Jan 162022

We’re supposed to be getting some big snowstorm today at some point so Henry is at THE STORE right now while it’s still clear out there and I’m just sitting here watching my fave YouTube channels, thinking about all the things in my head that I want to purge. I’m feeling vulnerable to the nth power lately so this is likely to be A Mess.

It’s our busy greeting card season so the house is imploding with card-making materials, and clutter really does a shitty thing to my mental well-being. Add to that the fact that Henrys grandkids are next door acting like hellions and getting screamed at by their parents and I already feel like I have cabin fever without a single snowflake having fallen.

We are still in the middle of the THROW AWAY FROM THE ATTIC project but it is way too cold this weekend to do work up there so we’re focusing on the Cure section of the house which is almost complete.

This is a passage from a book I read last week and while I’m not in academia, I fucking FELT THIS. I have recently been in a situation at work where I am made to feel this way quite regularly and I thought I could just brush it off but after feeling like shit in a recent meeting in the beginning of the year and trying to bottle it up, it all came pouring out of me yesterday like the most emotional geyser and Henry had to sit with me while I bawled my face off and did the shudder-breathing and my heart was racing so fast and I realized, “is this worth it?” It’s a job. Not a career.

It started in the beginning of this project I was dumped into, when one of my “colleagues” made some shitty comment about how formal education is better than institutional knowledge and ok, ouch. That cut deep. I have always felt inadequate in that department, having never finished college (“oh, I’ll go back once my kid is in school,” she said. “Oh I’ll finish it one day real soon,” she said.) but I feel that I work hard and learn fast and maybe I’m not down with all the cliched and eye-rolling business meeting lingo which basically just makes people sound like they’re expelling empty air and not saying anything real, and maybe I’m not as smart on paper as everyone else there, and maybe I don’t show everyone there my true outgoing personality because I feel so self-conscious about everything else that by the time it’s my turn to speak up, my voice wavers and everything I say is utter nonsense and if anyone who knows me outside of that capacity ever witnessed it, they would say, “This is not the Erin that I know.”

So I guess this year my only goal is to work on being ERIN RACHELLE in every area of my life and stop keeping my head down at work because I feel like a STOOP every single day. Or just find a new job. Lol. Whichever happens first.

(Aso I think I have just reached my WFH limit. I’d like to go into the office at least once a week and feel like a normal human again. I am dying for in person meetings again. Fuck these video calls, I am going to spontaneously combust one day. Hopefully ON VIDEO.)

Oh and in addition to this (stupid, avoidable) stress, I watched the whole season of Maid on Netflix and it triggered so much from the beginning of the very first episode. When I was a kid, I had flashbacks (didn’t know they were real at the time) of my mom running with me in her arms down the steps and out of our first house, with my birth dad chasing right behind her. I was LITTLE then, like still a baby. And I’m seeing it from a third-person POV, like a movie, which is bizarre. But yeah, my mom is a survivor of domestic violence and then I also briefly experienced it when I was a teenager and in a relationship with Psycho Mike. What if I hadn’t gotten out of it??

Every episode of that show made my pulse gallop and I cried so much and felt sick to my stomach. I hope that it helps people currently in an abusive relationship realize that abuse comes in many forms and gives them the courage to leave.

Thanks for letting me share.

On to better things:

Oh never mind. Someone wasn’t prepared and didn’t get enough LED lights so our project is on hold and now I’m frustrated, anxious, and angry so no, I don’t have “better things” to move onto right now.

Let me take a squirrel break. Brb.

Ok I saw my Chubbs on the porch and then Mr Gray Guy popped over for some hazelnuts and then Henry redid the LED lights so it might work now but we’re taking a kdrama break.

I needed a picture of myself wearing blue for some anti-human trafficking campaign thingie so that is what this is. OK??

Henry went to the store and came back with a cinnamon roll-edition Snickers for us to share and I feel moderately better now.

I’ll never forget at the dinner we had after my Pappap’s funeral in 1996, my cousin Ginny (whom I believe is some kind of math genius as a profession) leaned into me and whispered, “Chocolate is good for depression.” My friend Christy was right next to me and heard it too so it’s one of those things we always jokingly reference over the years but damn if it isn’t true.

Speaking of Christy, everyone featured in this picture has agreed to participate in a recreation of it at some point, probably when it’s not gross winter.

PRO TIP APROPOS OF NOTHING: if I have a candle in a pretty container, I like to repurpose it as plant pot once the wick has burned down.

In case you were wondering, the snow has officially started. I hope my squirrels are ok.

Chooch took the T to the mall earlier today with his friends. Whenever he makes a purchase, Henry gets a text because it’s some BABY CREDIT CARD that chooch is so embarrassed about having but none of his friends have credit cards so….? Anyway! He made an $11 purchase at Macy’s and we were making guesses for what we thought it was because dude never shops at Macy’s?? We both settled on either a hat or a face mask because he keeps misplacing his masks and then it becomes everyone’s problem because Ugh Teens. When he came home, he had a frog-face kickball in his arms. That is what he bought at Macy’s.

Last night, Henry and I stopped to get mediocre coffee at Dunkin Donuts on our way home from whatever errands we were running, and this happened:

Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru lady: Have a good night.

Henry, to her: You also.

Henry, to me: I say “you also” now.

If I sent out a family newsletter, I’d include that huge development.

Well, I am going to go and plan a potential roller coaster trip for the future because that usually helps me decompress. I might need more chocolate soon though.

Jan 122022

Yo Brenda I’m really excited to tell you something today: sometime last month, I finagled Henry into doing low impact walking workouts. He is very picky about the ones he will do: No Gina B., but he does enjoy himself some Leslie Sansone. However!! The one he seems to like the most is MY BOY, Pittsburgh’s Own PAUL EUGENE.

It must be the matching beards.

In the beginning, he looked just like he does in that photo up there (also my arms are 100% not that thin, that is one hell of an iPhone optical illusion), but gradually he has begun to enjoy it and actually is motivated! He doesn’t act like I am forcing him to do it anymore and he even PUTS FORTH EFFORT!

And I’m excited to announce that starting January 1 (what? cliché you say?), Henry has been doing Jillian Michaels’ Body Revolution workout series with me! This is my 4th time doing it (I only officially made it the whole way through twice though) and can attest that it is a wonderful kick-start if you’re trying to make physical changes to your body. It has made me feel SO STRONG and by the end of the program, I was able to do rock star jumps and all kinds of other crazy shit that I never would have imagined possible. (Still suck at push-ups, but there is this one version called the wheel pushup where you get into a back-bend position and do push-ups that way and somehow I was able to do those and felt like a motherfucking Ninja Warrior, bitch.)

I am extremely stoked about this because you guys – Jillian is my queen and also because Henry admitted to me the other day that he likes it! Even though I’m very annoying and quote parts of it like it’s a movie I grew up watching every night on VHS, but he hasn’t yelled at me to stop yet! I have made gentle suggestions over the years that he joins me when I’m exercising and I always get the “I MOVE AROUND ALL DAY AT WORK, MY JOB IS NOT EASY” and I get that, I do, but I also think that there is something to be said for good old-fashioned strength  training and cardio workouts. You know? I’m not fucking bikini body, TRUST, but a regular exercise regimen has really improved the quality of my life. And I’ve seen it change Chooch’s life too, and I want Henry to be the healthiest version of himself as possible!

