I’ve been putting off recapping this part of the last day in Korea because I was such a CRA-BAPPLE and literally nothing made me happy (except for maybe that time when Henry tripped HARD on a sidewalk down there).

The plan was to go to Gentle Monster, Tamburins (Gentle Monster’s perfume brand) and Nudake (Gentle Monster’s bakery – lol, I’m a GM fangirl, OK? Leave me alone). So, off to Garosu-gil we went. This is probably Henry’s LEAST FAVORITE part of Seoul, just a super ritzy, uppity street lined with boutiques and haute couture and luxury brands, like walking down a lane of unattainable things.

It’s definitely not the same since the previous times we were there. Apparently, a lot of brands moved into the nearby Hyundai Mall, including Dr. Jart! This made me so sad because I LOVED THE DR JART FLAGSHIP STORE SO MUCH. It was like walking through a Mattress Factory exhibit but with samples of things to smear on your face. The one time we went and the top floor had turned into some crazy rest/lounge area with free samples of a vitamin drink.

Dr Jart has great products but I loved going there more for the experience.

And now there is only one Gentle Monster in this section of town, too! And it wasn’t even that fun or immersive, to be honest.

Tamburins was cool, though! Jennie from Blackpink is a brand ambassador so people were actually lining up to take pictures of this wall.

I…did not wait in that line, I just continued walking past and snapped this lol. Henry said that when I was in Tamburins, he walked outside and there was another large Jennie on another wall out there and he was given the collective death glare by a crowd of people when he dared to walk in front of it, lol.

Anyway, Tamburins was a great experience! I got really cool perfumed hand lotion for me and Wendy, who ended up REALLY liking it to the point where she was texting her perfume-aficionado friend about it. I have to say that the salespeople working there were very helpful, laid back, and pleasant. I was so clueless how to even work the applicator of the hand lotion and one of them very kindly took it from me and demonstrated in a way that somehow, against all odds, did not make me feel like a fat, stupid, ugly American. Glory be!

This is the one I got myself, BTW:

I wanted to go to the Haus Dosan Gentle Monster location after this to see if the aesthetics were better, but first, we went across the street to get some late lunch at Pizza Express:

Unlike the girls at Tamburins, the guy at Pizza Express was not as happy to fulfill his customer service role for us, lol. Maybe he was just disgruntled in general but he had a very “Please make this as quick and painless as possible” demeanor, haha.

This was my kind of pizza place, that’s for sure.

And the pizza was my style too! Thin and greasy! Sorry for the grotesque photo. I was hungry and snapping a visual memento came secondary here, fo’sho.

I love this place. I want chairs like this for my house!!

I love that Yoo Jae-Suk (the Nation’s MC) and the hilarious and talented rapper Jessi ate here!

On our walk to the Apgujeong area, we passed this big car wash so I had to talk a picture for Corey because there’s some weird cultural phenomenon in the local Facebook community for our hometown where anytime someone asks what’s being built in the area, a group of hecklers/trolls say “car wash” because the joke is that there are so many goddamn car washes in the area. But then it started to cause contention and the community SPLIT: there were the trolls and then there were the people who just wanted to have real talk without underlying carwash drama in the comments. Shit got real good when Corey discovered that OUR MOM was one of the car wash trolls!

Wow, that’s way less funny when I see it all typed out.

Anyway, it took us fucking forever to walk to this other multi-level Gentle Monster enterprise and we were all pretty les miz by then.

I found the sunglasses that I wanted and even had a salesperson write it up for me, but when I took it down to the other floor where you get them fitted and pay for them, I got REALLY FUCKING BIPOLAR. Like, out of the blue, just sat down on a couch and started pouting and then had a mild and quiet flip out where I said, “never mind, I don’t want these” because I was stressed out about leaving, bottom line. I wish I could be a normal person, haha. But instead, I let my impending sadness dictate how I was going to spend my last full day in my favorite fucking place in the whole entire world because I have the emotional age of a 13-year-old. MAYBE EVEN A 10-YEAR-OLD.

It ain’t cute, EK.

But I mean, I can sit here and pretend like everything was so magical and perfect and then you could be like, “MMM SURE IT WAS HUNTY.”

Of course, Chooch was mumbling, “oh my god here we go” while Henry was poking the bear by saying things like, “JUST CALM DOWN AND BUY THE GLASSES” because history sure has shown how much women love being told to calm down.

We did go all the way to the bottom floor to see Nudake Cafe which wasn’t even crowded but even that wasn’t enough to cheer me up and, feeling the need to punish myself even more, I said, “Forget it, let’s just go.”

Honestly, Henry was probably kissing his fingertips and offering it up to God because we left the entire Gentle Monster compound without spending a dime. (Don’t worry – I ended up getting the sunglasses I wanted at the Incheon airport the next morning LOLOL,)

We left and sat down on a bench at Dosan Park and watched several adorable dog interactions (I watched with a scowl still pasted on my face but my internal sane self was saying AWWWWWWWW) and then eventually made our way to Myeongdong for last minute shopping and streetfood, and can I just say that I used the public bathroom at the subway station in Gangnam and it was cleaner than some of the bathrooms in hotels I’ve stayed at? I know, I know, that might not be saying much considering some of the dumps Henry has had us stay in.

Happy birthday to Henry (59 ughhhhh) and Haechan (24 awwww)!

Henry is so pissed because he had to wait in line at Burger Kjng for TWENTY MINUTES ON HIS BDAY just for this crown. Worth it. (For me, I mean.)

