So much has been going on but according to my blog, it’s all haunted houses and August vacation recaps. Blogging is a struggle in my old age.

Anyway, today is Halloween and I’m off but it feels like the day is slipping by so fast and I’m mildly panicked about not having time to get all of my pointless, absolutely useless tasks complete:

1. finish a book (done!!)
2. write in a blog that’s basically the equivalent of scribbling misspelled thoughts inside my closet wall that no one will see
3. exercise
4. hand out candy to maybe 3 kids
5. go for a walk
6. have 7 cups of coffee
7. feed the squirrels x9

All of this while narrating each activity to my cats aka best friends.

Anyway, here are some pictures from the haunted houses we went to over the last two weekends. This season felt, weird. This October has been, weird. I feel out of place and, weird.

1. Castle Blood!

Annual jaunt to Castle Blood! Tried to get people to go. Failed as usual. It was such a fun time as always, and great to chat with Gravely and Hexibart, but sad to not get much face time with my Castle crush Boris, and there were a bunch of familiar faces that we were missing that night. Nevertheless, the experience was still on point, the denizens (ever since I got into Kpop, I want so  badly to call them Netizens) were perfectly scathing, and the challenges were as fun as ever. I think my favorite part though was when I was tasked with giving a grumpy old vampire a new-fangled (OH SHIT I DIDN’T EVEN MEAN TO DO THAT, NEWFANGLED LOLOL) food alternative called a BLOOD DISK to prevent him from feeding on us. I thought I was doing a really great job selling it, calling back to my years as an Olan Mills telemarketer obviously, but then I added, “I heard you can even get a subscription box…” to which Henry started full-throttle laughing behind me and bro NEVER laughs at my jokes so I was on high alert, thinking he was laughing at something else and I missed it, was I suddenly the butt of the joke? And then the vampire was all, “OK, I don’t know what that is, you’re taking this too far.”

2. INFERNUM IN TERRA

AKA the night Henry took the most unflattering photo of me in his entire career of taking unflattering photos of me. Anyway, we met my sister Amy and bro-in-law Dick here, and I made friends with this monster guy in line when he was going around asking children for string to add to his collection. It seemed like he was prepared to exchanged candy for said string and I was DESPERATE to be a part of this. I worked diligently on pulling a tiny thread from the sleeve of my denim jacket and then practically tackled him when he walked by and panted, “HERE! I HAVE A STRING FOR YOU!”

He straight squinted at my string and exclaimed, “WHERE IS IT?”

I was like, “HERE!” and aggressively dangled it closer to his face.

“That’s not a string! I can barely see it, I can’t use that!” And then out of sheer exasperation, he goes, “Here, just take a Tootsie Roll, NO YOU CAN KEEP THAT!” when I tried to force my denim thread on him.

Then he came back a few moments later and said, “Do you want to see what I do with the strings??” and lead Amy and me over to a staircase and pointed up. I honestly had no idea what I was looking at initially and then I saw the strings, like actual ROPE in some cases, tied from a railing.

“Do you like, hang people from those?” I asked, and he was HORRIFIED?? I was like, “Sorry, I just thought there was some nefarious use for them since you’re a monster or whatever!”

God.

Apparently some broad gave him a bra. One of the other line monsters told us it only took her three seconds to take it off. Wow.

Anyway, the haunt itself was fine but not as good as past years because groups started catching up with each other and entire scenes were being bypassed to keep the traffic flowing. That was annoying because of the best scenes was done for the group in front of us but when it was our turn they had us just walk through and I wanted Amy and Dick to experience it :(

But for me, the highlight was AFTERWARD when we followed Dick and Amy to Hightower Brewing Co nearby in Ohio. I fell in love (you know me and my emotions!!) with their butter beer and also their orange hard seltzer! I also had a pumpkin cheesecake sour which I think I would have liked a lot better if I hadn’t also been drinking the incredibly sweet butter beer. And I had a peanut butter porter which my whole party advised against me ordering but I did it anyway like the girl with braces who went and ate the popcorn anyway, and boy I had regertz. Henry couldn’t even finish it for me.

But what a great night, two unflattering pictures of me aside! I’m happy that we hung out with Amy and Dick twice in a year, actually ALMOST three times if you count the pie party from 2022! I really gotta be better at hanging out with friends, especially actual family, but NOT relative strangers who send me unhinged and accusatory texts at inappropriate hours of the day.

3. DARK VIEW

This past Friday, Janna and I went to DARK VIEW in Toronto, Ohio!

But first, JANNA HAD TO PEE.

We had a nice chat with the ticket guy who I think I recognized from past Dark View visits. This was their first year at a new location, and he told us it was because their old location on the hill got completely trashed by “you know that storm from last year” and I nodded like I knew when in fact I do not know.

Then when I told him we were from Pgh, he immediately slammed Beto’s Pizza and I fully agreed because that pizza is SHIT and he said we should go to the nearby IGGY’S for good square pizza and he was really selling us on this pizza bro, like I was ready to ask Janna if she wanted to just leave right then and there and go get this critically acclaimed pizza instead. But then he offered a piece of FATAL INFORMATION:

“And they even grind up pepperoni and put it in the sauce to make it extra spice,” he said.

“Oh wow,” I monotoned. “Mm.”

“Well, there goes that,” Janna said later, and then I fell headfirst into a neurotic tailspin re: WHAT IF OTHER PIZZA PLACES DO THIS TOO AND I HAVE BEEN UNWITTINGLY EATING MEAT-SAUCE ALL THESE YEARS??

Ugh.

Anyway, Dark View is still doing these souvenir pictures which I love and also, they know what a good angle is, maybe learn from them, Henry. Find a way to pull a ladder out of your ass, don’t all you men come with one lodged up in there??

Anyway, there was a guy in there who reminded me lots of Bradley Walden from Emarosa because he was a “scare actor” but was “scared,” you know what I mean? So he was like, “Oh thank god, you guys are alive! It’s really scary here!” I feel like he was dressed like he was on safari.

Um, I dunno! This was not as great as previous years but knowing that they were forced to basically start from scratch, I gotta give them credit. And the kids they had in there generating the screams were a real delight. Super effective and they took their roles seriously.

Afterward, we went to SHEETZ where I got an iced nitro cold brew with hopefully NO HIDDEN MEATS and the cashier was SO CHATTY that I felt for a second like I was a real person again, like Erin pre-2004 even, and I was JUST ABOUT to say, “Don’t be nice to her” while jutting a thumbing over my shoulder but luckily I had half-turned around before the words came out so I noticed that JANNA WASN’T BEHIND ME but some burly trucker guy so whew, good thing my periphery vision isn’t as bad as my…frontal vision.

But yeah wow, substantive small talk with two strangers in one night (plus all that talking with JANNA ugh!!) – back to reclusiveness for me. Oh ho, just kidding, my new neighbors do not allow for any reclusiveness to be had. But that is a story for another day!

4. FRIGHT FARM

I think the most memorable thing about this night, and not in a good way, is THE FUCKING RAIN. It was miserable. Also (and um, sorry Janna if you’re reading this) but I realized at some point after we already bought our tickets that I had been looking at the weather for SMITHTON PA all day, and not SMITHFIELD which is actually where Rich’s Fright Farm is located. SMITHTON, wherever that is, said that there was absolutely NO RAIN past 5PM. So I was like, “OK great, we can still go tonight! This will be PERFECT!”

Um, SMITHFIELD’S weather said “UNRELENTING RAIN ALL NIGHT BITCHES.”

Then we had to wait for like 90 minutes. Chooch ditched us very quickly after we arrived. I think he only sat with us for approx. 10 minutes and then wandered off to act like an orphan, which is his most Oscar-worthy role. He’s basically type-cast at this point.

