Jan 212017
 

Remember that time I promised Henry that if he went to see Circa Survive with me at Stage AE, we could go upstairs and sit through it because I know he’s old and feeble, and I’ve seen Circa Survive approximately 87 times since 2005? But then we got inside Stage AE and I realized that I left my ID in the car and there’s no reentry and the upstairs is 21+? And they don’t give a fuck if I have gray hair if I don’t also have a drivers license they can shine their dumb flashlight on? And then I suggested that I could just show them the green wristband from the show I went to a week earlier that said 21 AND OLDER all over it and Henry was like DON’T BE DUMB THAT WON’T WORK so then he had to stand and complain the whole time?

And also when we accidentally got there an hour before doors opened because I thought they opened at 6 since I’m used to earlier shows and then we had to stand outside for an hour in the rain but luckily we were one of the few people who got to stand under an overhang because we were literally the fifth people in line like Super Fans?

Yeah, that was last Tuesday night and Henry is still mad about it, haha.

When we were standing in line, I saw one of the guys from Primer and Grayscale! Henry was like, “Go say hi” in a tone that implied he realized it was a dumb suggestion because I don’t talk to musicians. I’m Erin R. Kelly, remember? My voice box tumbles out of my kooka before I can even say hello to someone in a band.

And then I made him buy me a Blue Moon, which he did, grudgingly, and then goaded me the whole time I was drinking it because there’s an old man in a red shirt whose only job is to walk around and spontaneously card people who are drinking and I was like, “HAHA yeah right” but then I saw him do it with my own two eyes and I started to get super nervous about it because I literally watched him nab an underage couple and escort them off into a secret room AND THEY LOOKED OLD ENOUGH TO BE DRINKING so what if he didn’t care that I’m literally a 37 year old mom?!

I kept making Henry hold my beer so then he was mad about that too.

Then we saw our photographer friend that we met at the Hotel Books show except that he’s not actually our friend, just someone I had a 10 minute awkward conversation while waiting for Diesel to open their doors and then I’ve seen him at probably 4 shows since then and we act like that never happened.

I AM GREAT AT MAKING CONNECTIONS.

I gotta be honest, I was really excited to see Circa Survive because this was their On Letting Go 10th anniversary tour, but I would have been just as happy being home, watching Bigbang videos which is how I know this obsession is real. Please send help. I actually started crying about it in the kitchen this morning. My life is confusing. Emotions are weird.

Anyway! I was also stoked to be seeing Turnover again!! And of course they were wonderful. I love my Run For Cover bands.

I've been dying to get you dizzy.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

You guys, they played Danny Elfman’s Pee Wee’s Big Adventure theme in between sets and it was bliss. The last show I saw at Stage AE was Thrice and the house music was SHIT. Have I told you lately how much I dislike Stage AE? I always feel so cold and unwelcome there.

ūüėā #henrysbigadventure

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

 

After Turnover was MewithoutYou and to be honest, I haven’t paid attention to their career in probably 10 years, but I still thought that perhaps Henry would enjoy them.

In a shocking turn of events, he did not.

Sometime during their set, two annoying broads beamed down behind me and you know how once you zero in on a sound, it’s ALL YOU CAN HEAR? Like someone crunching on a bag of chips nearby? Well, this happened to me and one of their voices. She had that god awful vocal fry, you guys. WHAT IS WITH THAT. And a nasally vocal fry at that.

“Like, On Letting Go like totally changed my life,” she fried away in a monotone to her friend, and my shoulders immediately crunched up to my ears. And then I could barely hear MewithoutYou over top of her frying pan of sizzling ear-sounds. And when she said, “Can we squeeze in here?” to the lady next to me along the railing, I looked at Henry and said, “Please, you have to switch places with me when Circa Survive comes on because she’s going to ruin the whole show for me. PLEASE.”

And when Henry wouldn’t do it, I physically moved him myself so that he was now my vocal fry barrier.

According to Henry, she didn’t talk through the whole show, but her friend who was actually the one standing next to him, had really long hair extensions that kept hitting his face and arm and making him itchy, so that’s another thing that he’s been angry about all week, lol.

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Oh man, but then Circa Survive came out and as soon as that angel-faced Anthony Green started singing, the tears fell from my eyes like water balloons. I didn’t bother wiping them away because I knew there would be more, and there were: four entire songs worth of them. But then I was OK!

I love this album too, but unlike Vocal Stir Fry, it didn’t change my life.

That was their first album, Juturna. They did a 10-year anniversary tour for that too, but it didn’t come to Pittsburgh and we couldn’t feasibly travel to any of the other dates, so I’m still kind of bitter about that. That album is everything to me.

Still, it was a beautiful night and as usual, I felt blessed to be in the same room as Anthony Green. He’s a living legend to me. Such a powerful, veteran voice in my scene. I can’t believe I’ve been going to his shows for 12 years now!  This was the biggest one yet (aside from Riot Fest). Usually Circa plays at Mr. Smalls, which is much smaller than Stage AE.

I cried through the first four songs real hardcore-like.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on


When oppa disappeared briefly, I assumed he had just slipped off into the bathroom to cry about his shitty life, but when he came back he had a tour poster in his hand. Oppa really does love me after all! (Or else he just really secretly loves Circa Survive and wanted the poster for himself—both of these options are a stretch.)

It was a good night though. Henry rarely goes to shows with me anymore, and it was nice to not be at one alone for once. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE A DATE. Except that I was mad he didn’t wear a beanie. I like when Henry-oppa wears beanies. 

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Jan 182017
 

Just joshing! This January has been pretty legit, and this past weekend was no pocketful of Zzzzz’s.

I like to recap even the seemingly uneventful weekends because someday maybe I’ll be in a pit of despair and could use some nice memories to scroll through. Or maybe I’m just bored on the trolley and feeling nostalgic for some random January recaps. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

Here are the highlights.

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Henry made me kimbap for lunch on Saturday! I love that he acts all disgruntled whenever I go through lifestyle changes, yet he does nothing to discourage me from riding my latest obsession like a unicorn.

A Korean unicorn.

Anyway, Henry didn’t have all of the things he needed to put inside the kimbap so the things:rice ratio was pretty poor, but it still tasted like Awesome Life Choices.

Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy to be alive! Earlier tonight, I started giggling uncontrollably and Henry, totally alarmed, called out from the kitchen to see what was wrong.

But I was literally just watching Bingbang videos, you guys.

(Henry probably thought I was photoshopping weeners onto his face again.)

Family photo minus Chooch and Penelope, who we just call Penis now I guess.

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Later on Saturday, I had a mini-reunion at Someone Else’s Bar with Lisa and Lawson….and it was also amazing! Granted, I had to cheat on my Korean diet in order to enjoy their company, but it was worth it. It’s hard to believe how much time has passed since we used to hang out nearly every weekend together. I suggested having a viewing party of all of the old home movies I used to make back in high school, but that suggestion was met with a resounding NO from Lawson, which only made me crack up even harder.

When I think of this get-together in the future, it will be all giggles, candy on the table, and ELEVEN DIFFERENT HANDSOAPS TO CHOOSE FROM IN THE WOMENS ROOM, WHAT.

And now I just realized that I forgot to beg Lawson to do his Chewbacca impression, which I used to do a lot in high school and he would always be like, “Ugh why” but then he would do it! Every time!

Lisa and Lawson went to the same elementary school, but I went to a different one, so while they were talking about elementary school things, I was like HELLO REMEMBER ME and maybe the next time we hang out, I’ll be able to say that in Korean. Anyway, they were talking about some dumb teacher they had and Lawson was all, “Did you know he was also the mayor of Finleyville at the same time he was our teacher?” and for some reason, this stuck in my mind as something of value to mention to Henry when I was recapping the reunion (?).

“Mr. K?” Henry asked, and I was all, “OMG DID YOU GO TO THAT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TOO?!” because Henry also grew up in the same town as Lisa and Lawson (I lived one town over, so I went to a different elementary school but then we all merged for middle school).

“No,” he said. “But my mom dated his brother.”

Oh my god, of course there would be a Judy connection!

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Later that night, we walked to Eat n Park for dessert and Chooch squirmed the whole time because his first love Courtney was working. (She was a mentor in his class when he was in 1st grade and she was in like 7th or 8th and they like the same bands; we see her at Warped Tour every year and she was at one of the Emarosa shows we went to, which made Chooch die.) I took this picture of us right around the time he realized she was working, and then later she came over to say hi to him and then liked my picture on Instagram, lol all the way to Busan. On a train.

I would also like to point out that Chooch’s face looks like this often because he thinks everything I do is so ridiculous, and my latest craze is making him angry, I think. For Henry though, anything is better than my former, years-long Jonny Craig obsession.

G-Dragon is way better than Jonny Craig, anyway!!

(G-Dragon is my bias. It used to be Daesung, but then G-Dragon crept right in and stole my stupid American heart. Ugh, why do I have to be a dumb American.)

(Everyone at work was really excited for this update, btw. Hearing Glenn mumble to Todd, “Did you hear the news? Erin has a new bias” was pretty much the funniest thing that has happened all week, which makes it sound like I live a boring life.)

(I haven’t been this swoony over something since I was at the height of my Cure mania, you guys. This is real. Send help. Send it to Korea, which is where I’ll probably be living soon.)

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Leisurely Sunday hangs.

Bro, they know.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

Sunday was all well and good until we dropped Chooch off at piano lessons and I realized that Henry had basically shut down and I got super angry, like why are you being an asshole, Henry?! So I went for a walk around Lawrenceville by myself, which is what I do when I’m pouting — I storm off and pretend like I just want to be alone, when really I’m expecting Henry to chase after me because hello, I’m a girl. I kept looking over my shoulder and didn’t see him, so then I started texting him all kinds of break-up threats, until I realized that he was trailing me, but ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET. So I hurried up and crossed over and started walking back, but he saw me seeing him so he DUCKED SOMEWHERE and then I couldn’t find him and I got mad all over again and somehow ended up in an alley and then I saw him and it was all 1970s sitcom laughter and then we continued walking together, and that’s when he told me that he was prematurely in a bad mood because I had planned on taking pictures of Chooch after his lessons and Henry knows better than anyone how stressful those photoshoots are and how they bring out the worst, vein-pulsing monster in me. So he was being mad and brooding ahead of time. What a fucking weirdo.

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LOL, then it was time to take pictures of Chooch and guess who turned into the worst, vein-pulsing monster? THIS DUMB BITCH. Um, sorry guys. I’m sorry for all the times I screamed at you both for ruining my life and being worthless dicks. But um, we got some great photos, didn’t we?!

Ugh, whatever. Henry is my real life bias.

The rest of the day was wonderful and I don’t think we fought again. Because I got what I wanted, and that’s all that matters!

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Jan 132017
 

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Once on some Friday the 13th long ago, I wore this Jason Voorhees hair fascinator thing to work and got faux-offended when Amber1 said that it was cute. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CREEPY! (It is super cute though — but still!) Anyway, it became tradition to wear it on every Friday the 13th after that, and anytime I would forget, Amber would be let down. Finally, I bought another Jason Voorhees hair clip (this one is a bloody bow) to keep in my desk for those instances when I forgot the good Jason hair clip.

Which happens a lot!

But today I remembered to wear the good one, much to Amber’s delight. This  meant I had a SPARE Jason accessory in my desk, and I somehow conned Todd into wearing it clipped to the drawstring of his hoodie.

Hours later, Amber walked by him and said, “Aw Toddles, you have a Jason bow too!” Todd was like, “The fuck are you talking about?” and then remembered it was clipped to his shirt, just high enough up that it appeared he was wearing a girlish bow tie with Jason Voorhees emblazoned in the middle.

“Aw man, I forgot that was there! No wonder everyone was looking at me weird when I went out to get soup.”

YESSSSS.

That was pretty much the highlight of the work day.

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Came home to a beautiful doenjang jjigae. Henry is secretly enjoying this, I think. He bought a bamboo mat so that he can make me kimbap!

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We were all laying about like Friday night sloths when Haley messaged me to see what we were up to and I was like NOTHING COME OVER and they did! So then it was Kards & Kpop night. We played Exploding Kittens and Chooch legit cried because he was the first one out and this was apparently my fault so I’ll probably wake up to cat poop on my pillow, or worse — one of those asshole YouTubers he loves, screaming into my ear.

