Oct 212018

A collection of things from the drive home from Knoebel’s.

  • We ate breakfast at the Friendlys next to our hotel and I think this place is extremely overrated and I never feel satisfied, but Mom’s Dutch Kitchen up the road is closed forever so our options are Friendlys or gas station. Anyway, during breakfast, Henry flung syrup onto his shirt which resulted in a berating from Chooch and me, because we are hyper-critical of his actions. But then my next sip of water was too boisterous and I spilled it onto my crotch so Henry felt vindicated.
  • Before we left Friendlys, Chooch won a plastic orb from the claw machine and inside was a coupon for a free Fortnite sweatshirt but on the back, someone had written their number because you have to text them to redeem it?! This sounds creepy. It’s probably a bunch of 6th grade girls who bought bulk sweatshirts from the local craft shack and puffy painted “Fortnite” on them. Good luck, Chooch.

(We know it’s Fortnite because the sign inside the claw machine said so, AND SIGNS DONT LIE.)

  • At messy driving through Pennsylvania in the fall is super pretty so that makes it less boring…sort of?

  • Not too long ago I read some Buzzfeed-esque list of the best roadside attraction for each state and they listed some hamburger joint for PA, because it was one of those places that has an “eat this oversized food item” challenge. I was so mad! PA has so many cool roadside attractions, like a freaking HOUSE SHAPED LIKE A SHOE, FOR GOD’S SAKE, and this was what made the list as the best?! Do your fucking research, dumbo list-writer.
  • oh wow so now apparently Henry won’t just give us pieces of his highly coveted Sheetz cookies. Now we have to barter with him?! We have to give him some of our snacks?! This is bullshit. I don’t like it when Henry revolts. Also, I get packs of hard-boiled eggs (don’t care if you think it’s gross) from Sheetz to eat as a snack instead of chips or whatever other nonsense (pieces of Henry’s cookie doesn’t count as calories Ok??!!) and this time when I was ordering my latte, the order screen said WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADD HARD BOILED EGGS TO YOUR ORDER like it knows me?! Why yes, Sheetz order screen, yes I would! Henry was like “You probably still have to take them from the cooler” because he wants to over complicate everything and just couldn’t imagine that they would give me hard boiled eggs with my latte but guess what motherfucker, they did. Two perfectly boiled eggs in a little soup container, so fuck off.
  • Now we’re laughing at Henry to the point of tears because he tries so hard to act cool but it always backfires.
  • caboose is such a weird word. We just saw a train going around a mountain and it was gross.
  • more gross things: SNOW.

Henry said it’s because we’re ON TOP OF THE SUMMIT DUR-DE-DEE-DEE.

  • omg henry is going on about how claw machines work and we’re not listening because we’ve heard him “brag” about this “knowledge” so many times. So many times. I think that’s what he actually did in the SERVICE: he was the military arcade claw machine mechanic.
  • Henry just told us he’s stopping at Pat Catans (craft store) on the way home and we’re rioting because he always takes so long there! He had the audacity to tell us he’s just gonna “run in and run out” and I yelled OH IVE HEARD THAT BEFORE YOU NEVER JUST ‘RUN IN & OUT. He is such a fucking SAHM when it comes to craft stores, you have no idea.
  • Then we drove past an ADULT STORE and Chooch and I both pointed to it at the same time and made jeering noises at Henry because that’s our thing – insinuating that Henry is an exotic dancer addict and he recently told me that he hates when we do that so THEN IT MUST BE TRUE.
  • this song just came on and I felt inspired to dance on the hood of the car (I didn’t though because the car is moving)



  • We drove past another adult video store (this strip of highway is seedy AF) and Henry admitted that he’s been to that and we’re screaming. He’s acting like it’s no big deal, I think he thought it would be easier to just admit it, but now we’re like WHAT DID U BUY and he said he didn’t buy anything so I screamed OMG YOU STOLE? YOURE A SMUT STEALER! And Chooch is hiccuping now from laughing so hard while Henry is frowning his way to the nut house.
  • well guess who went to Pat Catans and took his good old fucking time? OH THERE WAS NO RUNNING IN AND RUNNING OUT. That’s ok because it afforded us time to steal the phone that he so stupidly left in the car and post a picture of some 1980s metal harlots on his Instagram. Chooch didn’t have time to finish the hashtag before Screamin Hank came back and caused a scene in the Pat Catans parking lot and then Chooch puked out the car window because he made himself sick from laughing.

  • Me, as we drove past a closed-down Gander Mountain: I’m surprised a place like that would go out of business. Isn’t it like a …conservative safe house?

Henry: *frowns for days*

  • Came home and saw that Penelope left one of her toy mice on my bed so I went to pick her up and tease her with it BUT IT WAS A REAL BABY MOUSE ONG FUCK YOU PENELOPE. So now our comforter is in a garbage can ready to be set on fire and I guess I’m going out to buy a new comforter today. FEELS GREAT TO BE HOME.

UPDATE: bought that new comforter I was eyeing up at Target, thanks Penelope!!

I guess Peenlop is living up to her full name: Penelope Ann Killer.

Oct 202018

This is, at least for me, always the fastest-moving month of the year and I hate that! Once October is over, the winter panic sets in. I hate winter. December-February can suck a hobo dick, man. And then choke.

We’re currently en route to Knoebel’s for their Halloween event thingie and instead of live-blogging I figured I’d just do an October Thus Far photo dump.


  • I rarely get excited about western music anymore but Emarosa is finally making a comeback! They announced this limited edition vinyl bundle last week, only 50 being made, and you know I snatched that right up. I might be All Kpop All the Time these days, but when I was organizing my dresser drawers the other day (I AM LIVIN’ IT UP ON THIS STAYCATION), I realized that like 1/3 of my T-shirts were Emarosa. Groupie, I guess.

  • I was complaining the other day about how awful Instagram’s translation option is because anytime I translate from korean on there it is a MESS of words. For instance, when it was Hangeul Day, I wrote my caption in Korean and the translation said it was, literally, “Bunch of things, bunch of things.” THE FUCK, IG? People were probably like, “Yeah her Korean really seems to be coming along.” But then I had a validating moment when Bam Bam from the Kpop group Got7 posted a picture of himself with a bird and the caption was, in Korean, “ahgase” which means “baby bird.” That’s what they call their fans, like how BIGBANG fans are VIP and BTS fans are Army, etc. Instagram translated it to SON OF A BITCH. Really?! Even Bam Bam was like “why Instagram??” And that made me feel like I was part of a club you know? Well, now you do.

  • My mom came over last Friday night which was really nice because she usually just drops off cookies and cheese (the best things) and leaves but this time she stayed and hung out, yay! We don’t talk much about my grandparents house anymore since the 2016 trauma but she mentioned that the new owner is flipping it and has essentially gutted the whole thing, so it no longer has that goth aesthetic as seen in the photo above. I am crushed by this. I spent most of my childhood in that house and it really shaped who I am today (honestly, when my coworkers were looking at pictures of the interior, two of them were like, “Wow, things are really starting to make sense now” lol). Anyway, Val said that every time it storms, she hopes my aunt Sharon (R.I.P.) strikes it with lightning and I agree – if there was ever a time for that house to be haunted, let it be now.
  • Speaking of haunted houses, we binged The Haunting of Hill House last weekend and I really enjoyed it but more so from a family drama aspect. Parts of it were scary but I read something about how it’s scarier than Hereditary and I emphatically disagree, although there was one scene in episode 8 that made me jump real high (I was walking in place and home alone when it was on lol) and when Henry watched it later, he had a small jolt and that motherfucker NEVER gets scared. There were several parts of that house that reminded me a little of my pappap’s house so it was super heavy on my mind all weekend.
  • Remember how the phantom phone call thing happened on Monday? I attributed that to Haunting of Hill House FOR SURE but then also, Henry called to tell me that we had an order of padded envelopes on the way, and I was like “ok? Cool story” but HE NEVER ORDERED THEM. There was a scene in Haunting of Hill House where they were talking about them though and his phone heard and ordered them on Amazon. Logical explanation but still I can’t help but believe that we’re being haunted just from watching that show!!

