I had a huge fight about the fabric. I’m sorry but fabric stores are gross! I didn’t want to be there at all, and I threw a massive fit about how ridiculous it was that I couldn’t find striped fabric.

“You only looked in one rack!” Henry cried, whic prompted me to scathe, “Oh, don’t you talk to me that way!” and storm out of the store. Sunday was a fabulous day!

(Obviously, I sent him back out for the fabric.)

(The randomly jutting clown shoe scares Brad.)

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So, one of the first components I began working on last week was defacing pictures of Glenn.

Watching me turn Glenn into a Juggalo, Lee asked, “What started your beef with Glenn, anyway?”

This gave me pause. You know, I can’t be certain exactly what happened, but I know that he sassed me one time. And for that, he will forever be my joke-pony.

Anyway, the seedling of my idea was to get a bunch of those prize machine capsules and fill it with candy and a picture of Glenn (collect them all!).

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Crooked Cop Glenn!

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Stripper Glenn!

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I also made a bunch of department-centric fortunes. My favorite is: Never underestimate the power of a Barb Riley Nastygram.

So I did all of these things, ordered those plastic vending capsules in bulk, and then thought to myself, “WTF am I putting these in?” Certainly not just a random bowl. So I made a beachball-sized paper mache clown head (with Henry’s help—I’m not allowed to use the hand mixer). It took all weekend and was one of the most frustrating projects of my life (hi, I hate crafts, remember?), but I am so in love with him now! My babe!

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It’s surprising to me how many people either hesitated or flat out refused to put their hand in his mouth, like I am so untrustworthy! Barb is so thrilled she gets to stare at the back of his bald head all day.

And what goes along with carnivals and circuses? Side show freaks!

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Carey as the Tattooed Lady! A Fiji Mermaid!

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Midget pacifier-sucking Brad! Bloody circus peanuts!

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Ringmaster A-ron!

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Chris and Lee, Ultimate Law Firm Bromance! (Lee is so angry and traumatized about this.)

;

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Moustache and beard lollipops!

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Fiji Mermaid up close!

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Barb the Contortionist!

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Random babies in a bottle!

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So, this is why I haven’t been writing much on here lately: I’ve got a one-track mind!

Mostly, it’s been received very positively. I mean, it’s fun! It’s interactive! It’s mean-spirited toward Glenn (who secretly loves it)! Even some people who don’t usually talk to me have stopped to appreciate it. I just hope that the few anti-fun people here don’t get upset and complain. But if last year’s Murder Desk was allowed to carry on throughout the entire month, I don’t see why this one can’t, too.

I still have some more things to do, but one thing’s for sure: all the clown haters sure do love me right now.