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Honestly though, when Chooch lost it was so funny that I nearly peed my pants from laughing. I’ll pay for this sooner or later. If there’s anyone more competitive than me, it’s Chooch.

LOL JUST KIDDING IT’S NO ONE. I WIN AT BEING COMPETITIVE.

Anyway, Blake is now all aboard the Kpop train. Sorry, Haley!

 

 

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Jan 102017
 

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Something I’m currently obsessed with:

Well um, I’m currently obsessed with… MKTO I was listening to like everyone of their songs and its super good go check them out!

Something I did in school recently: 

Well… As embarrassing as it is… I have to embrace the cringe and say that we HAVE to do ballroom dancing and we have to “dance?” with every girl in the class and so do the girls (except with the boys). But thankfully we had to dance a foot away from each other. *PHEW*

Something that is currently annoying me: 

Easy… Mommy!

Something I like listening to: 

As I said for number 1, MKTO!

Something I want to do this weekend: 

Go to Japan or England

(Mom Edit: Lies. He wants to learn the choreography for his favorite Kpop song “TT.”)

Something I would do in Japan:

 Visit Tokyo duh.. Oh you mean do in Tokyo? Oh well explore the anime, Pokemon, and Cat Caf√©, oh yah and probably for mommy, visit Owl Caf√©! I KNOW CRAZY RIGHT!?

Something I would bring to show & tell if I was still in preschool: 

Well I know how schools don’t allow pets, except for my old school, we were allowed to bring our pets one day, but mommy wouldn’t let me bring Marcy because she would kill every kid, and teacher! So I would bring DREW! Screw school policies!

Something I would do if I were a cat: 

Annoy my owner and eat MeowMix. WHAT?!! IM INTERESTED!!

Something I’d like to say about the song “Something” by Kpop sensations Girl’s Day: 

Who’s that?

<https://youtu.be/Gdma5UiMaEQ

Something I’d eat every day if I could: 

Well… French fries maybe? Oh I know! Cat Food*.

Something I would say to our mannequin Trudy if she came to life: 

I’d say “Go back to your normal self, you hobo!”

Something something something: 

Umm what’s wrong is your head ok? You’re repeating the same word three times.


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*(Should I be concerned?)

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Jan 092017
 

Sometimes I like to make sure I have my weekends accounted for in case I’m brought in as a murder suspect sometime down the road and they’re like WHERE WERE YOU ON SUNDAY JANUARY 8th and I can scream back AT EITHER ONE OF TWO ASIAN MARKETS, AHHHH!!

So even though the weekend wasn’t exactly chockful of raves and slaughter, here’s a run-down of my Sat&Sun minutiae, just like the LiveJournal days of “Hey guys, I woke up and had breakfast. Heh. My cat just walked into the room. Lol. Like, everything is so meh. Do you like my new Squee icon?”

Don’t pretend like you don’t remember those days!

ANYWAY. What did I do on Saturday. I woke up at some point obviously and demanded that Henry make me ramyeon for breakfast because did I tell you I’m on a Kpop diet? I LOST THREE POUNDS LAST WEEK. Sure, I’m eating a fuck-ton of noodles but all the kpopx (and also Figurerobics – a new Korean workout I’ve added to my repertoire in addition to straight up freestyling to Kpop videos because this is real life now) is burning through it and I have so much more energy now! DONT TRY TO NUTRITION ME.

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MMM BREAKFAST RAMYEON.

Um, then I Kpopped a lot. I told Chooch that we’re going to have a kpop party, and somewhere from the hollows of upstairs, Henry called out, “No we’re not.”

(Sometimes he accidentally busts out with Red Velvet and EXID songs.)

And then Robbie and Nikki came over and we went to a late lunch at Zenith (without Chooch, so in case he’s the one who’s in trouble – he was at the game place in Brookline with his friend Dang and I have no idea what he was doing — I’m not taking the fall for him!). It was Robbie and Nikki’s first time at Zenith and I was so excited for Nikki to see the bathrooms. Zenith has so much going for it but that owl bathroom is definitely something you’d write home about.

Anyway, Henry thinks he’s like super cool now because this was like his fourth time at Zenith, and he was totally trying to yuk it up and flex his faux-vegan muscles to impress Robbie, who was just like, “Dad, why are you being weird?” I thing Henry name-dropped “seitan” at least 18 times while we were there.

Like, get a life, gramps.

Nikki and I both got the tofishy sandwich and as usual, I am still daydreaming about it two days later. It’s the best, just the absolute best sandwich I have ever had at a vegetarian restaurant and the vegan tartar sauce is like straight from God’s lovegutter.

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Dumbass Henry planned this perfectly so that we would have to rush out in order to pick up Chooch, leaving me NO TIME to look around and buy things. I was heartbroken, and made sure to call him out for this on Instagram. Zenith commented and called him a jerk! YES! Henry just mumbled, “Thanks, Erin.” Whatever Henry. I liked Zenith first.

Later that evening, we went to Target and I tried to deter Henry from buying a shapeless, lame pair of Wranglers.

“Ok DAD!” I sneered as he sauntered off to the fitting room to try on the bland, stiff denim leg-sacks.

“Well, I am a dad,” Henry replied. “And a soon-to-be grandfather, so…”

TOUCHE MOTHERFUCKER.

Of course we left Target without the thing we went to Target for. Fucking Target.

Came home and did more Kpopx while Henry actually cleaned some of the attic for real this time! Ugh, he has so many old computers, computer parts, and milk crates of CD-ROMs just chillin’ up there, obstructing my dreams of a Neon Paradise. However, I did find the paper mache Henry head we made for our Christmas cards several years back, so voila, Trudy suddenly has a new head:

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I put it on briefly and Drew was super freaked out. SORRY, DREW.

Sunday, we went to one of the Asian markets while Chooch was at piano lessons. I am so lucky to be with someone who supports my lifestyle* changes! Is he happy about it? Eh…he’s more tolerant of it than Chooch though. Chooch snapped yesterday and said, “I wish you never got into kpop again!!!” Lol.