  • And then Henry came home from the Asian market on Sunday with a bag of these things that ended up being water chestnut seeds but look like they could be door knockers from Hill House!!!

  • In non-haunted news, my BIGBANG shower curtain is here and I love putting my makeup on at the bathroom mirror and seeing G-Dragon’s intense gaze in the reflection. <3
  • Speaking of BIGBANG, I’m wearing my Made shirt to Knoebel’s today and I felt totally inspired and happy as soon as I put it on, yay fall weather! (My face is still dopey AF though.)

  • I appreciate that Henry tries to help me look like less of a derelict by pointing out typos on my blog because god knows there are APLENTY (who has time to proofread?!) but I was so offended when he mistook korean slang for a typo. What a motherfucker.

  • I had to take the trolley on my last day going into the office before October Staycation began and since it was my late shift, I was riding with all the mid-morning assholes who have no boundaries and give zero fucks about their music blaring out of their headphones, their screeching babies, or their dirty laundry phone calls. I couldn’t handle it and got off several stops early which meant walking across the Smithfield St Bridge but even though I have a pretty crippling fear of bridges I try to make myself walk across one every so often during my lunch break walks (I live in Pittsburgh; there are plenty to choose from) so that was fear-conquering exercise for that week. The bridge is really pretty at least!

  • Downtown Jesus Update: I saw him coming out of 7/11 with a Slim Jim in his mouth and this delighted me to NO END. I have people at work on Downtown Jesus watch now too. Sandy said he was loitering in front to the parking garage exit and she had to tell the parking attendant to maybe ask him to move; Nate texted me because he saw him inside the Wood St trolley station, and Joy came over to my desk to tell me that he asked for a light!! HE SMOKES?! “Did he sound weird?” I asked hungrily. “No, he sounded normal. But he didn’t say thanks!” Not very Jesus-y!! I wonder where he came from (I mean, aside from Bethlehem) because he seems to be relatively new to the downtown unsavories scene.

  • Here’s a random picture of Henry looking like a tourist while we killed time during Chooch’s weekly piano lesson.
  • YOU GUYS THE WORST THING HAPPENED TO ME. So Tuesday night I was like, “I am going to watch some k-dramas, bitches” to the cats but every time I clicked on the Drama Fever icon it kicked me back out to the Roku menu screen. I figured it was some Roku problem so I went to bed. But the next day, I opened Twitter and one of the Korean journalists I follow tweeted an article from Variety saying that DramaFever shut down all its servers forever, with NO NOTICE. Literally they were like “Thanks for 9 years, peace.” I guess they’re issuing refunds too but I am fucking devastated. When I say that 90% of the TV is etch is Korean drama, I am not exaggerating, and we watch ALL OF IT on DF, and gladly paid for it too. It was worth it to us! I guess it has something to do with them being owned by Warner Bros and AT&T recently buying it and the cost of Kdrama licenses skyrocketing due to sudden popularity, I don’t know it was hard to read the words through my actual tears. I called Henry screaming about it and even he was like, “THAT SUCKS” because I don’t care what anyone thinks Henry is super into this shit too and it even brought us closer together! Aw my heart, my heart, 내 마음!
  • Speaking of DramaFever, I think it’s pretty coincidental that this just happened because they were originally one of the sponsors of that shitty K-Expo thing we went to in NYC but pulled out of it and then all the people who paid a billion dollars for the good tickets were supposed to get a year subscription to DramaFever for free and WELP THERE’S ANOTHER THING THAT PEOPLE ARENT GONNA GET FROM KEXPO.

  • Chooch will be writing a review about this I’m sure but I wanted to talk about how Chooch and I went to Rich’s Fright Farm with Janna on Wednesday night (love when haunts are open on weeknights!) and I walked/ran straight into a piece of plexiglass because I thought it was the way out of the room and for a good two seconds I had no idea what happened but went into fight or flight mode because I thought maybe I was being attacked so as a reflex I punched the plexiglass and then, in addition to the motherhonkin’ goose egg thy immediately sprung from my forehead, I thought I also had a broken knuckle. Janna was like OMG YOU BETTER WATCH YOU DONT HAVE A CONCUSSION because she at least cared unlike Chooch who was like “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” but I ignored him and instead asked, “Is my nose bleeding?” You guys, I fucking slammed my face GOOD. Like ring-of-cartoon-blue-jays-around-my-head good. I was trying to hide my bump with my hair which only made it harder to walk through the haunted house especially when we got to the clown section and had to wear 3D glasses while the floor beneath us was shifting. I don’t know how I didn’t continue injuring myself. But yeah, so far it was the best haunt of the season!

Well guys, I want to harass Henry a bit before we get to Knoebel’s so ciao for now!

Oh PS here’s the new IU jam. She is such a queen!


Oct 112018

When Chooch and I went to our first KCON in 2017, I only knew a tiny bit about NCT 127, but their performance was really entertaining. It didn’t snatch me enough that I felt inspired to get myself a bias and learn all their names (stage and Korean), but I gotta say: Every time NCT 127 has a comeback, I like them more and more. It’s that slow burn.

Then, when they announced a few weeks ago that they were going to be performing on Jimmy Kimmel, I thought, “Oh shit. It’s real. It’s happening. Kpop is coming for America, guys, get ready to hard stan.”

My friend Veronica was able to watch their performance through a fence and she sent me videos on Instagram, and I was super grateful. Henry at one point looked over at me and said, “Oh my god, are you crying?” Look Henry, I felt proud of those boys. God, step off.

Then they went to the AMAs and some other American shows where:

  • They were asked the uncomfortable question of “did you bring dates?” (HELLO AMERICA, DATING IS VERBOTEN FOR KPOP IDOLS.)


  • Some broad told Mark his English was really good (SHE EVEN KNEW THAT MARK IS CANADIAN THO.)


  • And some asshole spelled their name wrong:

But nevertheless, it was good to see another Korean group getting some western spotlight. Even at the BTS concert last week, RM asked, “You guys gonna watch NCT 127 on Kimmel, right?” and I thought that was really sweet because no matter how strong those fan wars can be, these Korean groups love and support each other and that’s so pure, you guys. So pure.

Anyway, in honor of NCT 127’s big American debut, here is their new video! They actually released an English version of it the other day, but my preference is this one because, the Korean language is what I love the most about Kpop, after all. (Although this version is missing the instantly iconic line “I been working with the cheese that’s the queso.”


NCT 127 is only one part of the whole NCT concept — there are several sub-groups, some with entirely different members, and my head nearly cracked open when I first tried to learn it all, so perhaps that’s a story for my next Kpop boy group roundup!

Oct 092018

October 9th is Hangeul Day and I would be remiss if I didn’t take some time to gush about my love for this simplistic, yet so elegant, alphabet. Learning to read and write it was one of the best things I ever could have done to better myself; it was literally like unlocking a code.

Hanguel was created in the 15th century by Sejong the Great and there is a beautiful statue in his honor in Seoul’s Gwanghwamun Plaza. Beneath the statue is a large underground museum dedicated to Hangeul, and I was so happy that we got to the see this when we were there last spring.

If only I had this much love and devotion for other languages, maybe I wouldn’t have had to copy off Mark S. during the national Latin exam in high school, lol.

Hangeul is brilliant in its simplicity and the way the letters are grouped into syllabic blocks in order to form words rather than just in a straight line is so aesthetically pleasing to me. Being surrounded it when we were in Korea honestly made me feel like I had heart eyes for real.  So in honor of this stylistic alphabetic heart throb, here are some photos from our trip that I’m not ashamed to admit I look at pretty much every day like my life depends on it.

I would fist pump the air every time I’d sound something out and get it right but Henry was never impressed. JEALOUS MUCH, HANGEUL-LESS HANK?

One of my favorite moments in Korea was when we were on the subway and that particular car didn’t have the stops in English (almost everything in Seoul is also in English, like signs and menus) so Henry reluctantly had to ask me to pay attention because he didn’t know which stop was ours.


This is one of my favorite pictures! It’s from Hongdae which also happens to be one of my favorite neighborhoods of Seoul. (I am so ready to go back. I’m off work next week SHOULD I JUST BUY A PLANE TICKET AND GO OK I WILL.)