I didn’t really get the theme, except for the one part where I guess it was meant to feel like we were walking through a fumigated room? It was actually the best part of the whole fucking thing.

DURRRR.

Overall, it was fine! No one was annoying which was good because they ended up sending so many people through at the same time that we were coming to complete standstills in certain areas because of bottlenecks. The one positive thing about that is that it gave us an opportunity to actually look at the props and stuff, since we’re usually flying through. Chooch and I were pushing every button we came across too. I started it.

I *think* Henry and I are going on our traditional date to the Wells Township lights out night this weekend but I’ll be wearing boots so as to not get my foot cut off by the chainsaw guy. 

BUH-BYE.

Wow, wowee wow wow. Two  blogs in one day but I couldn’t hold back from sharing Taemin’s comeback MV, I tried, I made it almost all day.

LORD HELP ME.

MY GOD.

Taemin-ah, we missed you. Thank you for feeding us. You are TRULY a living legend, not just an idol but a motherfucking ICON.

And he has looked so happy and healthy in all of the interviews and shows I’ve seen him on so far during this promotion cycle. I worry about him so much, especially when he was enlisted, but he seriously looks like he’s thriving, back in his element, eating the stage. He is the BEST dancer in the world and no one can change my mind.

(UM BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS T-SHIRT CHOREO???)

(NEVERMIND, I’M NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT IT YET.)

Our first day without Coaster Crew was SO FUCKING SAD. Henry and I hung out at the hotel lounge the night before for a bit – Pam and Sherry were sitting at the bar so we joined them even though the bar was JUST CLOSING when we got there. Ugh! I blame Chooch because he made us go out and get him McDonald’s and also we had to get saline solution finally because it was a NOW OR NEVER situation at that point. We saw Pam and Sherry at the bar as we were leaving and figured we had time. WRONG I guess. I don’t know if it’s because it was a Sunday night or what, but it seemed like the bar was closing early-ish?

Anyway, some old man was also at the bar, TOTALLY trying to pick up Pam. It was fucking hilarious. Sherry was like, “Good luck with that,” and left. I feel like he said he owned a shoe store or something and even gave me his email address too, which I promptly left in the hotel room. “Do you want this?” Henry asked the next morning while packing, holding up the scrap paper with the email address.

I just looked at him liike, “What do you think?” so he tossed it.

Anyway, Tim, Brandon, Ally, and Jeremy were also hanging out in the lounge. It was a somber evening. Everyone was just quietly nursing their drinks. Tim came over and thanked me for the note I wrote on the back of the Liseberg print, having read it by then. It was also the first time we really talked to Jeremy, and he was so great. I wish I could rewind time, go back to the beginning, and talk to everyone more. HINDSIGHT, etc.

The next morning, I woke up in a foul mood because sometimes that’s how I project sadness: full-throttle bitchiness. We went down to breakfast and it was another MAGNIFICANT buffet but…it was missing Coaster Crew (I did see Amy and her husband down there, and even though we never talked to them – they really kept to themselves mostly – it was nice to see familiar faces). Still, the food was so good and I wish I could go back JUST for these amazing Scandinavian breakfast buffets. They were such a highlight.

We ended up sitting next to an American? Canadian? family – parents and two young kids. I didn’t really pay much attention to them, but Henry and I got up together at one point to get more FOODZ and when we returned, the parents were laughing and conversing with Chooch who was in the process of trying to SAW OFF one of his park wristbands with a BUTTER KNIFE. I was like, “Jesus, I thought we were safe leaving you alone for a minute now that you’re SEVENTEEN but apparently not!”

“Maybe you should ask the front desk if they have scissors!” the dad suggested with a laugh.

We left shortly after that and I made a big production of telling the family to have a nice day (and by “big production” I mean that I said, “Have a nice day guys!” with a fake smile since I was still trying to hold back COASTER CREW tears). As we passed through the lobby, Chooch stopped to have someone at the front desk assist with the wristband removal operation, and then as we got on the elevator to pop back into our room before checking out, THE FAMILY ALSO GOT ON THE ELEVATOR so then I was stewing in awkward sauce having JUST went out of my way to say goodbye to them, and now I had to do it again??

Henry and Chooch will tell you that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but I must have replayed this moment over and over in my head for like 3/4 of the day. This is what we call AN AFFLICTION.

Checked out. Got our luggage tagged so that we could pick it up later when it was time to get the ferry to Finland. Embarked on our walk to Gamla Stan, Stockholm’s iconic Old Town, which was pretty close to our hotel and actually even closer than we initially thought, as we would accidentally discover later that day.

But let’s just look at pictures of Gamla Stan because even though I was in such a bad mood, I did get over it and I actually love these pictures so much even though there was a lot of BICKERING that went on behind the scenes.

We really didn’t think we were going the right way, and then suddenly:

This square is REALLY iconic, total Instagram spam. It’s always crazy seeing sites like this in person because they often seem so much smaller in real life. This was one of those times. I thought it was so beautiful and was so excited to be there but also – it was just a very small square!

It was still really early in the AM so we beat the tourists, but the lighting was also bad since it was so early. You take what you can get, right?

We walked through here a few hours later and it was PACKED. I think this is where the arguing started. Sometimes I get so frustrated when it comes to photos and I know IT’S SO FUCKING STUPID because truly no one else cares but me, but in my very busy and loud headspace, all I can think about is wanting – nay, NEEDING – the perfect shot because what if we never come back here?? And every time Henry took a picture, we were covered in shadows. He kept yelling, “YOU CAN EDIT IT LATER!!” but I wanted to be PERFECTO from the GETGO.

This one was less bad because Chooch took it but it still wasn’t what I wanted and I was getting frustrated. This went on for probably 15 minutes – look, I’m laying it all out for you. I was being a fucking BRAT. I was. I admit it. Henry, if you’re reading this  – SHUT IT. I still think you take terrible pictures of me!! But I was overreacting bigly.

I just wanted to have one nice picture of Chooch in this square. You never know, one day he might actually care and want to show his future spouse these old dumb pictures.

Not even pretending to smile at this point, lolololol. I bitched because Choocg “cut the tops of the buildings off” and he was like, “Take it yourself, I’m out” and then literally left us there arguing and went to look at souvenir shops.

The Nobel Prize Museum opened while I was trying in vain to show Henry how to take the picture I wanted of myself and he just couldn’t fucking do it, his sausage-fingers kept rejecting any angle that wasn’t making me look like My 800 Lb Life so he would revert back to his usual way of setting up the shot and I looked so homely and PISSED probably because I ACTUALLY AM ONE OF THOSE THINGS 24:7 AND THE OTHER THING I AM MOST OF THE TIME.

I wonder how many times I ended up in the background of someone else’s photos, making stank face, radiating with SPOILED AMERICAN BITCH syndrome.

I took this photo as an example of what I wanted but Henry FAILED. Oh well, at least we got a decent shot of HIM out of the miserable process. Ugh.

Things got better from here after we left the square. And by that, I do mean “after I stormed off and acted like I had ANY IDEA where I was going.”

I pretended to be really interested in these monuments while Henry and Chooch casually strode behind me at a safe distance, knowing that I would eventually come around and not bothering to coddle me. WHICH I HATE. Sometimes I WANT THE CODDLING.

PAY ATTENTION TO ME.

I let them catch up to me and decided that I’d give up on my search for a flight back to America that day and maybe go shopping for souvenirs instead. Plus, Henry and Chooch were like, “Coffee?” and I’m always up for coffee. So now we had a new plan to replace my TAKE FANTASTIC PHOTOS IN THAT GAMLA STAN THING quest.

You know, moving on and all that.

