Oct 222016

We’re en route to Columbus Ohio this morning so Chooch can see one his favorite bands, The Summer Set. That’s for those people who didn’t read the title of this post. I’m live blogging because it’s what I live for. (see also: no life.)

11:23am: we left the house at 11 which is actually the time I said I wanted to leave and it actually worked! First we went to Dunkin’ Donuts where they gave me a cappuccino instead of a macchiato and I’m pretty sure I haven’t had a cappuccino since high school when Denny’s got a cappuccino machine and that was like ALL THE RAGE LOL. The Henry wanted to stop at the nearby pretzel place to treat himself and I yelled OH COME ON because I want to GO and this promoted Henry to start bitching about how he does everything we want to do and can he please just get a bag of soft pretzels and YOURE NOT LIVEBLOGGING ARE YOU. 

11:39: I just tried to get henry to care about my current favorite Touch√© Amore song but he’s just like “ok cool story” and I’m devestated as usual. THAT VIDEO THO:

Tears spurt from eyes every time. Real feels. 

12:01: WOO TRAFFIC! I drank my stupid cappuccino too fast and now I have caffeine nausea help. 

12:26: Chooch just came back to the car from Sheetz and panted, “DADDY STOLE SOMETHING!” And I’m like no he didn’t….did he? I just asked Henry if he did and he got all paranoid. Chooch just piped up from the backseat, “he stole the cash register lady’s heart.” LOL ugh. 

12:28: Today my response to everything Henry says will be “you’re fuckin’ faded” a la Kurt Travis. 

1:06: THIS JUST IN: Henry has never heard of the term SHOEGAZE are you fucking kidding me. So we had to have an impromptu Music Genre 101 Class and his takeaway was, “That’s dumb.” So no one get Henry any My Bloody Valentine merch for Christmas I guess. 

1:18: Me n Henry:

1:40: Obligatory rest area bathroom mirror selfie:

You can’t tell in this picture but I looked at myself in the mirror and thought “THE FUCK is up with my Farrah Fawcett hair?” Because the front is flipped weirdly. I walked out and said, “Thanks for telling me my hair is so big and weird today, asshole” to Henry who said, “It looks like Farrah Fawcett hair.” UGH FOREVER HENRY. 

1:55: Couldn’t remember how to tell Chooch to put his headphones on so it came out “Why aren’t you having your headphones on?” I really think I suffered a mini stroke sometime over the last few years I’m not even funnin’ here. I see evidence of it every time I skim old blog posts and see my grammar breakdowns. Should I be concerned or naw. 

2:58: Here in Columbus at Whole World Cafe and miserable Chooch is miserable. 

4:12: Chooch is in a better mood now that he ate. We’re at North Market where Henry passed up all the obvious choices of parking spots in favor of one where he could show off his flashy driving skills by BACKING IN. 

Got some Jeni’s!

I got Sweet Cream Biscuits & Peach Jam and Thai Curry Pumpkin. Henry got Xococo Blah Blah Blah and Sweet Potato Eclair. Chooch got a lame sundae. 

GUYS DONT PANIC Henry found another soft pretzel place. We also got donuts (Oh god to be eaten much later—Jeni’s & my broccoli burger has my stomach on house arrest. Whatever that means. It sounded good for a second. 

Red raspberry hibiscus & dueling vanilla!

5:31: Henry just lost his mind and told a SERVICE story! “Let the Music Play” by Shannon just came on and Henry said it reminds him of when he was IN FLORIDA for a TEMPORARY DUTY ASSIGNMENT during his SERVICE years and the BARTENDER at their hotel played it CONSTANTLY and that his “SERVICE FRIEND” was in love with her, more like HENRY WAS IN LOVE WITH HER. 

In other news, we went to two record stores and neither of them had what I was looking for so now I’m pouting. 

6:21: Standing in line for 3o minutes. So cold. Obnoxious camera happy people in front of us. 

Chooch just photobombed the obnoxious people and pretty much everyone around us saw it and laughed but one of the guys in the obnoxious group was mad I think. 

7:32: this venue sucks. There’s nowhere good to be and the crowd is way older than I anticipated which sucks because they’re all DRUNK TALKERS. 

The first guy to play was really great. We realized that if we came out on the patio we could still hear and the view was way better but it’s COLD. 

