It hasn’t been a full week yet. It is ok that I’m not ok. I keep telling myself this but then I go back to wailing I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU IM SORRY every time I’m alone.

Yesterday was truly bad. I spent most of the morning drowning in hopelessness and feeling like I couldn’t go on. None of the pet grief hotlines are real – busy signals, voice mails, complete wrong numbers. So I looked up general grief hotlines and started texting with someone from one of them. I didn’t help.

But then I called my friend Lisa and we talked for an hour. She is a hospice chaplain and has walked me through the grief process of my Pappap all the way up to Marcy. I should have called her so much earlier because she helped me calm me a little even though much of the beginning of the conversation was me slurring incoherently around uncontrollable sobs.

Lisa said that what she is hearing is that on top of grieving my best friend, I am also grieving the fact that my son is leaving for college. I told her that after this happened, I only feel emotionally stable when Chooch is down here with me during the day. If he goes back to his room, I cry. If he runs to Dunkin, I cry.

It’s compounded grief. Why is this happening. I was taking solace in the fact that Bambi would be here with me when Chooch goes to college and now she’s not here and yes I have Penelope but she is very much the opposite of Drew and doesn’t come around much during the day so I am going to be so alone as I work from home every day.

My favorite tattooist – Erin from Kyklops – messaged me and said I don’t have to wait for her fall bookings to open, she is ready when I am. I know memorializing her on me will be cathartic and I want to get that done ASAP. I am scrambling to grab onto anything that will stabilize me but it feels like I’m paddling through quicksand.

Lisa also made me feel that my emotions are valid and that I shouldn’t feel this distressed over “just a cat” because she truly was so much more than that and the trauma around watching her die in front of me and not being able to stop it after I had always said I would never let anything happen to her, it’s so much. I can’t handle it. This grief is actually making me feel like my heart is going to just stop.

Henry called the vet yesterday, the one I took her to last week, and as soon as he said “Drew” he said that the person he was talking to said, “oh, Bambi” and that made me break down all over again. Anyway, he told them that I’m having a hard time and they gave him some resources for me, one being a pet grief support group that happens to be meeting tomorrow night so I’m going to go to that. I need help. I need so much help.

We went to the Asian market today to get some stuff for Chooch’s graduation party and as we were walking thru the parking lot, an older white lady was like HELLO! as she got out of her car and I was like do we know this lady. No, we didn’t but she was just one of those people who likes to talk to everyone so I ended up walking with her and she was like “I love this place so much, I get so many interesting things here!” and then she asked Chooch if he likes to cook Chinese food and he goes “no but my dad makes Korean food” and she screamed KOREAN!!! through the parking lot and I was like Jesus Christ lady. So she asked me how he got into making Korean food and I gave her the condensed version, ending with us getting married in Korea and she was like Omg congratulations and you know what, I almost started to tell her about Drew because I am so desperate for human connection right now, anyone to listen and empathize, and she seemed like a great candidate but then I was like Erin stop, this lady came here to buy peanut oil (which Henry had to help her choose), she is not here to be your suicide hotline.

I can’t imagine doing anything I used to love to do now that Drew’s not here. I had to ask Henry to change the notification on his phone because I used to mockingly reenact it for her every time it would sound off. I had to ask him to change the song that Alexa would play when I ask for her to turn on the living room light because I used to sing that to her too.

I can’t watch travel vlogs. I can’t watch kpop content. Everything is dead to me. I have had on Sky News all day because there is nothing else that I can stand to have on in the background. Just give me bland British news.

Sorry to sound like a 5-year-old but WHY?! I don’t understand how this happened!!! Why was she taken away from me??

My bereavement diet of peanut butter toast and ice cream is going strong, so for dinner I had ice cream at Page’s. Every dog in line with their owners reminded me of Drew because Chooch would always say “look at that Bambi (what he called Drew) dog” and I would say, “that doesn’t look like Bambi at all” but tonight I came home and told him that I saw two Bambi dogs and all dogs now look like her to me, I am fucking haunted.

There is a sign that literally says WAIT TO BE CALLED TO THE WINDOW in like 4 different ways but this lady was like “does not apply to me” and was standing so close to Henry while he was paying that he walked into her when he turned to leave lol.

Anyway, I got a blueberry soft serve. It would have been more satisfying if my best cat had not just tragically and traumatically died in front of me 4 days ago…

It’s not getting easier yet. I am truly thankful for the friends who have repeatedly checked in on me this week. Texting and chatting with them has been the only thing helping me get through the days. I hate being in this house. I hate the mornings especially – no Bambi to catapult into my bed and gnaw at me viciously because she’s in such a hurry for me to get out of bed, you can play Connections later, let’s goooooo. I hate nighttime because I start to panic about going to bed because I know I will wake up repeatedly through the night with my mind whirring.

Today, Penelope has spent the whole time laying under the chaise lounge on the backporch. She has eaten at least but I am freaking out and keeping an eye on her. I don’t know if she is also sad or what but I cannot lose her too. We were going to go to the Butler County Fair today just for something to do, to try and have some semblance of fun, but with Penelope acting so down, I opted to stay home.

I would give up the chance to ever go to Korea again if it would bring back Drew. I would give up ever even leaving the state again if it would bring her back.