I was still pissed off, but what can you do?? The live version of this photo is hilarious because my smile is replaced SO QUICKLY with the most unflattering grimace/scowl and I completely walk away, lol.

These little alleyways though! I could have probably spent the whole day just poking around this area.

Henry chose this cafe and got completely ripped off by the old guy / owner. Lol. I know Sweden is notoriously expensive but I’m pretty sure the going rate for two coffees from some no-name alley cafe is not $25. Good one, Henry. More photos from here over in my last post re: photos from the “good camera.”

I loved this shop so much! It’s called Hilda Hilda. I bought Sue a dachshund print pouch because I just couldn’t pass it up. It was too cute and I loved that it’s quite literally made in Sweden as the tag says. See above for evidence!

I linked the shop – ya just gotta check it out, man. Ya just gotta.

We should have gone to THIS cafe!

Anyway, after shopping for about an hour (and running into Scott and Judy!) it was time to move out of Gamla Stan and explore some other areas. So, look forward to that post I guess.

I read these during the 9th month of the year 2023.

1. You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood – Eric Larocca

Short read, very graphic, a novella within a novella that, according to the Goodreads reviews, makes not a lick of sense to many others and not just me so I feel less dumb.

I didn’t hate it, but it also didn’t really do much for me. Read at your own risk.

2. Rosemary’s Baby – Ira Levin

Can you believe I have never read this?? Of course, I’ve seen the movie adaptation, but I wanted to give the book a whirl and see if it holds up. IT DOES. I mean, obviously not in the sense that a husband could essentially rape his wife back then and the wife will just shrug it off like, “Well, he IS the man of the house and this is what I signed up for, that reminds me, I need to check the answering service for messages and then finish clipping my coupons.” So, you know, you’re very aware of what decade this takes place. But as far as the horror-aspect, shooooooo. I was hooked. In this aspect, Rosemary’s Baby totally holds up and is just as suspenseful and effective in 2023. In fact, this was way better than probably 90% of the new horror I’ve been clawing my way through.

Now I need to revisit the movie. It’s been YEARS. Maybe since I was in high school??

3. Seven Years of Darkness – You-Jeong Jeong

YES. YES YES YES YES. Monica-Explaining-Female-Erogenous-Zones level of YES. FIVE STARS – chilling, atmospheric, suspenseful, terrifying, SO SAD. Just thinking about this has me filling up with body-shaking emotions. Highly recommend it. Memorable characters, unique plot, Korea please turn this into a movie. (NOT YOU, HOLLYWOOD. BACK OFF.)

4. The Borrowers – Rebecca Makkai

Another 5-star from Rebecca Makkai. After four 5-star books from her (IMO ANYWAY), I felt inspired to sign up for her newsletter like this is 2002. She is a queen at story-telling and the way she works with words makes me positively giddy. I appreciate her writing so much. And I love that this book is about a librarian!!! I LOVE LIBRARIES.

5. 6. and 7. The Summer I Turned Pretty series: Jenny Han

I devoured all three of these books. I LOVED the first one, REALLY LIKED the second one, and LIKED the third one which kind of went off the rails a little bit. Neither #2 nor #3 was able to fully capture the magic and vibe of the first in the series because that one was set fully at the beach in the summer with the full cast / families.

I started to watch the TV series and even though there are A LOT of differences between season one and book one, I still genuinely liked the show. I couldn’t get through season two though. Sorry.

Jenny Han is just so great though. I would love to see her try her hand at an adult novel sometime too!

8. The Invention of Sound – Chuck Palahniuk

I went through a Chuck P. kick when I was in my late 20s and back then I probably would have considered him to be one of my inspirations for the flash fiction I used to write. It’s been A LONG time since I read anything of his, and I grabbed this off a shelf at the library feeling real inspired to get back into it.

I HATED this book SO MUCH. I found the writing itself to be so tiresome and cringe, and the plot was like….what. I was bored, confused, annoyed, disgusted. These are not things that are conducive to a good reading experience. So now I’m wondering – was it just THIS book, or have I “outgrown” him?

The only thing I got out of this was learning that psychopaths lack whatever it is in our brains that make yawns “contagious” which is how I THEN learned that neither Henry nor Chooch are affected in the slightest at the sight of someone yawning.

FUCKING GREAT.

I can sit here with my cat and we will yawn back and forth all day, I swear to god. I read the word “yawn,” and off I go. In this case, I just yawned until my eyes watered simply from typing the y-word.

But yeah, fuck this book hard into a garbage disposal though.

9. Bright Young Women – Jessica Knoll 

DUDE 5 STARS but possibly this is partially due to the audiobook because Sutton Foster is one of the two narrators. Still this is a super engaging and entertaining dual-timeline take on the Ted Bundy murders. If you like true crime, I highly recommend this. I appreciate that he is NEVER NAMED, not once, throughout the book but if you know even the most basic facts about him, you would be able to put two and two together. Instead, it focuses on several of the victims, and the people around them whose lives were affected for, well, ever.

10. The Shadow Cabinet – Juno Dawson

Another 5 star read! Four for the month of September? Is it true?? This is the second book in the Her Royal Majesty’s Cabinet series and while I tend to shy away from book series because, commitment, I am well, COMMITTED to this one. The characters, the action, the magic, the twists, the witty banter. I’m here for it. The sequel was JUST as wonderful as the first one and I cannot for the third installment. I have hopes that perhaps it will expand from just a “trilogy” though? Please, Juno Dawson?

***

And that’s what I read in September. Take it or leave it.

Hello here are some photos I took with the ‘good’ camera in Stockholm – mostly around the Gamla Stan area. Some of these were also taken by Henry I guess because I was making him carry the camera and he took that as an invitation to play travel fotog I guess. Anyway,  I have a bunch of pictures on my phone too that I haven’t gone through yet so I will post something more comprehensive soon but I can tell you right now that the first hour or so was BAD NEWS BEARS. I was in such a shitty mood because Henry wasn’t following any of my direction when I was asking him to take a picture of Chooch and me and it was actually embarrassing. Just didn’t want to give the impression that everyone was so fucking perfect OMG family vacation yee haw.

Spoiler but not: I end up crying, lol.

I kept seeing ads for a Pippi circus while we were in Stockholm!! The original Swedish Pippi movie was Kelly Family Favorite back in the 80s. My brother Ryan and I used to watch it A LOT and make fun of it, but also I was low-key terrified by it??

Yo, Grona Lund is so freaking beautiful. Vaguely reminiscent of Indiana Beach in that it sits along water, but um, obviously Stockholm trumps anything in Indiana (sorry, Indiana peoples) so I’m going to have to give Grona Lund the win here. The beautiful thing about nearly every park we visited on this trip is that they have so much aesthetic appeal and the rides are almost secondary to the experience of just BEING THERE. I can see Grona Lund being a place where people would go just to walk around, eat, enjoy being next to the water, bickering with people on Reddit over the Lost finale.

I don’t know, just seems like a peaceful locale to really settle in for some comment section belligerence.

They have THREE DIFFERENT TYPES OF DROP TOWERS. Calm down, Grona Lund.

Being tormented by MOMMY as usual. I think he was pissed because some of the cool guys from our group were sitting nearby, drinking beers and he didn’t want to be seen being mommy’s monkey.

Me looking old AF because news flash, this was not a chill, relaxing vacation lol.

We would be on that ferry in approx. 24 hours from when this picture was taken!

Yeah like imagine going here on a date, you know? Shit, son, how romantic!

If I had brought the good camera into the park with us, I would have made Chooch stand here for senior portraits. What a missed opportunity. Notable about this bridge though is that it was the FIRST TIME of the trip we had a convo with Alex from Coaster Spot! Well, technically Chooch had previously conversed with him AND ridden with him too probably, OK cool guy.