(J/k Henry. Sigh.)

I just really love Hangeul so much. 진짜 한글을 사랑해요! 진짜 진짜!

Oct 052018

This Wednesday, we went to Hundred Acres Manor with Janna. We were very lucky because we were the first in line, exceptions of the V.I.P pass people. (It is every time, first Kennywood, now Hundred Acres Manor.).

When we entered, the whole beginning was the same as every year, we get an intro of how SPOOKY the manor is, then we enter a lift, which proceeds to drop all the way to the bottom. When we exit, we walk through a long SPOOKY dungeon-esque passage way, which is the same each year as well.

At one point, we caught up to the group in front of us, we were inside an old London area, with men trying to sell us water with rat diseases. While the group in front of us were going super slow, the group behind us caught up, too. These people were not annoying at all, if anything they didn’t even speak from what I heard. As we walked through the nicely decorated old London, we entered through a cult graveyard and worship church. The members of the cult asked us who our sacrifice was, I said my mom was a good candidate, but Janna and my mom thought otherwise. THEY THOUGHT I WAS! 

Personally, I don’t want to get sacrificed, but apparently everyone else does. ):

In the cult chapter, we saw a ton of dog shrines. I thought that these demon dogs were very cute and fluffy. The ground was dirt, and since it recently rained, it was very muddy. I never got to change my school shoes, so I got my shoes pretty muddy. The people in front of us all of sudden disappeared, and I heard a chainsaw rev. I told mum and Janna that I heard a chainsaw man, and mum got scared. The kid in the group behind us apparently worked there and it was his night off, so he decided to come visit, he said, “Trust me, it’s not happening yet,” and my mom believed him! Janna and I didn’t, though because we could smell the smoke. And there he was, hiding behind a glass barrier. I ran for my freaking life, which was a terrible idea because everyone knows that running will only make them chase after you. I turned every corner as fast as I could until I stopped and hit a corner, he stopped at the corner across from me and let me leave. Mum hated that kid after he lied to our faces.

The quarantine area has returned for the following year! It was better last year, though. This year nothing happened. It was all alien animatronics and no live people. It was very disappointing.  After about 5 minutes of walking through nothing of importance, was another room with a chainsaw guy. He was wearing a pig mask and my mum ran for her life just like I did before. He chased her down many hallways, until she hit a corner and hurt her shoulder very bad. All of a sudden, another chainsaw guy appeared. Now she was cornered, with a wounded shoulder and dust particles from the air of the chainsaw. She was finally let free, as they would miss their other victims.

As we continued on, the actor from the next room chased the group in front of us, so we were left alone, until the person came back and jumped through the door, scaring my mum more than half to death. That scared her more than the chainsaw guys.

Soon after though, was a voodoo hut, which was moving on water! It was also very dense with smoke in the room. My eyes were burning up and I was coughing, but the voodoo witch just tried to SPOOK me. My mom didn’t believe it was moving because she thought she was losing her mind after the things she went through before.

We exited the haunted house and had to get the picture (as seen above) inside the pumpkin to remember this day. Some rando was standing at the convenience stand, so my mom asked him to take a picture. He took multiple, but when he gave my mom her phone back, he said that she got a notification about Navy Seals. It was just CNN. So I called him, “Nosy.

In conclusion, Hundred Acres Manor is very uneventful until the end. (ALSO JANNA THOUGHT SHE WAS SAFE…. for now)-

Oct 012018

Me: Should I liveblog?

Henry: No.

That means yes! So here I am! What a whirlwind weekend with super highs and abysmal lows! But that will come later, on another day. Today is all about “what happens in the car, gets outed on the Internet.” Because we’re such an exciting family.

Right now it’s 8:37am and we’re only about 5 miles away from the Holland Hotel that we just checked out of, sitting in Monday morning traffic. This is already so exciting! And now Chooch is screaming at Henry for talking while chewing which is his latest pet peeve and he hones in on it even if Henry is like two rooms away.

Here is this cool Bowie mural that I wanted to get a better picture of but we’re stuck in traffic:

8:50am: I miss BTS. :(

9:32am: I haven’t eaten anything since the ice cream we got yesterday at 3pm, just saying. I AM NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND. Henry was like, “You look really skinny in those jeans” – yeah because I have barely eaten at all this weekend so way to encourage my quasi-anorexia, idiot.

10:10am: just stopped at the same Wawa we always stop & fight at when leaving NJ, and we almost made it out of there incident-free but Chooch stepped on the back of my shoe and it came off and this is the 37394th time this happened this weekend and I was in NO MOOD. But at least I got a hard-boiled egg and cottage cheese lol omg so sad.

10:34am: Driving through Bethlehem, PA and I screamed, “IT LOOKS LIKE OCTOBER HERE, AW!!” because finally, changing leaves! Henry mocked me saying “aw” and I shot him dead with my eyes because fuck you for taking away the first joyous moment I’ve had on this dumb Monday.

11:04am: Made a pitstop at Vegan Treats in Bethlehem because it’s been on my fat girl bucket list for years and we never have time to swing by when we’re out this way.

They’re supposed to be like The Best vegan bakery in all creation and they have made cakes for lots of bands I like so I was excited!

The cakes were super cute and expensive but we expected that much. The girl working there was very nice and didn’t have that “you’re not vegan enough for me” attitude that I hate about lots of punk vegans. So I didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Chooch was inexplicably pouting, literally the only kid who would ever be unhappy in a bakery is mine, I’m so proud. But then Henry gave him the car keys so he could go and get his phone which is what it all boiled down to! KIDS THESE DAYS, I CANT STAND THEM.

We picked a good time to stop though because all the cakes were Halloween themed!

We ultimately chose one red velvet, confetti, black coconut ash cheesecake, and a peanut butter bomb which is supposed to be one of their most popular items.

$35 for these four things and a cookie. Pretty much what we expected. Was it worth it? Not even a little bit.

As most vegan baked goods are, these were wayyyyyy too overly sweet. I took one tiny bite out of each one and it was more than enough. Maybe the donuts are better? I generally really like vegan donuts so maybe.

If you’re ever looking for a really amazing vegan cake, just go to Zenith in Pittsburgh. They’re just bundt cakes, nothing flashy, but when the product itself is amazing on its own, why gild the lily?

12:03pm: At Sheetz waiting for Henry to shit lol.

Everyone stares at us here.

Henry was excited because he had just enough cash for our drinks but as the lady was ringing him up, Chooch came sprinting back with a final hour bag of chips and Henry yelled GODDAMMIT NOW I HAVE TO USE THE CARD CHOOCH. It was glorious, and the cashier was happy to be a part of it.

Also Henry said there was a girl in there wearing a BTS shirt and I wanted to talk to her but I guess she went into the bathroom and I wasn’t sure how extreme that would be to follow her and talk to her through the stall so we just left.

Bye Sheetz.

12:08pm: Henry threw out what he had left of the Wawa iced tea in order to open up a spot in the drink holder for his Sheetz iced tea. “Wawa’s iced tea isn’t that great anyway,” he said to himself, justifying his actions. Wow. I’m shocked to hear him say that because we always have the Sheetz vs Wawa argument on these NJ/NY trips and he always white knights Wawa. Always. I’m sorry, but I think Sheetz is better all-around!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO GET A SHEETZ TATTOO TO PROVE IT!!!!

1:03pm: At another Sheetz because we’re real road warriors. I don’t know what that means. But I do know that it’s October 1st and I can’t wait to get home and start going to haunted houses!!

Anyway thank god for Sheetz MTO wraps and nutrition facts on the website. Logging food has never been my strong point.

1:36pm: Trying to get Henry to tell me stories about when he was dishonorably discharged from the SERVICE but he claims that didn’t happen. Are there polygraph apps out there because I think he’s lying. “And I didn’t go AWOL either, stop making shit up,” he just mumbled before asking me to put different music on because we’ve been listening to BTS b-sides for the last hour and Henry only likes the popular mainstream stuff that other Americans enjoy because morning TV shows & Top 40 radio stations tell them to.