We are almost done with level 1 & 2 and will be starting 3 & 4 this weekend, and I’m so excited that he’s made it through the first two weeks! The beginning is the toughest part, but as Jillian says, “If you have a WHY, you can tolerate any HOW.”

I’m so stoked about this that I even quickly considered switching professional gears and becoming a life coach, lol, can you imagine? Me? Coaching people on their actual LIVES? No one can fully control what happens in life, any one us could get hit by a bus tomorrow or garroted by the modern day Ted Bundy, but at least we’ll die with the knowledge that we could do a burpee.

LOOK HOW MOTIVATIONAL I AM. I’m going to put that on business card.

We still do Paul Eugene on our Jillian “off” days. Henry enjoys Paul Eugene workouts so much that when I said, “I’m going to buy us Paul Eugene merch. Which color do you want?” he actually took some time to peruse his options. Chooch came downstairs and when he saw us wearing our fresh PE merch, he shook his head in embarrassment, said “No,” and then went right back up to his room. SOMEONE’S JELLY. Maybe I’ll get him a shirt for his birthday. AND THEN WE CAN WEAR THEM TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK TOGETHER! I always wanted to go to an amusement park in matching outfits.

Jan 062022

Today’s post is brought to you by photos in my phone &, well, random stuff lately AS THE TITLE SUGGESTS.

Henry and I were both off the Monday after Christmas so we spent a good chunk of the morning at the mall exchanging and returning stuff because somehow I bought a hoodie for Chooch at Zumiez that was actually a girl’s hoodie which is fine because fuck gender rules, except that the hoodie was cut short and how I didn’t notice this when I bought it is beyond me but Chooch liked the hoodie so I just needed to exchange it for a bigger size; hilariously, Henry was also returning something – he tried to be all cool a few weeks ago by TREATING HIMSELF to a denim jacket at Vans and was so confident about it that he didn’t even try it on. As soon as we got home, I looked at the  tag and laughed, “You know this is a women’s jacket right?” and it did not fit him AT ALL. What a stoop. So he returned it and I got shoes, lol.

Wow, I wasn’t planning on regaling you with all that consumerism, yet here we are. Gotta get that word count in.

Then later we had to go to Target. I really wanted a smoothie bowl for lunch so that determined which Target we would be going to, which meant we would have to go through the Liberty Tunnel. And as luck would have it, an accident or something happened right as were about 3/4 of the way through the tunnel so traffic came to a standstill. At first, I didn’t even notice because we had started listening to Seth Rogen’s “Yearbook” memoir-ish thing and it was entertaining enough to distract me until eventually I noticed that we hadn’t moved in some time and that this wasn’t just the ordinary red light I figured it to be.

About 10 minutes into this traffic standstill, someone near the front of the tunnel unfailingly began honking their horn, creating a beeping chorus ripple effect among other frustrated drivers throughout the tunnel. Because beeping always works in these situations. The honking collective forms a giant crane which then lifts the obstacles blocking traffic into the air so that we can all freely pass. Everyone knows this. Crazy that no one has been able to make that actually happen yet.

“These are all the stupid unvaccinated fuckers,” Henry mumbled, and for once I heartily agreed with Henry’s hypothesis.

Another 10 minutes passed and Henry noted that several people farther back behind us had gotten out of their cars and were milling about. Henry went on a lengthy rant about carbon monoxide, etc and how stupid these people were, and it was around this point where I had become super slap-happy so maybe those fumes were seeping into our car, I dunno. I would have asked Henry but the only thing worse than being mansplained is actually asking to be mansplained. I made a mental note to google it later but then I forgot and now I just don’t care,

Two guys separately walked past our car toward the front of the tunnel. This was amusing to me because what were they going to do if traffic started moving while they were so far from their cars??

Meanwhile, round three of Project Honk was playing out.

Eventually, the Tunnel Investigators began their return trip, stopping at every car to announce their findings.

“Accident!” they were saying in tandem, like wow really no shit. I’m pretty sure we all figured that out in between pondering the meaning of life for the last 30 minutes.


Just as they were about to get to our car, traffic at the front of the tunnel started moving, so the guys began hollering, “WE’RE MOVING!” Henry luckily had his window down a little from when we were originally trying to determine what the Tunnel Investigators were reporting, so I leaned across Henry’s gut and screamed, and I do mean KPOP-concert level screamed, “YEAH!” out the window. Henry shot me that stern WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF! scowl that he’s perfected over the last two decades of not only being a dad but also my BOYFRIEND lol.

This whole scene was cracking me up so bad that I spit all over myself from all the laughing I was doing. Henry meanwhile was harboring big regERTZ for choosing a Target that required us to traverse through the tunnel in the first place, but honestly – it’s not like we were late for a hot date. Although now I was hungrier for my smoothie bowl which ended up being not great. I paid extra to have it made with coconut milk instead of coconut water, and had selected turmeric and something else that I forget now as add-ons and THEY DID NOT ADD THEM nor was it made it with coconut* milk – I could tell. What a rip off.

*(LOL I originally typed cococunt – this is my new word.)

LOOK AT THESE THREE LITTLE BRATS! Actually, they’re not so little. They’re pretty fucking fat and I slip sometimes and call them Chubs. Then I feel bad. Also, ignore my crappy porch/yard. It’s winter and we don’t care about it right now.

Henry got a new Roku speaker for the TV and the first thing he did to test it was put on the video for NCT127’s “Kick It.” KPOP DAD IS ALWAYS ON DUTY.

Meanwhile, in Penelope and Drew’s world:

  • it’s always Halloween.

  • opening a book is an invitation to plop down across me.

  • exceling at the worst hiding spots.

And now for some random photos from my camera roll:

I didn’t decorate that much this year for Christmas, but I will definitely miss how cute  the buffet looks! These glass Christmas trees could almost pass for year-round decor though, DON’T YOU AGREE.

I got this plastic hand from Castle Blood last October and it’s always in the pocket of my jean jacket, which I have been able to wear fairly regularly during this mild-ish winter. Anyway, I noticed recently that I subconsciously hold onto it when my hand is in my pocket, and it is actually very comforting to me. It’s like an emotional support hand and I highly recommend that everyone get one!

I went to Michaels and bought a bunch of their holiday LED strands after Christmas when everything was 70% off and a lot of them could easily be used all year, like these pretty stars!

I sent this to Chooch the other day lol. Leslie Sansone really said that in one of her videos!

Hey speaking of Leslie, I’m gonna peace out here because it’s almost time to exercise.

Jan 032022

Hello Internet. It is 7:24am and Henry and I are departing our house for Cleveland. We both have the day off work but Chooch went back to school today so I thought, “What could we do that’s fun but doesn’t take us too far away” and then through the power of YouTube I accidentally stumbled across a vlog where some vegan went to a cafe and got pink vegan cinnamon rolls AND A PINK LATTE. Come on, we all know I’m not above novelties foods and bevs, so I was all over this like a Jersey Shore girl and a Plan B pill.

Unfortunately, upon more research I learned that this joint – the 27 Club – is owned by Machine Gun Kelly which is v. cringe but I want the latte so am choosing to ignore this gross fact. Shh.

Besides, we’re listening to Taemin in the car to ward off the sleazy MGK vibes.

