Apr 092019
 

We finally had our first legit spring weekend and it was wondrous. We went for walks and left our coats at home! I mean, I love my coat collection but it was really nice to walk down the street without being swathed in heavy fleece and tapestry, you know?

Here are some things that happened on this lovely first weekend of April. I love April. DON’T YOU LOVE APRIL?!

First, we kicked off the weekend Friday night with a viewing of “Annabelle” which I am ashamed to say I had not yet seen. I saw a preview for the newest one and had no idea that this is the THIRD in the series?! I am off my horror game, you guys. Anyway, I do love the Conjuring franchise so much, and I assumed I would love Annabelle as well, but it was kind of just OK. I mean, there were a few times when I jumped a bit, but the whole movie felt like it was missing something, like someone wrote it in a hurry. The highlight for me was when Chooch couldn’t remember the priest’s name and referred to him as “Mr. Father.”

Henry left halfway through because he can’t hang. Any horror movies about possessions or churches scare him too much, though he’ll deny it if you ask him. But I remember VIVIDLY that he told me this back when we were freshly dating and I wanted to watch Lost Souls.

So…

Then, I did a craft-thing. I had been looking for some type of glass pendant thingie to display the sea glass I collected last year from Songdo Beach in Busan. I found this perfect orb-thing on Etsy and I was so excited to put it all together, but then after I glued it, I realized that there was a streak of glue inside the orb, and also a cat hair, so then Henry had to take it apart and re-do it.

But by Sunday it was fully finished so I got to wear it to work on Monday! That night, I was admiring it and said, “I love this much. I can’t believe I made this.”

“You didn’t make it! You put it together sloppily, and then I had to take it apart and fix it. made it,” Henry argued. God, he always has to have the fucking limelight.

Bottom line, now I can keep tiny pieces of Korea close to my heart. Actually, when you think about it, it’s really just Korean garbage. This sea glass was probably made from broken soju bottle. *shrugs*

Oh shit and then one of my favorite Kpop cardio instructors replied to me on YouTube and I was so excited!

I have such a big fat life, you guys.

Saturday night, we had dinner plans at Buca di Beppo with our Castle Blood friends – Ricky, Dawn, Kari, and Kate. Chooch was supposed to go with us as well (Kate is only a year older than him and we like to watch him writhe in her presence) but then Saturday morning, he mentioned something about going to a play with the Teen Center people and I was like, “Wait, what now?” and he was like, “Yeah, you signed the permission slip” and I was like, “You said you were going with us to dinner!”

“Oh that’s tonight too? Shit,” he said and I died a little knowing that we’re at the age where he has his own mini-adult plans that don’t include us and how did this even happen?!

I was OK with it though since it was a cultural thing he was attending (Doll’s House Part 2 at the O’Reilly Theater) and am just happy that he’s not out vaping, eating Tide pods, or being a destructive teenage shit.

Henry and I decided to be Responsible and took the trolley to Station Square in case we decided to drink like real life adults. It was annoying riding the trolley with Henry because he was trying to act all cool and metropolitan. I was like, “Bitch, this is Pittsburgh. Public transportation is lame AF in this hole.” Ugh and it took him forever to put the fare on his (see also: MY SPARE) ConnectCard because he kept hitting the wrong things.

Then we ended up getting down there way too early and there is really nothing to do in Station Square unless you’re a meathead or attending a wedding reception or possibly dumping a body in the river (you do you, bro) so we just wandered around inside the half-desolate “mall” area and I reminisced about the one time I went to see some comedian at the Funny Bone with MEAN CHRISTINE and I got really drunk and was screaming in the parking garage. Henry was like, “Wow, that doesn’t sound like you at all” and I thought he was being serious at first but no.

We walked past one bar that smelled like beer farts and then went into some other lame Pgh sports bar so that Henry could get a beer and I was pouting because I didn’t like the vibe of the place, although an Al B. Sure song was playing on the jukebox when we walked in, so that was cool. But otherwise, it just wasn’t my scene and I made Henry chug his dumb beer so we could leave, even though he was trying to be drunk and leisurely.

I think part of the problem is that I’m just unable to fucking relax anymore. I’m so on edge and ready to move on to the next thing!

So then I was in a bad mood for a little bit but we left and sat on a bench by the river and talked about Seoul and then Henry made fun of some girl who stumbled by in huge heels because one of his pet peeves in life is when girls wear shoes they can’t walk in and then he made fun of her makeup too but I white-knighted her because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WEARING A LOT OF MAKEUP IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. I can’t believe I defended her though. What is wrong with me. I must be dying.

She was wearing one of those stupid “dressy” rompers though and I hate stupid “dressy” rompers, mostly because they look stupid on me and I really want them to not look stupid on me.

Ugh.