MEanwhile Henry is shopping at the World Market and probably taking a nap under a pier somewhere. 

Also William Beckett is here and I had no idea. How do you go from the Academy Is…to opening for a band in a tiny bar in Columbus. 

9:56: you guys I came very close to getting into a physical altercation, but it didn’t go any further than a shoving match. I am so fucking angry right now. The people at this show are the biggest bags of dicks of all time. 

10:27: THANK GOD ITS OVER. WE’RE IN THE CAR. WE’RE LEAVING COLUMBUS. FUCK THE A&R DRUNK ASSHOLE HAVEN. The Summer Set were great though! Chooch got a pick and we saw Brian Logan Dales outside when we were leaving and I was like YOU GUYS WERE GREAT and he very appreciatively said thanks and I was like “That’s how one human talks to another human. OMG I DID IT!”

Henry went to Target, Old Navy, Barnes and Noble, the World Market, Vitamin Shoppe, he thinks that might be it. I think I would have preferred his night over mine. Henry is taking Chooch to see them next time. Chooch I love you but WOW. My adrenaline is like OFF THE CHARTS RIGHT NOW. 

11:23pm: In FUCKING ZANESVILLE and I’m so hungry but Henry is just meandering about like this is some vintage car cruise and I hate Ohio and just want to go home to Pittsburgh where I go to a million shows without altercation. Also there is a route 666 and I never knew it?!

No wonder this place is soul-sucking. 

12:10am: I just had a veggie wrap from Sheetz and some of my humanity has been repaired. It’s freezing in the car but god forbid I put on the heat on while henry is driving because he gets sleepy so I’ll just sit here with my teeth chattering and feel thankful that I’m in a car driven by an awake man. 

JUST TO WRAP THIS SHITTY POST UP: we got home around 2am and I went to bed without washing my face and I ALWAYS WASH MY FACE, that’s how tired I was. Fuck Ohio. 

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Oct 202016


A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

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Oct 162016

The new Joyce Manor record makes me want to fall back into a pile of leaves, you guys. Which is perfect since it’s autumn and there are leaves on the ground.  Great timing. 

I’m going to see them on the 24th IN CASE ANYONE WANTS TO GO WITH ME LOL. 

In other news, I’ve spent all weekend concocting devious Halloween plans. I was regretting not decorating at work this year and some of my friends were like YOU STILL CAN, THERE’S STILL TIME. And then a plan came to me,so I literally woke Henry up in the middle of the night to tell him and once he shook off the terror of being violently jostled awake,  he was like “Really? This couldn’t have waited?” LOL NO. DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME.

Which is funny because last night Chooch was outside with his friends and the way I felt when I heard him scream “Wait I have an idea!” is the same way Henry feels when I scream “Wait I have an idea!” isn’t it? 

This was right after they all bought ice cream from the shadiest ice cream man this side of Master P. He had a cigarette hanging from his mouth the whole time and some young broad in the back with him and while it was hard to tell from my vantage inside the house but I’m not certain she was his “business colleague.” 

So weird. 

Good ol’ Brookline. 

Here’s a picture of Drew and me. I have an old church pew/kneeler thing at the front door and she likes to stand it and watch Chooch and his friends play outside. It’s kind of adorable. He’s the only one she will let hold her!

I have shit to do and haunted houses to go to so ciao for now!

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Oct 132016


Chooch and I were home alone together on Monday. He didn’t have school because of Open House or whatever, so I took the day off since, you know, he’s only 10 and apparently shouldn’t be left alone in the house I guess.

It was pretty anticlimactic though. We didn’t even fight, if you can believe it. I even let him use my phone to play Pok√©mon Go while we were on the loose in Brookline.

We talked a lot about the election, which is crazy to me because when I was a kid, I gave literally NO FUCKS about politics, but this kid has been enrapt in this election, and he was very interested in the last one too (he used to angrily rant about Mitt Romney and it was hilar). Even before Henry and I started talking about it, Chooch would make passing comments about how much he dislikes Trump, and I think it speaks volumes how many children are voicing their opinions with this. Even when we were at Kennywood, we were standing in line behind several girls who appeared to be around 12 and they were absolutely skewering the man.

The awareness is real.