This is Drew right after we adopted her in January 2016. I am not handling this well at all. I have barely eaten anything (a mini blizzard, peanut butter toast, a Rice Krispie treat since she died on Monday) and I can stop full-body sobbing. I know this is normal and that many people experience this level of grief but it doesn’t help me right now. I don’t know what I need. Time, I guess.

Penelope has been spending more time with us so she definitely is aware. Usually she will sleep all day on the back porch but she has been out and about more.

Ever since last fall, I felt so disoriented. I can’t put my finger on it, maybe my subconscious knowing that our days with Chooch living here were numbered, maybe it was the stress of trying to help the new neighbors through a language barrier, but I can tell you that 2024 has not brought much more comfort, starting immediately with Barb dying.

Yes, there was Korea but I will tell you, that is bringing me no comfort right now.

All I can think about is when Chooch leaves for college in September, how lonely it is going to be around here. I expected obviously that Drew would be with us still and that we’d have each other to lean on during the day but then she was taken from me and I can’t make any sense of it. I can’t stop thinking about it and picturing that last moment, literally watching her die and not being able to do a fucking thing about it.

This was literally just Sunday morning. I had seen an IG reel the night before where someone turned a Churru treat into a popsicle and Drew went nuts over it which shocked me because she was our fussy one.

I bought cooling mats for both of them just a few weeks ago. Drew used to run and slide on hers across the room. She had even just been doing that Monday morning before I logged onto work too. It was such a normal day so far.

I am never going to read this again because I don’t want to remember the pain I feel right now but I have to get these thoughts out of my head and I don’t know what else to do. I’m spiraling out and have cried so much that I can’t believe I’m not just a desiccated skin sack at this point.

Jesus Christ she meant everything to me.

I lost my best friend this morning and I can’t fucking process it. One minute, Drew was standing on the beverage buffet, looking at the birds. I was standing next to her, petting her and talking to Henry on the phone. I had just hung up with Henry and started to walk back to my desk when I heard a thud. I turned around and Drew was laying on her side on the floor, convulsing, her tongue protruding. I was screaming BAMBI! BAMBI! (that’s Chooch’s name for her and I call her that more than Drew, too) and then I called Henry and screamed “I THINK BAMBI IS DYING COME HOME” and then I ran next door to HNC’s house and straight up banged on his front door. Poor guy was so bewildered when he opened it and I was like CAN YOU TAKE ME TO THE EMERGENCY VET I THINK MY CAT IS DEAD and he was like Jesus Christ let me get dressed real fast (he had pants on at least) and then I ran back into the house but you guys, I knew it. I knew she was gone. She was limp in my arms and I was begging her to come back and even by the time HNC got me to the vet down the street, only about 5 minutes had passed but it was too late. They couldn’t do anything and I am still sitting here crying like I’m going to throw up, haven’t cried like this in 9 years – when I lost Marcy. I just don’t understand how this happened. She was fine, we sat on the porch before work, she had her treats, she was like ” INORITE” as I was on an endless call to the help desk right when I logged on to work. And then she just wasn’t alive anymore. SHE JUST WASN’T ALIVE ANYMORE.

I want to punch something so hard.

I wanted to punch everyone at the vet.

The vet said that it was likely a blood clot that went straight to her brain, there wasn’t nothing that could have detected it, nothing they could have done or I could have done like that is supposed to make me feel any better knowing that the one living being I spend most of my time with, literally SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER, is just not here now and there is no going back, there is nothing to undo it and I am so fucking pissed and depressed and traumatized and I don’t FUCKING UNDERSTAND.

I was sitting alone in the cry room when Henry and Chooch showed up – Chooch was home when this happened but he was asleep and I don’t know how he didn’t hear me screaming but I didn’t want to waste time trying to wake him up and I don’t know if that was the wrong choice or not but he didn’t know that she had died when they showed up even though I had texted Henry and told him and then all three of us just stayed in this tiny room holding her and crying and even Henry who never emotes was crying and how is this happening. Why, I don’t understand she is my best friend and now I feel so alone immediately.

SHE WAS ONLY 8 YEARS OLD.

It feels like I only JUST said goodbye to Marcy and now that same pain is happening all over again. I feel so sick. I feel so bad for Chooch. Bambi was his baby. When we adopted her, I went into it with my heart still hurting from Marcy and I said to myself, “This is for Chooch. This is what Chooch needs and I am doing this for Chooch” and I swore that I would love the new cat, I’m not a monster, but I didn’t want to get attached. And of course I got attached instantaneously. I thought about her all day at work the next day and was so excited to go home and play with her. And then right after that we adopted her sister Penelope and they don’t really like each other all that much but Penelope knows. She can sense it and she’s being really mopey and weird and I hate this for all of us and now I can’t sing my “It’s one and two and two and ones!” to them anymore when I walk into the room and I don’t think Henry will miss that but maybe secretly.

I want to always remember how she has been afraid of the threshold to our bedroom since she was a kitten and to this day (ugh) she would very tentatively approach and then fucking LEAP across the room straight onto our bed, usually landing on my groin and causing me to scream in agony.