Gee wiz guys it’s 11:05 and I forgot I started a LiveBlog lol. But we’re done with 27 Club and I am here to say it was…worth it ugh. Lol. I will post more about it on the way home because now we’re going to West Side Market, supposedly. Henry went rogue and made the unilateral decision.

12:16pm: We just left a pointless stop downtown CLE and are en route to Otani Sushi and Henry is stressing me out because he has to USE A BATHROOM like ASAP and I’m over here like plz stop talking about this.

Anyway, here are some pictures from the cafe, which was actually a pleasant experience as I said above.

Henry enters the building.

Little known fact about me: I never was a fan of Biggie. Tupac or GTFO.

Barely anyone reads this so I’m confident that it shall remain a little known fact!

I got my pink latte with almond milk and salted maple syrup and it was actually VERY nice. I know it’s all about the beans but also the type of syrups a cafe uses can make or break the place you know? This maple flavoring was very mellow and not cloying at all. So even apart from the fact that it’s adorably pink, this shit tasted great too.

I guess henry liked his cold brew. Who cares. (I just asked him and he said yeah and also it made him remember the LIQUIDITY of it which exacerbated his need for A BATHROOM lol).

I’m really glad that we went there before they took down their Christmas decor because yes.

All of the stools had various dead singers on them. Ours had Amy Winehouse on one side and whoever was on the other side looked like Jonny Craig at first and I could tell Henry was trying not to make any OFF COLOR jokes about how too bad Jonny made it past 27 wow did I really just do that for him? Oh well. I forgot to look at the picture more closely before we left so I never did actually see who it was.

Was Henry enjoying where he was right then, Y or N.

You guys – these vegan cinnamon rolls were made fresh upon ordering, came out piping hot, with this banging pitaya icing. I LOVED THEM. Of course I shared with Henry, who only expressed mediocre feelings toward them. I think he was in pink shock though.

Um I also bought a hoodie because my eyesight might be fledgling but it’s still 20/20 when it comes to design. This hoodie is THE LIMIT. I’m also obsessed with the 27 Club’s logo. Ugh.

12:30pm: NEWS ALERT – Henry just RELIEVED himself at a REBEL gas station. He is so happy now.

Also our Waze is still set to Korean so Henry nearly missed a hidden cop up ahead lol.

Overall, I am very satisfied with my experience at 27 Club even though it had the equivalent cringe factor of, say, visiting a vape shop owned by Jonny Craig.

Ugh I bought a bottle of Voss water earlier at Sheetz and I will never buy it again. It tastes awful and I think it’s the AQUAMIN that’s in it whatever that is?? It reminds me of, and this will mean nothing to you, the water fountain in the office of Dr. Lewis, the “fat doctor” my mom used to go to in the 80s to get probably unsafe “diet pills” and my brother Ryan and I would always have to sit in the waiting room with all the other “it’s this or Jazzercize” desperate broads. Ugh the water fountain there had the grossest vitamin infused flavor.

1:22pm: just had an underwhelming visit to my fave vintage joint, Flower Child. I mean it was still fun to walk around but there was nothing that really caught my eye and felt worth arguing with Henry over until he acquiesces and agrees that, yes Erin, we really do need yet another swag lamp in the house even though there is literally nowhere else to put one.

I cried IS THIS FOR COCAINE and Henry was like, “um I don’t see how, but ok.” Then he just strolled off into the sunset next room, leaving me to wonder.

There weren’t even really any JESUS pictures that I needed. Oh well. Next time maybe.

Here are pictures from when we went to the Arcade which was completely empty and the restrooms were locked, causing Henry to cry because this was at the height of his bathroom urgency and even Starbucks down the street was closed lol.

As of 1:31 I hate Henry because he SNEEZED with no warning and now he’s sniffling ughhhhhh.

Meanwhile we’ve been to Cleveland approx. 50x and I still never know where anything is.

2:09: Hi. We’re at Otani Japanese because they have veg/vegan sushi options and henry is being a big cry baby because he wanted WONTON SOUP and i allegedly shamed him somehow? But then he had a big RISE-UP moment and called the waiter over to add it to his order, like ok cool Henry, snap those big boy pants suspenders.


Oh shit hello vegan sushi:

Hey wanna know something hilarious? After we devoured this, our waiter came over and asked, “are you guys vegan?”

“I’m vegetarian,” I said, scared that he was going to say, “ok because actually that one roll has actual tuna in it” but apparently they have an entirely separate vegan menu with EVEN MORE OPTIONS than what’s on the regular menu and it would have been nice if the host had given us that with the other menus. I just really thought the menu looked odd because I had sworn when I looked at the website a few weeks ago, I had seen a shit ton of vegan sushi rolls that had me gurgling my saliva but then I just assumed that maybe I had gotten restaurants mixed up in my head because that’s definitely an Erin Thing to do.

LOOK AT THIS SHIT. I’ll be coming back to Cleveland sooner rather than later, I guess.

4:16lm: at a rest stop outside of PA, henry decided to treat himself to a Blizzard. Of course I chose for him (snickerdoodle) and then spent a solid minute having an internal convo with my alter egos about how ridiculous of a word “snickerdoodle” is. Then I started imagining Chooch working at DQ and instead of just handing Blizzards upside down to customers, throwing it in the air and then drop-kicking it over the counter because that would be a very Chooch Thing to do.

Anyway, this Blizzard was not snickerdoodle? It had chocolate slivers in it? What the hell?

I mean it was still good because Blizzards gon’ Blizz (…what?) but that was no snickerdoodle I’ve ever tasted.

Ok well we should be home in about a half hour so goodbye.

Jan 022022

2021 is donezo but I haven’t even sat down to figure out what my favorite reads of the damn year are. I will probably get to that later this week (I’m sure you are just FRAUGHT with anticipation). However! I can for sure tell you my favorite songs and if you know me even a little, you for sure won’t be surprised by any of these.

1. SHINee – Area

I love Onew’s parts in this song so much and it also reminds me of when we bought our new car, which I named Jinki after him IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW. I also you have to know that if SHINee has a new release, it’s guaranteed that at least one of the songs will be my favorite of the year come on now.

2. Taemin – Advice

I mean….Jesus. Also I love this because the piano reminds me of Chiodos so it’s like a collision of my old life and new life.

3. Taemin – Just Me & You

The choreo in this though, my lord. As of this posting, I believe there’s 332 days left before his military discharge.

4. NCT Dream – Life Is Still Going On

Sharing a live version because these boys are no joke. Haechan is my ult NCT bias but this is the song that solidified Renjun (blond hair/blue vest) as my NCT Dream bias. (And you’re reading this and saying HUH? Lol.)

5. WayV – Actuon Figure

I mean, it’s so drippy.

6. NCT 127 – Favorite

If you live in this house, you probably hear that opening whistle in your sleep, that’s how much I’ve listened to this song since IG came out last fall.

7. Sunmi – You Can’t Sit With Us

I literally have never not loved a Sunmi song. This was a high point of 2021 for me.

8. CL – Lover Like Me

THE QUEEN. I loved watching CL shine throughout 2021 and this song was definitely my favorite. She even performed it on the Kelly Clarkson show and looked SO AT PEACE with herself that it made me cry. She deserves all the recognition.