“Is it OK to call Trump retarded?” Chooch asked me. I quickly said no because that word, ugh that word. It admittedly took me a long time to retire it from my own vocabulary. Old habits, right? So I told him no but I gave him a list of words that he can use, like: racist, misogynist, bigot, homophobe, disaster, sleaze, pervert, uninformed, etc etc etc. And then I used that as an opportunity to beat into his head once again how not to assault women, and most of all, how to just be a decent person.

I want to believe that these things go without saying, because Henry and I certainly don’t sit around spewing hate speak and building walls and grabbing random pussies, but I think it’s important to still have an open dialogue about this because IT STARTS AT HOME. I mean, I’m right about this so shut up.



During our walk, we passed by Wyld Chyld Tattoo and if you’re a tattoo enthusiast, you might know that this is the shop of Sarah Miller from Ink Masters. RIGHT HERE IN LITTLE OL’ BROOKLINE. She is masterful at portraits (google that shit, I’m tired of doing it all for you) (j/k here you go please don’t stop reading my blog) and I low key fan girl over her. One time, she walked past me on the boulevard and cheerfully said she liked my purse (the eyeball one that Chooch hates, of course) and it was all I could do to not sound like fucking Bullwinkle when I thanked her.

Anyway, Sarah was standing outside her shop, smoking a cigarette and looking at her phone.

“CHOOCH THAT’S SARAH MILLER” I hissed urgently at the side of his head.

“Ok?” he shrugged. Like what does he even know.

(Other than everything, apparently, as we would learn later that night at Open House when his teacher essentially was like “This kid is the ticket to your future beach house and you gotta get him into SciTech because his brain was built for math and science.” NEWS TO ME BUT OK, TEACH.)

So then I did the whole “SHOULD I GO SAY HI” song and dance but by the time I worked up the courage and we turned around to go back, she had already gone back inside.

I hate myself.

Then I called Henry to excitedly relay this entire episode, to which he responded, “Is that all? Because I’m trying to work.”



After all of that excitement, we walked to Dormont where I flipped out because they are still doing work on Potomac and the sidewalks are all jacked so we had to go a long, roundabout way, just to get to Fredo’s where Chooch ordered a egg sandwich with no meat and then pouted because he lost a Snorlax or whatever.

(I’m told by other Pok√©mon experts my age that this is a valid reason to be sad.)

Then Henry came home and we were all like HENRY TAKE CARE OF US OMG WE NEED ATTENTION. 

Meanwhile, this shitty 50 Shades meme keeps going around on Facebook (it’s been ALL WOMEN I’ve seen posting it) and it’s nice to know that while I’m working hard to make sure my son respects women, these assholes are basically unraveling it all by teaching their daughters that it’s OK to be talked about that way because IT’S JUST LOCKER ROOM TALK RIGHT? Who gives a fuck about self-respect.


I was so mad about this that at one point my brain felt like it short-circuited and I just kept saying “Brock Turner. Brock Turner. Brock Turner” over and over.

And yes, I 100% unfriended the idiot who posted that.

Let’s end on a happy note! HERE IS ANOTHER DANCE GAVIN DANCE SONG! I was recently added into a DGD support group on Facebook and I finally feel less alone. I’m with my people now. 

Since 2005 I’ve been living a lie

I’m not even a man I’m just a cat in disguise

I was born by surprise in the Egyptian times 

Bring me a treat and I’ll imprint your face forever. 

If you changed that 2005 to 2006, this could be about Chooch. 



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Oct 092016

I made it through the whole debate without a drop of alcohol. Did I win or lose, I can’t tell. 

Pretty glad I’m off work tomorrow though because I feel like I hit my head off the wall too hard. 

Gotta hand it to Trump though for aligning Henry and me, politically, for the first time in the 15 years we’ve been together. Our mutual hatred for that man has our views and ideals all synced up like the menstrual cycle of two college roommates. 

In other news, what a great weekend! 

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Oct 072016

This is my current favorite Dance Gavin Dance song. I want to get the whole thing tattooed on my face. (OK FINE — SHARPIED.) I told Henry that it makes me feel like I’m going to throw up and he looked mildly concerned until I said IN A GOOD WAY and then he didn’t care anymore. 

It also makes me feel like I’m leisurely swimming through the calm, sparkling waters of the year 2008. 

How is everything they do so perfect? I’m obsessed. I’m forever obsessed!!


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Sep 302016

I haven’t been painting much these last months because of lack of time and inspiration. But I did make some things for some friends and some random things that I don’t know what to do with. 