I want to always remember how she would wait for Henry to get comfortable on the couch and then decide that she wanted to sit beneath the throw blanket that I keep on that side of the couch and he’d go, “Ugh, fine you asshole” and move over, and then hold up the blanket so she could burrow under it.

I want to always remember how she would jump on Chooch’s shoulders when she was a younger cat.

I want to always remember how she would interact so docilely with the squirrels BUT HATED THE BIRDS.

She was so jumpy and sensitive. One time I had my hair in a ponytail and she for some reason didn’t recognize me and slowly backed away.

No one else ever really got to meet her or experience her quirks because it was STRANGER DANGER every time someone came over, but for us three, she was such a GIGANTIC part of our household and our lives. Like, she was ALWAYS with us.

She called treats “trits” and if I spelled “Is it t-r-i-t-s time?” she would run to the kitchen and wait. She and Penelope eat their trits on fine China saucers (well, from Goodwill).

I am so unbelievably wrecked. She is so special to us. I thought we had so many more years. I thought Chooch would go away to college and I could taunt him with pictures of Bambi loving me more and forgetting all about him. I just, I really thought that.

(8:07am) Good morning party people, we’re currently en route to Allentown, PA to spend a few hours at Dorney Park. They have a new dive coaster and we need that cred. It takes a bit over 4 hours to get there so I really had to plead my case to Henry on this one haha.

We were just listening to one of the writers of St. Elmo’s Fire talking on WDVE in the wake of the Brat Pack doc and now I am desperate to watch that movie again – one of my faves when I was a teen!! Henry just admitted that he doesn’t think he ever watched the whole thing, oh my godddddd. Guess that’s what we will be doing this weekend.

(8:36am) Since my last check-in, we grabbed morning sustenance at Dunkin, Henry went the wrong way and denied it, then almost went through a redlight RIGHT IN FRONT OF COP and acted like it was NBD even though he did a HARD STOP that threw me forward and if it had me driving, Henry would have lambasted me and revoked my license because I’m a WOMAN.

(10:28am) Just stopped at a restaurant area in Sideling Hill whatever that means and Henry is being so annoying and also breathing heavy.

(11:51am) Welcome back to The Rest Stop Report. Just stopped at one outside of Harrisburg. Bathroom was clean. Came out to some weird hullabaloo at the vending machines where Henry was standing with a fistful of dollars like he was in the pit at a strip club, while Chooch was like GET ME THIS GET ME THAT. The vending machine had TUNA AND CRACKERS. I wanted Henry to get it for an experiment (a Will This Kill a Man experiment, specifically) but he ended up getting nothing so I don’t know what all that singing and dancing was for.

Apparently a package of Veggie Sticks was half sticking out and Chooch wanted Henry to shake the machine to see if he could knock it loose but Henry’s excuse was that “someone was working there” – bitch where? We saw no such employee. This was just his excuse to not have to be exposed for WEAKNESS.

(1:06pm) we made it!

(1:27pm) Iron Menace, the new one, down for maintenance ugh!

So we came to Steel Force and had to wait for them to clean a seat that someone puked in!

Also Chooch was a bitch about this picture. God forbid I’m trying to collect MEMS of our last summer together before he sets collegiate sail ugh.

(2:36pm) Hello from a table after eating cheese flatbread and witnessing Henry having a shit fit because he ate more than his share of a fried tasty kake krinkle (??) and we called him out on it. My least favorite thing about him is when he gets all high and mighty and gaslighty, wherein he acts like he’s this PERFECT MAN who never does anything wrong.

“You have a Saint complex!” I cried. “And I’ll tell you exactly who gave it to you – your mother!”

It’s true. He can do no wrong in her eyes and she makes sure everyone knows it. If only she knew the Henry we know!!

Anyway, Iron Menace was chefs kiss! Chooch’s 351st credit!

Also, it’s this babe’s 100th bday and she is riding gloriously like a young lady!

Still pouting lol.

(2:45pm) LOL HE WONT EVEN SIT NEAR US ON THE TRAIN.

(3:09pm) FORGOT HOW TERRIFYING THIS IS.

(3:28pm) Slowest log flume ops.

(5:32pm) We just pulled out of Dorney so I will do little recaps here and there on the 4.5 hour drive home (ugh) but wow what a nice day except for when Henry threw his little bitch fest earlier over lunch. He’s sort of ok now.

Look at this cute shirt I bought!!!! I was going to get a Steel Force shirt but then I saw this and had to snatch it because CLOWN LOVE.

(5:44pm) At Trivet Diner whatever that means. Our server is very nice so far and is sorry that they don’t have almond milk for the cold brew that I am about to regret ordering.

Also our server likes my sunglasses and the cold brew is good so this is going well :)

Better than listening to Chooch recount all the times I acted like a baby in Stockholm. Ugh. When I pointed out that it was because he ruined my life because I wanted to go to the Vasa museum but we went to the Viking museum instead, he put on this really slow, drawl of condescension and said, “And we could have gone there too. You looked in and suddenly you said we couldn’t go because you wanted to eat instead, so then we had to go and eat. Remember.”

Um wait. Hahah hold up now hunny. What now?!