9. Kai – Mmmh

I remember watching this video the day it came out – a Monday morning – and being like WOW IS THIS TOO MUCH FOR A MONDAY MORNING? as I proceeded to watch it again lol.

10. Wonho – Ain’t About You

We are huge Wonho supporters in this house. He is so great and you should support him too by watching this video.

11. Youngjae – Vibin’

I’m still broken up over Got7 but this solo release from my bias Youngjae was like swishing a toothache with hot bourbon-spiked tea: it hurt but felt so good all the same. Sigh. His voice, his face, his smile. Gimme.

12. DPR Ian – Scaredy Cat

Ok I lied, one non-Kpop song for good measure because this video is amazing. (DPR is korean but not technically Kpop.)

Jan 012022

Well, made it through another year. Funny how you look at it that way the older you get, lol. Like every year, 2021 had its ups and downs but hopefully everyone had some salvageable and memorable moments! For me, I still felt mostly isolated from “normalcy” since we still weren’t able to return to the office, but on the family front, things were pretty awesome! We didn’t do any BIG TRAVELS because it still didn’t feel safe or right and none of us wanted to deal with airports/planes, but we managed to get in quite a few road trips and we made a lot of fun and happy memories even with a surly teen!

I think I will always associate 2021 with amusement parks. We went to 19! Three of them we visited twice so it was really like 23 trips to amusement parks this year. And the haunted house season was a banger too. It really reignited that old flame in my heart and I felt like a teenager again.

Also, I moved to a new position in my department at work and have really been enjoying it; I feel like I made the choice and feel like I’m being utilized to my full potential now. Plus, I cultivated some meaningful relationships with the neighborhood squirrels, bought a new car, and paid off my other car for the first time ever (usually we just trade in) so I would say 2021 was a year of good personal growth for me.

Somehow I feel like I’m hungover right now but I literally only had two small glasses of Christmas spiced wine last year for our SUPER WILD NYE PARTY. lol jk out night was like this:

  • Big car crash in front of my house around 1pm so presumably not DUI-related but also a big reminder of why it’s best to stay in on NYE, pandemic or not! Also, the strip of road right in front of my house is like a veritable vortex for wrecks. I dunno what’s up with that because it’s not treacherous – it’s a straight road. But alas, the amount of wreckage we’ve witnessed is bonkers. Sadly, Henry was at work when this one occurred so he was unable to play civilian hero. Our neighbor George the Hero Understudy finally got his time to shine.
  • I logged off work at 5:30, ate a bowl of cereal for dinner because Henry was napping ugh
  • Finished my 157th book of the year
  • Lit a candle and then wondered what would happen if I touched the lighter to Henry’s bare calf – branding happens, evidently lol. He was like I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT like real bitch you’ve known me intimately since the year 2001, 2000 of we’re getting technical, and this is something that shocks you?
  • Chooch came home from work, also eats cereal for dinner. We know how to nutrition.
  • Forced Henry to take a walk around the neighborhood while loudly talking about how I don’t like talking about my sex life, while passing people on the sidewalk; feels like I’m on drugs but am not. This is natural.
  • Came home and forced Henry to do a NYE photoshoot of which Chooch wanted no parts.
  • Henry made ube brownies; were delectable.
  • Drank two glasses of wine then made Henry do 5 Kpop dance cardio routines and a 25 minute Paul Eugene walking workout.
  • Chooch came back in the house from an evening of Pokemon Go’ing and screamed IS THAT WHERE SHE BRANDED U when he saw Henry’s leg. Then I pressed on it real hard and asked Henry if it hurt and he cried YES IT HURTS YOU FUCKING BURNED MY SKIN.
  • Watched an SMTOWN live video streaming event on YouTube that started at 11pm.
  • Made it until 12:15am before desperately crawling up to bed.

And yeah, that was NYE 2021 and frankly I wouldn’t change a single thing about it. Team Stay At Home ftw!

Well, here are some pictures.

Hair change.

Wardrobe change!

And here’s a deluge of ME&HENRY pics because that’s just what you need lol.

I look like a maniac in every shot but THAT IS WHO I AM AND I AM TOO OLD TO CHANGE NOW.

Well, I have a headache and am about to slurp down a smoothie bowl and prepare to restart my Jillian Michaels Body Revolution which I am slightly addicted to and like to do about twice a year (it’s a 12-week program) and I’m going to try to get Henry on board with it this time around. NEW YEAR NEW YOU, HENRY.

Dec 272021

Henry and I both miraculously had Christmas Eve off…but then Chooch had to work. Because of course he did. We mostly just ran around picking up last minute things and then relaxed the rest of the evening. I love Christmas Eve because the house is usually pumping out cozy vibes.

Not a last minute Xmas thing, but earlier that morning I started screaming about wanting a new toilet seat which is such an adult “want.” This in addition to receiving my first ever car title in the mail a few weeks ago has me feeling like I’ve matriculated into legit adulthood with no fan fare or at the very least A CAKE, and I feel GYPPED.

I also bought plants while there so yeah, lots of grown up things happening around here. I feel like a stranger in my skin these days.

Of course, Henry guessed at what kind of toilet seat to get and it was wrong so he had to go out again to get the right one but I had enough of boring home stores for one day so I stayed home and did Kpop cardio, thanks.

Later that night, I started “primping” the house for Christmas evening because my mom and brothers would be coming over for dinner and I wanted to look at least relatively Christmasey, not like you can really tell the Christmas lights apart from  the “year-round” lights in my house, lol.

I love decorating the buffet!

Chooch was wrapping some stuffed animal he won at an amusement park for one of Those Kids next door but Henry was like, “I am not giving one of my grandchildren a reused gift” like suddenly Henry is the author of etiquette handbooks.

“Did Santa come yet?” Except that the cats call Santa “Him Ho” in our house.

Holidays make Penelope tired.

It didn’t really feel like a legit Christmas Eve because the weather was in the 50s and Chooch was so tired from working that he didn’t even feel like playing any games NOR did he even beg to open just one present like he normally does. I guess he is also becoming an adult, just like me. Sigh.

Henry and I unwound that night with an episode of Hometown Cha Cha Cha (no, we still haven’t finished this series! We’re not good binge-watchers!) and then crashed around midnight. It was a long day but we were so happy to not have to work!

Anyway, I will leave you with this brief walk-thru of the living room and dining room as seen on Xmas Eve.

Dec 262021

My brothers and I don’t get together very often as a trio (which is something I think we’d all like to change going forward) so when they both accepted my invitation to have Xmas dinner here, Corey saw this as a great opportunity to recreate one of our old childhood photos.

Actually what really happened was that he texted me: OMG ERIN

Which automatically put me on High Alert, like omg who died. But then it was just about doing a picture, so—whew.

This is the one he inexplicably chose:

So first of all, I could have argued that we use another picture because of how unflattering this is for me but the REALITY is that I look like this in basically every photo back then because ages 9-13 (ok I’m being kind to myself here, but the honest truth would be more like 7-16) we’re not a good look on me as a whole. So, whatever. Let’s do this lol.

Unfortunately, Corey couldn’t find a red hat but Henry casually said, “We have that Ernie Ball one from Warped Tour,” while continuing to eat his well-earned Christmas dinner.