Eventually, it was time for our reservation, and when the hostess took us back to our booth, in a restaurant that has three stories and a bunch of fucking rooms, we realized she had seated us RIGHT NEXT to our ex-neighbors (specifically HNC’s stepdaughter’s family, the son is in Chooch’s class) whom we have had not so great experiences with but the husband isn’t too bad so we exchanged pleasantries with him while the broad ignored us, but whatever.

Their party was large and celebrating a birthday, it appeared, and  there were numerous obnoxious children screaming and some Yinzer yapping to her kid to get her cigarettes, so that was awesome. Eventually, I was able to block them all out, but I was also sitting the farthest from their table, so…

In spite of that, and our waitress who had no personality and looked dumbfounded every time she came over to our table AND FORGOT TO PUT IN MY PIZZA ORDER, we had a great dinner with our friends! Usually, we only get to talk to them briefly as we’re exiting Castle Blood, so it was nice to be able to sit down and actually chill for a few hours with them.

Plus, Dawn is always saying super flattering things about this here blog, so I got to hear a lot more of that this time! Plus x2 – sangria! Plus x3 – she is such a good influence on me and was basically bullying Henry into taking me to Canada’s Wonderland. *prayer hands*

It’s not often that Henry and I go out without Chooch in tow, and most of our friends like him better than us anyway so they’d be disappointed if they were stuck with just us. So, after we left, I realized something.

I ACTUALLY GOT TO TALK.

Like, the real Erin got to come out and play!

I was able to start telling a story without Chooch cutting me off because he always thinks he can tell a story better than me and  then we start bickering with each other over who is going to tell the story that probably no one even cares about hearing about anyway and that’s good because in the end, usually NO ONE tells the fucking story because we’re both too pissed off at that point.

UGH.

Other notable “First April Weekend” events:

I got this new addition to my pin collection:

It stems from a speech Obama gave in 2017, in which he referenced SHINee and their global impact on the kids of America and even mentioned their love for In-n-Out, lol.

And then Sunday, even though it was gloomily overcast, was 70 degrees so we had “family time” in the park which basically involves me mocking everything Henry says and Chooch screaming HI DOGGIE like a toddler to every last dog that trots past us.

View this post on Instagram

Being dicks on the exercise trail as usual.

A post shared by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

I nearly peed my pants 16 different times because the warm weather and my weird family had me in such a good mood! I’m so ready for winter to be in the rear view mirror.

This was what I’d call a Solid Weekend. More of these please.

Apr 072019
 

Today is Jonghyun’s birthday and I’m trying not to be sad about it. I wish he was still here with us, but instead I will take comfort in the beautiful music he left behind for the world to enjoy. Can’t ask for much more than that.

I hope everyone is having a good day. Tell someone you love them and maybe dole out a hug or two even if you’re an anti-hugger. It could make all the difference in someone’s day!

<3 5hinee forever.

Apr 012019
 

Drew & Me on Saturday, a folk song.

Whenever I have Friday late shifts, even though I get to work from home, my weekend automatically feels cut in half. I mean, I’m only working until 8:30 but it takes a toll. So any weekend that follows a Friday late shift is almost doomed from the start.

I AM SO POSITIVE.

Nothing much happened over the weekend. I didn’t make any plans, had nowhere to go, IT RAINED AND SNOWED ON SUNDAY, and I was in a bad mood because of that.

However, there were two highlights and here they are:

  1. TAEMIN WENT BACK TO BLACK HAIR YOU GUYS. Black hair Taemin is the best Taemin.

2. The Cure FINALLY got inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and that alone would be enough to count as one of my weekend highlights, but then Robert Smith had to go and ONE-UP the actual honor by giving this perfectly glib interview, the first ten seconds of which went viral but the whole fucking interview is worth your time, believe me. He is perfection. Where the fuck did they dig up that interviewer?? The face Robert makes when she says she’s been a fan since birth is me every twenty minutes at work and every 5 minutes at home when Henry is talking.

This band has been my #1 since childhood, Robert will always be my ult bias, and my walls will always be dotted with Robert’s face. But the fact that past members were also there, LIKE LOL TOLHURST!!, really made my heart swell and I was crying on the couch next to Chooch who said nothing because he expects this from his emo mom. Obviously Robert’s stance on getting inducted was more of a blase, ambivalent, who really gives a fuck attitude, but I appreciated that Lol thoughtfully said that he was happy for the fans, that the fans must have felt vindicated.

YES, YES WE DO, LOL.

The last time they were nominated, they didn’t get in and I wanted to burn garbage, that’s how pissed I was. And when they were nominated for a Grammy in 2000 and lost, I wanted to flip desks while school children were sitting at them.

It is a travesty, A MOTHERFUCKING TRAVESTY, that there are still people I encounter who have….never heard of The Cure. Or even worse – confuse them with [x] 80s band.