But anyway, he was filming stuff and then stopped to say something to us, I can’t remember what, but we started chatting and then I blurted out ARE YOU COASTER SPOT and he very reluctantly admitted that yes, yes he is. I’m a subscriber of his YouTube channel but he is notoriously ALWAYS behind the camera and usually only films his wife. I had THOUGHT that they were going to be on this trip but then when 2 days passed and I never saw his wife, I figured they didn’t come. But then SOMEONE on the bus said he was on the trip and I was like, “WHAT.” One day, Henry was standing near him and recognized his voice and said to me later, “Hey I think that’s Coaster Spot” and I was like, “no way, his wife isn’t here…” but yeah, it really was him! Anyway, he very bitterly said, “[XXXXX] outed me” and I said, “Yup,  that’s exactly how I heard you were here.”

Apparently, that same person is an absolute menace to coaster personalities on the internet and a lot of them had to block him. But it was a bonding moment, lol. And then he said, “You should have talked to me sooner!” and I wanted to be like, “Well, you were always with the girl who hates me, so.”

He hasn’t posted a single video yet from this trip but I’m really looking forward to it because he does a lot of walk-thrus whereas the other guys heavily edit theirs. I want to be able to relive more of the experience by watching someone’s walk-thru!!

Stockholm carouselfie!! This carousel was a tiny baby thing.

We had fun in kiddie land!

I think LARRY took this! We were riding with Dawn, Robert, Arnold and Eamon!

Plus a random dad and kid who got stuck riding this with a bunch of Coaster Crew dumbos lol. We kept hand-slapping every time we went around a bend since the train would curve, but I could never reach anyone!!

Chooch and I caused a scene when we rode this and were the only ones who couldn’t get their elephant to fly. People were laughing at us and I really wanted to bury my head in the sand, or in Dumbo’s butt.

Random collection of Beatles artifacts.

Two shots of my LICORICE ICE CREAM with LICORICE TOPPING.

Wow, Henry is so cool.

At one point, Chooch and I were in line for something and looked down (a lot of the rides have elevated stations) and saw Marshall sitting on a bench, smoking. “Did he even ride anything on this trip?” Chooch mused out loud. “All I ever see him doing is sitting down and smoking. ‘Hmm, I wonder what it would be like to smoke cigarettes in Sweden. *signs up for trip*'”

This trip turned Chooch into a stand-up comic. I mean, he’s always made me laugh, but this was next level guffawing.

GUFFAWHAWHAW.

We made Henry go on the fairy dark ride since he skipped out the first time and it was his favorite ride at Grona Lund in case you needed it to support the Henry’s Nude Fairy Fetish section of your “Henry: Inside the Mind of a Man & His Beard” dissertation.

Man, did this day go by quick. (You would never know based on how long it took me to recap it, Jesus Christ, get it together, Erin.) But I will always remember how it ended: It was getting close to the end of the night so we decided to get a final ride on Monster. It was a walk-on for the back row and Sam ran over and asked if he could ride with us. Of course we said yes! That kid is soooo full-throttle adrenaline, I swear to god. It’s contagious. So we were all pumped up by the time we returned to the station and the ride attendants said we could stay on if no one was waiting for our row. NO ONE WAS! So me, Chooch, and Sam stayed on but Cry Baby Henry got off. That was fine though because Dewey came and sat with me! It was my first time talking to him the whole trip so we bonded as best as we could in the short amount of time we had left.

“I really think I’m going to cry!” I yelled across my restraints. And he said, “I know, I can’t believe it’s our last night!”

And you guys. You guys. You guys you guys you guys. Almost the whole train was Coaster Crew, last ride of the night, and we were shrieking, “Coaster Crew! Coaster Crew!”

It was so fucking wholesome. So pure. And Henry missed it!

After that, we all gathered around near the front of the park, waiting to get back on the bus. It was a sad drive back to the Sheraton. A bunch of us talked outside while Tim handed out our room keys and then we had to go to the luggage storage room to grab our shit because we had dropped everything off prior to going to Grona Lund since we weren’t going to have the same bus bringing us back. Or something. I can’t remember. This is a boring detail anyway.

I made Chooch take pictures of Pam and me. I MISS HER MOST OF ALL. I’m crying right now, LOL. Ugh.

Anyway, after this, I gave Tim the special Liseberg print I got him with the thank you note I scribbled on the back. He was like, “Should I read this now?” and I screamed “NO!!” but the gesture alone made him tear up and then I teared up and then we were both tearing up and hugging and he called us a sweet family which made me laugh but it came out as a blubber on account of all the tearing up.

Jesus Christ, I can’t handle it. There wasn’t much more that I wanted to say here but I will include it in the beginning of the next post which was A PARK-FREE day, can you even believe it?? And I will leave you with this comprehensive video of the second half of this day. I will warn you – the beginning of this is a LOT of “bus window scenery” content. SORRY but I thought everything was so beautiful and I didn’t want to forget it OK?? Sue me.

Henry and I went to Kennywood last Thursday after work. It was a pretty good time, minimal crowds, some terrific night rides on Phantom which is honestly the only reason we even went.

Not too much to report, but I did take some pictures on Lapse and just finally figured out how to save them to my camera roll rather than screenshotting them which was turning them into tiny-tots.

IN LINE FOR JACK RABBIT. Fun fact: I have been riding this literally since I was like 5 probably and I still to this day can’t keep both my hands up on the double dip. I always scream, “HAHAHA I CAN’T! I CAN’T DO IT!! HAHAHAHA!” and then, you know, I don’t do it.

This haunt was called Dark Shadows. It was fine. However, when we were in line for the haunt next to it, some hospital thing that was actually REALLY FUN and I was SHOCKED because KENNYWOOD, there was this totally annoying middle aged broad (I know, I described myself) in front of us, and I knew she was a Karen before she even revealed herself to be a Karen a few minutes later by telling the TOTALLY DISINTERESTED guy she was about how LAST YEAR she went into the Dark Shadows haunt and it was SO DARK SHE COULDN’T SEE so she USED HER PHONE TO SEE and one of the scare actors told her TO PUT HER PHONE AWAY. She COULDN’T BELIEVE THE AUDACITY! How was she was SUPPOSED TO SEE in the HAUNTED HOUSE that is literally made so that ONE CANNOT SEE??

The guy she was with barely grunted in response, in fact, it might have been him swallowing a burp and not actually reacting to her KAREN KARENOWOLSKI complaint because I have a feeling Guy wasn’t even listening to her bitch fest. Fuck off.

The only reason we came!! The ride crew was ON FIRE. They were so efficient and had a goal to NOT STACK THE TRAINS which was nuts considering that it was a walk-on all night. When Phantom has the elite crew working, BRACE YOURSELF. Because they’re gon’ send you before you even have time to miss the phone you left behind.

NO TRIMS!!

I think I spent the entire night talking and worrying about our new neighbors. I might be obsessed. I can’t tell if Henry is annoyed with me yet or if he truly is just immune to my emotional chaos anymore.

Well guys, that’s about all I have to say about that. A fun evening but not very eventful unless you want me to write an essay on my love for Phantom and how it gets stronger at night. Because I will do that. We left around 8:30 and went to Sheetz for snacks because there was nothing at Kennywood that seemed appealing.

Before I continue onto part 2 of Grona Lund, I want to tell you about the craziest, most terrifying, and BEST MOTHERWHOMPING fun house I have EVER conquered. But let me tell you – that mother almost conquered ME. Those steps in the beginning?? I have never done ones that were this steep and intense but when I say I couldn’t get a groove and almost fell backward twice – I’m not kidding you guys, I probably would have had to go to the hospital. Or worse.