Like these guys. I have a story in mind for it but I can’t convince myself to just sit down and write the fucker. 

Bought this ugly portrait of some tow-headed dinglehoffer at Goodwill, and I needed something to  keep me from stress-eating over the weekend so I painted the background green (I mean, you have eyes, probably, and can see that) and killed him. I still have to write the recipe for murder in that book of his and add something to the right corner up there. A hanging plant with the boy’s hairy scalp sitting on it like a cap? Maybe. 

Abe still lives on my mantle, behind Chooch’s bloody baby teeth in a salt shaker, if anyone is interested. 

My friend Angie got married so here’s this. 

Barb loves to quote from Steel Magnolias so I made her this Dolly Parton painting as a pick-me-up, because it’s been a rough year and it’s nice to make your friends feel good! EVEN I KNOW THAT. 

Definitely not feeling very Ham Sandwich AF these days. Maybe I should I switch my Etsy name from Somnambulant Art to Ambivalent Art. 


In other news, no more shuttle needed to get me to the trolley! The track by my house is back up and running so now I’m starting to see all my old “friends” again, like for instance I’m standing here with Snots right now. Man, fuck that guy. Santa, bring him a fucking handkerchief this year. 

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Sep 282016

Penelope (now known as JonBenet) wasn’t sure what to make of the debate the other night. 

Also not knowing what to think was Henry’s mom, who called him and said she needed to distract herself from the debate so she decided to make Chooch peanut butter cookies, but wanted to check and make sure he doesn’t have a peanut allergy before putting peanuts in it. 

“Well mom, you’re already making PEANUT BUTTER cookies so if he has a peanut allergy….” And way to wait until he’s 10 before asking, Judy!

(The cookies are pretty bomb though.)

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Sep 272016

Guys hay guys I conned Henry into seeing Thrice with me because I dislike Stage AE and didn’t want to go there alone, cry me a river. So my Airforce Hero came downtown and met me after work, where we split pizza at some place I can never remember the name but I go there sometimes with Wendy (twice, I went there with Wendy twice).

Now it’s 6:21pm and we’re standing in line waiting for doors to open which is exactly what Henry didn’t want to do, wooooo. We’re definitely at the right place because flannels. So many flannels. Much cozy!

6:27 and one of the guys in front of us just yelled, “Tix out for Harambe!” Dead.

6:56: BLUE MOON HORCHATA. Henry said he forgot his ear plugs for La Dispute. :( Henry is so mean to La Dispute.

7:15: still waiting for the show to start. When security was going thru my purse, one of those plastic prize bubbles fell out and rolled across the floor. “sorry for being a giant kid,” I laughed, stuffing it back into my purse full of ticket stubs, show flyers, Num Noms, and gumball machine prizes.

7:58: Nothing, Nowhere just ended and took my heart with them. From the moment the drums kicked in on the first song, tears started streaming down my face and I just let it happen because Therapy. OH FOR GOD’S SAKE. After the first song ended I yelled “Obsessed” into Henry’s ear and he rolled his eyes. Just now he said “ow my heart” which hello that’s MY LINE.

I shouted "OBSESSED" in Henry's ear after Nothing, Nowhere's first song & he just frowned.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

805: Uneventful bathroom trip. La Dispute next! I have chills! Stage AE keeps playing some kind of Charlie Brown bullshit in between bands and that’s fine usually but it’s making me feel tired and Henry forced a large cup of beer on me and now I’m drunk.



Nah he’s behind me, son.

8:58: this just in – Henry still hates La Dispute. I love them even more!!

Can I still get into heaven….#ladispute #kingpark ūüíĒ

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

9:13 was just in the bathroom which sounded like a windtunnel of ennui-laden, nasal LA DI DAs and LEE LEE LOOs. Neo-Valley Girl.


11:10 Guys, we’re on the trolley now and I am so jittery and all a’twit with joy and exuberance and some real life Sound of Music bullshit. (Or bullsjug as AutoCorrect suggested.) THRICE WHY U SO GUD?!

Henry just said “I only know like one of their songs so I dong know why you drag me along to these” and I’m heartbroken, all love-crushed, because I THOUGHT THAT WAS OUR BAND?! Like it has been there throughout the whole course of our relationship?! Like, pre-Chooch random drives in our old Nissan Sentra, playing Stare at the Sun on repeat?! FUCK OFF HENRY.