For instance, when Todd was like, “Yeah I know the Cure” and started humming a song.

“THAT’S NOT THE CURE, TODD! THAT’S A-HA!” I cried.

UGH!!

It breaks my dumb black heart.

I wouldn’t fly to Australia alone for any old band, people. Remember that.

So, that was my weekend. NOTHING MUCH TO SEE HERE. Things will get more peppy in the next couple of weeks though, prob.

You’re dismissed.

Mar 302019
 

(I guess I could have saved this for tomorrow and titled it SUNDAY SUNBAES since I’m an asshole for alliteration.)

Hi guys! Korean lesson time: Sunbae means “senior” in any particular industry or school. I’m always posting comeback and debut videos on here so today I’m sharing some live performances of sunbae groups (1st & 2nd generation) because this is really such a golden era, when Girl’s Generation had 9 members and YG Entertainment wasn’t a sinking ship, and I really wish I could have experienced it in real-time but this was back when I was beginning my post-hardcore awakening, lol.

1. 2NE1: This girl group could pretty much eat all current girl groups for breakfast. It pains me to my core that I never got to see them live. Here’s hoping we get a post-YG reunion.

2. TVXQ: I got into Kpop waaaay after their peak but I quickly learned of their legendary status. They’re still active but only have two members now.

3. Shinhwa: I’m honestly surprised that there isn’t more talk of these guys.

4. F(x): Can SM please give these ladies a comeback?

5. Super Junior: I’d be remiss if I left this legendary crew off the list:

6. SHINee: You knew they’d be on here! This was their debut, so strong! It’s no surprise they went on to be one of the most iconic Kpop groups.

7. KARA: one of my favorite Kpop cardio routines is for this song so it will always feel nostalgic to me! That hip dance is famous in the Kpop world and boy groups are always jokingly mimicking it.

8. SNSD (Girl’s Generation): I think if you really pressed Henry he would admit that this is his favorite girl group. I think there are only 5 of them left now :( One of them left and came back to America and is currently making a name for herself here as a solo artist so that’s awesome!

9. Miss A: Henry’s ult bias Bae Suzy was in this group! In all seriousness though I wish they were still together. The girl groups were such fire between 2010-2015. :/

10. BIGBANG: Sorry but I had to. I know there’s so much controversy and strong opinions surrounding them lately with Seungri’s scandal (I have not been able to bring myself to even talk about this on here yet but Henry will confirm that I chew his ear off and cry about it on the daily) but these 5 are my kings and their evolution and raw talent is what actually paved the way for the third generation.

I think it’s worth noting the parallels between 2007 BIGBANG and the post-hardcore bands I was into around that time. Literally Pierce the Veil had the same hairstyles and very similar fashion back then!

It’s really looking like I will never get to experience OT5 live, but I won’t stop hoping.

*****

So there you have it, some of my faves from older generations. These groups paved the way for BTS, Blackpink, etc. and they deserve respect and attention.

Let me know if you liked any of these!

Mar 282019
 

Oh shit goddamn you guys, Chooch and I did it! We made it through three months of grueling Jillian Michaels abuse! I am so proud of us! We worked out diligently 6 days a week, even getting up extra early on a day we were traveling to Toronto in order to get our scheduled Cardio in! WHO EVEN ARE WE.

I have always hated cardio, which is why I was so happy when I found KpopX because finally – enjoyable cardio! But this program somehow made it bearable since we only had to do the cardio routines every third day, and the strength training levels got so hard as we continued to advance, that I found myself actually being relieved when it was cardio day.

Yes, I dropped a pant-size, but I am honestly just feeling really good, physically and mentally, and that’s all that matters to me. It’s not about the number on the scale anymore. I can do all kinds of crazy pushups now and that is more rewarding to me than anything else!

No wait I lied – the most rewarding part is that Chooch finally gets it, exercising isn’t a drag to him anymore, and he has been so excited to see tangible changes. For instance, he texted me in all caps today because they had a fitness test thing in gym. The last time, he was only able to do three sit-ups.

HE DID SEVENTY-FIVE TODAY.

How amazing is that??

We’re current looking for a new routine to start (Chooch said it had to still be Jillian though which is good because I love her) but in the meantime, we decided to do one last run-thru of Body Revolution, so like each level one last time over the next two weeks. We did level one tonight and were cracking up at how easy it was for us now. I toned muscles that I didn’t know I had, you guys.

This is the first time I ever made it to the end of an exercise program – I would usually get bored, lazy, or frustrated when I got to something I couldn’t do – and I owe it to Chooch. Partially because I was trying to set a good example but also because it just made it more fun….er, tolerable...having a workout buddy. We cried and swore at the TV together A LOT.

Jillian for life!!

(I’m trying to get Chooch to start a fitness YouTube channel with me, lol. So far he’s a hard no.)

