Jul 252022

Henry mentioned that Kennywood was giving away free ice cream last week to pass holders and I was like, “I’m down for some free ice cream” so we went to  Kennywood after work on Thursday. Of course, it was a day that I actually went into the office, so by the time I came home and changed, it was after 6:30 when we got to Kennywood and because amusement parks have lame hours now, the park was set to close at 8. Boo hiss.

But the one good thing about getting there so late is that hordes of people were exiting when we were walking in, so even STEEL CURTAIN, that cursed coaster, only had a 15 minute wait. AND there was a nun AND a priest in line, AND it was running two train ops! MIRACLE?? Maybe.


Anyway, Steel Curtain is pretty great. My opinion fluctuates a lot because I want it to be a little bit better than it is and also maybe not so rattle-y considering how new it is. But I do like it overall! It just doesn’t have that WOW factor, and I mean, it really should because it still currently holds the record for the most inversions on a coaster in North America but you don’t really get off the thing feeling you just rode a record-holder, you know?

And in our case on this evening, you don’t get off the coaster until after maintenance fucks around and keeps your train parked out on the brake run in a knucklefucking downpour.

I mean, it was some heavy rain, people, and we were totally exposed, like sitting ducks. And the wind was kicking up all around us too so I was terrified that we were going to slammed with airborne projectiles. YOU NEVER KNOW. Don’t fuck with weather! Some broad died at Kennywood years ago when a microburst blew through!

Yeah, so were pretty fucking angry about this. I don’t know what was going on but as soon as we hit the brake run, one of the JOCKOS as Henry would say made an announcement that “SOMETHING SOMETHING BLAH BLAH 20 MINUTES” so the empty train in the station just sat there and ours couldn’t pull in. Thank god whatever was happening didn’t take the full 20 minutes and we eventually got to get off the damn thing after about 5 minutes, at which point the ride operator (who is ALWAYS there), chirped a quick and totally insincere “sorry” into the mic and I honestly wanted to kick him.

2 for 2 getting stuck in a rain storm at an amusement park that week! I was having a really great hair day too oh well.

“Do you think God was pissed that his people were riding coasters on his time so he made the sky open?” I hypothesized giddily.

“Well, no, because they were on the train in front of us and didn’t get stuck like we did!” Henry rationalized.

“Henry, even GOD fucks up, everyone knows that!” I mean, he allowed DONALD TRUMP to happen, didn’t he?

Steel Curtain: Not a Bad Ride.

The rain didn’t last for very long so we were able to ICE CREAM AND CARRY ON.

Um, hello, Henry failed to mention that it was only free to the first however-many passholders! So we had to pay. I would have opted to just go to Golden Nugget but it was already closed, and honestly this was still just as satisfying. I haven’t had true soft serve at Kennywood in a hot min.

After ice cream, we got in a ride on our beloved Phantom’s Revenge (walk-on!), attempted to ride Swingshot with five minutes left before the lines closed at 8pm but it started pouring down rain again as soon as we sat down and they were like “We can’t run the ride in this but you’re welcome to stay on the ride.”


Why would we want to sit on a non-running ride while sheets of water poured down on us? N-n-n-no thanks. Of course, a few minutes later, the rain ended.

Honestly, Steel Curtain, soft serve, and Phantom’s Revenge in less than 90 minutes wasn’t the worst way to end a random Thursday evening in July.

And now, I’ll leave you with this apropos dulcet tune by Yangyang, Kun, and Taeil of NCT. <3

Say it don't spray it.

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