(6:26pm) one of the servers called over another server when I was paying because she wanted her (Crystal apparently) to see my phone case and Chooch mumbled “wow are you happy now, it’s all you ever wanted.”

We just left and I’m lamenting that I didn’t leave a big enough tip (more than 25%) and Henry and Chooch yelled in tandem, “it was plenty!” I’m sorry but NORA was NICE.

(6:42pm) At Sheetz and the power went out! A bad storm is on the horizon and I’m lowkey terrified because we’re going to be driving into it. :/

Here are some dreamy pictures from Dorney <3 the only slight downside was the ops on talon. Literal station wait yet it took us so long to get on and sent that Henry looked like he forgot who we were when we rejoined him. Also on the way there, a guy running one of the games kept yelling “Win your mom a prize! Hey, win your mom a prize! Where are you going?! Your mom wants a prize!” And then to the two boys behind us, “Hey win that kid’s mom a prize.” Lol.

Ok thoughts – loved it in the back/middle. Did NOT love it second row/last seat on right. I felt like a rag doll in a bad way. But overall what a great addition. I love the industrial makeover that whole section of the park got.

Steel Force Club Forever!! Chooch ride it two back-to-back times before we left. The second time, there was barely anyone waiting in the station so we just jumped up a few rows. The guy who got in behind us was like “Ooh you guys skipped the line! I saw what you did! Don’t worry I won’t tell” and then to Chooch he said “Your mom cracked the code!” But it was totally Chooch who chose to do this after seeing another girl do it on the first ride we were on that round. I remember the last time we were there in 2019, it was similar low crowds and we asked if we could stay on and the line attendant was like NO U HAVE TO GET BACK IN LINE and it was RIDIC because they were sending trains with like four people in them.

Anyway. Steel Force is so good. After we ride it the first time today, we did go all the way around and got back in line, only to get on a train and then have the ride attendants yell EVERYONE OUT because someone puked. The ride op in his little hut yelled AGAIN?? into his microphone because it had legit JUST happened before we rode the first time and we had to wait for them to clean it and send it empty. But yeah, happened again less than 10 minutes later! This time they had to wait for more cleaning supplies so they asked everyone to leave the line.

The real question: WAS IT THE SAME PERSON.

There was a ride attendant named OMAR on Talon and he was nice but slow AF and everyone was like OMAR! when our train was on the brake run while the slow-ass ops were preparing to send the train in the station. Omar seemed like he liked the attention but I don’t think the kids calling for him had good intentions.

Chooch hating life.

Telling me I can have some of his dippin dots if I could find a spoon on the ground because he’d rather a dirty floor-spoon go into his dippin dots than one that had already previously been in my mouth how sweet.

I love the color palette of the enterprise!!! Also I miss the enterprise at Kennywood and hate the replacement they put in.

Somehow we missed the kiddie cred in 2019. This was one of the most jerky/janky kids coasters I’ve ever ridden. I hated it lol.

There was almost someone who puked on the Tilt a Whirl too and that someone was me lol. Whoooo this was a doozy on a hot-ass day. Look at creepster Henry on the wall.

(8:42pm) Ugh Henry is making me drive. BRB.

(10:10pm) UGHHHHH at a rest stop finally – it was / is raining so hard with lighting everywhere and I was silently screaming as I white-knuckled the steering wheel, trying not to hydroplane on the fucking turnpike, while Henry relaxed in the passenger seat. I hate him. Now he’s inside the rest stop probably treating himself to some snacks from 7-eleven fucking asshole.

Also I wish our 7-elevens were like Asian ones and were actually fun to stop at.

I’m publishing this now because my muscles hurt from being clenched for the last hour and I want to do some calming breathing exercises or something (sometimes I miss my smoking years because this would be one of those CALLS FOR A CAMEL moments of yesteryear) but maybe I’ll stop back with one or two more updates, who knows.

(11:19pm) just checking in to say we passed through the Squirrel Hill tunnel and I want everyone to know that Henry got to drive the last leg home in perfectly dry weather MUST BE NICE.

Our cats call Henry “Him Man” and they very thoughtfully had this Funko Pop made in his likeness (circa 2010 because there was no salt & pepper beard option and everything else made him look like Santa) for Father’s Day. So nice of them. Sadly, a Ted Nugent album and soft pretzel weren’t accessory options.

Anyway, we’re en route to King’s Island for more “Father’s Day” fun but really this was just an excuse to go ride roller coasters.

Last night was a blur. I want to say so much about it but right now I’m just kind of lost in my admiration for him as NERDY as that sounds! He did such a great job, almost entirely on his own, and I hope he is proud of himself too.

I took this picture because you can see me, Henry and Janna in the front row lol.

He graduated with high honors from one of the best magnet schools, with a concentration in Computers & Connections. He was the only one in his concentration that scored a perfect 5 on the C&C AP test. He studied abroad in Merida, Mexico. He did sailing. He did that mentorship thing at the Carnegie Science Center. He did a gaming/coding course at Pitt (and got paid for it!). He joined the tennis team and medaled!

But he also made time to work part time jobs, expand his musical horizons (“best taste in music” was a common theme in his yearbook messages and HMM WHERE DID HE GET THAT FROM), have fun with his friends (and they are a really really really great group of kids too), travel with his dorky parents, collect roller coaster credits, and apparently be “the funniest kid in the class of 2024” according to what many kids wrote in his yearbook.