(But c’mon guys can’t you just picture it? Trudy the Mannequin could be one of the backup work-outers. We could put a pretty leotard on her, some sweat bands, vintage LA Gear hightops? YOU WOULDNT SUBSCRIBE TO THAT??)

Mar 252019
 

Hey guys! Here’s your friendly greeting card merchant, checking in like a good shop owner! I’ve been getting some really blush-inducing feedback lately and I wanted to share – my customers are seriously the best. I love knowing that they’re happy with my products!

So today, I want to share some of my recent fave reviews not to toot my own horn but…yeah ok toot toot

First though, I finally redesigned my old, tired business card design! Granted m, it’s because I was almost out of the old ones and felt that was a good time to get off my ass and update them. I hated those old ones!

Anyway, here’s some feedback from both shops that have served as true pick-me-ups:

Ahhhhhh how cool is that??

Yes! I have had people tell me that they framed my cards before. Recently someone tagged me in an Instagram photo – someone had gifted them with a set of my serial killer notecards and they strung them up with clothespins on a piece of twine—I never even considered doing that! It made such a sinister bunting!

We really do mail these extremely well, in sturdy cardstock tombs! The cards themselves are sealed in a protective cellophane slip. All domestic orders come with tracking!

“Garishly gorgeous” is my new favorite description!

We use super high-quality paper with a linen-like texture! Not just your basic office supply store cardstock. And the notecards are backed with glitter cardstock! (Full-sized cards are backed with matte cardstock though, just a heads up!)

^^^^ this one tho!!

It really means a lot to have the quality of my cards recognized and my customer service appreciated. I really make it a point do whatever I can to ensure that everyone has a good experience shopping at Non Compos Cards and Hello Hanguk. I know how excited I get when someone gifts me something that is on brand with one of my obsessions so it makes me happy to know that the recipients of my cards are stoked and realize that someone went that extra step to find a card that’s relevant to their interests in lieu of just grabbing a basic flower-laden card at the corner mart.

If you can’t make your own cards, let me do it for you!

Mar 202019
 

Post pictures of cats? Sure why not!

Penelope rests in her signature face-smash position after a strenuous round of screaming at her toys. (I have never before had a cat who flat out yells at their toy mice and twist ties.)

Drewzilla. Her latest obsession is jumping on top of the fridge and it is driving me nuts.

Also, why does the tiniest bird in the yard gain her undivided attention but the biggest, wolfiest dog walking by with his owner gets a disinterested glance?

Cats, man. Amirite.

Mar 192019
 

On this relatively boring Tuesday, I would like to share a song that has been etched into my eardrums ever since it was released last week.

FUN FACTS:

  • Park Bom was once 1/4 of (arguably) the best Kpop girl group of all time, 2NE1. They disbanded way too early, after only 7 years together, at the end of 2016 right when I was really getting into Kpop and it’s always bummed me out that I didn’t get to experience them in real time.
  • The girl who makes a cameo in the song and video is Dara, also a former member of 2NE1. There are always rumors that she and GDragon are dating and I wouldn’t be mad if it was true.
  • Bom (봄) means “spring” in Korean.
  • Park Bom had a scandal a few years back because her family in the US was sending her prescription pills for her ADHD that she was unable to get in Korea and even though she was never charged with anything, it still nearly killed her career and the fact that she had just this solo comeback is a HUGE DEAL.
  • I read that the fact that she has foreign girls singing around her in that one scene in the video symbolizes that the foreign fans stuck by her through her “scandal” and subsequent hiatus while the Korean fans canceled her.
  • 2NE1 was actually primed to be the first girl group to break into the US market but poor management & planning by their agency ruined that. Now that same agency is attempting to do it with their new girl group (Blackpink) and 2NE1 fans are not impressed.
  • (I like both groups but 2NE1 is superior in my opinion.)
  • You may have actually heard 2NE1 before and never known it! There was a routine YEARS ago on So You Think You Can Dance that used this song, and also it was in a commercial or two, I believe because I remember instantly recognizing it years later when I saw the music video for the first time:

And that’s all for this week’s Kpop101 lesson.

Mar 172019
 

I’m really happy right now for a totally 100% vain reason and I don’t even care, I’m still going to write about it on here because IT’S MY LIFE (not to be confused with the seminal 1980s synthpop classic by Talk Talk).

But first, a story.

When I was a teenager, there was a clothing store in Oakland called Avalon that I loved to shop at. It has long since turned into a shitty second-hand chain (if it’s even still open at all?) but in the 1990s, it was a haven for skaters and goths and the in-between people like me who just liked to wear some outrageous pieces. I got so many crazy Elvira shoes & gogo boots there, and a long black skirt that said “Bitch” all over it, plus my favorite pair of overalls that I left in a hotel room in Australia.