*(I’m trying to learn Korean. So far I only know hello/goodbye and boyfriend, which is the same word for older brother? Anyway, I have been saying hello to everyone at work in Korean now and Glenn said that I just sound like I’m saying onion. TT)

As I’m typing this,  Henry is seriously ENGAGED by one of Jellybeannose’s kpop dance challenges, to the point where he just laughed and cried out, “She just kicked Ricky in the back of the leg!” LOL, he’s learning the names of the K-Con regulars. By the way, I told him he could turn this off, and that was a half hour ago!!

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Anyway, we stocked up on Korean kitchen staples, like gochujang and gochugaru, and various fruits for my weekly fruit salad. I think that Henry is secretly into it because he genuinely loves to cook so now he’s being forced to, you know, cook outside the box, or whatever. Spoiler alert: he made tteokbokki for dinner last night and it was everything. Just everything. I AM NEVER HUNGRY ANYMORE.

But then after Chooch’s piano lesson, we had to go back to the other Asian market in order to get the gochugaru which we couldn’t find at the first one and were both too afraid to ask. This particular market also has a counter where you can order food so me and Chooch got three car wheel cakes (custard, taro and red bean) which were amaze. I also bought a bag of soy bean & pumpkin instant cereal to replace my Cream of Wheat, despite Henry’s wise warnings.

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Tteokbokki, you’re a fucking heartthrob.

Chooch had plain ramyeon and yelled at me for being “weird.”

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Yeah. I’m weird.

Um, and then I started to work on a new painting! I haven’t really been painting much lately, aside from several customs that I did for Christmas. Maybe 2017 will be more inspiring for me!

At some point on Sunday, I went for a walk around on Brookline which was a ninny move because it was approximately 10 degrees outside. When I was walking back to the house, Boots was outside on his porch, in fucking SHORTS, A T-SHIRTS, AND SOCKS. We made eye contact and he’s obviously afraid of me now so he started to turn around, but then I just started cracking up. Like, I couldn’t even help it.

So then he looked at me expectantly and I cried, “How are you standing out here in shorts!?”

He laughed nervously, clearly trying to figure out if this was a trap, and then he put a fist in the air and said, “I’m a true Steelers fan!” Like, OK buddy.

I went inside and said, “I just talked to Boots for the second time!”

“Isn’t that the third time?” Chooch asked. “Or are you not counting the time you looked at him and said ‘Ew’?” LOL I forgot about that. But my point is that my new lifestyle just has me in the best mood. I just want to be nice and say annyeong to everyone! Even the haters like Chooch and Glenn.

Maybe I’ll start to learn more of the language once I get a Korean pen pal.

And I’ll leave you with my current favorite Kpop song. I hope KpopX makes a workout for it soon!

P.S. I had one of the soy bean pumpkin packets today at work and legitimately almost threw up, much to the delight of Glenn and Todd. Later in the afternoon, I had a fleeting taste-memory of it and started dry-heaving a little as I walked down the hall to a meeting, which would have been more enjoyable had there been Kpop playing softly in the background. 

(The meeting, not my dry-heaving.)

(Ok my dry-heaving too.)

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Jan 082017
 

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This weekend has been super chill & cat-filled. Enjoy some pictures of said cats. 

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This was right after Chooch lifted the lid of a cooler filled with melted ice and Drew  dove right in with impeccable timing. That’s what you might call a RUDE AWAKENING but what do I know about diving into coolers of melted ice. 

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Then Chooch left the house and Drew became SUPER CONCERNED. Somehow she knows that Chooch is her Person. He’s the only one who can hold her without her squirming and wriggling and taking strips of your skin with her. 

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Ears. 

Monica replied to this picture on Twitter with a gif of Yoda and I couldn’t agree more! Except that Drew is way less wise. See above coole dive tale. 

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Drew sits on that stool everyday like she owns it or something. 

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Henry was supposed to be cleaning out all his garbage (read: possessions) from the attic. I had some pressing Kpop news to tell him probably so I ran upstairs but then didn’t have to go any further because I found him in Chooch’s room, playing Xbox with Penelope. 

Ugh. 

But he did eventually travel to the attic and ended up making a small dent in it. I hate when things aren’t immediately finished! But I’ll be patient and then someday by Neon Paradise will be complete. 

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Jan 062017
 

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I know you’ve been chomping at the bit for an update on my lunatic neighbors, so here is a handy run-down of December happenings. I am literally That Nosy Housewife who stands with a glass to the wall in order to hear the conversations better.