I had the whole “I dreamt I was falling” full body shudder / panic as I started to fall back and I have never grabbed on to anything so tight before in my life.

Whooooo boy. And you people thought I was going to die on a shady Nordic coaster. Nope. Moving funhouse steps? Way more likely.

By the time I got NEARLY to the top, I got a rhythm going and figured out how to just ride it out by coasting on one step at a time. I had no game plan or strategy when I started at the bottom, just forged ahead like gangbusters, and nearly did a full split as the steps pulled my legs in opposite directions and just…kept going.

That was unpleasant.

Shit you guys – this was probably the best fun house I’ve been in. I haven’t done any of the other crazy ones in Germany or Prater in Vienna, though. So, for now, I think this is my #1 as far as fun houses go, lol. And the best part is that you’re in there for a substantial amount of time!

The grand finale slide thing called for a souvenir magnet.

Guys, this is it. We’ve reached the last part of the Coaster Crew portion of our Scandinavia & Beyond coaster trip. I was so excited to get to Stockholm, but hoo-boy was it bittersweet!

On the drive to Grona Lund from Kolmarden, I was whisper-hissing back and forth to Chooch from across the aisle of the bus because we HAD to give away some of the chocolate he won at Liseberg. I mean, it was either that or bring upon extreme diarrhea trying to eat it all ourselves rather than try and fly home with it in a few days. That giant box had FOUR DOUBLE-LAYERED boxes inside of it. So much chocolate. And you guys, it was GOOD chocolate too. I think I mentioned this already but when I looked those assortment boxes up online, they sell for over $30 a box.

And we had FOUR of them.

We kept two for ourselves and I passed around the other two to everyone on the bus because I am apparently the spokesperson of our family. Chooch REFUSED to initiate this chocolate-sharing experience. Some of the REALLY COOL GUYS were sitting in front of me and I was SWEATING. Aside from Mark and Hunter, I didn’t really make much contact with these guys so I was like, “ARE THEY GOING TO SNEER AT ME AND BE LIKE WHY WOULD WE WANT YOUR CHOCOLATE, LADY?” But no! It was the opposite! I tapped one of them (Jeremy I think?) on the shoulder and said, “Hey, do you guys want to take some of this and pass it around? We can’t take all of this home with us!” and they were like “YES PLEASE YAY CHOCOLATE!” I gave the other box to the guys behind me (who I was shipping so hard, btw) and they each selected a piece and passed it back like you normally would, while the cool guys in front of us were taking this VERY SERIOUSLY, reading every description, discussing amongst themselves…Chooch texted me and was like, “Good one, they’re never going to pass it on.” They did though and we STILL ended up having some chocolate left in one of the boxes.

It was so fun though, hearing everyone being stoked for surprise bus chocolates.

This is why I love group trips! We gotta start doing these more. There are benefits to also traveling solo / without a tour group, but being on this bus with these amazing people really made me sentimental. I loved the organized group trips of my youth, like when I met Olivia, had my first Older Man Crush, and made possibly my first Frenemy, Steve.

We took this group picture as soon as we entered the park and I was like, “Goddammit, don’t cry.” Also, another picture where the Oh Honestlys are not together, LOLOLOL. Seriously, we probably were known behind our backs as the Family Who Was Always Fighting, lol. (To be fair, we actually did not fight that often!) But I think this is a true testament to how comfortable we had become with the group that we didn’t need to be attached to each other like lemmings like we usually are at home.

Coaster Crew: Norden Sub-Crew 4L.

But yeah, Grona Lund, baby! I have watched so much YouTube content of this place over the years that I truly built it up so much in my head. Did it live up? Actually, although it was SMALLER than I imagined, it was more magical than I could have dreamed. It’s located on one of the many archipelagos of Stockholm! One of the ways to access it is by ferry, which we would actually do the next day because there were other things we wanted to do on this particular archipelago (a word that will never not be difficult for me to say, spell, remember. Pretty sure I called it an archbishop at one point).

Views of Monster, the new B&M invert, as soon as you enter. Cameras out: Thoosies gon’ thoosie.

One of the many little alleys of Grona Lund. And more chocolate roulette!

I think there are THREE drop towers here. Insane.

Our first credit was Vilda Musen – Wild Mouse! The people in front of us are Lucas and his friend whose name I never learned but they were sitting on the bus facing us on the way to Kolmarden and coughed the whole time and I’m 100% sure they got me and Chooch sick. Anyway, we rode this with them (I can’t remember how we got separated from Henry – OH I KNOW it’s because we told the ride attendent there were two of us and she sent Chooch and me on the same car as those two and we left Henry behind hahaha) and I said, “Hey it’s our first time riding together, you guys!” and they were like, “Mm heh.”

My giddy charm didn’t penetrate everyone on this trip, sadly.

Ew, I took this for Corey and I don’t think I ever sent it to him but we HATE Machine Gun Kelly and I wanted him to see that he performed there a month prior to us visiting. Ugh. Grona Lund actually holds some pretty amazing concerts. My Chemical Romance even played there!

Oh real quick another fun fact about Grona Lund that I didn’t know until I watched Airtime Thrills’ Kolmarden vlog, but they were actually the park in talks with RMC but since they didn’t have enough room to spare, they BOUGHT land in Kolmarden and had RMC build Wildfire there. In case you were wondering how a zoo in Sweden randomly became home to one of the best coasters in the world.

You know, it might come up one day. At a brewery trivia or something. And then you might win a giftcard to said brewery because that was the question that propelled you to first place. So, you know where to send the THANK CARD. (Or maybe not. But I will give you my address if you ask because I like getting mail.)

(Maybe I’ll just give you Janna’s address because I have been muy paranoid lately.)

Henry and his new family.

The Wild Mouse was pretty good but also scary because these ones always terrify me because of the jankiness. But real talk, if you can see that blue track that interacts with the Wild Mouse track, that belongs to Jetline, a coaster that’s currently standing-but-not-operating (SBNO) because of a fatal accident that occurred literally about a month or two before our trip. Never want to hear about anything tragic happening in a place meant for people to have fun. I don’t know what happened. I tend to cover my ears and sing the LA LA LA song rather than face reality, but man my heart goes out to her family. I think she was a mom there with her kids?

I actually hadn’t heard a thing about this at first but my sister sent me a link to the article and was like DON’T RIDE THIS WHEN YOU’RE THERE. :/

The facade a Kvasten (The Broom), a Vekoma suspended family coaster that was actually a real fucking delight! From the creepy witch hunt station to the smooth ride experience, I highly enjoyed this one! Henry didn’t ride it because he’s a little bitch and thought it was going to be like a shitty Vekoma SLC, so his loss.

Grona Lund is so goddamn charming, I can’t.

The station for Monster was impeccably themed! Also, it was pretty much a walk-on all evening.

House of Nightmares was an upcharge haunted walk-thru – of course we did it. It was decent! Better some of the ones over here that we go to during haunted house season, honestly, and I feel like it was only an extra $5 for each of us? I know it couldn’t have been that much if Frugal Henry opted in.

Basically, this joint has facades on lock. I really felt like I was in another land. I mean, I *was* in another land to me, but you know what I mean. The whole park had fairy tale vibes. Not quite Grimm’s but a similar feel, if you know what I mean? You smrobly don’t and that’s OK.

OK but pretend like you knew what I meant up there and now apply taht aesthetic to the dark rides here at Grona Lund because holy shit. HOLY SHIT. I wish I was still a member of the Darkride and Funhouse Enthusiasts club so I could tell them all about these dark rides of Scandinavia and Finland at their next meeting j/k they didn’t have meetings when I was a member, just events at various parks where the group leader acted like he had no idea who I was even though we interacted with each other for years on Facebook and we visited his home haunt one October?!?

