Labor Day Weekend Bullets

More like Lazy Day Weekend. I don’t know what is wrong with me, other than the hectic pace of summer has finally caught up with me, but I was very sloth-like all weekend. I left the house several times on Saturday and Sunday, but by Monday, I actually felt woozy & light-headed, so I basically slugged around all day and yelled at Henry and Chooch because when I feel this way I get ANGRY. I hate sitting around the house. 

• Saturday, we drove out to South Park to claim a pavilion for the pie party. The one I likebestwas booked already (probably for something dumb too, like some idiot’s 75th birthday party or a PAINT N’ SIP) so we got our trusty stand-by and I’m ok with it because it has a fire pit so maybe we could add mountain pies to the menu?
  • Meanwhile, some creep came in with a giant bag of prescription pills—some bottled, some free-floating around the bag—that he was trying todonate. Chooch and I were like, “The fuck…?” The county clerklady was coming close to arguing with the man, who kept insisting that he heard on the radio that they were accepting donations that day, and she was like, “Well I don’t know what radio station you’re listening to, but…” and then he slipped in a pertinent piece of info about the police department and she was like, “Well, then you need to take these to the police station next door. This is not the police station…?” It was a shit show. When we got back in the car, Chooch and I had a zillion questions about this and Henry had to explain to us that you apparently aren’t supposed to throw out prescription pills?! DID YOU KNOW THAT?! He was droning on and about various scenarios that could arise if you put out your no longer neededVicodin with the weekly trash but I was back to playing my Solitaire game on my phone and Chooch was like, “Mommy, turn up the radio. I can’t hear it over whatever dumb stuff daddy is talking about.””That man’s wife probably died and those were all her pills,” Henry continued even though we were pretty clear that NO1CURR.

• Made Henry buy me a protein bar at some rural-ghetto gas station because I felt like I was going to pass out for no reason.
• Stopped to visit our friend Ricky at Castle Blood. “Mommy wants her present,” Chooch said to Ricky immediately after the hellos were out of the way. I was so mad! I told him not to say that. But it was true, all week I was like, “I WONDER WHAT MY PRESENT IS. IT’S PROBABLY NOT A WHEELCHAIR BECAUSE HE DIDN’T MENTION COMING OUT WITH A TRUCK.” Ricky bought an abandoned funeral parlor in Monessen to turn into the new, forever home for Castle Blood. So he was exploring the attic a few weeks ago and unearthed this beautiful piece of funerary decor, which he and Chris lovingly named Cadillac Jesus, and both agreed that it had my name written all over it:
  
  • Boy, were they ever right! The red lights still work! Ricky said that he thinksitwas used as a decorationforwhenever wakes were held in a person’s house. The carrying case it came in is old as fuck. When Ricky opened ittoreveal Cadillac Jesus, I cried, “Oh my god,it’s beautiful! I hope it’s haunted!”  He also gave me this large crucifix that was also in the attic, because theycan’tutilize religious items in the haunt lest someone gets offended. The crucifix also comes in a carrying case, and it’s lined with a newspaper from…1937 I believe? I’ll havetodouble check when I’m at home. That was just as cool as the crucifix and Cadillac Jesus!
    • I bet Henry was thrilled to have more things to bring into our house that he has little to no interest in! Thanks, Ricky!
• Henry dropped me off to visit Wendy on the waytoChooch’s piano lesson. It was so great to see her and the baby! Motherhood looks good on her :) Also, I managed to mostly not get in the way, and even brought a box of pastries that I made Henry buy earlier that morning.
  • Meanwhile, back at piano lessons, Chooch got a 100% on all 6 songs he’s been working on. I love it when his teacher Cheryl writes “DEFEATED!” next to them, because that’s what Chooch says when he “beats” a song. I guess she realized that speaking to him in video game terms would hold his attention!

• After our first Spirit Halloween stop of the season (we’re late, I know!), we went to Al’s Cone Zone in my old turf (where I was living when I bought The Jacket!) only because I saw on Yelp that in addition to the standard sprinkles and rainbow crunch, they had Mexican fried ice cream topping! Usually I have to stare at and analyze ice cream shop menus in excruciating indecision, but this time I marched my ass right up to the window and ordered a vanilla cone with that Mexican dust on it. It was amaze. I can’t believe all ice cream shops don’t offer this!

  

• Double-fisting.

• Bought more succulents before going home and then spent the rest of Sunday re-potting some of my plants and being super affectionate with them which always wigs Henry out. The obsession has not waned, you guys. I was going to buy some moreonEtsy, but Henry was like, “Good lord, can you please wait until next week so that we have enough money to eat at Riot Fest this weekend?” Good call, Henry.
  • Below, please meet Johnny Maplebitch, and also gaze admiringly at Suzy Banyon’s new abode. LOVE HER.

• Monday morning, I almost passed out while exercising, so I did fuck all the rest of the day, aside from writing on my blog, petting my plants, yelling at Henry, and watching three movies, ugh. What a wasted day. Did not step outside once. It’s hard being naturally antsy but then having zero energy to get into anything!

A List of All the Idiot Movies I Watched From Friday-Monday Because of Being Ill:

1. Vampire Academy — Henry was so into this one that he irritably shushed Chooch for having the nerve to come into the living room and try to speak.
2. Summer of Blood — part of it, anyway. This movie was too terrible to finish and I hated the main character.
3. Zero Dark Thirty — kept putting this one off but finally sucked it up and watched. So fucking scary and sad.
4. Happy House — I loved this but Henry was like “Ok…”
5. Hausu — Asian horror + a 1970s porn-esque soundtrack = happy Erin.
6. Here Comes the Devil – creepy as fuck Spanish horror. I started watching this alone in broad daylight and was still scared. (No, I wasn’t lounging on my Devil rug, but now I wish I had been.)
7. Dark Skies — kept putting this one off too because I’m not a fan of alien movies, but for Keri Russell, I’ll watch almost anything. It was better than I anticipated, but my expectations were pretty low to begin with.
8. Night Breed — because why not end a listless weekend with a ridiculous Clive Barker movie. Boone is #lifegoals for Henry. Chooch kept looking over his shoulder from the computer and asking, “WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING!?”

Yeah, I’m either anemic or really fucking depressed. I am never able to sit still long enough to watch more than one movie a week! Really though, I think it was good that I slowed down and gave myself a dumb break. Even maniacs need to lay down from time to time, I guess.