  • They have a tv now. A box tv with a bunch of VHS tapes stacked on top. I can see it clearly when I’m across the street getting out of the car and YES I’M PURPOSELY LOOKING.
  • Henry said Larry stopped him on the sidewalk and very earnestly said, “Please don’t associate me with [Boots]. I’m trying to get rid of him, too.” Chooch’s Nemesis Larry….our ally?! I never would have thought….
  • 12/14: Boots & Phyllis have a HUGE FIGHT at 1am which causes me to lose my shit and I start screaming too, and Henry mumbles from beneath his pillow for me to stop and not stoop to their level and I’m all “I’LL SHOW YOU STOOPING!!” as I proceed to stampede up and down the steps and then slam the front door so hard that one of my framed Warped Tour pictures falls off the wall. HEY, IT GETS THEIR ATTENTION and there’s not one more peep for the rest of the night. And I know this because I’m so fucking wired at this point that I just lay in bed and shake.
  • 12/16: Friday night – another GET AWAY FROM ME fight. Phyllis is all,¬†“I’m not leaving in the middle of the night!” And I’m all, “I wish you would, you dumb bitch!” God, SOMETIMES I THINK I’M ON BOOTS’ SIDE.
  • 12/17: Saturday early evening. I’m sitting here trying to watch a vlog of my favorite American Kpop dancer (jellybeannose, le duh) in Korea for¬†a 2013 Kpop convention, when suddenly: EXPLOSION NEXT DOOR. I grab my¬†glass and run up to my room to get a better listen-hear.¬†¬†“You make $300 a month, how are you even paying rent GEORGE? You’re GOOD FOR NOTHIN’. I’d be embarrassed if I was fucking you! Idiot! You’re a fucking IDIOT! You don’t HAVE any friends! They all talk behind your back!” I have literally never herd someone say “good for nothin'” in real life. ¬†Then¬†Boots left. Then he came back. Then SHE left, limping down the street with a blanket, like it was her bindle or something. Boots left a few minutes later and limped a different direction. He came back later but Phyllis never did thank god.
  • 12/19: I was off work this day and suddenly, over top of my TV, I heard, “WOOO! WOOO!”¬†Turns out, Boots was on the phone with someone, and he signed off with a slurred,¬†“Ok I love you talk to you later” –¬†who was he talking to?! Phyllis? His mom? His dealer? More importantly,¬†how the fuck can I hear him ON THE PHONE OVER MY TV when he’s on an entirely different floor in his house?!
    • Later, I heard HOT NAYBOR CHRIS THE JUDAS OFFERING BOOTS ANOTHER TV?! They were outside in the driveway and I kept gasping, “Chris, no!” And Boots was all slurring around the cigarette holes in his throat, “YEAH YEAH I WANT THAT” and then Chris suggested that they go ask LARRY for his dolly and I’m thinking, “We’re trying to get this guy to leave and Chris is trying to make his house more of a home, ugh!”
    • Then after that, the Crazy lady who lives in the big white house up the street stopped¬†on the sidewalk and was talking¬†to Boots about the inside of the house, and then they had a weird¬†argument over the driveway because she didn’t believe that it’s shared between the two house. I was walking home later from the bakery and saw her later pausing in front of our house, scoping out our driveway. SO MANY WEIRDOS IN BROOKLINE.
  • MICHAEL: I began noticing a second derelict accompanying Boots on the porch and turns out his name is Michael and I know this because Boots got locked out for the 8973407290720850834265 time since moving in and started screaming MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL I’M LOCKED OUT and then I heard Michael’s dopey clodhopper footsteps bumbling down the steps and over to the door, at which point Boots had to holler instructions on how to unlock the door so god only knows what sort of jerry-rigged security set-up he’s got going on over there.
  • Without Phyllis, it’s pretty quiet for the rest of the week. Michael doesn’t do much. We did make eye contact once and it was scary though.
  • 12/23: JUDY MADE CONTACT. She was here babysitting Chooch and said that¬†Boots came a’calling during the day, asking if she¬†found a phone in the mailbox because his friend was supposed to have had dropped off a phone to him but thought¬†he might have¬†put it in ours instead. WHAT THE HELL,¬†IS IT A BURNER PHONE?! Judy started¬†white-knighting him and I didn’t like that, not one bit. She said he was “very polite” and Chooch said, “He’s lucky¬†YOU weren’t the one who opened the door”¬†which made Henry laugh without mirth because everyone knows I don’t answer the¬†door when¬†strangers knock. Then Judy got all dreamy-eyed and said,¬†“He looks familiar. Maybe I used to drink with him. Yeah, down at the Soithern Star.” Henry groaned,¬†“Oh god please don’t know him.”
    • Later that night, PHYLLIS RETURNS but Boots isn’t home! I spend a good deal of time in my bedroom, plastered against the wall with my hearing-glass. Some other man is with her and I assume it was her ride there. It sounds like she is getting some of her shit together, and she’s spitting all kinds of hate-speech about Boots (or as she calls him, “George”). The guy with her says something about Boots leaving earlier with his brother, so I think Michael is his brother?!
      • Also, Phyllis keeps saying, “Come here, pretty girl!” and I’m wondering if this is some hostage Boots keeps chained up under the bed, but then I deduce it’s a pet of some sort.¬† A few days later, I see a white and gray cat sitting on the bedroom windowsill. That poor cat. :(
  • 12/25: Christmas morning, a pick-up that looks like it drove off the set of Beverly Hillbillies drops off some real fucking vagabonds. One is a young …. woman and she’s very Hills Have Eyes. A few days later, I saw her outside in an awkward embrace with Michael. Anyway, later that night there are a ton of violent outbursts and then I realize that they’re having¬†what I assume is some type of inbred Steelers party, I don’t know. At some point the next day, the pick-up truck limps its way back to Pioneer Ave and scoops up Hills Have Eyes.
  • 12/31: THE CONFRONTATION. For as much as I sincerely hate Boots, I have to say he’s fairly harmless and quiet (well, he still gets carried away with the door-slamming here and there). But then, Phyllis comes back. So it’s New Years Eve, and again — we’re just hanging out, watching hockey (not Korean hockey, just NHL) when the volatile shouting happens. “YOU’RE A FUCKING CUNT!” Boots shouted, so then I screamed into the wall, “NO YOU’RE A FUCKING CUNT!!!” and Chooch ripped off his headphones and got an excited “Oooh Mommy’s about to put on a show!” look on his face. Meanwhile, Henry was groaning, “Erin, STOP!” and I just lost it, screaming my face off about how trashy these assholes are and how I was ready to fight them. I heard the door slam, so I ran to my front door and stood there with my arms crossed. Boots was walking up the sidewalk, and as he got in front of my house, he looked up at my porch and I held onto the eye contact as angrily as I could. He stopped and I swear he first called me a broad, and then mouthed off about me having a problem. So I stepped out onto the porch and said, “Yeah, I have a problem with you!” He incredulously repeated, “With me?!” And, here is where I wish I could rewind time and say something better, I yelled, “YEAH, YOU AND YOUR YAPPING!” So then he started WALKING DOWN MY SIDEWALK TOWARD ME and I’m thinking, “Oh fucking finally, we’re going to fight! I’m so glad¬† I had that glass of wine first!” But you guys, instead of being the fucking macho man he is when he’s verbally terrorizing Phyllis, he instead got SUPER POLITE and began kissing my ass. “Look, I got a big problem with this woman over there. She’s homeless and I took her in and now I just want her to leave, but she won’t. She’s causing me all kinds of problems!” I’m still being stern at this point, still have my arms crossed angrily, and it occurs to me that I’ve been subconsciously channeling my inner Aunt Sharon, who was NOTORIOUS for confronting people. But at the same time, I now feel myself getting pulled into his dramarama and I’m like, “Well, she’s certainly making you look bad*, so you should just make her leave if she doesn’t live there.” *(Like he needs help in that area.) Then he goes on to tell me about the people coming in and out, taking advantage of him and honestly I have no idea what it is he has to offer unless this really is a drug situation happening (there are two people who roll up frequently, go in his house for a minute, and then leave…like, come on). Also, I can’t believe how excruciatingly difficult it is to understand him. He literally talks like a grouping of dicks is going to cascade from him mouth at any second—what the hell does he have stuffed in there?! His voice, oh my god, you guys. Meanwhile, he was standing bow-legged and all slinky, flapping his arms and swaying back and forth, and I’m not even sure if he was actually drunk or high, or if this is just his standard stance. He is so beyond white trash. Then he went on to explain how he “remodeled” all of the properties on our block (false — he just worked for the contracting company! He made it sound like he did it all himself) and that he “pays his rent” and I’m like, “Well that’s great but you’re disruptive, and I’ve lived here a long ass time without having problems with any of my neighbors” (also false but he is legit the worst). We ended with him swearing to do better and then I just turned around and went inside while he was wishing me a happy new year. I DON’T WANT HIS GROSS WELL-WISHES!!
    • When I turned to come back inside, Chooch nearly fell out of the doorway. He was laughing so hard and Henry was just like “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?” and you know what, yeah motherfucker, I was happy. Man, it felt great to finally face-off with that dickhead, you know? And on my turf, too. I don’t ever want to knock on that door because god only knows what will open it. So I was happy that this happened outside with cars driving by.
    • “How could you even understand him!? He did so much gesturing!” Chooch cried, still doubled-over with laughter.
    • “I’m pretty sure he asked you where your dad is,” Henry said, frowning. OMG DOES HE THINK HENRY IS MY DAD?! It just gets better and better.
  • There hasn’t been anything major to report since then. I haven’t heard Phyllis’s nerve-racking voice so I’m trying to just pretend that she found greener pastures and isn’t chopped up and stuffed in a suitcase somewhere.