2:38pm: Sorry I was off the grid for a while dealing with Etsy shipping bullshit — you have ONE JOB, postal workers!! ONE JOB! Ugh shipping is such a headache and if I ever just shut down all of my shops you’ll know it’s because I can’t deal with postal heartburn anymore. (Or because the Feds found me.)

Anyway, my favorite part of road trips is when Henry tries to teach other motorists how to merge by yelling in a car with closed windows.

Also x2 the last time we were coming home from New Jersey, my water jug lifestyle was born! Still proudly jug-guzzling three mths later. (My coworkers can attest to this. I now how people from the other department on our floor checking in to see how much more I have left to go, ha.)

3:28pm: Operation How Many Sheetz Can We Stop At is going strong.

Yeah Bitch Boy, clean that windshield.

Also I think this is the original Sheetz in Altoona and we usually fight here too.

3:41pm: Henry tried to act cool by leaving us at Sheetz and we were like “DONT CARE HUNNY.” Anyway I had my afternoon snack of “banana and hard-boiled egg” – how jealous are you? If anything, my stomach has shrunk since starting this dumb thing a week ago.


That’s a creepy American flag in the middle. Makes me feel uncomfortable every time I see it because I can only imagine the strange trump-supporting forest-dweller that stuck it there. Probably raccoon skins and empty moonshine jugs nearby.

4:59pm: Supposedly one more hour till we’re home barring anymore SHEETZ STOPS. This weekend has been a real—


Also I got excited because Chooch told me he changed Henry’s Instagram password the last time he was on his phone but then he said he was just kidding ugh I wanted to post a BTS video from his account because I’m an asshole regularly but even moreso when I’m bored in the car.

5:11pm: NEWS ALERT I just stole Henry’s phone and tossed it in the backseat to Chooch who is now attempting to post my video of Astro from yesterday’s failed kpop expo!!!

5:19pm: DAMMIT he deleted it during the last Sheetz stop but at least I have a screenshot.


PS came home to a DEAD MOUSE on the floor thanks PENELOPE. But also my BIGBANG shower curtain is here!

Sep 292018

Hello pigeons. (Is that insulting? I vaguely remember that there was some rap group that had a response to TLC’s No Scrubs called No Pigeons. So maybe I’ll take back that term of endearment.)

Anyway. We got up at 5am this morning in an attempt to leave the house by 6 for Newark. I didn’t liveblog because I was tired – I had a hard time going to sleep last night and actually thought I was having a heart attack but I think it was just a panic attack from being so worked up the last few days.

So this weekend is very much needed like medicine.

The drive was largely boring and uneventful.

Here’s an obligatory truck stop selfie from some gas station that had religious people handing out brochures.

I got an email from the Prudential Center saying that merch would be set up at 9am and I wanted to try to get a light stick since they have been impossible to order beforehand because everything related to BTS is near-impossible to get anymore ugh popularity. It was a madhouse there and we originally were briefly in a two-hour long line just to have our pictures taken in front of that banner up there. UM HELL NO. We managed to grab a lightstick (all T-shirts and face signs were already sold out ugh, eBay here I come) and then went to check in to the hotel that’s NOT a Red Carpet Inn this time thank GOD. Just a basic Best Western but it’s clean and the guy at the desk was super friendly and normal so that was a good sign that this place was ok.

Until he asked us if we were excited for the Penn State game and Henry and I exchanged terrified looks like HOW TO ANSWER HOW TO ANSWER. Because we’re not a football household.

But on the plus side, now when Todd jokingly asks me what I thought of the game at work I can tell him that I actually knew they were playing.

Oh wait I think he asks me about Pitt all the time, never mind. SAME STATE THOUGH.

Oh yeah, here’s Henry with a photo card of his bias Jimin that came with the light stick. He was really starting to feel sad that he wasn’t attending the concert that night.

Chooch and I changed into our concert attire before heading out for a late lunch. I’m a dumb ass who chose to start a diet four days before going away for the weekend so that’s awesome. We’ll be in NYC for a Korean culture expo so I chose that as my fuck all day which means Chooch and Henry got stuck eating at a place called Art of Salad today LOLOL.

Chooch actually really enjoyed his custom salad but Henry had to finish that and also my smoothie bowl which was really good but just too much!

Henry really looks like a salad guy doesn’t he?

OK I have to go to bed. We’re getting up early again tomorrow and tomorrow will end with another kpop concert which is going to be interesting considering BTS took my voice with them.


Sep 282018

What a week, huh? I worked from home yesterday and was off today so I was able to watch all of the Kavanaugh hearing in real time and to say that it fired me up is an understatement. When Henry came home from work today, I was curled up on the couch with a kid’s unicorn cape-blanket wrapped around me, crying and watching for the fiftieth time Senator Flake being cornered in an elevator by two sexual assault survivors.

“You need to turn this off!” Henry fathered, because he has had a first row seat watching my sanity wane.

We went for a walk last night and I ranted the whole way about how men always win and women always lose, and we’re so emotional and hysterical and we should just shut up and “it wasn’t full-blown rape so she should go over it, right boys?” and blah blah blah when we came upon a car that was parked on the sidewalk, THE WHOLE SIDEWALK, so we had to step into the street to walk around it, and as I stepped off the curb, I twisted my ankle enough to be enraged even more so I shouted and I do mean SHRIEKED, “I just hurt my ankle because I had to step off the curb!” and then when we got to the other side of the car and stepped back onto the sidewalk, there was a couple standing there looking at me with wide eyes, so I whispered to Henry, “Is that their car?” and he nodded, probably hoping that we could just gulp and quietly walk away….

…but NO, instead I was even more angry now and so I yelled to everyone and no one at once, “WELL THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE PARKED ON THE SIDEWALK!!!!!” and Henry was just like, “ohmygod” but you know what he didn’t say? He didn’t say, “Calm down.”

Thank you for not telling me to CALM DOWN, Henry.  OTHER MEN PROBABLY WOULD. Because if there’s one thing we learned from the Kavanaugh hearing, it’s that it’s OK for white privileged men to fly off the handle and shout in a shrill, hysterical tone because HE IS JUST DEFENDING HIMSELF SO HE IS ALLOWED TO BE PASSIONATE but if a woman does that, she is UNHINGED, TOO EMOTIONAL, UNFIT FOR THE JOB.

I’ve been thinking so much about high school, about the party at my house one spring date when a “friend” had me pinned against the laundry room wall and then later followed me into my bedroom and shit started to get real one-sided and grope-y (#boyswillbeboys right?) until two of my other guy friends figured out was going on and literally threw him out of my house, and I realize now that I was very lucky to have had guy friends back then who actually gave a shit, knew boundaries, wrong from right, and had respect for women.

I am doing everything in my power to make sure that my son is that kind of friend to women, too. That kind of friend to all people.

To the people out there who don’t think Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s allegations are “that bad” or “not really sexual assault,” let me tell you something. In the fall of my senior year of high school, I started dating this guy from a different high school. He never raped me. He never sexually assaulted me. But what he did do, on multiple occasions, was get extremely angry at me over small things and instinctively go for my neck.

Every time, his hands would go around my neck.

I can’t give you dates for each of these incidents. The most I can give you is that one time it happened toward the end of our relationship when we were 19 and I was living in my first apartment. He was waiting there for me to come home from work and had been going through my stuff. He found, in a box of old notes and stuff, a picture of me from a haunted house called Phantoms in the Park. I remember this picture clearly, because my friend Lisa took it: it was me and two of the guys who ran the haunt, in the fake “elevator.” One of them has his arm around me, and the other one was pretending like was going to kiss my cheek.

It was a haunted house. I wasn’t alone with these guys. At least two of my friends were there.

But he saw this picture and assumed that I was cheating on him. So he confronted me as soon as I came home and by “confronted me” I mean that he slammed me against the front door of my apartment and held me there with his hand against my throat.

I couldn’t breathe and thought I was going to die.

He eventually let go and then made like he was going to punch me, but he punched the door next to my head instead, and then left.

No, I didn’t call the police. It didn’t seem like this was something “bad enough” to warrant police involvement.

I did call his mom though because, as is anyone in an abusive relationship, I was mind-controlled and manipulated into feeling guilty and I stupidly worried about him and wanted to let him mom that he was presumably on his way home and very upset.