“Where is it?” I asked, and when he said it was in the attic, I demanded, “Well? Go get it!” And he did too. God love him. (Seriously though that man knows where every single thing is the attic and the basement and I don’t fuck with either of those rooms, so)

Hilariously, Corey (in the middle) has surpassed both Ryan and me in height over the years. I am by far the shortest now.

Corey and Ryan really killed this recreation, and Chooch was an excellent photographer and artistic director. I could have done better for my part but refused to cut bangs with my eyes closed (seriously wtf is going on with my hair; also it was never that dark but either was Ryan’s so we determined it must be a combination of bad lighting and film from the 90s). But it was still fun and cracked us up because it was really so stupid!

Chooch, who is usually incredibly rude and brutally honest to me, looked at the first picture the other day and said, “That looks NOTHING like you.” OMG thank you, son!

The one I’m really pushing to recreate is this one which requires us to go to Cedar Point which is selfishly why I want to do it:

Dec 242021

Omg for this edition of Friday Fives, Henry is visiting to tell us about his fave reads of the year! Which* means he will tell me a botched title and then I will try to coax some descriptive words from him while he’s cooking shit for tomorrow’s Christmas dinner and then I’ll do all the typing too.

But sure let’s call it a guest post.

*(wtf I tried to spell this as ‘whitch’ THREE TIMES even though spellcheck was frantically trying to tell me I’m a big stoop.)

Oh, just a heads up that Henry’s opinions are based off the audiobooks alone. He doesn’t have time to read physical books but he powers through the audio versions while working and I’m so happy that he has been doing this because it’s been so much fun having a built-in book club at home.

Fun fact: Henry’s favorite genre of book is THRILLER. (“Probably,” he added as an afterthought.)

1. Bunny – Mona Awad

“It bas a unique premise.”

2. Bear Town – Frederik Backman

“The story and characters were well-written.”

See also: Henry has a voice crush on the narrator.

3. Nothing To See Here – Kevin Wilson

“It was a very interesting story….and it had the same narrator as Bear Town.”

4. House In the Cerulean Sea – TJ Klune

“My favorite character was the antichrist kid.”

5. The Diviners Series – Libba Bray

“I just liked the story and the characters through all the books, I dunno.”


Well guys that was literally the most I could pull from his brain. He didn’t even want to do that much and I was screaming JUST GIVE ME ONE FUCKING SENTENCE FOR EACH BOOK THEN OMFG.

So there you have it. If you ever wanted to read like Henry, now you can. Merry Christmas.

Dec 152021

I guess I’m just an ultra fan girl forever but I get so emotional for a variety of reasons when I think of BIGBANG that I often have to avoid listening to them. They are my ult bias group, the group that really shoved me hard down the rabbit hole of not just Kpop, but Korean variety shows, dramas, food, and South Korean culture in general. Maybe it sounds hyperbolic and we all know I can be super extra with the exaggerations, but I really feel like my life changed for the best at the end of 2016. I was really feeling my lowest, and I thank BIGBANG every day for breathing new life and excitement into me.

(Just the other day, I told Henry that I feel like Kpop has turned me into the best version of myself and I could tell he wanted to say stupid at first but then he sighed and said that he actually agrees, lol.)

Anyway, I’m just sitting here totally marinating in my feels, watching live BIGBANG performances on YouTube, wishing good vibes to Taeyang and his newborn baby, hoping G Dragon and TOP are happy, thankful that Daesung has found a new outlet through vlogging, and PRAYING that Seungri gets justice and stays safe. Because even though I don’t know these people in real life and will definitely never meet them, they are living legends that saved me and made me have fun again, inspired me to learn a new language and travel to a country that was barely even on my radar before but now feels more like home to me than Pittsburgh.

I think about meeting 승리의 아빠 하고 지디의 아빠 and I feel like I was blessed, I’m not even kidding lol. Those were amazing encounters for me and I think about them so often. I have to actually stop myself from talking about my BIGBANG feels constantly when I’m having conversations with people but it is REALLY hard. I just want to share my love for them all the time but I can tell that I sound like a fucking crazy lady (so then I talk about the squirrels instead, OMG I need help – I have so much stuff going on that I could talk about yet I’m just like HI GUYS SQUIRREL UPDATE or I THINK HENRY BOUGHT ME AN NCT LIGHT STICK FOR XMAS! Like who gives a shit, Erin?!).

Well, before I reach the point of no return, this is the performance I was watching tonight and remembering how it was my first experience with Korean end of the year awards shows and how I have yet to see another group blow it out of the water like BIGBANG did. Those live vocals. That stage presence. Their visuals. THIS TALENT. Sorry blog, for being all wistful and emo but my cats are getting tired of me crying into their fur and saying things like, “I liked G Dragon best with green hair.”

Stop crying, Erin. Stop that.

Oh also apparently people are learning about light sticks because of the *** concert and I just need to point out that, ahem, BIGBANG was the first Kpop group to have their own lightsticks, so who paved the way?

Literally came here just to post the video yet here we are, 2000 words later. Go to bed, Erin.

Dec 132021

Have I mentioned lately how bizarre it is to not have Chooch around because he’s a workaholic? Granted, I know deep down that even if he didn’t have a job, he’d just be out with his friends and doing everything in his power to avoid being seen in public with his PARENTS (*shudder*) but it has definitely been a bit of an adjustment for me. Luckily, Henry usually says, “Sure. Whatever. Fine” when I suggest Not Date options to him.

For instance, last Tuesday, we walked to the Hollywood Theater in Dormont to see the new Ghostbusters movie. Chooch actually wasn’t working that night, but he had already seen this several weeks ago with his friend Haojie and also he has some mentorship that he does on Tuesdays with the Carnegie Science Center so he wouldn’t have been able to go with us anyway.

I don’t understand why more people don’t take advantage of the old-timey goodness that is the Hollywood, but as usual we were the only people in attendance that night. We claimed my favorite seats in the balcony and everything was fine until 5 minutes into the movie when two people sat somewhere behind us. That whole fucking empty theater, and they also choose the balcony. Cool. Cool cool cool.

Now, before you think, “OMG get a life, you’re not the only person in the world, Queen Erin” let me just add that there was LOUD CRUNCHING accompanying the arrival of our new theater friends. I sneaked a peek at one point and they were a good 5 rows behind but it was the most obnoxious popcorn chomping I have ever witnessed. The only thing that was stopping me from flipping out was imagining that it was Buddy behind me, eating peanuts. (The Buddys a/k/a squirrels eat their peanuts so voraciously that we can hear them crunching from inside the house and because they’re animals and not PEOPLE, it is the most adorable thing.)

“Thank god they got a small,” Henry whispered once the popcorn-palooza died down. You know it’s bad when Henry of the Hard Hearing can pick up on the theater mastication.

We had several minutes of peace.

But then…

The crinkling of a wrapper happened.

And NEVER STOPPED. Literally for the rest of the movie, my ears were buffeted by the sound of someone unwrapping and rewrapping their entire self in cellophane. I have no idea what was going on back there but I ALMOST got up and found a new, quiet seat in the solitude of the empty main theater floor but I didn’t want to CAUSE A SCENE because I’m not sure I could have done this WITHOUT MAKING “YOU DISGUST ME!!!” sounds as I stalked past them.

I have absolutely no idea what the crinkle culprit was because I couldn’t see every time I turned around to glare in their general vicinity.