(I was super into clothes before I became poor/had a kid/got depressed.)

One time, I bought this fucking gorgeous Lip Service blazer with dragons embroidered all over it. I was a pretty average weight at 19 (125-130 pounds) but I remember trying on the only size they had (a Small) and it was pretty snug. I bought it anyway because it was too cool to pass up.

I only wore that thing one time because it was so tight and uncomfortable that I was afraid I was going to bust through it like some kind of Hulk wannabe (apropos for my temperament). The night I wore it, to a birthday dinner for Lisa at the Office Lounge, I ran into one of my mom’s friends in the parking lot of my apartment complex. I guess she called my mom and mentioned the blazer because she thought it looked expensive because the next day, I got a call from my mom asking me about the “Oriental blazer” I was wearing the night before and how much did it cost. Lol — my mom paid my American Express back then and I always made her super nervous. (Like the time I used it to “invest” in some Internet Mall Ponzi scheme – HOO BOY that one almost got me disowned.)

Um, back to the blazer – it wasn’t EXORBITANT but it was definitely around $150, probably, so I never wanted to get rid of it, even though I just seemed to get fatter and fatter over the years, the possibility of ever wearing it again getting farther from my reach.

Today, something made me fish it out of the back of my closet and not only did it fit, but it fit correctly. There’s actually room in the arms now! And it buttons easily! I was so excited that I made Henry verify that it looked ok and then I commanded Chooch to take pictures because I just needed to see it to believe it.

Look, I know it’s not cool to lose weight just to fit in smaller clothes or whatever and that is not why I have been diligently exercising or watching my diet, but this blazer is like, symbolic to me because it represents a really great time in my life and to be able to put this thing on again and actually wear it instead of hiding it in my closet makes me so happy, but it also really proves to me just how hard I’ve been working and how much it finally shows.

Chooch and I are on the last two weeks of the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution program and I can honestly say I didn’t think we’d be able to hang this long into it but here we are, doing scorpion push-ups and fitting into small goth blazers from 1998. I am pretty proud.

When you take direction from a 12-year-old photographer.

I might sleep in this tonight. Don’t judge me.

Mar 102019
 

Today is mild, the sun is out, and I am hard-pressed to find anything to complain about. Even though historically, some really bad things have happened in my life during March, I still love this month so much because with it comes the PROMISE OF SPRING. It’s not what I would consider “warm” outside today, but still, when Chooch and I walked to Muddy Cup for some afternoon beverages, I didn’t wear a coat and it was positively FREEING.

Then later on when I was in the car alone, I put on Pierce the Veil just to see how it would make me feel–I discovered them around this same time way back in 2007 on a drive to visit Ex-BFF in Cinci, so this is always The Post-Hardcore Season for me–and I was surprised at just how emotional I became as the very first note dropped. It made me feel super nostalgic (I haven’t listened to any of that old Warped Tour in about two years) but in a really good way, especially with the sun shining and the windows down….I felt like…me. Sometimes I lose myself a little, get buried beneath all the depression and anxiety, but Springtime Erin is always the Best Erin and I am so ready to shake off this winter sadness, bury all the heavy coats and scarves and snow boots, open all the goddamn windows, MAYBE BUY SOME NEW PLANTS!? There is a new botanical joint in Shadyside that I want to check out.

(Sorry, Henry.)

I know that there are some winter stans out there, but I think for the rest of us normal people, the seasonally-affected types, winter was made as a test of wills for us, something that we need to trudge through to ensure we will appreciate even the rainiest of spring nights and slice-the-humidity-with-a-knife summer afternoons.

For me, March is the light at the end of the tunnel and I will forever associate it with hope and relief.

And, Piece the Veil, evidently.

Be still my little post-hardcore heart.

 

Mar 062019
 

Remember last week when I was like “blah blah blah I miss roller skating” and being my general whiny self about it? Well, I listened to the signs of the universe and persuaded Henry into revisiting Neville Roller Dome on Sunday!

Aaaaaaand I immediately remembered why we stopped going there: annoying people and a lame DJ, plus jerky owners. But, what can you do when it’s 2019 and rollerskating hasn’t been popular in like three decades? You learn to appreciate what you’re given, that’s what!

So even though there were four different birthday parties that day for bitchy teenage girls and Sunday skate is reserved for Radio Disney and CHRISTIAN CONTEMPORARY, I wiped off my resting bitch face and skated with a goddamn smile.

I learned that all of these newfangled current female singers sound exactly the same, like they’re trying to manipulate their voices to sound like its being dragged though a cheese grater, and it’s just not great, you guys. Not great at all.

And then the DJ announced the first birthday girl’s song which sounded weird and like something an old lady would request.

“What the fuck song is this???” I cried over the vibrato to Chooch.