She blamed me.

She said that I provoked him to be like this. That he didn’t have any problems until he met me.

It was my fault. I really started to believe that.

When Dr. Ford talked about Brett Kavanaugh covering her mouth with his hand, I was triggered. I have always been sensitive about my neck/throat since then, but it wasn’t until later in my 20s when I looked back on this and realized just how fucked up it was. And that’s when I started having nightmares that I was dating him again, running from him, hiding from him. I have talked to Henry about this but it’s not something that I walk around telling everyone.

As hard as it was to listen to Dr. Ford’s account of what happened to her that night, I heard her. She deserved to be heard by everyone in this country. Every survivor deserves to be heard.

What I’m getting at is that you don’t “get over” things like this. You might not think about them every day, but maybe you flinch when someone comes at you fast, or maybe you feel like you’re going to have a panic-attack when you have to walk back to your car alone late at night. Maybe you have trust issues or nightmares or crippling anxiety. But one thing is for sure: it stays with you, it will always be with you. And this horror story of an administration is exacerbating a lot of painful memories for a lot of fucking people.

I am not a hugger, but I want to wrap my arms around everyone out there who has experienced any sort of abuse or assault. So many of my friends have been posting their stories on twitter and to all of them, I am sorry.  I’m sick to my stomach and stressed the fuck out at how quickly our voices are muffled and our stories are dismissed.

November is coming.

Sep 212018

It’s been a while since I did a good, wholesome work update so here I am to regale your day with two Law Firm stories.

  1. Bob Ross the Processor, or Bob (p)Ross(essor)

Remember sometime last winter or spring when Amber decided that we needed a pet for our group and she bought us a Bob Ross chia pet and then somehow it became my responsible to grow him except that I had no means of measuring water or seeds and I had three different people telling me what to do so that the end result was a terra cotta head with fur on it and by fur I do mean mold? Yeah, that’s what happened to Bob. And he just sat on a windowsill for months behind Cathy, and we all made jokes about how we hoped he wasn’t going to  make us sick with his poison coif. Then, a few weeks ago, my mom bought Chooch a chia pet that’s a zombie arm protruding from the earth, and I was stunned to see that it sprouted hearty green growths in the span of one weekend. I noted that the packet of chia seeds wasn’t empty so I asked Henry if he would perform surgery if I brought Bob home and he mumbled something about how he doesn’t know why I even bother asking him when I’m just going to make him do it anyway and that is how Bob Ross ended up on my back porch for a week, being reborn.

Also!? Henry fucked up and didn’t slather the seeds on all the way so Bob ended up having a bald spot on the back of his head. I was worried about this because I felt like my co-workers would use this as a way of still holding the Failure of Bob Ross against me. We didn’t have any seeds yet, but we DID have regular chia seeds, the kinds that you sprinkle on yogurt or whatever for health benefits, so he used some of that AND IT WORKED? I guess I don’t know why I didn’t think it would work, like maybe the Chia Pet chia seeds are special, but yeah, you guys, if you have some type of terra cotta object and a bag of chia seeds for your fucking smoothie, you can make a chia whatever-your-object-is.

Of course, this brought up the terrifying question of, “OMG DOES IT DO THAT IN MY STOMACH!?” But Henry said no.

So now, Bob with the Good Hair is back in our office and everyone is super excited about it.

Yesterday though, we had a fleet of Suits walk through the department and Lauren said one of them lingered long enough to say, “huh. Interesting.” She was too nervous to turn around to see what was happening but she knew it had to be something of mine because I have my international candy shop on the counter behind her desk and a collection of religious Glenns. But Todd and Glenn were watching and said he was looking at Bob. When I saw Lauren later that day she said she was about to be super pissed if she got in trouble for something behind her when it’s all my stuff lolol and that reminded me of the time I decorated people’s offices for Halloween and Patrick got in trouble from Facilities because I used erasable markers to write on his glass wall but NEWS FLASH that shit doesn’t come off frosted glass. Just in case you were ever wondering. Now there’s an office on our floor that had the alphabet written on the glass door a la Stranger Things forever.

2. Amputee Hootenanny

It all started the other day when I misread “Automation Anywhere” as “Amputation Anywhere.” At first it made my limbs tingle, but then I remembered one of my old sock puppet LiveJournals: “AmputatedLeg.”

Yeah, it was literally just me writing a diary from the POV of an amputated leg named Sam. I couldn’t stop laughing alone at  my desk so I stupidly went over to tell Glenn about it, and his face became the perfect intersection of Amused and Horrified.

“Seek help,” he said as I walked away, doubled over in laughter.

Back at my desk, I decided to look up  that old journal and relive old times, except that it came up as SUSPENDED. What?? Why?! I thought maybe it was because of inactivity but the fake journal I had for Janna (pelvic_exam) is still there and that one was WAY worse.

Luckily, I still have the icon I  made for that Sam’s journal, so that’s a relief.

Today, Glenn asked me if I found my missing leg, because of course went over to cry about the journal suspension when I found out about it. I told him that I didn’t, and Todd was like, “What are you talking about” so I had to explain it to him and he was just like, *blank stare for days*.

“All I remember is that his name was Sam and he was dating a drug addict named Rita,” I sighed.

It was a dark journal.

“Oh OK, so Rita was also an amputated leg?” Todd asked, trying to pretend like he was in a normal conversation.

“No, she was a whole person,” I scoffed, like come on Todd. Le duh.

“Of course she was,” Glenn muttered at his desk.

Todd asked if I could email LiveJournal to get them to lift the suspension, and this just added a new layer to things.

“Well, the thing is, I’m not sure which email address I used to register that journal,” I started slowly.

“So just use all of them until you find the right one,” Todd shrugged.

“Yeah…..” I started slowly. “The thing is, back then, I had like over 100 email addresses.”

Glenn turned around for this one and Todd practically screamed, “What? Why!?”

“Well, remember back when Gmail was a new thing, you had to like, be invited to use it? Someone would have to  give you a code?”

Todd said he remembered that.

“So, it was like a game for me to see how many I could accumulate,” I admitted, and Glenn grumbled, “Of course it was.”

Later on, I was telling Henry this. “Remember when I had all those email addresses?!” I cried giddily.

“Uh, yeah. You didn’t tell them what they were, did you?” he asked, just a hint of trepidation in his tone.

“LOL god no. Remember how I had a whole STD email series?”

Henry just sighed.

I mean, in my defense, I didn’t have a kid yet and I was unemployed. So….

Sep 132018

One of my favorite Korean meals is bibimbap, and that goes way back from before I even became k-crazed. I used to be friends with this girl who I since realized was a sociopath, maybe worse, but back then we enjoyed a brief friendship and would often eat at this Korean restaurant in Oakland because it was owned by friends of her family. I would always, unfailingly, order bibimbap because I loved how it came with a fried egg on top and it reminded me of this one burger I would always get at this restaurant in London called Monique’s, which had a fried egg on top and that was way before America was doing crazy shit to burgers. When I would tell my friends about this burger, they’d be all o.O

I promise you that back then, 20 years ago, I didn’t know what gochujang was and I for sure know that kimchi didn’t touch my chopsticks let alone my lips. But, even though my Korean palate has since expanded, I still fucking love bibimbap and once I started to actually learn about Korea, I realized that bibimbap literally means “mixed rice” and then I started thinking about how this, what you’re reading, is pretty much a mixed bag, a bibimblog and now that’s all I can think of when I sit down to write in this dolsot pot of words and pictures.

So, all that being said, let’s take a walk through my bibimbrain because I gots words about the weekend, y’all. This is going to be all smeared and splashed like a Pollack.

I had the day off last Friday and as expected, I got sick. What is it with me and scheduled days off!? I wasn’t majorly sick enough, but I felt weird and sluggish and when Chooch came home from school, he stopped short inside the doorway and said, “Whoa, I’m not used to seeing you laying down.” Exaciticallllly! (I had a tour guide named Colleen once who said “Exactly” that way and it was amazing.)

(And by “had” I don’t mean that I gave birth to her, but I was on a tour she was leading.)


