Sep 032009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 01:31 – My saucy bedmates. #
  • 12:00 rainy days are good for SHOPPING: Striped Stockings pendant XnC #
  • 17:06 This is the first time I stopped doing shit long enough to tweet all day. So, to make up for that: Murder, sex, fuck, blood, hobo. #
  • 18:21 Took a break from painting to rage out to Set Your Goals, forgot about my toe, promptly sat back down. #
  • 19:06 Just bid on the ugliest/coolest pair of 1950s swim goggles and I better fucking win. #
  • 19:29 #rememberwhen I was bunking at Uncle Monty’s & died from Yellow Fever after he fed us rat stew made from standing water? #
  • 21:23 I’m making my house “girls only,” for the really. # 21:56 Hay look @ the dumb! tweets taste like baby wipes: Earth-shattering updates throughout the d.. #
  • 23:11 Everyone is talking like they’ve been fucked by the Downs dildo today & it’s infuriating. #showmetomypaddedcell #
  • 23:38 Look, it’s OK that you crunch on popcorn kernels in my ear, but just know that I’m electrocuting your anus tonight while you’re asleep. #
  • **
  • 11:44 Yes Henry, all vegetarians enjoy scrubbing gelatinized fat-suspended meat scraps off c ookware, thanks for the opportunity. #
  • 13:17 Fuck, the flea market is flooded with extra-glamorous tattoos today. Kat Von D would feel inferior. #
  • 13:19 Tried to get Alisha to ask an Oak Ridge Boys fan to give her a mustard squirt. #
  • 15:03 Alisha & I are about to go to the movies together for the 1ST TIME EVER. But 1st, I’m making her order for me at Starbucks because I’m 3. #
  • 18:31 The worst part about the Harry Potter movies is watching everyone eat such visually delicious desserts, those fuckos. #
  • 19:14 I like how they make the token black member of Fresh Beat Band wear an orange jumpsuit. Racism is rampant even on Noggin. #
  • **
  • 10:03 My Missing Stockings pendant is up for grabs on this here blog giveaway, along with a fine array of other wares: #
  • 14:33 I think this is the first time I’ve been able to say I’m looking forward to November and actually mean it. #
  • 18:31 Good evening! I just turned myself into a human calliope and played the Max and Ruby theme for my cat Don. #
  • 19:30 Had sex with a stranger on the bank of the Rhine. Post-ejac, he told me he’s a Nazi. It was grand. Well, the bratwurst was, anyway. #
  • 19:48 Henry is jealous that his macaroni doesn’t come off the stove with the velvety texture of paste like mine does. #
  • 19:50 I just announced that I’m making a pie from scratch this week. My news was met with crickets. CRICKETS OF DELIGHT. #
  • 22:16 Hay look @ the dumb! Westmoreland County Fair, alright? PART ONE: Before I regale you with .. #
  • 23:34 In explaining to Henry the dynamics of Chuck & Blair on Gossip Girl, I started crying. Teen shows do that to me. Oh, young love. #
  • **
  • 00:05 Hey @awoodhick, think we’ll ever celebrate an anniversary (other than the anniversary of your murder by my hand)? #
  • 12:14 30 years old & filling a Pez dispenser is still like doing Calculus without a calculator. All so my child can devour it all in 15 seconds. #
  • 13:27 Finally cashed in my Draven gift certificate from @daboogmang & @bed_in_revolt for these bad bitches: THANKS GUYZ! #
  • 13:37 At least I’m not Paige Mikalchuk. #
  • 16:43 @saucalisha Oh come on! I know that of all the Miss Piggy dopplegangers, she’s your FAVE. #
  • 19:16 Alisha Crocker’s bakin’ me some muffins, bitch. #
  • 19:20 Just discovered a huge tin in Alisha’s fridge full of a dizzying array of chocolate. And she said it was boring here. #
  • 19:35 @awoodhick to use as a gag? You got it, bay-bay. #
  • **
  • 15:42 My headache is in complete control of what I do and don’t do today. Something tells me tonight’s rave might be out of the question. #
  • 16:59 To increase the culinary difficulty level, chooch and i were smacking around a balloon in the kitchen while Henry cooked dinner. #
  • 17:23 ALERT THE PRESS: Henry is watching a movie with subtitles, of his own volition. #
  • 22:16 Hay look @ the dumb! Westmoreland County Fair, Alright? PART 2: It was basically a reunion .. #
  • 23:42 I’m so excited to have Kristen Cavalleri back on my TV. I wish I could say I was joking. #

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