As I type this, there’s some moderate commotion next door, but my hearing-glass has helped me determine that it’s not of the violent variety. It’s the weekend and I guess some of the friends that Boots doesn’t have according to Phyllis are visiting him from the halfway house, where they will later return and talk about him behind his back.

ALTHOUGH IF HE SLAMS THAT FUCKING DOOR ONE MORE TIME….

I wonder what Boots’ spy-log for me would look like?

  • The broad is doing Korean aerobics again
  • The broad is listening to Korean music again
  • They’re all yelling at the cats
  • The broad is yelling at the hockey game
  • The broad is dragging another wheelchair into the house — WHO IN THERE IS PARALYZED?!
  • The broad and the kid are beating up their dad again

But you know, the spelling would be worse than my usual abomination of the written word.

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Jan 012017
 

Happy Freakin’ New Year, guys! We greeted the new year with mild excitement and little effort, lots of Kpop and some neighborly confrontations. Henry and Chooch made strange-tasting sugar cookies & I drank wine. Basically just a regular night up here in the Appledale shanty. 

2016 was the worst year I have personally experienced in 20 years. I get it – let’s not blame a random calendar year, etc. But there’s no denying that this past year was heavy with a glaze of depression, oppression, and great loss all around for everyone, universally. I experienced personal loss myself and the best way I can explain it is that it was like having my childhood resurrected only to watch it get stabbed to death right before my eyes. Most of the year was a living nightmare, no hyperbole intended. 

I learned a lot about myself (for instance, I haven’t healed from past traumas like I thought I had, just built a wall around my heart stronger than any dumb wall Trump has in mind), cried a lot (I am extremely emo though), but I also got to spend time with a lot of awesome people, and that’s my takeaway: no matter how shitty everything may be, friends will always make it seem OK. (I guess also I couldn’t have gotten through it all without dumb Henry and Chooch, too.)


I went to even more shows alone this past year and have discovered that I actually like it! Being alone is ok sometimes, especially if it means not forfeiting doing something you want to do just because you don’t have anyone to do it with you. It’s helped the “old Erin” resurface a bit more, and I remembered how much I kind of liked her, even though she made bad decisions and was SUPER OBNOXIOUS and TEMPERAMENTAL, lol. A cameo here and there is OK. 

So for 2017, I want to take all the good from 2016 and multiply it by a million. I want to:

  • hang out more with my friends / being more diligent in solidifying plans so they don’t fall thru – socializing takes effort!
  • make new friends (BUT KEEP THE OLD ONES, ONE IS SILVER AND THE OTHER GOLD – Girl Scouts throwback, y’all.)
  • go to even more shows (and I went to A LOT in 2016–I think it may have been a record for me!)
  • travel more (literally every trip we took last year involved traveling for a concert or festival, with the exception of Disney, so I want to go places with the sole intent of being a tourist)
  • finally redo the third floor so that my out-of-town friends can stay here when they visit! (AND ALSO BANDS CAN CRASH HERE)
  • spend time with the THREE NEW GRANDKIDS that Henry is expecting! (I guess it makes me a fauxma?)
  • actually start researching what I need to do realize my dream and not work in an office for the rest of my life
  • do more kpopx!
  • take more pictures with my broken camera and get back into film photography too because I miss that shit
  • be more outspoken about social issues because just because 2016 is over, doesn’t mean the nightmare is going to just go away.
  • Learn to cook (LOL EW JK)
  • continue being ridiculous with Chooch, i.e. driving Henry mad. 


(Some of my favorite shows from last year: Dance Gavin Dance, Anthony Green, any of the four times I saw Citizen/Mat Kerekes, The Cure, Ke$ha, RIOT FEST.)

And the Carly Rae Jepsen show!!


So that’s that. Let’s all stay positive and be better, because flipping a page in a calendar isn’t going to automatically make things better. Write that shit on your hand if you need a reminder. 

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Dec 302016
 

Tonight, Austin Carlile officially announced his decision to leave Of Mice & Men because of his health. While I’m glad his priority is his physical well-being, I am for sure going to miss the way his screams made me feel at so many Warped Tours. 

I took these pictures of him in 2011. Hopefully someday he will be able to return to music, but he will always have a place in my heart regardless. 