Still, the day wasn’t too bad. I managed to leave the house and walk to Pamela’s, where I met my good ol’ friend Christy for lunch but on the way there, something weird happened. I stopped at the ATM but had to wait for this broad and I was on the phone with Henry the whole time, whispering about how annoying she was because she made like three separate transactions with long, leisurely pauses in between each one. I don’t  know why I cared because Christy is habitually late so it didn’t really matter that this broad was holding me up but if you know me, you know that I am always in a rush for no reason. Anyway, after that left, I started mouthing off about her to Henry which of course warranted a description. I started to say she was older and had pink hair and then he cut me off and finished the description because whoever this bitch was, she also was in Henry’s way the other day!? I mean, it’s not too often you see an old lady with pink hair and tattoos so it was definitely the same person, especially after I saw her get in her car and Henry was like YES THAT’S HER! SHE WAS PISSING ME OFF SO BAD! It reminded me of the time that Henry and I both dreamt  of cabbages, so maybe he is my soul mate after all, even though he’s not Korean, ugh.

And of course I still got to Pamela’s before Christy but it was OK because I had a cup of coffee in front of me and Genesis was playing, and really when you have those things, life doesn’t seem too bad. Then Christy got there and we those good Pamela’s pancakes and talked about how awesome we were when we were kids and stuff like that.

Then I came home and watched the cats fight because Penelope uses the tower now and Drew hates that.

Later that night, Henry and I watched the G-Dragon / Kwon Jiyong documentary on YouTube Red and I fucking cried. Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love him any more! The whole thing was a behind the scenes account of his last solo tour and how he’s reached a point in his life where he realized that he’s been G-Dragon for so long that he doesn’t who Kwon Jiyong is anymore. You guys, I just want him to meet a nice girl, get married, and move somewhere private. Like here, in Pittsburgh,

With me.

After we get married.

Saturday morning was the start of like, 4 days of dreary, rainy weather. I thought for sure the weekend would be ruined, but it was pretty good! I mean, aside from first thing that morning when I heard knocking on our neighbors’ door and then suddenly, “POLICE!” I was super startled because if you remember, our current neighbors are Blake and Haley, not some white trash rapist or secret drug lord. Henry wasn’t home so I had to go out there with an arm covering my braless boobs so that was great, but it turns out that their alarm was going off and they were on vacation, so the security company sent THREE COPS out. Chooch let them inside Blake’s house to make sure it really was just accidental (the sensor fell off the wall, apparently) and when the one cop came back to return the key to us, he was trying to be all playful with Chooch and we were just “we hate cops.” Sike, we didn’t actually say that but I was like, “Bye now!” after Chooch took back the key.

“And then he just kept standing there, staring into our house!” I ranted later to Henry, because little gets me as fired up as interaction with the popo.

“Well yeah! Come on, imagine if you saw this place for the first time. There’s a lot to see. There’s a green mannequin over there in the corner for Christ’s sake!” Henry said, perpetually white-knighting the men in blue.

I think I have mild PTSD though from all of my past neighbors. Just another thing to add to the list!

The rest of the day I was moody so Henry was following me around and picking up everything I was purposely knocking over because that’s what I do when I’m in a mood and then I was mad because I put too much peanut butter on a bagel and so it was very messy which caused me to abandon it on the kitchen counter but then Henry calmly scraped off the excess and cut it into quarters so that I could eat it without looking like I just went down on a hot jar of peanut butter.

Hey, remember when I was writing words for you to read about bibimbap? Well, I was craving it on Saturday so Henry Oppa took me to Sushi Kim which sounds like a sushi joint but it’s actually a Korean restaurant that also has a sushi bar and it was kind of like a date I guess because Chooch preferred to stay home and play his stupid Fortnite and things were actually looking pretty good for Henry until he realized that one of the waiters there was my ideal Korean type and then it was just me blushing and giggling through the whole dinner and Henry was like GREAT JUST GREAT.

Even still, we had a really great weekend together, but I realized that I for sure need a better shopping partner because he is no help at all in places like Forever 21 when I’m like CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME FIND MY SIZE IN THIS RAINBOW SWEATER but he’s too busy googling “how to regain my masculinity.” But at least I got some nice clothes, thanks Henry Oppa. (LOL, like I don’t have a job.)

Sunday was lovely too! We went shopping again because I was searching for this elusive shirt from H&M and every time I found one, it was only a size 2 (H&M sizing is so stupid) and I mean, I lost some weight but come on now. I’d have to Ace-bandage my boobs to squeeze into a shirt size that small. On the way home, we stopped at Coffee Buddha and I was content because I didn’t realize that I was craving their peanut buddha latte but I was OK!? Henry bought a pumpkin muffin for us to share so I ripped off the whole top and went on with my day. I could feel him staring at me so I said with a flick of my hand, “Oh, you can have the rest.”

“Wow. You’re a dick,” he said.

That’s our relationship, in one muffin.

Then he made me this bubbling vat of kimchi jjigae and maybe the theme of this post is that I’ve got it made!? I don’t know, but Henry is pretty cool sometimes, especially when he’s coming out of the kitchen with Korean food in his hands.

We finished off our weekend by watching Hereditary and by that, I mean that Chooch and I watched it and then Henry “disappeared” a quarter of the way through because he was “bored and it was so predictable and just like every other movie” and Chooch and I were like, “Oh, mmhmm, so you were scared.” He kept denying it but as soon as he realized what type of horror movie it was going to be, he saw his way out because he is such a little bitchboy.

Meanwhile, Chooch and I were RIVETED and I daresay this might be my new favorite horror movie. Except that now Chooch won’t stop clucking, so that’s cool. Anyway, I can’t say too much else about this movie without taking you down to Spoiler Town, but it had a lot of great scares and some pretty unexpected moments, also Toni Collette is just wonderful. Tell me if you’ve seen it or just tell me anything because I’m bored. Bye.

Sep 012018

HIGH GUISE here I am. So, a few months ago, Chooch helped his chorus teacher write an essay for some contest to win money for their music program and it turns out, she was one of the teachers who won! She got some prize money for the school, but also a bunch of tickets to see Pentatonix tonight at KeyBank and I politely declined because Pentatonix is a no for me so Henry grudgingly took him instead.

What this means is that YO GIRL IS HOME ALONE TONIGHT WOOOOO! I considered inviting some people over to hang out but I don’t feel like cleaning and I also didn’t want to change out of my workout clothes, so it’s just me and the cats tonight and in the first hour, I watched some more of Sharp Objects (I have to look away during the cutting/self harm scenes) and then burnt my hand, so things are going great.

I just realized that if Boots* still lived next door, I never would have opted to stay home. And speaking of Boots, turns out he’s out of jail now because I thought I saw him down the street two weeks ago on my way home from work but Henry was like, “That wasn’t him, unless he got clean.” But then last week, I fucking walked right past him downtown and I KNOW it was him, but he just got a little chubby. Then TODAY, Chooch was getting his hair cut at a barber shop on the boulevard so I was strolling around, and that fucking piece of shit walked past me with some older broad pushing A BABY STROLLER. I texted Henry, who was in the barber shop, and said, “I THINK BOOTS IS COMING YOUR WAY” and Henry agreed that it could be him. So then I came back to the barber shop about twenty minutes later and was sitting on a bench waiting for Chooch, when they walked past me again and stood near me while waiting to cross the street and he loudly asked the broad, “DO YOU WANT TO GO OVER THERE AND GET A SODA” and as soon as I heard that high-pitched weasel voice, I was like, “OH FUCK, IT’S HIM” so I turned around in the bench and just blatantly stared at them as they crossed the street, I didn’t even pretend to be covert about it, and then!!! Some guy stopped his car in the middle of the boulevard to yell out the window, “GET AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU TOOTHLESS COCKSUCKER!!!” and like everyone on the street stopped to stare, and I was like, “OH SHIT IS THIS MAN GOING TO GET OUT OF HIS CAR AND KILL HIM” but then Boots, the broad, and the screamer in the car all started cracking up because I guess they are FRIENDS and I was so disappointed. Anyway, that broad definitely wasn’t Phyllis but shit, as soon as she started talking, I was like, “Yes, that is exactly how I expected her to sound.” All stupid and slow-sounding, you know? And I don’t know what was going on with that baby but she looked like she could be its grandma.

