One thing that drives me nuts about my kid is that he has this wanton need to monopolize everything in the house.

Spongebob is on TV, yet he wants to play games on my phone.

So I turn the channel, which flips his internal asshole switch and makes him scream, “I WAS WATCHING THAT!

“

“You can’t do both!” I’ll yell, snatching my phone from him.

A few minutes ago, he attempted to pickpocket my phone. When I started to protest, he pointed from the hockey game on the TV back to my phone and said, “You can’t do both.

One or the other!”

Well played, kid.