He’s no Tim, that’s for damn sure.

Looking at these photos has me nearly in tears. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel the Grona Lund vibes.

I wish the front of my house looked like this :(

And I wish all of the ceilings in my house looked like this. :(

This is Jetline :/ (The blue track.)

Us having no idea what we were in for.

Us coming out with lots to think about….More on this one later – I have pictures and some video too I think which I’ll put in PART 2 like that’s actually enough to entice you to come back for seconds.

Honestly though. You can keep your shooter dark rides. I want more vintage dark rides like these, please. I wish Kennywood hadn’t:

1. let Le Cachot burn down;
2. turned Gold Rusher into a dumb shooter ride;
3. ruined the Old Mill repeatedly

Come on, Kennywood. Give us an old-ass Sally Darkride with pretzel cars and a musty water smell.

Post-faux-chicken nuggets. I was annoyed because Grona Lund had legit restaurants, but we ate at one of the fast food type of joints probably because Chooch was crying about it. Also, he was probably quoting Mark here for the thousandth time, saying, “Guys, I’m going to marathon Insane all night.”

Insane, by the way, was one of the most fucked up coasters I’ve ever ridden. It’s an Intamin Zack Spin, and well, it was Insane. Plus, I had to pee AND ALMOST PEED MY PANTS ON A COASTER FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, AT THE AGE OF 44.

Which, you know, would make just as much sense if I were 4. I can barely sneeze or, I dunno, do jumping jacks without the risk of peeing my pants these days.

The view from the chicken nugget place. Grona Lund, you da best, girl.

OK, second part forthcoming! Keep prolonging the inevitable, Erin! The trip came to an end, it’s BEEN DONE. Move on with your life. Shit.

FUCK.

But first! When Henry was googling to see if the unit next to us was listed anywhere yet, he noticed that Google street view was updated, so now if you look at our street, you can see me coming up from the backyard with my Halloween pail of peanuts, post-squirrel feeding. I’m marginally embarrassed but also kind of like, “Aw, it’s me in my purest form.” Please also note HNC’s two molester vans in the back. Those are just 2 of the SIX vehicles that he and his wife own between themselves. Two of them don’t even run. We’re so blessed to live next to them.

Let’s start last weekend with Thursday night. I had dinner at Fig & Ash with Megan, Marlene, Debby and Jill. Overall, I really liked the vibe of the place but the menu was deceiving. They had two meatfree items in the “shareables” section, which to me made it sound like it was going to be served family style, large portions? So instead of getting the mushroom risotto like I had wanted, I got two things from the Starter section: the famous heirloom carrots and butternut squash soup.

Both were delicious, but the soup was basically like someone took a ladle and quickly left a soup-streak at the bottom of a shallow bowl. I mean, I’d be hard-pressed to actually consider it “soup” and charge, I can’t remember – maybe $15 – for it? REALLY GOOD, don’t get me wrong, but unbelievably unsatisfying. Everyone else was still only about halfway done with their meals and I was just sitting there twiddling my thumbs and drinking water. Megan ordered something from the SHAREABLE section and it was a normal American serving! I was DUPED.

I was still feeling hungry, which is the worst because I KNEW I was going to cave and get dessert.

I got the pumpkin panna cotta. It too was unsatisfying and also, unlike my other food, just not good.

I would go back and 100% get the CARROTS TO SHARE and maybe the BEETS and also something from THE SHAREABLE section to NOT share (there were NO veg options in the entree section, just a heads up to my meatless brethren).

Seriously, someone please help this restaurant with their menu. At least change the wording.

But at least the company was top notch. No complaints there.

The next day, I was off work and that was boring but fine. But that night things got better because I went with Janna and Chooch to a new-to-us haunt in West Alexander called Scaregrounds or something. Janna drove us there and that was like the amuse bouche, if you will, to a night of terror. :)

Anyway, here are some pictures from it:

I’ve been using this photo app called Lapse after strong-arming Chooch into sending me an invite link. Here’s my…lapse?….of me waiting for Janna to pick us up. I love that shirt and forgot that I owned it!

I just want to note that kids 18 & under are only $12? In what land?? West Alexander land I guess!

Ew my teeth look so wet here for some reason!?

EW EW EW I was staring at whatever that is in Chooch’s hand for a solid minute trying to figure out, in horror, what it was, but it’s just his Kirby airpod case.

Saturday was a bust. The weather was AWFUL. Non-stop rain pretty much all day along. I had no desire to go out that night so we stayed in and started The Fall of the House of Usher.

Sunday was interesting. There was activity next door and I saw an older woman moving in some small items so I ballet-leapt out of the front door and, huffing from the exertion and anxiety of NEW NEIGHBOR ALERT, I wheezed, “Hiareyoumynewneighbor??”

She said that NO she is NOT but that she is from the AGENCY that is moving my neighbor in?! My mind started spinning. WTF could this mean?? An agency?? This has never happened before. Usually our asshole landlord just rents it to the most untrustworthy person off the street. So now he was working with an AGENCY?

“Your new neighbor is a girl from Afghanistan, and she doesn’t speak English. I’m glad you came out to meet me and you are so friendly, because she is going to need your help!”

That was all it took. A mission! An assignment! For me! I had tunnel-vision for the rest of Sunday and Monday until they (it’s a single-mom family!!!) moved in on Tuesday. I will write separately about this, as much as I can share within reason, but just know that I am obsessed with this family and making them feel at home and can literally not focus on anything else right now. Just obsessed. I have already spent more time with them in just a handful of days that I have spent with ANY SINGLE NEIGHBOR on this street since 1999. OK, more on that later. Woo boy.

Another Lapse-thing from our drive to SCARY HARRY’S on Sunday. It’s out in Homer City, whatever that means.

Scary Harry’s has different lines that you can get into based on the # of your group. So there’s 1-2, 3-4, and 5-6. The ticket person told us to get into the smallest line, which would have been the 5-6, even though there was no one in that line, and we only had 3 people!? But of course, the 3-4 line was the longest. So Chooch was like, “We are never getting out of here” and was being so whiny. I was panicking because I knew any minute now the ticket person was going to let the next chunk of people through (we were the last ones in the other group he let through) so my mind was spinning.

I didn’t want to go into the 5-6 line because it was obvious we didn’t have that many people and it would look like we were cutting!?! So I got SAVVY and said to the trio in front of us, “Hey, you guys wanna pretend like we’re together and go to that line over there?”

The one lady was like, “We….could do that.” SO WE DID. LIKE TOTAL HAUNTED TRAIL GANGSTAS. But then it was so obvious that we weren’t together and the lady at the front of us who is in charge of putting together groups from the three lines was side-eying us so I quickly turned around and covertly whispered, “I’m Erin BTW” and introductions were made lol. I think it was a mom, her teenage son, and his gf?

But yeah, you’re welcome guys. We got to in as a group after about 10 more minutes of waiting, as opposed to probably 30 minutes if we had stayed where we were. AND REALLY, TAHT TICKET PERSON TOLD US TO DO THIS, SO WERE WE REALLY BEING DECEPTIVE?!?! You know I don’t condone line-jumping, and if that guy hadn’t said to do that, I would have just continued to stand in the middle, longest line and deal with it.

Apparently, this was originally Chooch’s idea and he was mad that he didn’t get credit? I barely remember him suggesting this but also, those two NEVER TALK TO PEOPLE IN LINE and if I hadn’t opened my mouth as our group’s spokesperson, we’d probably still be standing in that line, so STFU.

Well, I think that is all I want to say, bye!

Airtime Thrills posted his Kolmarden video and I am happy to share that here tonight because I just came home from Kennywood and therefore am too tired to post my own content.