I wonder if it was stolen.

So yeah, Boots lives in Brookline again, which is just fucking swell.

*(Friendly reminder that Boots was neighbor who got arrested before my LAST neighbor who got arrested.)

Also, I thought that Brookline was starting to clean up its act but those 10 minutes sitting a bench was pretty eye-opening. Also pretty sure a drug deal happened in front of me so that was great.

After I try to make dinner, I’m chucking all the furniture out the window and doing Kpop cardio all night long, as vigorously as I fucking want. Not that I wouldn’t any other time, but whatever. So I’m going to post several of the latest Kpop songs that have me doing the running man in front of the mirror while I’m getting ready for work, just in case you feel like having your own k-dance party tonight too.

I think these girls have what it takes to become the next big girl group and I really hope it happens because I love them.

So I used to not like NCT Dream very much because the first song I heard by them was Chewing Gum and it just didn’t sit right with me. But this one hooked me.

Day6 is always just on my periphery but this song made me really really really notice them. I know it’s a moot point, but I think they would have been a really cool addition to Warped Tour. They’ve had Japanese bands on in the past but as far as I know, no Korean bands.

I know BTS’s comeback has been totally oversaturating the media, but their comeback stage for Idol is so energetic and aesthetically pleasing! I sent it to my group yesterday for Friday Video and Lauren was so excited to tell us which outfit was her favorite, Amber said she wouldn’t have wanted to start the day any other way, and Todd said something about Kpop being the best ever and used like 17 exclamation points so I had to walk over to his desk and ask him if he was being sarcastic because I couldn’t tell, OK?! (He was.)

(But then he showed me which outfit he liked the best.)

Thanks to my friend Veronica for the heads up on this one! She is a huge EXO fan and I only know a little about them but now I think Baekhyun might be my EXO bias after hearing him apart from the rest of EXO. It’s cool how recognizable his voice is though because while this was playing yesterday Chooch walked by and casually asked, “Is this EXO?”

We saw these guys last year at KCON and they were so wonderful but they somehow keep flying under the radar. This is their latest and I love it so much but one of my favorite Kpop workout channels made a routine for this and it frustrates me because there is a weird arm movement that I’m not coordinated enough to do BUT HEY MAYBE I CAN PRACTICE IT 9734072497 TIMES TONIGHT!

Have I already shared this one? Who cares, this song is great and is usually always in my head.

OK, now I have to try and make some type of dinner, work on new card and pendant designs, and then dance myself into a stupor.

Aug 282018

Sometimes when I need to get my mind to stop reeling, I watch live performances of Taemin and I feel so recharged after. The last week has been a whirlwind of emotions that have finally started to drop on my head like bricks so I’mTAEMIN’ING IT UP IN HERE.

I could watch this a million times and never tire of it. Not only is that song beautiful, but the dancing is fucking exquisite. Taemin is a gift to us all.

I know a lot of people don’t like watching these videos because they’re not in English but this video has subtitles so if you’re gonna dive into some Taemin, now’s a good time!

I’ll be back tomorrow (probably) with the rest of my Holiday World panderings, hoo boy!

Aug 242018

Today was the first day of school and I was like boo hoo, sike naw I was like BYEEEE.

Honestly though, it’s the same feeling every year: How do I have a kid in [whatever] grade?!

It’s funny how we parents always act so shocked and awed that our child is aging like come on really fam?

I’m just mostly sad that this means summer is over—I know the calendar and that equinox thing says otherwise but the first day of school always feels like the kiss of death for summer even though I still had to go to work pretty much every day.

Oh and fun story, we waited until last night to go school clothes shopping. I worked until 7:30 so we went to the mall straight after and I hate mall-shopping but I REALLY hate not going home straight after work so I was acting pissier than a bag of hornets all night especially when the dumb bitch at Journeys was too busy talking to her bitch friends who weren’t even BUYING SHOES totally ignored us and then when she finally was all, “Oh do you need help” they didn’t have Chooch’s size and Henry was like WELP LET’S GO instead of having Chooch find a different pair?!

Also I refuse to spend anything over $100 on this kid because have you seen the way his shoes look after a month?! He has these fat Barney Rubble feet that blow out the sides of shoes and I just can’t stand it.


Finally found a lot of green ADIDAS at Foot Locker and then I instantly got happy because there were three teenagers in there talking to each other in Korean and Henry was like “OMG you are so weird” (to me, not to the Koreans) but then we went to the Vans store and while Henry was paying for some shirts, the mall closed! It was only 9pm!! Is this normal, asking for someone who doesn’t shop in malls in often.

“This wouldn’t happen in Korea,” i said sourly.

“Yeah, they would have just opened an hour ago,” Henry said and I was like shut up because now I was back to being angry.

Luckily we managed to scrape up somewhat of a starter wardrobe for my SEVENTH GRADER YEAH THATS RIGHT HE’S IN SEVENTH GRADE NOW.

That didn’t warrant CAPSLOCK but I’m in a fucking mood tonight. (It was a “two calls to the help desk” type of Friday Night Late Shift, is all I’m saying.)

He originally didn’t want to get these shorts because he didn’t like the color but I said, “These look like something Blake would wear” and Chooch said, “I love them.”

I pretended like I was going to cry when Chooch left for school this morning but really I watched the new BTS video several times and then made an Aileen Wuornos birthday card, then I went to the post office where Maureen, my postal clerk nemesis, was too busy bitching to me about her relative houseguests to give me the usual third degree about what was in my international packages. Thank you, Maureen’s nieces.

Also, Maureen is sick of these idiots asking her for change, this isn’t a goddamn bank.

So, that’s that. Chooch had a good first day back and I’m hoping this year goes smoothly. Please Sweet Heavenly Angel-Baby Taemin let this year go smoothly. *prayer hands*

Aug 232018

Yesterday was a really depressing day but then I saw this trailer FOR A G-DRAGON DOCUMENTARY ON YOUTUBE RED and I felt saved, you know what I mean? G-Dragon always pulls through when I least expect it.

I sent this to my group at work today and Glenn was mad because it’s not Friday and I’m only allowed to send them Kpop-related videos on Friday but this couldn’t wait!!

Anyway, just my semi-regular reminder to cherish those little things in life because it makes it a little easier when we have to face the big bad things.


Aug 192018

Guys, our trip to Holiday World was everything I wanted it to be and more but we will get to that another day. Right now, we just checked out of our OK hotel (I booked it and it was way better than the sex shack Henry holed us up in in Newark) but it was hard to leave because we had inadvertently become invested in a movie on the Hallmark Channel (Bridal Wave, lol). I mean, I can guess how it ends but STILL.

So now it’s 8:43am and we’re on our way to the Santa Claus Museum, because we are in Santa Claus, IN after all.

We just drove past a house surrounded by corn fields that had a ROOMS FOR RENT sign and now I wish we had stayed there. Also, I just told Henry I’m Live-blogging and he flipped me off.



9:42am: We just left the Santa Claus Museum and Santa’s Candy Castle and both were worth the pit stop in case you were considering driving past with no regrets.

Oldest Santa statue in the world!

I think I will post about the museum separately because I have a lot of pictures and there was a family there that I hated.

But Santa’s Candy was legit. It smelled wonderful and the employees were so nice! The guy who rang us up reminded me of Hank from Breaking Bad. He just kind of looked like him, OK?!

We bought a small bag of Krispie Kreme Jelly Bellys there and I only ate like 10 of them and feel so fucking sick.

11:26am: TIME JUMPED AHEAD I GUESS. Stupid time zones. We just stopped at a Pilot and it destroyed my good mood because I hate gross gas stations and this one was awful and the “coffee station” was dilapidated and there were flies all over it SO THAT WAS A SOLID NOPE.



Me: I could NOT live in Indiana.

Henry: That’s obvious. Places are limited where you could live.

But seriously WHERE ARE ALL THE CAFES. I have to get coffee at MCDONALD’S.