“Seriously?? It’s Let It Go!” he said incredulously, looking at me like I just woke up from a coma.

Then the chorus came on and I said, “Ooooh, ok. I hear it now. Yeah.”

So apparently, I’ve made it this far in life without ever hearing anything other than the chorus of the dumb bitch song.

And then I immediately skated off the rink and joined Henry on a bench.

“I can’t skate to this song,” I said. And then when Sarah, the Let It Go birthday girl, paraded her hoochie-in-training girlfriends past us en route to the snack room for cake, I loudly said to Henry, “She has awful taste in music, wow!”

But then apparently when Henry and Chooch were in the snack room later, Sarah’s mom offered Chooch just cake (he said no because he knew Jillian Michaels wouldn’t approve) so Chooch said that Sarah is cool but we can still hate her friends and I was OK with that because her one friend in a marigold sweater had the smuggest face ever and…ugh. Just ugh.

Henry doesn’t skate anymore, ever since getting his foot run over by a pallet jack, lol. So he just sat on the bench the whole time and looked at boring Old People crap on his phone. I would join him every once in a while, usually when a song came on that I couldn’t get behind, such as WHO LET THE DOGS OUT.

A big NO THANK YOU to that one.

I was pouting about how shitty the music selection was when Britney Spears’ Hold It Against Me cued up and I almost fell on my face in my mad scramble onto the rink. Now THAT is golden skate jam.

When we used to go to this rink religiously, back when it had different owners and ROLLER DJ was on deck, there was this one kid on roller blades who would request the Pokémon theme park every single Sunday and at first I thought it was so dumb but after a while, I was power-fisting around the rink like I was catchin’ em all. I miss that kid and I miss those days.

Meanwhile, the next birthday girl had her song played and it was AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck”?! Not what I was expecting.

Look, I know that not everyone is going to come out to the roller dome and skate like a motherfucking dream like me because the world isn’t perfect, but it’s hard to enjoy yourself when you’re playing slalom with all the little kids using skating walkers (those things are a HAZARD and should not be allowed!) or worrying that one of the older, but just as talentless, kids is going to bite it and take you down with them. I miss the days of Soul Skate! That was when some local urban skate crew would rent out the whole rink one Sunday night a month for an adult-only skate session full of real skate jams and the kinds of people who could actually dance on wheels.

I really want to continue skating, even if it’s not as regularly as we used to, but it’s not as fun now that Henry can’t skate and none of my friends ever want to go anymore, and I really don’t like that rink anymore but it’s the closest one, ugh #firstworldskatingprobs.

There is another rink in Charleroi that we went to several times and I loved everything about it except that I felt Goldilocks with the skate rental! Their skates are obnoxiously shitty and I actually threw a huge tantrum last time we there and demanded a refund even though Henry begged me not to and shirked away to hide in the car. BUT I WAS VICTORIOUS IN THE END! Anyway, Henry won’t go back to that one because of that time, but it was like 6 years ago so I think we’re safe.

Mar 052019
 

Calvin came over to play last night and made Grandpa Hanky (??? I guess I just accidentally gave Henry his new halabeoji nickname) wear this unicorn headband that Chooch bought for himself at last year’s Santa Shop at school.

Immediately, it made me think of one of my favoritest, bestest photos of my pappap and me, which I actually had just dig up last week after finding this tattoo artist in Hongdae who does these really cool line sketches of family portraits, etc.

I just really like the idea of having that picture translated into simple lines.

Pappaps are the best. Now I’m depressed. Also exhausted because Chooch and I just finished workout #9 and now Chooch is in awe because he never knew I could do rockstar squats like a fucking beast. *blows on fingertips*

P.S. Calvin calls our cats “meow meows” and doesn’t understand why they run from him but it’s hilarious because they only stay hidden for a few minutes before creeping back out to observe him from afar. They’re confused/terrified of him but also extremely interested.

Mar 022019
 

Sometimes I just feel like sharing old stories up in this piece and, well, I can because I’m the Queen Bitch of this Domain. Tonight, I chose this one from 2011 (2011!!) because Chooch was so little and angelic-looking back then plus it really illustrates how much respect we have for Henry in this household.

Also, getting locked out of the house is kind of just what we do around here.

ENJOYYYY.
***********

20111113-150900.jpg

Goddammit, all I wanted to do was go for a nice, leisurely family stroll around our crappy town, but dum-dum Henry left the keys in the house and started flipping out about how it was my fault because I rushed him out of the house.

I was like, “Why can’t we just go for a walk and worry about this later?” which apparently was not a Great Idea based on the look of utter incredulity Henry flashed at me.

20111113-150911.jpg

20111113-150921.jpg

Chooch and I carried on like cackling assholes while Henry tore apart the garage for suitable items to MacGyver a battering ram. I mean, I guess if he hot-glued together all of his old porn VHS tapes from the SERVICE, he might have something to go on.