Sigh.

So yeah lol. That happened. Leaving his mark.

Can’t wait to see how he closes out college lol.

Bonus pictures from the school photographer:

Chooch’s friend Zakk from elementary school to now – I used to drive them to school almost every morning and we’d listen to Escalation on the radio while making fun of all the dumb yinzers who called in (and we also called in once AND WON!!).

After “the fall.”

Some things that have made me happy currently.

This might end up being my summer jam 2024. It gives me STRONG mid-90s summer vibes, laying out at my Pappap’s pool with WAMO blasting on a yellow AIWA boombox, getting ready to go to Evan’s art show later that night at CMU in a minivan full of my favorite people nostalgic feels. JEESUS. U WOULDNT UNDERSTAND. U HAD TO BE THERE. I’m happy but also almost in tears as I float back into time on the waves of this beautiful summer jam.

Oh yeah-yeah-yeah.

This corner of my kitchen is still 4+4. This morning, I stood there while waiting for my coffee to be done, watching a Tears for Fears video and willing myself to get calm before logging on to another week of work. I really shouldn’t complain about my job but I have had a short fuse lately. I have been giving myself a lot of pep talks lately too which sounds REALLY LAME but it’s kind of helping. It’s keeping my heart rate down, in any case.

This is such a bad picture (??? what was I doing ???) but I’m happy that our yard is kind of OK-looking again. We (LOL “we”) replaced the little wooded fencing we had with this new one that Henry painted. I mean, the old one was really fun but the reality is that we made it out of pieces of an old pallet so it started to rot and fall apart. I hate living here so much but at least it looks moderately presentable if anyone randomly comes up to the porch for hopefully a non-nefarious reason.

Another really bad picture BUT I had been so excited for Sunday because it meant my 14-day metabolism reset was officially over (I lost 6 pounds and between .05 – 2 inches around various body parts lol) and all I could think about was the ice cream sundae from Meccha Matcha that I was going to treat myself with. You guys? WORTH IT. Good lord, this was so satisfying and I want to be eating it again right at this very moment.

Hi, this song is also constantly in my head lately, making me happy.

OK this one too! I love this WayV comeback soooo much.

*********

Well, that’s all the fucking happiness I can muster right now. Haha. :/

Happy birthday to Henry (59 ughhhhh) and Haechan (24 awwww)!

Henry is so pissed because he had to wait in line at Burger Kjng for TWENTY MINUTES ON HIS BDAY just for this crown. Worth it. (For me, I mean.)

Anyway, just my annual reminder that while I abuse and torture Henry psychologically and emotionally, he is still my top guy (can I say he is at least tied with some other guys for top spot? OK FINE ITS HIM, #1 OPPA, BAE, WHATEVER).

Here are some things that happened around and about the last week. So exciting.

On Friday, something went down at that behavioral health house thingie a few houses up from me. One of the newer residents was being interrogated across the street by the popo. First just one, then two, then three, THEN A FOURTH. I couldn’t tell what was going on but I did hear him say at one point, “I was in Western Psych” and “So wha’ happened was…” and something about him being in the living room and someone got punched and then a girl walked in, I don’t know. They did end up cuffing him and taking him away though. Don’t worry, I was watching the whole thing from my window, doing my civic duty to make sure no BRUTALITY went down. I am so triggered by cops. Especially the while male ones! They all look the same to me, like someone said “paper dolls, but make the cops” with a finger snap.

Anyway, while this was going on, HNC’s wife came home and went COMICALLY out of her way to maneuver around that one cop car so that she could still park in “her spot.” I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Park somewhere else! They are conducting an investigation!

Wait, that makes it sound like I’m siding with the cops. AND I AM NOT. But I was just a full-fledged embodiment of an eyeroll at that point.

Um…Chooch is back to learning how to drive. He had a big set-back last year when he injured his knee, then he lost interest and his permit expired. Then he regained interest and got his permit renewed and has been driving with Henry every day. Here, you will find Henry instructing him on how to parallel park, which I imagine has got to be a lot easier than it was for us, back in the days of NO CAMERAS. Interestingly, and whether or not you want to believe this is entirely up to you, but I was actually REALLY excellent at parallel parking. I haven’t had to do it in years at this point so I’m probably not great at it now. But still! It was the one good takeaway from my dating Psycho Mike. He was a good parallel parking teacher.

During one of Chooch’s STUDENT DRIVER cruises, he and Henry went to Giant Eagle (GROCERY STORE if anyone not in Pittsburgh reads this some day after I commit a crime / expire in a spectacular way and the Internet suddenly becomes interested in WHO WAS ERIN KELLY), where Chooch texted me a picture of a COOKIE CRISP box that features YEONJUN from TXT. I was like OMG even  though I don’t hard stan TXT, I like their music and thought this was a really cute collab! Anyway, they came home, and I said, “Where is my cereal??”

Chooch scoffed, “Oh, you WANTED that? I was NOT buying it” and Henry, perpetually in the dark, goes, “What cereal? Who?” Chooch didn’t even show him!!