UGH. They almost ruined the movie for me but overall, I did enjoy it a lot and I cried much harder than I imagined I would, which is hilarious because I will cry just from THINKING about sentimental commercials so I really underestimated the voraciousness of my tear ducts I guess.

Oh, and Henry actually stayed awake through the whole movie AND his breathing didn’t annoy me but that’s probably just because I couldn’t hear it over the candy apple wrapping assembly line behind me.

On Saturday, I wanted CAKE for lunch and Henry was like, “Cool, same.” So we went to Butterwood, which is a fancy bakery with super unique and decadent flavors that I always forget about because we’re not in that area very much anymore now that Chooch doesn’t take piano lessons anymore (but speaking of, he actually dusted off his keyboard over the weekend and was jamming for a good hour in his room!). First, we went to Black Forge for fancy seasonal lattes (mine had matcha, pistachio, and cardamom in it, and Henry’s had cinnamon and cookie dough or something, who cares). “Let’s live it up,” I said and Henry said in a strangulated voice, “Anything you want, I’m afraid to say no to you, my love.”

We got two things to eat there like fancy people with tiny forks. Henry had an uppity sweet potato pie and I had some kind of black sesame orange cake thing that was SO RICH and DENSE, hoo boy, I loved it but it put me in a dessert fog for real. You can expect flavors like FIG and ROSEMARY and OLIVE OIL and LAVENDAR and EARL GREY up in this piece, which is totally my style. I love cakes and things that aren’t overwhelmingly sweet. (Which is probably why I’m also a big fan of Asian desserts too. Red bean FTW.)

Henry and his Tiny Fork.

“Can we please go now?”

Then we walked around Lawrenceville for a while because I always have to “Walk it Off” when I eat heavy stuff like this. Some annual Cookie Tour was going on where you go to all of the designated COOKIE STOPS along Butler St and collect the cookies. I always forget that this is a thing but we couldn’t imagine accumulating a bag full of cookies after just pounding down our rich day desserts. I’m not sure how much this event costs but I bet it’s worth it.

I was unreasonably mad that we hadn’t planned for this but Henry said we can do it next year and I was like, “WE WILL PROBABLY FORGET ABOUT IT LIKE WE ALWAYS DO!” God!

Anyway, we also got some magical almond, rose and strawberry cake; a blueberry & fig handpie (Henry of the Blueberry-Hating Tribe picked this one for some inexplicable reason, I guess just so he’d have a reason to complain later); and a brownie for Son. What’s his name again? Oh yeah, Chooch.

Or, you know, Riley.

Then that night we watched SINGLE ALL THE WAY and Chooch kept coming downstairs to spy on it and I was like, “YOU CAN JUST WATCH IT WITH US YOU KNOW” but apparently he likes watching movies on his “own time” so that he can pause whenever he wants. See also: Generation ADD.

The next day was B-O-R-I-N-G and also super frustrating because I was having a bad attitude day and literally everything was setting me off. I told Henry to pick somewhere to go for a walk and I didn’t like a single one of the THREE PLACES he chose and I threw several fits and then finally we were driving through the North Side because I declared that I wanted, nay–NEEDED, a cookie (I think my sugar levels must have been low because I was ready to jump out of the moving car) and while we were doing so, I yelled, “WHY DON’T YOU JUST PARK THE FUCKING CAR AND WE CAN WALK HERE?!?!” because there is a very cute city park by the Aviary and I used to walk over there a lot on my lunch breaks back when we still worked in the office.

I was almost immediately cured because there were a bunch of squirrels frolicking around and they RESPONDED POSITIVELY to us but of course we left our travel bag of peanuts in the car.

I’m pretty sure I told Henry that I hated him 8984578 times that day but he took it all in stride because, well, 20 years of my verbal and emotional abuse and a little “I hate you” doesn’t have much impact anymore.

Then we got cookies at Happy Day Dessert Factory (chocolate chip and PB) and I have to admit that these were some fucking bangin’ cookies and totally worth all the aggravation that the day had dumped on me.

Well, now I have to go and breathe into a paper bag because I’m going to see Genesis tonight with my bro Corey and I am having absolute anxiety attacks because I’m so excited but also nervous because it’s my first concert since the pandemic and being around all these people makes me scared even though I’m vaxxed and boostered and the venue “strongly recommends” mask-wearing. Our seats are in the very first row of the non-floor seats so at least we won’t be totally surrounded by people…?

Dec 122021

Last Sunday was much better than this Sunday so please excuse me while I look at pictures and remember the good times.

(Nothing terrible happened today, but I’m just having a bad mental health day and being ultra melodramatic about it boo hoo hoo.)

Drew is so excited that all the Christmas shit is strewn about the house again.

The first part of Sunday was actually quite aggravating. I had to go into the office to get my laptop. LOOOOONG ASS story short, I have always connected remotely a different way than most of my coworkers because I already had a bangin’ home computer set up with two monitors and couldn’t fathom trying to work off the tiny laptop they provide. I knew that there were ways to hook it up so that I could still work from my two monitors at home, but it seemed dumb and like A Hassle to deal with that when it was already so easy for me to do it the old way. I even asked the IT guys once if I should, and they were like, “IF IT AIN’T BROKE…” Anyway, then we got new laptops and whenever they swapped mine out on my desk at work, everything got all fucked up for me at home. I lose connection approx. 87x a minutes and if you know me, you probably think I am being hyperbolic, but in this case, I’m really not.

So we went to get my laptop so that Henry could try to set it up and the only good thing that came of it was that I had this cutie chocolate set waiting for me on my desk.

Everything else sucked. I had to call the help desk and MIKE or whoever I spoke with was basically like NO YOU CANNOT USE YOUR TWO HOME MONITORS OH WELL TOO BAD SO SAD and I was like FUCCKKKKK and even made Henry talk to him and it was just pointless. So I had to take the laptop BACK to work in order to be able to connect remotely as before.

This is still an on-going saga, btw, but the whole point was that I wanted to share the picture of the chocolate lol. While Henry was half-strangulated with computer cords, I shoved a piece of the chocolate in his mouth. He froze and asked, “Why was your hand wet?”

“Oh,” I shrugged. “That was just my spit.”


(/end boring help desk issues.)

Then we both needed to walk that shit off (Henry was just as stressed as I was over this bullshit) so we went to Allegheny Cemetery. Henry took this dumb selfie when I gave him my phone to take a picture of me acting like a hooligan.

Me, acting like a hooligan.

Um, also I just noticed that the size of these pictures is dumb which means HENRY changed it before taking the pictures and I hate when he does that! This is the same size of picture his dumb phone takes!!

I think we spent most of the walk bitching about IT departments and me responding to everything Henry said with, “Your butt.”

It was actually a really nice, leisurely walk though.

Henry remembered that this Korean food truck, The Boonseek, was parked near the cemetery that day at a brewery (don’t care about the brewery part so I can’t tell you the name of it, so sorry) so we drove on over.

The Boonseek specializes in a Korean version of what we know as corndogs, but you guys, as with all Korean street food, it is so so so so so much better. You can get these all over the place in Korea from street vendors so it really tugged at my heart seeing them again, you know?

I was so happy that there were non-meat options! I got the Cheese Seeker and an order of kimbap for Chooch, and Henry got the original Boon Seeker (sausage and cheese) and bulgogi mandu.