Austin has spent so many years healing his fans. Now it’s time for him to focus on healing himself. <3

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Dec 292016
 

Spotify was nice enough to compile my most played songs of the year. Most of this is like “Oh hello, Mr.Shocking. Welcome to the House of Predictability.”

Anyway, maybe this here’s something you can listen to while cleaning the litter box or burying that body in the woods. Hopefully you’ve got good service. 

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Dec 292016
 

The "let's go" shadow dance.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on

Oh wow, more merry merry holiday recaps, thank god. 

I can’t even believe I’m about to say this about my own kid, but wow is he so unlike me sometimes! There was only one thing he wanted for Christmas, and had been telling us since at least the beginning of summer. I remember thinking, “A Nintendo 3DS? Wow, aren’t those like, yesterday’s news?” I’m too busy immersed in my own interests and obsessions to keep up with the world of gaming, but evidently, every single Nintendo gaming system was in high demand this season, even the 3DS XL.

Of course, we didn’t know this until three days before Xmas (THREE DAYS BEFORE – we’re getting less and less last minute each year, you guys!) when some asshole at GameStop laughed at us like we just asked to see the motherfucking basement of the goddamn Alamo.

So I decided, on Christmas Eve, that I was going to gently break the news to Chooch so that he wouldn’t be super disappointed on actual Christmas. And by gently, I mean that I s-l-o-w-l-y ripped off that Pokemon Band-Aid while saying things like, “OK promise you won’t get mad” and “Please don’t hate me, but….” until finally I think he figured out where my hemming and hawing was leading (even though I tried to throw the “you’re adopted” curveball at him) and you know what? HE DID NOT THROW A FIT.

How is that my kid?

HOW HAS HE BEEN WATCHING ME THROW TEMPER TANTRUMS FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS AND NOT ONCE FELT THE NEED TO EMULATE ME?

Because if that was 10-year-old Erin and my mom was all, “Sorry, but the Brony phenomenon started 20 years early and there’s not one My Little Pony to be had, I checked EVERY LAST KAY-BEE” I would have slammed ten thousand doors and broken every glass object that dared to stand in front of my testosterone surge.

But Chooch was all, “It’s OK, I understand” and proceeded to be completely happy with the other non-coveted items we bought him.

Like, wow.

Whose kid is he!?

Oh right, Henry is a parent, also.

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Christmas morning was really good, you guys. It was peaceful. We didn’t fight (not until later at the cemetery but we always fight at the cemetery because using my broken camera makes me lose my temper), just hung out and listened to all of my favorite bands while Chooch had about 19 different toys in action all at once.

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Henry is like, so thoughtful.

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We could have probably just got him a handful of Pokemon cards and he would have been content.

And scratch offs. The kid loves himself some lottery.

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Butt-crack scratch offs.

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Papa Bae* got me another beautiful piece of The Cure art to add to the collection! THANKS BAE.

*(Never gets old. To you, it probably does. And definitely to Henry.)

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Obligatory Christmas family photo, in between me yelling at them and them rolling their eyes.

Henry brought a ziplock bag of black olives, which made me scream in horror.

“Um, I thought you love black olives?” he sighed.

“I do! But not in this context!” I screamed.

“In this context? You mean, in a plastic bag?”

YES THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN, ASSHOLE.

Speaking of black olives! We had our team Christmas lunch last week at Villa Reale. I sat next to Amber1 and THANK GOD I DID, because she ordered a side salad and then proceeded to pick out all of the olives.

I cried, “If you don’t want your olives, I’ll take them!” and so she made a little pile of olives for me, which I later smashed into my slice of cheese pizza. Black olives is basically the only pizza topping I care about.

Glenn and Todd were sitting across from me and seemed disgusted by my olive actions, but I didn’t care. My pizza tasted so much more familiar after that.

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Actually, here is a picture of that time it took three people to pull apart a piece of garlic bread, with my olives waiting patiently for their hot, greasy bed to splay across like Miss(es) December(s).

Ugh, erotic olives get me every time!

But yeah…olives from a plastic bag? That’s not hot.

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Came home after our “picnic” and spent the rest of the day relaxing, watching Netflix things, not giving a shit about the Steelers, and spying on the neighbors. 

Oh, and lots of KpopX workouts!

Well, that was my Xmas 2016. It was kind of perfect, not gon’ lie.  Most days, I feel like your basic Schleprock, but on this particular Christmas, I felt pretty lucky. DON’T TELL HENRY I SAID THAT, EW.

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Dec 252016
 

Chooch was really stoked to get this book from Octavia, and as he excitedly flipped through the pages, he said he couldn’t wait to read it. 

“It’s pretty scary I guess, because Octavia asked me if it was OK to get it for you,” I said.

“Oh like you give an eff if anyone in this house has nightmares,” Chooch scoffed, a montage of Doll and Man in the Attic likely flip-booking through his mind. Welcome to Erin’s Brookline Shanty of Horrors! “Unless you’re the one having the nightmare, then we all have to care.”

Henry started choking on whatever dumb breakfast thing he’s savagely eating, because I guess he agrees with this. WHATEVER. 

(But I mean, I do have really amazing nightmares.)

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Dec 232016
 

Last weekend was one of those weekends where absolutely nothing was planned and nothing spectacular happened, but it was still so satisfying in a low-key, housebound way. IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE. I feel like for no reason whatsoever, Chooch and I were extremely batshit bonkers, more than usual, even though he was sick….so OK maybe it was mostly me being a giddy noisemaker.

One thing’s for sure though: I took a lot of pictures. WANNA SEE THEM, HERE THEY GO.

Penelope, imitating Robert Smith.

There’s this American Kpop dancer that I LOVE (jellybeannose) and I was making Henry watch her YouTube channel. We watched a lot of her “random facts about me” videos and then on Saturday we watched her FOUR PART VLOG from when she went to KOREA in 2013 for a Kpop competition!! But then BOOTS AND PHYLLIS kept interrupting that with their explosive fighting (an update on them is forthcoming). 

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Chooch had an ear infection and spent most of his weekend making rainbow loom bracelets (lame). When I took this picture, he we freestyling a song about how he was dying of an ear ache and all his mom cared about was getting drunk on a Saturday night. Hey, I wasn’t sick so I could do what I wanted. 