Anyway, Henry found this one with HueningKai and bought it for me so I’m back to being happy again (temporarily).

It’s just wild how things have changed even from when I started listening to Kpop, which doesn’t seem like it was that long ago but … 2015 man. I remember scouring the local Asian markets, desperate to find these Chinese iced tea bottles that BIGBANG was supposed to be featured on as brand ambassadors. We eventually found them in Cleveland and then finally one of our bigger Asian markets started carrying them, but it was such a big deal that I have the empty bottles lined up on my fireplace mantel like motherfucking family heirlooms.

Henry and I had breakfast with Pam and Greg on Sunday! Pam’s been in town because her house closing was on Monday (!!!) so I was happy for a reason to meet up! I randomly chose this place called Dari-Villa in Bellevue because it was equidistance from us and Greg, where she’s been staying. Never been here before, and either had Greg, but it seemed great … at first. The vibe was right: a cozy little local diner-type of place specializing in breakfast and lunch, amusement park memorabilia on display, REALLY GOOD 80s MUSIC PUMPING OUT THE SPEAKERS THE ENTIRE TIME. (Pet Shop Boys!)

Our server was nice. I can’t really comment on the food because my 14 day metabolism reset had me eating plain oatmeal (lol I’m committed) but Henry said his omelet was just OK.

When the server brought our check over, Greg goes, “Oh I’m sorry, we forgot to ask you but can we get this separated three ways?” and she seemed fine with it, but I know this can be A CONTENTIOUS THING at smaller spots. “Sure thing,” she said, and, “I’ll be back over with more coffee for you guys, too.”

I was like thank god because I HAD ONLY HAD ONE REFILL and addicts gonna addict, you know?

Anyway, she came back over with three checks and Henry and Greg quickly realized that their breakfasts were mixed up (Greg got Henry’s and Greg’s was on ours) and it probably wouldn’t have mattered because they were about the same, but the server goes, “SHIT!!!” and SNATCHED UP THE CHECKS and stormed off. It was so intense. I felt like curling up inside myself.

She finally came back and I promise you these were still wrong because there is no way Henry’s and my breakfasts cost nearly $30 when all I had was coffee and a $2.95 bowl of oatmeal but ain’t no one trying to correct this bitch for a second time. We apologized PROFUSELY and she said in this low-pitched, clipped tone, “This is why we need to know in the beginning.”

WELP, NO COFFEE REFILLS FOR US, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE.

I dunno, I have big respect for people in the service industry and am a notorious overtipper, but the way she snapped out on us like that, after what I felt like a morning of pleasant interactions, it was a real turn off. I actually low-key wanted Henry to not tip her but then I would have just felt guilty. Maybe she got bad news between the time she served us our food and brought our checks, I don’t know, but I will say her tune changed bigly when she came back to collect our payment like none of that happened?? Greg apologized again and she casually waved him off and said, “Oh you’re fine!” and said the same thing to Henry the Doof who hadn’t even gotten out his credit card yet and made her stand there waiting WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN’T WANT, I WANTED HER TO NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT US AGAIN.

Saw this in the parking lot on the way in today and screamed “WHAT IS THAT?? Oh I thought it was a sweet potato” like I was so relieved to find out that someone hadn’t discarded a perfectly good tuber.

Happy Sunday from Sandusky!

UPDATE: leaving the park now and can confirm that the Cedar Park dildo is still in the lot:

Sleep well knowing this my friends.

Hi. Mothers Day was fine. Henry got me two Seventeen albums that I already have (granted one was just a different version) but Chooch spent his OWN MONEY IN FRONT OF FRIENDS on an NCT album for me and then bitched about it like it was the Great Plight of Spring 2024 for him, worse than waiting for college decisions. Jesus. Sorry for living!!

Dude the photos of Haechan was worth the price alone.

Then we got takeout from a vegan place on the South Side (Moodz). My buffalo chicken sandwich was fine but the oyster mushrooms were a bit too tough in parts. Chooch got the soul food platter which had really interesting eggplant “fish” and dirty rice – I thought it was really good but A LOT of food.

Henry didn’t get anything and I was so mad because I specifically told him to get either the po boy or the fish sandwich because I wanted to share and he came home with JUST A COOKIE for himself so this started a fight and then I was like I DONT WANT MY CHICKEN EITHER THEN U RUINED MOTHERS DAY YET AGAIN I HATE U but then I calmed down and ate and it was fine.

Then Henry and I went to the cemetery for a walk and some random tween boy was running away from his family (???) and have me a finger salute and said, “Happy Mothers Day” and for some reason this was the best part of the day, it was so weird and sort of cute I guess because his family was blowing the horn and SCREAMING-SCRAME-SCRUMMING from another part of the cem for him to get his ass back there.

(He obeyed.)

Later, we went to play tennis and I was relegated to the backseat :/

We were in really bad form though, just a total off day, sluggish, playing like amateurs so I threw a quiet tantrum and went back to the car even though Ball Boy was like “you guys didn’t even warm yet” – I was like THE FUCK U KNOW ABOUT WARMING UP BITCH STAY IN YOUR LANE.

But then we came home and Henry did yardwork and I exercised which made me feel a lot better.