Oh man. Oh man, oh man, oh man. I need to eat this at least once a week, honestly. I love how Korean street food is sweet and savory at the same time. The breading is sugary, the ketchup is sweet, the mustard is tangy, and the cheese is SO CHEESY – I should have taken a picture of the cheese-pull. Combine all this with the satisfying crunch of fried breading and I dare you to not roll your eyes back into your head in taste-ecstasy. Good lord.

We were soooo full after this but also very very very content. Henry had one of these in Busan and said that this one was actually better! I love supporting local Korean food people. My inner hipster wants to be annoyed that dumb people are finally figuring out that Korean food/music/film/culture is amazing but I’m also really glad for this too because now it just makes it  more accessible for fanatics like me.

If only we can get an H-MART!!!.

Henry took this picture later that night. As soon as I sit down on the couch, Penelope comes over and plops down and evidently her bones turn to liquid.

Well, that’s all I have to say about last Sunday. It was fun spending time with Henry while CHOOCH was at work but now I’m dwelling on my work-from-home issues again so I guess blogging today is actually making my already dumb day worse. Woo!

Dec 052021

I was so excited to be able to invite Corey and Janna over this year to TRIM TRUDY since we are all vaccinated and some of us are even boostered. Last year was very sad trimming that broad without an accompanying gathering. Sadly, Corey couldn’t make it because of a work Xmas party, but Janna came over and was OMG ON TIME! She even made a point of eschewing the standard salutations with a “NOTE THE TIME” demand instead. LOL, oh Janna.

Earlier that day, Henry and I went to Fresh Thyme to procure some “healthy”-ish snacks to go along with the Korean alcoholic bev collection (various flavored sojus and makgeollis, get on our K-level). While there, some guy who was around my age kept making INTENSE eye contact with me, the guy that can be decoded as “I KNOW YOU” and it was borderline uncomfy. I started to panic, like, “Did I have a one-night stand with this dude back in the day?” I mean, he kind of looked like my type?!?! I was actually afraid he was going to be waiting in the parking lot but he wasn’t. I kept trying to tell Henry about it but I was wearing a mask in the store and Henry is already hard of hearing and was basically completely unaware that any of this was happening.

“DIDN’T YOU SEE HOW LONG HE WAS ‘LOOKING AT MILK’ WHEN WE WERE IN THE VEGAN DAIRY SECTION??” I cried and Henry was like, “No…maybe…wait what are we talking about again?” and then I think Henry was actually sad that this guy didn’t kidnap me.

My eyes are so fantastico at the YOUNG AGE of 42 that I can barely even get my photos in focus these days.

Got to break out my SHINee soju glasses for the occasion!

This was probably one of the 87 times Chooch asked told Janna to buy him Pokemon cards for Christmas.

“I think the gas mask year was my favorite,” Janna said dreamily, as we recounted all of the festive Yuletide transformations that Trudy has undergone. (Underwent? Undertaken? GONE THRU.) I think we care less and less each year though, ah, sweet complacency. I mean, I was all gung-ho about looking for a green tutu for her to wear this year so that we could also use that as a vehicle for hanging ornaments, but I got distracted about like, one google search and then forgot to go back and look. LOL. Oh, Christmas. Who cares.

I mean, look how exhausted we are after spending a whopping ten minutes wrapping a mannequin with garland. She doesn’t even need strung with lights anymore because Henry just leaves the lights on her year-round now.

Here are pictures of all of us post-TRUDY TRIM.

Then Chooch wanted to play a game but I said NO because I didn’t feel like it, yet somehow I ended up with Chooch’s phone pressed to my forehead, hysterically guessing things from the 1980s. Oh Heads Up, I hate your existence yet I can never walk away a challenge.

One of the categories is for songs but you have to hum or sing the song without giving away the song title. It was Chooch’s turn to guess and the song was “Hey There Delilah” by the Plain White Ts but I never liked that song and could literally only think of the Hey There Delilah line and had to keep humming it over and over and Janna was also trying to hum it because she couldn’t think of the words and then I was like, “JUST PASS IT YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW THIS SONG ANYWAY” so he passed it and then later when he looked at the ones he missed, he rage-cried, “HEY THERE DELILAH ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHY WOULDN’T I KNOW THAT???” and Janna and I defensively argued that we couldn’t think of any other lyrics.

“Like, who even knows the words to that song,” Janna said dismissively, to which Chooch screamed, “HEY THERE DELILAH?? WHAT’S IT LIKE IN NEW YORK CITY???? I’M A THOUSAND MILES AWAY???? BUT, GIRL, TONIGHT YOU LOOK SO PRETTY????” while the protruding vein in his forehead was barking an emphatic “Yeah!” after line, and then dropped the mic on his behalf.


He was um, very upset.

Blake made the long and arduous trek over from next door later that night after his gaggle of children went  to bed, and the HEY THERE DELILAH party foul was brought back up again.

Immediately, Blake recounted the first four lines of the song too, with as much casual comfort as someone singing the happy birthday song. Janna and I just threw our arms up in defeat. (Honestly though I really hated that song so it’s not too shocking that I wouldn’t know the words.)

Whenever it was my turn and we were doing music, everyone’s first clue for nearly every singer was, “Oh you hate this person.” I hate so many pop singers that it was really hard for me to guess! Although it was mostly Katy Perry and Taylor Swift every time, except for the one time when it was Alecia Keys and Chooch ever-so-surely said, “You really hate this singer” and I was so confused because I do not hate her. I just have no feelings either way!


I was REALLY pissed because once when it was my turn, the answer was The Carpenters “We’ve Only Just Begun” but I only got the artist and not the song because Henry was being stupid with his humming capabilities and then afterward argued that I “wouldn’t have gotten it anyway” and I was like, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SAY THIS SONG IS IN MUSIC BOXES?!!?” Honestly, my grandma had like 8 different music boxes in her house that played that song.

One time when it was Henry’s turn, the word was SHOULDER PADS and Chooch got Henry to guess it by saying “it’s what mom called Drew and thought it was so hilarious* – Ursula’s…” and Henry immediately said “Oh. Shoulder pads.

*It WAS hilarious!

Also, chooch wouldn’t do the pop culture category with us because it has “relevant trends” that we “wouldn’t know about.” I hate him.

My other favorite moment of the night was when Janna told me that one of the BITCHIEST teachers we had for Language Arts / Communications in middle school made her re-recite a poem from the very beginning after she mispronounced the word BOSOM LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. This is my new favorite Janna thing! Apparently she pronounced it BOW-some LOLOLOLOL YESSSSSSSSS.

Well, Mary, I think that’s all for now. It was a nice night of snackin’ and Heads Up’in and somewhat house partyin’. And now Trudy is back to her festive dressings!

Nov 282021

I wasn’t going to LiveBlog because we woke up late and now we can’t do all the fun stuff I wanted to do on the way home (ok it was just one fun thing and I wasn’t really married to the idea but whatever).

But I’m bored and need something to do so here we are.

It’s 10:30 and we just stopped at this place screaming about PEACHES PECANS AND FIREWORKS. We went there specifically to see if we could find any good deals on peanuts for the squirrels (lol my life) but they only had bags of RAW p’nuts which are not good for my Buddys and Grays!