Earlier that day, he insisted on watching the Polar Express and I only half-watched but hated it. The animation made me uncomfortable! (He rolled his eyes at me for that.) Also, he was mad because I asked him when someone was going to die. 

Me: WHY ARE THEY SO CREEPY?

Chooch: Well, they’re elves, so….

You know what else makes me uncomfortable? The Merci chocolate commercial where they sing that ZZ Top “Thank You” song. 

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More rainbow looming, under the watchful eye of Mr. Tom Selleck 

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On Sunday, Chooch had piano lessons and we both gave Cheryl a present – I gave her a mixtape painting and he gave her — SURPRISE — a rainbow loom bracelet. And then we competed to see whose present she liked best but she wouldn’t tell us. 

“Yeah, well, she can’t WEAR yours,” Chooch said. 

“I mean, I could probably wear it around my neck….but that would be weird,” Cheryl said. 

She is honestly the best and I hope she never quits teaching him piano. But if she does, I hope we can become friends IRL (as opposed to just inside my head). 

Came home and had a HUGE fight (ok not really) with Henry, a/k/a Worst Boyfriend Ever, because he said he wouldn’t rise from the dead to avenge my death if we were both murdered. NO WE WEREN’T WATCHING THE CROW, WHAT. 

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Henry took this picture of Chooch & me, conspiring against him and I love it because this image captures our devious relationship so perfectly. WE ARE MENACES. 

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Meanwhile, Henry baked some bomb coconut cream pie. Our little Martha Stewart, rewarding our shitty behavior with dessert. 

We show our affection by fluffing Henry’s beard and he hates it. 

To cap off the weekend, I made henry drive us around so I could judge people’s Christmas lights. I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT LIGHT DISPLAYS. 

“Did you just call that house a monstrosity?” Chooch asked from the backseat. DAMN RIGHT I DID. Don’t mix big bulbs with small bulbs and I won’t criticize your gross judgment, sloppy homeowner. 

I get real heated about this. 

I know, you probably have me pegged as the type who gets a thrill out of those houses buried under eight tons of bulbs with every square inch of their yard occupied by blow-up Santas and plastic snowmen and you know what? GUILTY! But I also really love houses that do nothing more than line their frame with those old-school big bulbs, the kinds that were prominent in the 70s and 80s I guess. 

And I love the minimalists, with candles in the windows, bows on the doors, and a subtle spotlight illuminating the house. 

It’s easy to judge when your house has zero decoration on the outside, haha. 

We listened to Joyce Manor the whole time and that was just so divine. 

Not an outrageous weekend full of social engagements and milestones, but it still felt pretty perfect. <3

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Dec 232016
 

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Christmas card inspiration didn’t strike me until Monday so I wasn’t able to get many of these in the mail (LOL, in a world where many = 1). 

Of course Henry has to be wearing a Faygo shirt, but then Chooch insisted on having me wear a Citizen shirt since that’s the last band I went to see a few weeks ago. That’s FINE, I love Citizen, but I probably would’ve chosen The Cure of Dance Gavin Dance if he had consulted me. 

Anyway, happy holidays, etc! We’re nowhere near ready as usual. 

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Dec 222016
 

I was supposed to be helping Henry shop tonight but if you know me even at all you know that I hate shopping, especially Christmas shopping (twist ties and Skittles and something else from my junk drawer for everyone!) so then Henry and I had a fight because I WAS SO OVER STORES AND CASHIERS AND NO ONE HAVING WHAT WE NEEDED BECAUSE HENRY INSISTS ON WAITING UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE.

(Although, three days before Xmas is like super good for us.)

So now I’m home alone (Chooch is at Judy’s) while Henry went back out to deal with this shit. Fuck presents.

Since I’m in a sour mood, I decided to engage is a real tough mental exercise by listing THREE GOOD THINGS from today.

  1. Obviously #1 was when I was forced Chooch to get his picture taken with Santa after work. This was before the shopping, back when Henry and I were still on the same side, and I hadn’t yet missed my 7PM mandatory coffee fill-up. We went to Meder’s, which is where we usually go for Santa picture-happenings, if we even go at all. Because, lazy parents. It wasn’t crowded at all, but we still had to stand in a short line for about 10 minutes, which gave Chooch a chance to reflect upon his poor decisions. “I don’t know why I agreed to this. And this sweater is too small. And how the hell is that reindeer supposed to carry an entire sleigh?” he grumbled, pointed to a stuffed reindeer in a North Pole vignette. And then Santa waved to him while we were in line! SANTA REMEMBERED HIM.¬†Soon it was his turn and, after hissing, “I’m way too old for this” to me, he got nice and cozy with Santa and gleefully said, “NINTENDO 3DS* AND LEGOS” when Santa asked him what he wanted. I told him to go against the grain and ask for world peace, but don’t listen to me,¬†I’m just a basic¬†social justice warrior, a/k/a liberal whiner. “That was so creepy,” he said afterward in the car. “Santa had his legs spread open too far and it made me nervous.”

*(LOL, good luck. Fuck you, Nintendo.)

2. I am OBSESSED with this Joyce Manor song and have been pining for them ever since I saw them last month, please come back to me Joyce Manor (this whole album is on my list Best of 2016 list, it’s so goddamn great). Henry particularly loves it when I put this on in the car and perform fancy hand-dances in his face while he’s driving. “THIS IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN TEXTING WHILE DRIVING, ERIN” he yells and that’s probably true but I JUST CAN’T STOP MYSELF:

3. This is really tough to come up with three. Today didn’t SUCK, but it wasn’t wonderfully exceptional, either. Um, I bought a ticket to see Pianos Become the Teeth next month?! Amer2 brought in cookies that she made with her dad and they were good?! And I got to spend all day trying to convince people that I made them because she set them out near my desk? But no one believed me? OH HERE’S A THING: I renamed Glenn “The Office Voldemort” and he actually seemed kind of upset about it, like after all of these years, and all these photoshops, I finally went too far. Lori seemed on board though.

Oh well, I think I failed this exercise. Henry Claus should be home soon and I bet he’s PISSED, lol. OH WELLz0rz! I’ll just turn up the Joyce Manor.

 

 

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