Then Tamanna came over and gave me a rose for Mother’s Day! It was really sweet but the. LANGUAGE BARRIER so she said she would message me but when she went home she video called me on What’s App and I panicked and didn’t answer.

Then I made Henry take another walk with me (my third of the day because I am so fucking nervous and can’t sit still) and wow Brookline Blvd is a whole different vibe on Sunday nights. It was like every bar we walked past catered to a different ethnicity and it was pretty cool and WILDLY varied. We were like, “damn ok Brookline 2024, pop off.”

Came home and watched videos of people eating at vegan places in Korea and I was internally weeping.

And that was Mothers Day 2024. Fine but could have been better. I could have been riding the Wacky Worm at least.

6:30am: at some dumb Sleep Inn in Harrisburg, getting ready to continue on to Philly for admitted students day at Drexel. Chooch just told us that he forgot to pack socks and underwear. College-ready, you guys.

Mom to a soon-to-be-18-yo and (maybe, debatable) college student.

The stress I have been under over this, whoooooooooweeeeeeeee.

We’re staying down the road from Capitol Diner and Henry has pointed out 6x that we have eaten there before and I was like OK! We get it! God! Move on! But then as we left the hotel this morning he pointed it out again and I snapped and had to consult my blog because he sent me down a rabbit hole of misinformation about when we had eaten there. Anyway, it was in 2010 when we went to Lancaster with Tommy and Jessy and ditched them on the way home and ate there without them lol. It was when I was heavy into my Weener Phase:

I remember posting my Henry Weener art on Facebook and getting reported by someone, probably Henry.

7:31am: Just stopped at a rest area in Bowmansville for Dunkin in case you were wondering and now Henry is muttering about how they’re always out of something. It was just what he and chooch wanted so it didn’t affect me.

I wish US Dunkin would get the injeolmi lattes!! Someone find out how to make me one and then make it for me. I’ll wait. Almond, soy, or oat is fine! I’m not picky with non-dairy milks.

8:39am: I mean I like that it’s a dragon.

9:00am: When I told Nate I wasn’t sure if this was a fly-by-night college or what, he said “founded in 1891 by Anthony J. Drexel, a financier and philanthropist”

“I don’t think it’s fly-by-night, Erin.”

I saw him!

Tony!

9:08am: Standing here waiting to register and some student ambassador came over and asked Chooch what events he’s looking forward to attending and he was like “…mm I’m just really looking forward to seeing the campus in general” and she was like, “blah blah dorm tours blah recommend.”

And then something about a free shirt which sounds cool.

“I was afraid that was going to happen,” Chooch said when she walked away. “I literally just went to the website yesterday” and then did his signature maniacal giggle.

This is going well.

9:20am:

We were the first ones to register and the first ones to make it to wherever we are now and every ambassador very cheerfully greeted us and pointed out that we were first which fed my ego and made me feel like I was about to get in line for FIRST ROW OF FIRST RIDE OF THE DAY on Steel Vengeance or something.

Shit we’re getting giddy now. Thirty more minutes until this starts.

9:33am: all of a sudden Dua Lipa’s Levitating came on FULL BLAST like way louder than all the songs before it bc they know her super fan Erin R. Kelly is here. Chooch is annoyed. I feel like I’m on the plane to Korea again because I listened to a Delta-sanctioned Dua Lipa playlist on repeat for approx. 6 hours by accident and Chooch was disgusted.

10:48am OK that presentation is over (um I cried IMMEDIATELY when it started) and now we’ve been ushered off to the College of Computing & Informatics for that presentation. I have to pee really bad and am also nervous about Chooch becoming a Flyers fans. I don’t care about the other sports teams. But NO FLYERS OR NO CHRISTMAS, SONNY BOY.

11:31am: the girl in front of me (sister of admitted student I guess) is watching a Chinese drama on her phone and I’m trying to watch too because I tried to pay attention to this presentation but I’m bored.

12:39pm: finally back outside. I broke the paper towel dispenser in one of the bathrooms. Some girl said “just leave it” which is why I’m able to update with a picture of these beautiful trees and not my view from the underneath of the paper towel dispenser as I’m trying to fix it with the bubblegum I’m not chewing.

1:20pm: at the dining hall eating a salad and vegan chicken tenders.

Also we did a dorm tour if you could call it that and Chooch got some interior design inspo.

1:34pm Henry just came back to the table with an ice coffee which he STIRRED WITH HIS FINGER and then STUCK HIS FINGER IN HIS MOUTH and when he removed his finger, coffee droplets flung onto his shirt and I cried U R SO EMBARRASSING and then Chooch started laughing so hard that he spit his drink out all over the table.

Also here is Chooch asking a fake question about college nutrition in order to get free stuff SPECIFICALLY a squeezable fruit stress ball but he picked the wrong thing and grabbed a heart by accident lol.

Lol he just went up and took a grape and is very smug now.

1:52pm:

2:01pm: Just visited the study abroad table lololol

3:56pm Done with Drexel finally and walking to a cafe. Look how green! No filter!

Now we’re at Black Turtle Coffee, coffee finally.