Chooch just screamed, “Peach ice cream!” because we just passed some barn-shaped grocery store with a huge peach ice cream sign so now I’m mocking him and screaming PEACH ICE CREAM is my new brand. Also, if you think Henry didn’t just completely overcomplicate an order of one small coffee with cream and sweetener, then do you even know Henry? That was the most awkward McDonald’s drive-thru ordering I’ve witnessed in a long time.

Also I only ordered a small because if I find a better place I AM STOPPING.

Or – telling Henry to stop.

12:08pm: Driving through Louisville and I just can’t stop feeling disgusted that they have some sports arena called the KFC Yum! Center.

12:20pm: Henry just made some off-hand comment about how the time hasn’t changed yet and I started screaming about how that there time done BEEN changed for A WHILE now and he would know that if HE READ MY LIVE BLOG.

12:50pm: Oh I forgot – when we stopped at Pilot, there was a RED CARPET INN across the street so Chooch and I were dry-heaving. And then inside Pilot, an announcement came on that SHOWER #4 WAS READY and Chooch was all “ew people take showers here?!” And we had to explain to him that Truck Driver Life but then I added, “If I was staying at that Red Carpet Inn, I’d rather take showers here” and Chooch almost puked from laughing so hard and then the cashier asked Henry if he needed a bag and he said because he thought we were still standing there and would help him carry the stuff but of course we had already walked outside and he came out to the parking lot with an armful of items and started bitching at us for bailing like this was so unexpected.

2:31pm: WHY DO RESTAURANTS CLOSE AFTER LUNCH. Every fucking place I’ve found on Yelp for this shitty area outside of Cincinnati closes at 2 or 3 so now I guess we are going to Hyde’s which is fine but I have eaten here before and I wanted to try something different! Ugh! I AM HUNGRY THO SO SOMEONE JUST STUFF A GRILLED CHEESE IN MY FAT FACE ALREADY.

Also I have chocolate stains all over my shirt and shorts from the dumb protein bar I ate for breakfast. Ugh.

2:48pm: We’re at Hyde’s and I came so close to sitting at a booth with OLIVER NORTH.

GAG!! (In case you don’t know, I HATE OLIVER NORTH.)

Also, Chooch beat me and submitted the Hyde’s help wanted sign to Job Spotter and got 97 points for it! THAT’S NINETY SEVEN CENTS!!

Well, Henry and I just had a mild disagreement over the Cole slaw here (I think it’s too sweet, he thinks it’s just right) and for some reason, Chooch thought this was SO HILARIOUS that he spewed a mouthful of iced tea all over the booth and Henry was like GOODBYE and left us lol.

Update: Henry’s back. He was just hiding in the bathroom. The only guy that was sitting near us got up and left.

I just had to send Chooch outside to take deep breaths and now he’s making friends with a gaggle or elder-broads.

Now he’s back and blaming Henry for making him crack up and he really just said, “I’m just trying to live a normal life.”

3:00pm: Waitress just asked me “Do you want more coffee ma’am” and I’m like yeah but I also need you to stop calling me ma’am.

I just wistfully said, “Ugh now I want to watch Short Circuit” and Henry asked why. “Um, because of this SONG?!”

(Bee Gee’s More Than a Woman is playing right now.)

Why does he never KNOW.

3:25pm: Some broad just said she wanted two slices of coconut pie to go so the waitress repeated “Ok 2 coconuts to go” so Henry scoffed and said, “I have two coconuts to go” and gestured at Chooch and me. WOW FUNNY GUY.

3:43pm: I got mad at Chooch and told him he can go get reborn elsewhere and I don’t even know that that means but it felt like the ULTIMATE SLAM at the time.

3:54pm: Here in Henry’s Mecca, aka Jungle Jim’s:

4:57pm: Just left Jungle Jim’s and Henry has that fresh-from-the-market glow. I like it there to a point but then I remember that I’m surrounded by assholes and getting rammed into with shopping carts and I’m over it. Especially when some kids were like “Mom look, exotic KitKats! Are they real?!” And Mom came over with her resting bitch fest and said, “Ew I don’t know. Those are WEIRD” and of course she was super skinny and had that quintessential short soccer mom hair

YOU’RE weird, Mom!

They had cherimoya which I begged for because if you didn’t know that is my FAVORITE fruit but Henry was like, “NOT FOR $10 A PIECE!” Ugh. I did get a sapote though which I haven’t had since my friend Kevin sent me one five or six years ago and I have dreamt of them ever since!

5:53pm: Just stopped at another Pilot. I went into the bathroom and the only available stall had a bunch of poop in it so I said NOPE I’LL WAIT FOR ANOTHER and then a girl came in and was like “There a mess in there?” And I said “Yes it’s pretty gross” so we stood there silently for about 30 seconds listening to someone pee in the taken stall, and then the girl said, “Like is it just not flushed?” And I said “I mean I didn’t really inspect it. I just saw a ton of poop and left” so she went in, lifted up her leg AND FLUSHED IT WITH HER FOOT. She had on flip flops! If could have flipped and flopped into the muddy commode!

Anyway, it flushed and she was like THERE U GO and I muttered thanks and then reluctantly went in even though I didn’t want to use that stall and furthermore I didn’t even really have to pee that bad!!

Oh, the crisis.

Back out in the store, Henry and Chooch filled me on their own bathroom story about the guy who may or not have been living in one of the stalls and another stall was playing rap music. When I told Henry my story and got to the part about the girl using her flip flopped foot to flush, he said, “I saw a guy come out of the bathroom in bare feet yesterday” and I scanned my brain to play back all the places we were at yesterday and I screamed, “EW AT HOLIDAY WORLD?!”

That park had some very questionable clientele.

Chooch got the Giordano’s Deep Dish limited edition Lays and it doesn’t taste like it at all and now the car smells kind of like puke because of it.

7:00pm: Current Sitch – Henry is not speaking to me because I snapped at him for not immediately knowing what I was talking about when I mentioned the Log Jammer’s spillway.


8:24pm: I finally ate my coveted, signature Sheetz veggie wrap so I feel better now however Henry started “thinking out loud” about whether Ruby Tuesday’s still has their lettuce wedge salad and I snapped out and yelled SHUT UP NO ONE CARES.

Also, we managed to lose not one but TWO of the three reusable straws we brought with us so I feel pretty defeated because we didn’t just throw them out by accident but we literally LITTERED. There was a hole in the stupid Journeys drawstring bag we had with us at Holiday World ugh.

Also x2 one of my relatives was mocking those of us concerned with the environment and sardonically promised not to use straws and I am just so fucking of conservative cabbagefucks acting like it’s so cool to be environmentally deviant. You’re right, let’s all just dump buckets of oil into the nearest body of water for funsies and show the world who owns it. Rah rah rah.

Also x3 before I fed my face, I snapped out on Chooch because I am SO SICK OF HIM ASKING FOR V-BUCKS FOR THAT STUPID FORTNITE GAME and I yelled about how I’m not spending $25 for some in-game purchase that won’t even yield something tangible that he can hold in his hand but is only just some virtual accessory for his stupid character and school starts on Friday and we haven’t even bought him new shoes yet so NO I’M NOT FUNNELING MY HARD-EARNED MONEY INTO THE MAW OF A FUCKING VIDEO GAME. And wow did I ever feel like a REAL MOM after that rant.

8:56pm: Two of my friends announced that they’re going to be moms and it was so nice to see GOOD NEWS today – I’m so happy for them!

9:24pm: WELCOME TO PENNSYLVANIA. Oh thank god.

9:47pm: Chooch was just on the phone with his neighbor-pal who is extremely geographically challenged. “I wasn’t in CHICAGO, Jayden! No that’s in ILLINOIS. I was in INDIANA!” On the way There Friday night, he was like, “No Jayden I’m not there yet. No, I’m not coming home tonight! BECAUSE IT TAKES 7 HOURS TO GET THERE, WHY WOULD I COME HOME THE SAME NIGHT?!” He gets so aggravated talking to him haha.

10:58pm: Hi friends I have been home since 10:15 and I am ready to crash and dream about the incredible coasters we rode at Holiday World – Chooch and I are obsessed! I would include Henry in that statement but he’s a bitch and only rode ONE OF THEM, ONCE. He’s so disappointing.