He ignored my suggestions of calling the landlord or heaving a cinder block through the window and instead considered using a can of gasoline to burn down the front door.

20111113-150930.jpg

I’m surprised he didn’t go next door to ask Hot Naybor Chris for a breaking and entering consultation, considering those two once helped the gas man break into our neighbor’s house in order to shut off his gas before our house exploded.

20111113-150936.jpg

Yeah, this has promise.

20111113-150946.jpg

“What? I coulda done it. If only I had remembered to eat my individually-wrapped prunes today.”

20111113-150957.jpg

“NOW I HAVE HEDGECLIPPERS! THESE WILL HELP! I WILL MANICURE THE WEEDS INTO SILHOUETTES OF MY REPUBLICAN HEROES WHILE STARING LONGINGLY INTO OUR FRONT WINDOW.”

20111113-151004.jpg

These are some of the things Henry said while Chooch and I buzzed around him like flies on a bear:

  • THAT’S ENOUGH!
  • YOU’RE A LOT OF FUCKING HELP.
  • GO SOMEWHERE AND PLAY!
  • THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT. I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO GO FOR A WALK!
  • FML FML FML FML FML
  • YEAH, THIS IS REAL FUCKING FUNNY.
  • AND I JUST KNOW I’M MISSING “SHE’S CRAFTY.” MOTHER!
  • YOU ASSHOLES CAN JUST STAY OUT HERE! I’LL FUCKING WALK TO WORK. AT LEAST I HAVE THOSE KEYS.

20111113-151013.jpg

Oh God, Chooch. DON’T POKE THE BEAR!

20111113-151019.jpg

…or KICK the bear. Henry almost gave Chooch “orphan” status after this.

20111113-151027.jpg

Meanwhile, I found this fucker in the garage. WTF kind of creepshow is this!? I wish I had had it for my Murder Desk at work.

I was trying to chronicle this episode from all angles, which did not please the man one bit. He made like he was going to grab my phone off me and beat me with it, enlightening me on what it must be like to work for TMZ.

20111113-151044.jpg

20111113-151057.jpg

After fifteen minutes, Henry succeeded in prying open the window with a pair of pliers. Now you know how to break into my house and steal our cats. Seriously, it’s all we’ve got in there. Cats galore.

20111113-151104.jpg

20111113-151112.jpg

20111113-151122.jpg

Just don’t forget to bring a small child to catapult through the window. (I mean, at least he’s going IN a window and not falling OUT of a window, right?)

20111113-151127.jpg

You know that fucker is going to go to school tomorrow and tell his teacher about how his burglar parents made him shimmy up the side of a skyscraper.

Moments later, the house keys came whaling through the window straight at Henry’s face. Chooch rules.

20111113-151136.jpg

“ENOUGH ALREADY.”

20111113-151153.jpg

Reassembling the window.

20111113-151159.jpg

And he did it all so he could go on a walk he did not want to go on in the first place. In this picture, I think he’s texting his boss: OMG I IS A HEROE. I NEED DAY OFF.

Feb 272019
 

The only notable thing about this last weekend is that it was the last one of February! It really feels like we’re nearing winter’s finish line! ANY FUCKING DAY NOW.

I thought that we were supposed to have nice weather that weekend but I must have been looking at some other city’s weather forecast because I think it rained all day on Saturday? Why can’t I remember?! All I know is that Henry and I went for a walk to the post office and to whatever that cafe is on Brookline Blvd so I could buy a bag of what Henry thinks is overpriced coffee but hello it’s La Prima which is one of the best coffees in this shit city and it is what I like so until you start drinking coffee, shut your furry fucking mouth, Henrik the Dick.

(I’m so creative with my name-calling.)

Yeah I think most of Saturday was spent exercising, going on dreary walks, and watching K-dramas. Although that night, I wanted to watch a horror movie and, on recommendation of one of my favorite pin makers, I chose Digging Up the Marrow.

Look, I can find redeeming qualities in almost any horror movie because that is my favorite genre, and this movie did have its moments but I was pretty disappointed. There were is many loose ends! I kept asking Henry rhetorical questions two days later and he was just like, “Hold on, let me look at the script I wrote for this movie 5 years ago and see if I put the answers in there.”

Then came Sunday:

Chooch went to piano lessons. Bye Chooch. I stayed home and can’t remember what I did. I think I exercised and watched videos of NCT speaking different languages.

Janna came over that afternoon because we had coffee plans and ultimately decided to go to Orbis in Mt. Lebanon. The weather was super weird on Sunday and kept getting worse, but I swear when I whined about wanting to walk there, it wasn’t that bad yet.