I remember LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY (and you might too if you read my blog yesterday lol) leaving Kolmarden the second day and realizing I was behind Airtime Thrills as he was vlogging and trying desperately to duck. At the end of his video, you can see me taking this picture:

Wow! Really cool, Erin.

We have reached a critical point. This is the beginning of the LAST DAY with Coaster Crew. THE LAST DAY. Sunday, August 13th. I just realized that I hadn’t been putting the dates in most of these recaps, LOL, oh well. I’m sure Future Me will figure it out.

I just glanced at my not-always trusty vacation journal and realized that I forgot to note in the Skara post that when we were standing around, Robert asked me, “Are you guys all from the same place?”

Odd question, I thought. But I said, “Yes.”

“OK I was just wondering because you’re always dressed in warm clothes and shivering, but they’re always dressed in shorts and t-shirts, ready for warm weather.”

An accurate assessment, Robert.

At breakfast on this morning, Pam sat with us. Henry and Chooch left together to go get our luggage but I stayed to chat with Pam. I flat out asked her if she liked [someone in our group] and she said YES but that the distance would be a problem :( She was also telling me, “Oh don’t you start!” because I was already moping about it being our last day with the group.

UGH, why am I so sensitive??

Apparently, this was also the day that I realized I had been incorrectly referring to Jimmy as “Jerry” in my journal the whole time.

Before we headed back to Kolmarden for morning ERT, we got to enjoy a Swedish car show across from the hotel! Here is the post I wrote about it while still on vaca, IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:

Swedish Car Show

Kolmarden was not yet opened to the public when we arrived, but we were allowed to enter through the resort entrance, which was STILL a hike but not as long of a walk to Wildfire. It was still a very steep grade though. Eric and Marie are both….Marines? Army? I can’t remember which, but it was cute because Eric was like “LET’S GO” and they started an Army chanting thing while running up the hill. Chooch and some of the other younger guys were like, “We will also run” and they were the ones who made it all the way without losing steam, haha.

I didn’t run and I’m glad because otherwise I might have missed this amazing snail-buddy chilling on the side of the path!

After some morning ERT, we did the famous cable car ride through the zoo, which provided some amazing aerial views of my Swedish bae, Wildfire. I REALLY had a great time riding this!

There aren’t many coasters out there that can beat this setting. This is definitely part of an elite club in that respect.

I have no idea why I took this? Was it in error? Oh well, I’m including it.

Chooch still needed the kiddie coaster over in the legit kiddie land that is just chilling in the middle of the zoo like all zoos have a kiddie land with actual rides.

(WHY DON’T ALL ZOOS HAVE THIS? LET’S GOOOO PGH ZOO. GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS.)

On some tea-cup thing for no reason.

This part was so exciting because Robert and Dawn somehow knew that Chooch was dying to see the capybaras and they came over to urgently tell him that one of them was out!

(Honestly, everyone on the trip knew Chooch. People were asking him, “Riley, what are your parent’s names?” like 6 days in.

Chooch and Sam on Wildfire again. Chooch was actually hoping to get to ride with Mark because they never rode anything together the entire time, but he and Sam were paired together constantly by the coaster universe, lol.

Oh, I’m going to miss it here.

Also, Brett asked Chooch to take a picture of him, Mark and several others under the sign but it was hilarious because he was being a hyper-director over it. “Now do it in landscape. Take one in portrait. OK, now…” literally he asked Chooch to take like 10 different shots it felt like, and it was almost like Chooch was being punked but he was for real, lol. He had Chooch use his own phone and airdrop the shots to him, so Chooch was like, “Cool, now I have these on my phone for no reason.”

Heading out for Gronalund! I walked DIRECTLY behind Chris from Airtime Thrills while he was vlogging so I hope I’m not in the background.

Pretty Kolmarden flowers to end a beautiful split-day here.  I’m so glad we had these extra hours to get to enjoy the zoo portion of Kolmarden. It was so wonderful there.

Let’s end this with a collection of videos I took from that morning!

Heyyyyyy you guyyyysssssss! We’ve reached the part of the trip where I got to practically pee my pants, act like a goddamn corn-shuckin’ sex-through-holes-in-a-sheet-havin’ Amish bitch on motherfucking Rumspringa, boiiiii. Hold while I wrench the bonnet off my dumb god-fearin’ head because this Dutch slut is about to get fucked by the ONLY RMC coaster on this trip: WILDFIRE.

GODDAMN SHIT-SUCKING WILDFIRE.

(Sorry, the Lost Boys quotes come out of me at weird, irreverent times.)

(I’ve had two sips of wine so far and I am like HOLLA LET’S GO WHERE MY PARTY PEOPLE AT like I just stepped out of a Goodwill copy of Girls Gone Wild.)

(I actually saw an old GGW videotape on a road near my house a few mths ago. Someone ripped all the tape out of it and left it and the box it came in strewn along a sidewalk. It was there for weeks. The first time I walked past, I only just glanced at the box and thought it was porn at first because: Brookline.)

And I wonder why I’m still sloughing through vacation recaps!! FOCUS.

OK, what’s with the (ish) in this blog post title, you might (not) be asking? Well, Kolmarden is actually this enormous zoo in Sweden that JUST HAPPENS to house one of the world’s best roller coasters, and arguably the coaster with the best view, Wildfire. You know one of my bucket list items is to ride every RMC in the world. I guess I would have imagined that I would conquer the ones in Texas and California first, yet here I am, about to cross the only RMC in Scandinavia off of my list.

Wildfire. Shit son are you even serious right now. I was SQUEALING.

After the disappointment earlier at Skara Sommarland, the whole group was looking forward to some positive vibes.

I love this picture! Should I print and frame it? Do I have any wall vacancy??

OMG the thing about Kolmarden is that it is massive and you have to walk up a fairly steep hill straight away. One of the girls that hated me had to sit down halfway up because she was so winded. Thank god I have been training for this unknowingly for the last years! Professional walker up in this zizzoo.

See the entrance down there on the lower lefthand side? Now see the sign for Wildfire all the way up there in the upper right? Lol. Pray for us.

(JK I WAS FINE. PRAY FOR OTHERS.)

THOOSIES ON THE LOOSIES.

!!!!! I-FUCKING-CONIC. HOLY SHIT.

A 10 minute wait. For an RMC.

Do these non-thoosie local zoo-goers even know how lucky they are to have this incredible coaster in their ZOO??

LOL that red thing on the righthand side of the photo is the “clown nose” on my phone case. Sometimes it gets in the way when I do .5x pictures.

WILDFIRE STATS.

(Fun fact: I have spelled Wildfire incorrectly every single time so far because we are now up to 4 SIPS OF WINE.)

OK real talk: this is not my favorite RMC. BUT, it was still a terrific ride! I do have to say that my favorite part was the view from the turnaround after the lift hill.

HERE watch this POV!! I’ll watch it with you:

MY EVERLOVING LORD. I am so thankful that Rocky Mountain Construction exists. Did you see that beautiful view at the top?? That’s what I BELIEVE TO BE the Bråviken Bay, part of the Baltic Sea.

We got to split into groups and do a tour of the maintenance shed, which involved us CROSSING THE TRACK while the coaster was running. The maintenance supervisor was like, “You guys are enthusiasts so I know I don’t have to go over safety rules which you” and I was like, “Mm, that’s because you haven’t met me, but OK.”

I was so embarrassed/annoyed at Henry because we were getting off the coaster when he noticed that a small group of us were being taken down to the infield for the tour and he was like “LET’S GO” because two other people from our group who had just gotten off the coaster also tagged along, but WE WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. Tim was separating everyone into small groups at the exit after they were getting off the ride, and we BROKE THE FUCKING RULES and went rogue EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT WANT TO DO THIS. I felt like such an asshole.