Anyway, they opened with Hurricane and My heart got all clogged in my throat, you know how that happens when something really emotionally sucker punches you or you’ve just watched some seriously depraved porn. Yeah, that feeling.

And then proceeded to murder our feelings with a 90 minute set worth emotionally dying for.

Thrice ūüė≠

A video posted by Erin (@ohhonestlyconcerts) on

Thrice, welcome back!! When they did their farewell tour, we were poor(er) and Papa H wouldn’t open the pocketbook for me (I know, how 1950s of us but to be fair I was working part time and having my wages garnished lol student loans). We did get to see them last year at Riot Fest after they made their big comeback but a 45 minute set outside just doesn’t compare to what we got last night, a show full of the old standbys and also so many gems from their new album. I was in heaven.

The Pirates game let out at the same time as the show so we’re on the trolley with all those ppl and that is MUCH BETTER THAN STEELERS FANS.

A bunch of us got a beer bath from some asshole on the balcony, by the way. I got it all down my neck and when I turned around to whine to Henry he was like “k cool” but the girl next to me must have been in the early stages of her relationship, the pupa stage maybe, because her boyfriend kept looking up at the balcony like he was gonna FIND THAT MOTHERFUCKER & MAKE HIM PAY. RIP OUT HIS ESOPHAGUS SO HE CAN ENJOY BEER NO MORE!

I want to believe it was some sweet, demure young lady who became so enrapt and overcome with The Passion of the Thrice that she spilled it by accident.


Speaking of the people next to us, everyone at the show was super chill & regular and no one got on my nerves. Whaaaat. I’m not even kidding. It was much better than when I saw them at Diesel in 2009 and got in a mild physics altercation with some douchebag (no, not Henry this time).


1146: OH SHIT Tourette’s was on the trolley with us that whole time!

Wow Out walk home is like a bad comedy. Dormont you LIT for a Tuesday night.

Just walked past the gas station down the street from our house and Henry opened up and told me and intimate story.

“See that guy working in there? I used to come here sometimes to, you know, buy a bottle or whatever—”


“—but he’d always be in there, like rooting around through the garbage and then he would stop and handle products without washing his hands! Sorry but don’t touch my water after your hands have been in the garbage. One time, the garbage can was on the counter!”

Wow, cool story. That’ll really help lull me to sleep.


(I fell asleep before posting this, so now I can say GOOD MORNING!)


Henry, in his head: “First she makes me come to this fucking show and now I have to have my picture taken too? UGH.”

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Sep 242016

“I wish I was Jennifer Aniston,” I sighed wistfully. 

“Why?” Henry asked, as if this was a statement so extraordinary that it warranted an explanation?

“Um, because she’s the most beautiful girl in the country?” I answered snidely, like hello she’s America’s Sweetheart, you idiot. 

Henry chewed on this and then said, “But then we wouldn’t be together.”

“….yeah, sure we would,” I said with zero conviction. 

“OK how would we have met then?”

“Well, obviously at a Days Of Our Lives convention, where I would be there supporting my dad,  Victor Kiriakis.”

Henry considered this and then, with a smirk, asked, “But why am I at a Days Of Our Lives convention?”

“To see JOHN BLACK,” I shouted in a LE DUH tone because hello, have you ever even read Henry’s LiveJournal?

Meanwhile, at Eat n Park, I got all let down when I thought the beginning of a song was going to be Jon Secada’s Just Another Day but ended up being Ace of Base ughhh. So I sadly tweeted about that and fifteen minutes later, THIS HAPPENED: 

My Saturday night is so fucking full. SO FUCKING FULL. 

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Sep 232016

Can I take a moment to toot my parenting horn for a hot second? I mean hey, it’s gotta be better than the endless wave of Riot Fest posts (THAT ARENT OVER YET, FYI). 

I mentioned before that 4th grade was a TERRIBLE year for Chooch, and also me and Henry. The school was calling us so much that I eventually just stopped answering, waited to hear the voicemail, and then made henry deal with it. Behavioral issues all year long! Trouble with other kids. Trouble with teachers. It all culminated with Henry having a legit round table discussion with not one, not two, but FIVE teachers plus the vice principal. 

Turns out, he was bored AF, not being challenged, and genuinely disliked one of his teachers. 