Back to Drexel stuff, we took a really awkward campus tour with a freshman named Sam from Ghana. He was very nice but we had NO questions. Chooch was going to ask, “When was that tree planted?” just to have something to ask. We did make friends with the mom of the other kid on the tour with us. They’re from Connecticut and he has also not committed.

This was in the science building and it is allegedly the tallest whatever-this-is in North America.

And this is modeled after DNA!

We were going to go here but it reminded me of the place in Stockholm where we were charged $25 for two lattes that some old man basically made out of his house. Scammed.

Also we’re sitting in the basement of this cafe and it’s giving “hiding from the Red Coats.”

Henry: the fuck are you talking about.

Me: look at that corner over there!! That doesn’t remind you of like, the Revolutionary War?

He said something dumb about thinking back to when he lived through that war.

This was the best picture I could get on the fly bc there were people all around. Ugh people.

Decent place I guess! It’s no Seoul cafe but that’s fine. Ugh.

4:46pm: I just flipped out and said that there has to be a family out there who would appreciate me and my joyful presence and witty candor etc and Chooch started to list off the traits that I apparently “forgot” such as how I am supposedly “emotionally manipulative” and Henry started yelling about how I’m treated like a princess while meanwhile I was trying to remember what else I had said about myself and Chooch said “maybe if you weren’t listing off lies, you’d remember.”

5:19pm: It’s not Seoul :(

In the middle of trying to dodge my surprise snaps.

5:51pm: at Monster Vegan and Hall & Oats was playing when we walked in and everyone is so awesome and cool here!

7:10pm: We opted to walk back to the car which we left parked on the Drexel campus rather than take the subway again because we need to digest this dinner – shoooooo, it was so good but heavy.

Henry cutting my Argento chicken parm because I didn’t feel like it haha.

7:28pm: Ugh just left the parking garage what a long ass day.

I’m going to end this here because we’re just driving back to our hotel which is in Harrisburg – we wanted to:

1. Not have to drive all the way to Philly after work yesterday;

2. Be close to Hershey Park which is what we’re doing tomorrow.

I can’t foresee anything exciting happening between now and then so see you later, Mary. Give Peter and Paul a kiss for me, etc.

You’ll be shocked to know that I completely and totally didn’t want to leave Korea yesterday. I hate to say that I was thinking about this moment starting at the middle of last week which is so bad because obviously our looming departure prevented me from fully being present and enjoying myself. I mean, our last day was filled with misdirected outbursts and projections because I was so upset about having to leave the next morning. I hate it. I have never felt this strongly about a place before where it completely turns me into a monster when I have to leave, kicking and screaming, lol.

We arranged for a Kakao taxi to pick us at 5:50am to take us to Seoul Station. Here’s one last look at our hotel. I really liked it. We stayed in a different area this time – Seodaemun, and when I say that the subway entrance was right outside of the hotel’s front doors….literally couldn’t have been more convenient. If you’re in Seoul and not utilizing the exceptional subway system, I’m sad to inform you that you’re not doing it right! Cheap, easy, efficient. Plus, it’s part of the process. I am already homesick for the upbeat subway jingles (though I guess I can just reach behind me and push the button on our Seoul subway sign!).

My last banana uyu, at Seoul Station. :( You can get banana uyu in the States but it never tastes the same. I’m not being melodramatic – there is actually something different about it, I swear!

Chooch and his new Kakao Friend. It’s tradition for him to buy a Kakao Friend plushie on every Korea trip now. He moderately deviated from tradition by not selecting an Apeach version though! This was on the airport train to Incheon airport. :( I was numb for this ride. Emotionally dead.

The other two times we went to Korea, we flew Korean Air. This time, it was Delta and both flights were mid. Barely any Koreans on either flight and the flight attendants were meh. On this flight in particular, there was one older white dude FA who was actually such an asshole. He wasn’t rude to us in particular, but I witnessed him being a jerk to some other passengers and saying inappropriate things to his fellow FAs, like, “Can’t wait for this party to be over,” “Can I take my break yet?” “This is disgusting” while acting like pushing a beverage cart was part of a prison sentence.

There was an old Asian lady sitting across from us and one row up – she didn’t speak much English and all she kept requesting was hot water. But I guess at one point, this shit head was walking by and she tapped him to get his attention and he snapped, “DO NOT TOUCH ME. NO, WE’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS” and I was so fucking tense around this prick like he was Alcoholic Dad just come home from the corner bar. THEN, later in the flight, he said to one of the other FAs, “That’s the hot water freak.”

I am 100% filling out a survey about this flight.

He made me so uncomfy!!!

I have so much to write about and so many pictures to sort through! This is going to take a while and I’m going to be crying a lot, I think. Henry kept calling it a vacation but this was so much more than that to me. Korea is my everything. <3

Anyway, I somehow made it through my first day back at work but now I’m ready to crawl back into bed at….5:30PM.

Today we explored to a new-to-us neighborhood (문래) and it ended up being pretty excellent honestly. A little out of our comfort zone, but that’s part of traveling, right? Being able to read Hangul really comes in clutch.

Anyway we are about to go back out for dinner but I wanted to post this picture of Chooch because I spent all morning taking “senior portraits” of him with the “good camera” but then this picture I took with my phone in Mullae ended up being better than all of them. Isn’t that always the case!!