HENRY IS NEVER RIGHT. I knew it was wrong to follow his lead!!! If this truly was Rumspringa and I was following some creepy bearded American man into a restricted coaster area, you know I’d be waking up in row 4 of the spare train in the maintenance shed, missing half of my organs and hair slick with track grease.

Dude.

I got to get a shot of PAM AND KEVIN riding together, from the restricted area of the brake run!! That non-Coaster Crew broad is looking at us like, “WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE MILLING ABOUT IN RESTRICTED AREAS, SHOULDN’T A SIREN BE SOUNDING.”

In line for ride # who knows at this point! Henry is…wow, why are you here, Henry? Do you even like coasters?

Getting credit #2 (there were 3 in total!).

This one was taken by Larry and sent to Chooch, everyone’s favorite Oh Honestly. That’s Jean and Arnold in front of us! <3

Dude, vegan gyro for dinner at the zoo! We sat with Pam! TMI but I was feeling REALLY SICK after this, but I think it was mostly from the McDonald’s. The last hour or so was V.UNCOMFY for me. LOTS OF BATHROOM BREAKS IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

ERT after the zoo closed! Here’s Chooch riding with his buddy Sam!

Ew Henry.

The one bad thing about Wildfire is that the ops were like NO, YOU MUST SIT WHERE YOU ARE ASSIGNED even if there was literally no one else waiting. It was whatever. At least during ERT we got to do whatever we wanted. Oh!! Tim got to dispatch one of the trains during ERT too!!! I wish I had a video but it was after I claimed defeat because my stomach hurt so bad that I needed to sit down, doubled-over, on a large rock.

Afterward, we had a very long walk back to the bus.

The bus was parked next to a PICKLEBALL COURT, BOOOOO.

Then we drove to our hotel for the night in nearby Norrkoping, which I blogged about in real time.

And here’s a video which includes scenes from the drive to Kolmarden featuring A WASP INCIDENT where Brent was like I AM ALLERGIC AND WILL DIE and Lucas was like I HAVE TRAINED ALL MY LIFE FOR THIS, HOLD ON SIR while Henry aggressively shoves food in his mouth like he’s an ACTUAL Viking (have I mentioned how EMBARRASSING he is?) and I accidentally show you a view of Up My Nose. Then we have Wildfire stuff, and Norrkoping footage!

These kids have been so clingy lately! Especially Drew, my lemming. I’m not complaining!

I’m writing this from bed, with Drew laying on my legs. She was waiting for me to finish reading downstairs and then nearly did somersaults up the steps next to me when I came up to go to bed.

That’s all! That’s the update. Just a nice little kitty cat palate cleanser since all I have been doing is spraying this site with (probably at this point) misremembered vacation memories.

잘 자!

Ugh I have been lowkey dreading this recap because it was truly the only disappointment of the whole trip. Skara Sommarland was pretty out of the way from our next destination – the amazing Swedish zoo, Kolmarden. But it was worth the detour because it has this one crazy S&S coaster that is OOAK and therefore a rare credit. There were two other coasters there so 3 credits in total were to be had.

But since it was out of the way, we had to forego that good Curiosa breakfast in favor of a 6:30am bus call and bagged breakfasts.

I felt like a heel because there was this whole discussion with Tim the day before about how he was going to handle my breakfast – he asked if I could eat an egg sandwich and I was like yes for sure, I’m just a plain ol’ vegetarian but then reminded him that Chooch is one and he was surprised because I guess this whole time he thought it was just me, hi I’m the problem, it’s me.

(Will be whipping myself later for quoting T.Swift.)

Anyway, Tim was like, “I DID NOT KNOW THAT, I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO” and then said later that we apparently would have specially-marked bags, right? Well, the next morning, my bleary eyes saw two carts of bags: one cart was unmarked, the other cart had bags that said LACTO.

I grabbed one of those but then panicked and thought maybe it was for someone who was LACTOSE INTOLERANT but then I saw someone in front of me with the same bag (we had a new bus on this day and the seats in front of me were a cluster of 4 around a table so now I had two people semi-facing me) and I panicked even more so I gave Henry the bag back and told him to go back and return it because it must be WRONG but he came back and said there were no other specially marked bags.

THEN someone in front of me AND behind me complained that their sandwiches didn’t have MEAT on it so I guiltily said, “Um, maybe you have mine, because I’m a vegetarian?” but it turned out that NONE OF THE SANDWICHES had meat on it so people were really annoyed about that and I lowkey worried that this due to a miscommunication, like maybe Tim was all, “Hey-yo Curiosa friends, two of these sandwiches need to be meat-free” and they forgot how many he said so they defaulted to all sandwiches being vegetarian??

I don’t know, if Chooch was reading this he would say, “It’s not that deep.”

There was also orange juice and yogurt in the bags, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, now that we had a new bus, Marie and Eric didn’t want to sit at the table facing people so they moved to the other side of the bus and sat in front of Chooch. (Justin’s) Kevin sat in front of me and Jimmy from GP Coasters sat next to him, and then Lucas and whoever his friend was who might be the only person whose name I never learned, now that I think about it, sat on the other side of the table facing my direction.

This was all very irrelevant and probably a whole ass fucking snooze for you to read, my deepest apologies.

30 minutes before we arrived at Skara, Tim received an email from them saying that their MAIN ATTRACTION was down and they were waiting for a part to come in from another park. When he made this announcement, the mood dipped pretty low. We still had to go, it was paid for, we drove so far out of the way and it was, I guess, too early for us to go to Kolmarden. So, we had to make the best of it.

They even opened the park early just for us. The original plan was to have ERT on Tranan grab the other 2 creds, and GTFO before GP entered the park.

But then we got inside…

and learned….

….that only the spinning wild mouse was running.

It was soooo rickety. I rode with CoasterKev and asked him, “Do these normally shake this much?” and he went, “Nope! Not usually.” Cool cool!

THIS FUCKING THING WASN’T EVEN RUNNING!!

The only concession the park staff could make for us was to get some other dumb flat ride to run for us, where, as luck would have it, we were “transported to the swampy areas of the United States.” Henry actually rode this with me because everyone was riding it so he wanted to fit in, I guess. If this actually was the United States, he would have been sitting on a bench, holding my purse, and chuckling at IG reels.

Oh yeah and at one point, they were testing Tranan so everyone was screaming, but it was all for nought. It never ended up running for us. The part probably arrived right after we left, too! We probably passed it on the road!

lolol

Then we departed for McDonald’s! BUT FIRST, there was drama because Kevin was missing!! I remembered seeing him come onto the bus and he appeared to have taken his stuff and left, but I didn’t think anything of it. So Tim was doing a silent head count of the upper level everyone around us noticed Kevin’s empty seat and pointed it out to Tim who was like WHERE IS KEVIN? KEVIN ANSWER ME and Kevin wasn’t answering. But then Tim called him on the phone and confirmed that he had moved downstairs so Tim signaled for the driver to PULL OUT BABY.

But Chooch was like, “THERE ARE THREE KEVINS, WHAT IF TIM CALLED THE WRONG ONE AND NOW KEVIN IS LIVING IN RURAL SWEDEN??”

Also what if: I made a WATTPAD story about the Coaster Crew Norden group?!

McDonald’s was fine except that I felt really rushed and didn’t know what was going on and then Henry fucked up and didn’t get a receipt so we didn’t know what number we were. It’s always something.

But at least McDonald’s has a veg menu. If this was a US trip, Chooch and I would be eating fries I guess.

LOL as I’m writing this, one of the Coaster Crew members posted this on his Instagram story and it is so relatable:

OK, I’ll end here and the next post, we’ll pick up with Kolmarden day 1!