Instead we spent $40 on deep fried peanuts, strawberry peanut brittle, locally made soy candles, lip balm, and beard balm. And something called Divinity that Henry tried to not share with me but I ripped it out of his hand.

I could have spent more money there, easily.

I didn’t see any real peaches there and made the mistake of saying so, and now I’m enduring a spiel from Farmer Hank about how peaches are out of season. I wonder where he hides his Farmers Almanacs.

Omg henry is so annoying. He keeps changing the route while he’s driving in an effort to bypass anticipated traffic. “This will put us through the top of Tennessee,” he said. “What’s the top of Tennessee?” I asked. “Not the bottom,” he replied. I MEANT LIKE WHAT CITIES BUT OK MR LITERAL.

Hi it’s almost noon. Henry and I talked about LGBTQ+ issues, nutrition, and Slutty Vegan for like an hour in case you were wondering why I wasn’t updating lololol. Now we’re at a gas station and Dunkin’ Donuts in Athens Georgia because why wouldn’t we have left Georgia yet. I had an annoying gas station bathroom experience thanks to a loud mom and her 12 children. Also I broke a nail last night when pulling down my restraint on Georgia Scorcher and I need a nail file but have not found one at any place we stopped. Also my macchiato (“macchiato” – very LOOSE definition) tastes like hot water. Henry tried to stir it by shaking it and sprayed “macchiato” everywhere so I yelled about how I “try to keep the car clean but then YOU PEOPLE–”

“Is ‘you people’ me and Chooch?” Henry had the audacity to interrupt.


Twenty five minutes later. In Tennessee. We just drove past a giant cross. I blurted out, “Giant crosses are pathetic” and I dunno why I said that other than the power of Satan compelled my tongue.

Also, earlier in the drive I was fixated on the fact that we don’t pronounce sugar soo-gar and now Henry says “SOOGAR” every time he sees a sign that has sugar on it. So that’s a cool linguistic monster I created.

1:11pm and I was just vocalizing how I imagine Henry would be right now if he’d never met me: sitting in a tattered recliner in a sweat-stained wife beater, shotgun propped up against the side, long greasy hair, knife in a holster of his belt which also features a huge belt buckle since he’s an OTR truck driver, eating a HUNGRY MAN tv dinner while shotgunning a generic beer and watching–

“NCIS?” Henry cut me off with a sigh.

“No, GRACE UNDER FIRE,” I shouted, choking on laughter. “And who’s that other asshole…JEFF FOXWORTHY.”

“I used to listen to him before he was famous,” Henry said and I think he meant it as a brag???

“Wow congrats. You were a redneck hipster.”

1:51: THIS JUST IN–at a Pilot somewhere in Tennessee and THERE WERE FOUR OF US BROADS IN THE BATHROOM WEARING MASKS. I felt like I was with MY PEOPLE.

2:25pm: had a fight about maps. Chooch actually defended me by pointing out that HENRY can’t even read a map. Thanks, Backseat Son.

Anyway here are mountains. Maybe the Smokies? Who can be sure. No one can read a map.

Also just passed a billboard for HEAVENLY STITCHES: a quilt store. Cool.

2:53: GUYS. WE JUST WENT TO PAL’S SUDDEN SERVICE. I have been OBSESSED with this fast food chain since we saw one Friday night when henry abruptly pulled off an exit to go to Dunkin’ Donuts and one was right next door. I AMOST forgot about it until today when Henry was saying stuff that I wasn’t listening to as usual and then casually added, “and then you can go to Pal’s” and I was suddenly ERECT WITH ATTENTION.

The exit sign is A POINTING HOT DOG!!!

I got a toasted cheese!!! I made Henry get a Mello Yello so I could drink some because I didn’t want my own!

Henry tried to pay at the ordering window and the girl LAUGHED AT HIM and said, “oh no, you pay at the pick up window” like Henry had asked to see the basement. It was such a highlight.

Here are pictures I took Friday night:

I need a Pal’s t-shirt SO BADLY NOW.

6:00pm: HENRY made me drive for the last TWO HOURS most of it was GRIDLOCKED TRAFFIC in Virginia, while he slept like a precious WHITE MAN. My nerves are shot now. I pulled over to switch with him RIGHY BEFORE the dumb toll thing which I had to drive through on Friday too and it was so annoying because we have EZ Pass but were behind CANADIANS who had to dig around their car for change and I was very unhappy with our NEIGHBORS TO THE NORTH in that moment.

Anyway did I mention that I’m in a bad mood now? Because I am. Fuck off Henry. If you even ever read this!!!!!

Omg he just had the audacity to say something about me complaining about driving when he still has to drive for 3 hours and 45 minutes and I was like, “yeah and you got to sleep for 2 hours so I dunno why you’re complaining!” But now he’s saying he wasn’t?? Um I’m sorry but when he bitched about the remaining time left he has to drive, that was him LODGING A COMPLAINT. Fuck off!!

6:25: Hi. My other dream was to go to Tudor’s Biscuit World & get a motherfucking biscuit since all my other biscuit dreams were crushed on this trip. Now we’re here but we got stuck behind an elderly couple who just materialized from outer space and we’re ecstatic to order human food except they had no idea how. But at least they’re wearing masks!


I loved our experience at Tudor’s was amazing and I am very happy. My favorite part was when Henry accidentally threw away all the plates into the garbage can:

And then couldn’t find anyone to tell because they were all outside smoking. So when he found them on our way out, the one lady was like “oh it’s alright. We’ll just leave them there” and the other lady said she wouldn’t tell. Henry’s such a chump.

Also, I feel like I missed out by not ordering the CAPPICINO:

8:25pm: I just changed Henry’s Waze profile to this and I’m crying and he’s in the drivers seat going WHAT. WHAT. WHAT DID YOU DO. STOP FUCKING WITH MY STUFF!!!

I just spit on myself trying to hold in another round of hyena-level laughter.

I just signed him up to be a Waze carpool driver and I’m crying.

I’m nice but don’t like to talk much unless it’s about military airplanes and the TV show Monk.

I gave myself a stomach ache.

I’m so overheated from laughing that I’m sweating. I tried to show Chooch my hard work and he said I DONT CARE. Meanwhile Henry is over here panicking, wondering what damage I’ve done to his impeccable Wave profile.


9:20: Listening to my old COCK ROBIN jam and I said, “I’m not sure how I ever knew about this song. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it on the radio.” And, with a SMIRK, Henry said, “probably from one of those dumb CDs you used to buy.”

LOLOLOL: he means all the COMPILATION CDs I used to get via MAIL ORDER using my mom’s credit card lol.


I guess I will post this worthless account of nothingness now. Will update if anything interesting happens??

UPDATE: I only accumulated 2500 steps thanks to basically driving non-stop all day. We got home at 10:35 tonight and I was DETERMINED to meet my daily goal of 12000 (I usually get way more than that but 12000 is what I have FitBit set at). I walked/jogged in place from the moment I walked in the door, pausing only once for a pee break, and I met my goal WITH TWO MINUTES TO SPARE. You can ask Henry–he was sitting on the couch staring at his phone the entire time.

Ok. Trip’s officially over. Happy to be reunited with my insane, attention-deprived cats. Taking my contacts out now thank god. Peace out all-gendered scouts.