This year has seemed so much better though. He has a group of friends he seems pretty close with, his teachers this year seem to be fair and it old-fashioned like the ancient teacher he had last year, and then this:

He was SO EXCITED to be picked for this and I’m like “ok…dork” but in reality I think it’s because it gives him a sense of leadership, plus attention. 

Which he craves. 

You’re surprised. I can tell. 

He was over it after the first day:

But I thought it was awesome that the principal chose him, especially knowing what last year was like for him. 

(He is a fucking awesome principal and Henry and I both like him a lot which says something because Henry and I rarely like the same things.)

And today, something even more awesome happened: the school called (Henry,  not me lol) to let us know that Chooch has officially been accepted into the gifted program! He was tested last year, in April or May, but we never heard back and figured he didn’t make it. But he did! So now hopefully he will stay challenged and stimulated and far away from TROUBLE. 

OK. Parenting horn is going back into the trunk under the bed, next to the container of limbs and scalps. 

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Sep 212016


I don’t ever need it to be October to enjoy scary things, but I am definitely getting all amped up over here for haunted houses and Halloween. I admittedly wasn’t feeling it for awhile there, which leads to me believe that I really am more dead than alive inside…or should that mean that I would be even DOUBLY amped?

This is the first time that Chooch has known what he’s going to be for months, but I’m sure we’ll drag it out and wait until the last minute as usual to make his costume. (Lol, “we.”) It’s not going to be gory like the zombie clown or last year’s Death By Stereo, but it will arguably be sjust as obscure as the latter.


(J/k, it’s not that exciting.)

Other things I’m excited for in October:

  • The 6th pie party! “We” have no idea what¬†“we’re” making, but the theme is “exotic.”
  • More shows, duh. We might be taking Chooch to see the Summer Set in Columbus and I’m looking forward to giving oral to a cupful of Jeni’s.
  • Trying some new haunted houses.
  • Sitting in a cemetery, trying out some new spells.
  • Henry making things with squash and pumpkins.
  • Eating too much of Chooch’s trick-or-treating bounty and then complaining about being so dumb, so fat.
  • Finally wearing hoodies, I hope?! It’s still so hot.
  • Celebrating the idiot cats’ 1st birthday, which is October 3rd according to Sandy who is the fur-mom of their bio¬†brother, Kitten Play.
  • Maybe still watching this season of American Horror Story — will this be the first season since season 2 that I’ll be able to see through to the end?! I hope so. I hate being let down. I already have 509 issues with this current season and it’s only the second episode, are my standards too high? TOO BAD.
  • Not arriving to work a sweaty mess from walking to the trolley in 97 degree heat.
  • Luring Chris and Monica over here for some horror movie viewings.
  • Making fun of the Halloween window displays along Brookline Boulevard. I have no chill for my town.

What was your favorite costume as a kid? I think mine was a Monopoly Board.


I actually hate dressing up now, though, and have probably only done so 5 times as an adult. INTERESTING.

Basically, this blog post is full of the things I would say if I had someone to talk to right now, but I don’t because I’m only one awake and I am LONELY AND BORED and also I drank way too much coffee today—good thing I’m on late shift tomorrow because this dumb B ain’t going to bed anytime soon, no sir.

I think I’m going to get a simple jack o’lantern tattoo on my thumb at some point. Maybe as a cover-up for that obsolete H on my ring finger, lol.

(J/K, Henry. Ugh.)

Now’s the portion of the night where I play all my Riot Fest videos and cry like the emo bitch I am. NEVER CHANGE, SELF.



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Sep 192016

Much to Henry’s  inner joy and invisible mirth, yesterday was the third and last day of Riot Fest. It’s also the first day Henry and I fought– we made it so far! Specifically all the way to Rob Zombie’s set where I tried to lose Henry in the crowd like lol ok what is that going to prove. 

Anyway, we saw lots of bands so let’s see what Henry hated, didn’t like, and thought was “not too bad.” (Heads up, he was not impressed by anything on Sunday.)