Ok, it was pretty bad. It was starting to rain a little but the wind, oh Lord THE WIND. It was the kind of wind you’d imagine rushing out of the gates of Hell. We were only a block away and could have, should have, turned around to get the car, but I was like IT IS NOT THAT BAD. IT JUST FEELS BAD RIGHT NOW BC WE ARE WALKING UPHILL. I mean, we were bent over and walking headfirst into major barometric resistance.

(Lol I don’t know what barometric means.)

We probably looked like dumbasses to everyone driving past us, I mean NO ONE in their right mind was on foot in that wind-storm.

It got so bad when we were about halfway there that we had to duck inside the doorway of Erik’s Lighting because trees and store signs were swaying with a vengeance.

I had all these awful, catastrophic scenarios flying through my mind, like what if the wind gained micro-burst strength and tossed us into the air and we landed in the dreaded river on top of a dead body and rusty barge parts. Or if the Cain’s Saloon sign, which was dangerously swinging to and fro, snapped and flew straight into Janna, decapitating her crudely. And then her mom would slam me into a wall at the funeral home and wail, “WHY DID YOU MAKE HER WALK TO THAT FUCKING COFFEE SHOP I NEVER LIKED YOU AND ALWAYS TOLD JAN TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE YOURE TROU-HHAHAHAHAHAH-BLE!!!!!” And then I would show her the fake Kakao text log that I would have previously fabricated in secret under a blanket in my bed that showed me saying, “Hey, there’s a hint of decapitation in the air, let’s take my car to the cafe” and Janna is all, “No, I would prefer to walk. Don’t worry, if anything happens to me, it is totally, 100% my own fault and you shan’t be held accountable” because shan’t is a word Janna would probably use.

AND THEN IT STARTED TO HAIL!

Oh hahaha! What a miserable walk just for a cupping fuck of coffee.

YES.

CUPPING FUCK.

Also, the temperature was allegedly 45 degrees when we left so I didn’t wear a hat but by this point my ears felt like they were being repeatedly punched by a paragliding kangaroo. It was painful. And my hands were red and frozen because, you guessed it! No gloves.

I think I’m an adult?

Janna looked like her spirit had actually been blown out of her body, she was expressionless and barely talking to me.

“Hey, you wanted to hang out,” I reminded her.

My favorite part is when we finally got to the block that Orbis lives on but I forgot how far down it actually was and started internally panicking because I thought IT WASNT THERE ANYMORE. But then I saw the sign and felt relief until I realized I DIDNT CHECK TO SEE WHAT TIME THEY CLOSED. Some cafes close at 2 on Sundays! But thank god, it was open for another hour.

One of the baristas asked us what it was like out there and I blurted out WELL WE STUPIDLY WALKED HERE FROM BROOKLINE AND IT WAS PRETTY TERRIBLE and Janna was still trying to repair her broken spirit with a piece of chewing gum and some coffee stirrers so she didn’t say much.

She did however check a map to see how far we walked and I was like, “Oh it was only 1.6 miles!” Except add in a weird baby-tornado and face-smacking hail. That kind of makes a difference I guess.

But our drinks were warm and good and we treated ourselves to sugar-carbs, plus Henry came to pick us up because, yeah. We weren’t tryna round-trip that brutality.

Back at my house, Chooch and I forced Janna to watch rollercoaster POVs and Kpop stuff and then Chooch taught her what pansexual and gender fluid means because middle school kids know it all, however, I was offended that she didn’t remember pansexuality from when I wrote a post in my fake LiveJournal I ghost-wrote for her (pelvic_exam, lol) called Janna’s Pansexual Thanksgiving.

Ugh, oh well. That was my weekend.

Feb 262019
 

Last week, one of my co-workers called out from her office, “So Erin, which date are you going to?”

I paused. “Oh, Lol—you mean for BTS?”

She said yes and I shook my head. “None. I just saw them in September and there’s a rumor that another group I like better is going to come to the US!”

She seemed shocked when I said that BTS isn’t really in my top 5, even (but don’t get me wrong, I do like them a lot!).

I explained that there are so many other groups out there that it’s impossible for me to put all my k-eggs in one kimchi pot, and she asked why it is that only BTS has really made it big in America.

I just shrugged. “I think America can only handle one Korean group right now,” and Regina just cracked up because it’s fucking true! America needs spoon fed! Foreign things are scary and weird, ew what are they saying, gross!?

Honestly, I think in addition to their talent, it’s also timing, luck, and the fact that they have a literally army of dedicated fans who know how to aggressively work social media. But….it doesn’t mean that they’re the best ones out there and people should really do some exploring into the genre because it’s fascinating and full of gems!

Then tonight my friend Veronica sent me a message on IG – NCT127 formally announced their tour! I AM SO STOKED! I mean, assuming that I can get a ticket.

My wallet has fucking crumbs in it at this point but I’ll find a way.