  • The Bronx: They were good…? What?
  • Frankiero andthe Patience: I liked that too. (He sounded unsure. I don’t think he knows who this is.)
  • All Dogs: I don’t remember if I liked them. Apparently not. 
  • Dee Snider: Eh. Novelty. 
  • Juliette Lewis & the Licks: Interesting. Not too bad for what we saw before you got hangry. 
  • A Will Away: I only saw five minutes of them so I can’t make an informative opinion. (He was sitting alone by a fence for their first few songs, looking like an undercover cop.)
  • Thursday: I was never a big fan anyway so that didn’t change. (He breaks my heart.)
  • Bad Religion: Pretty much the same. Not a big fan anyway. 
  • Underoath: I don’t know. (He scrunched up his face and made a so-so motion with his hand.)
  • Deftones: I only knew their older stuff, so. Not bad. Can’t say I’m the biggest fan. (Well they played mostly old stuff, so…)
  • Rob Zombie: From what I heard I liked. (When I left him during Rob Zombie, he was standing by himself– obvi–and said that a younger guy was doing DRUGS next to him, but when he saw Henry, he got nervous and put it away. Like no duh, Henry—it’s because you look like a NARC.)
  • Sleater-Kinney: We walked through them? That was it. (Yeah right when they were commending Riot Fest for writing a No Harrassment policy – Henry hates when girls stand up for themselves and get all “lippy about their safety” don’t you Henry the Oppressor?)
  • Misfits: I don’t get it. 

And now is the time where we ask Henry what his dream Riot Fest lineup would be.  Lol, nevermind. Just Ted Nugent. 

Out of every band there this weekend, Henry’s favorite was “I don’t know.”

Henry got lemonade because “everyone else seems to be getting lemonade.” What a fucking conformist. 

Overall, Henry thinks that Riot Fest “wasn’t a bad weekend. At least it didn’t rain.”

Wow. I feel like a need a fucking butterfly net to catch all those words. 

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Sep 182016

Oh boy, another day at Riot Fest, another thoroughly interesting and verbose review from Henry. Better get that dictionary handy in case he uses a BIG WORD that you don’t understand probably because it’s some made-up word that Auto Correct chose because I’m typing this on my phone at 11:40pm in our disgusting “hotel.”

  • Brick + Mortar: I liked them. 
  • Plague Vendor: Mmm, for some reason I did like them. (This was like a huge shock to me. I thought he would hate them. But when they told everyone to get down on the ground, he actually did it and he doesn’t even CLAP when a band tells him to, so….chew on that one.)
  • Microwave, acoustic: Ehhhh, I don’t know. Can’t say much. (OK except that this is America and he can actually say whatever he wants, but whatever…)
  • Jessica Hernandez: I didn’t think anything of her. 
  • Hippo Campus: Hippo Campus….um, nothing special. Did we stay the whole time? No? They were very….(I can’t tell if he just quit talking or if he’s getting all Heathers on us. “They were very.”)
  • High Waisted: They were very entertaining. Look I said they were very entertaining.  When do you ever get anything more than that from me, really? (He said that after I got mad at how stupidly succinct he is.) I saw her boob with a star on it. 
  • Motion City Soundtrack: Nope. Nothing to say. (He really hates them and I don’t get it.)
  • Bob Mould: I don’t know his music that well, so…
  • Balance & Composure: Um, I liked them. (he said this in a very upbeat manner and I’m nervous now.)
  • Brand New: Mmm, I only knew a couple of their songs, so…(Also, he read a tweet out loud that said Jesse Lacey should come out and sing Morrissey’s set since he was making everyone wait and Henry goes “Isnt the girl from High Waisted?” And I was like “Well no because she’s a girl and Jesse Lacey is the singer for Brand New.” Idiot.)
  • Death Cab For Cutie: Eh. (Look, Henry is clearly hard to impress. The  music world isn’t full of Ted Nugents.)
  • Morrissey: what I saw wasn’t too bad I guess. I don’t know his music too much to begin with so what would I have to compare it to. (WOW.)

In summary: “It was good up until the end*, I guess. I ate a cheeseburger there today. Nothing special.”

*(He probably means because we had a fight in the parking lot when I said I wanted ice cream HAHAHAHAHA.)

Let’s end with a picture of Henry emerging from his office. I can’t stop laughing at how weird he looks!

(When your significant other goes into a portajohn first to clean the seat for you, that is YOUR PERSON*, don’t ever let ’em go!

*See also: bitch.)

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Sep 162016

Wait. One more thing. 

Dance Gavin Dance released a new video today and it is so fucking weird and perfect. 

I won’t be eating donuts for a while – thanks for the diet strategy, guys!

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