Anyway, just my annual reminder that while I abuse and torture Henry psychologically and emotionally, he is still my top guy (can I say he is at least tied with some other guys for top spot? OK FINE ITS HIM, #1 OPPA, BAE, WHATEVER).

Here are some things that happened around and about the last week. So exciting.

On Friday, something went down at that behavioral health house thingie a few houses up from me. One of the newer residents was being interrogated across the street by the popo. First just one, then two, then three, THEN A FOURTH. I couldn’t tell what was going on but I did hear him say at one point, “I was in Western Psych” and “So wha’ happened was…” and something about him being in the living room and someone got punched and then a girl walked in, I don’t know. They did end up cuffing him and taking him away though. Don’t worry, I was watching the whole thing from my window, doing my civic duty to make sure no BRUTALITY went down. I am so triggered by cops. Especially the while male ones! They all look the same to me, like someone said “paper dolls, but make the cops” with a finger snap.

Anyway, while this was going on, HNC’s wife came home and went COMICALLY out of her way to maneuver around that one cop car so that she could still park in “her spot.” I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Park somewhere else! They are conducting an investigation!

Wait, that makes it sound like I’m siding with the cops. AND I AM NOT. But I was just a full-fledged embodiment of an eyeroll at that point.

Um…Chooch is back to learning how to drive. He had a big set-back last year when he injured his knee, then he lost interest and his permit expired. Then he regained interest and got his permit renewed and has been driving with Henry every day. Here, you will find Henry instructing him on how to parallel park, which I imagine has got to be a lot easier than it was for us, back in the days of NO CAMERAS. Interestingly, and whether or not you want to believe this is entirely up to you, but I was actually REALLY excellent at parallel parking. I haven’t had to do it in years at this point so I’m probably not great at it now. But still! It was the one good takeaway from my dating Psycho Mike. He was a good parallel parking teacher.

During one of Chooch’s STUDENT DRIVER cruises, he and Henry went to Giant Eagle (GROCERY STORE if anyone not in Pittsburgh reads this some day after I commit a crime / expire in a spectacular way and the Internet suddenly becomes interested in WHO WAS ERIN KELLY), where Chooch texted me a picture of a COOKIE CRISP box that features YEONJUN from TXT. I was like OMG even  though I don’t hard stan TXT, I like their music and thought this was a really cute collab! Anyway, they came home, and I said, “Where is my cereal??”

Chooch scoffed, “Oh, you WANTED that? I was NOT buying it” and Henry, perpetually in the dark, goes, “What cereal? Who?” Chooch didn’t even show him!!

Anyway, Henry found this one with HueningKai and bought it for me so I’m back to being happy again (temporarily).

It’s just wild how things have changed even from when I started listening to Kpop, which doesn’t seem like it was that long ago but … 2015 man. I remember scouring the local Asian markets, desperate to find these Chinese iced tea bottles that BIGBANG was supposed to be featured on as brand ambassadors. We eventually found them in Cleveland and then finally one of our bigger Asian markets started carrying them, but it was such a big deal that I have the empty bottles lined up on my fireplace mantel like motherfucking family heirlooms.

Henry and I had breakfast with Pam and Greg on Sunday! Pam’s been in town because her house closing was on Monday (!!!) so I was happy for a reason to meet up! I randomly chose this place called Dari-Villa in Bellevue because it was equidistance from us and Greg, where she’s been staying. Never been here before, and either had Greg, but it seemed great … at first. The vibe was right: a cozy little local diner-type of place specializing in breakfast and lunch, amusement park memorabilia on display, REALLY GOOD 80s MUSIC PUMPING OUT THE SPEAKERS THE ENTIRE TIME. (Pet Shop Boys!)

Our server was nice. I can’t really comment on the food because my 14 day metabolism reset had me eating plain oatmeal (lol I’m committed) but Henry said his omelet was just OK.

When the server brought our check over, Greg goes, “Oh I’m sorry, we forgot to ask you but can we get this separated three ways?” and she seemed fine with it, but I know this can be A CONTENTIOUS THING at smaller spots. “Sure thing,” she said, and, “I’ll be back over with more coffee for you guys, too.”

I was like thank god because I HAD ONLY HAD ONE REFILL and addicts gonna addict, you know?

Anyway, she came back over with three checks and Henry and Greg quickly realized that their breakfasts were mixed up (Greg got Henry’s and Greg’s was on ours) and it probably wouldn’t have mattered because they were about the same, but the server goes, “SHIT!!!” and SNATCHED UP THE CHECKS and stormed off. It was so intense. I felt like curling up inside myself.

She finally came back and I promise you these were still wrong because there is no way Henry’s and my breakfasts cost nearly $30 when all I had was coffee and a $2.95 bowl of oatmeal but ain’t no one trying to correct this bitch for a second time. We apologized PROFUSELY and she said in this low-pitched, clipped tone, “This is why we need to know in the beginning.”

WELP, NO COFFEE REFILLS FOR US, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE.

I dunno, I have big respect for people in the service industry and am a notorious overtipper, but the way she snapped out on us like that, after what I felt like a morning of pleasant interactions, it was a real turn off. I actually low-key wanted Henry to not tip her but then I would have just felt guilty. Maybe she got bad news between the time she served us our food and brought our checks, I don’t know, but I will say her tune changed bigly when she came back to collect our payment like none of that happened?? Greg apologized again and she casually waved him off and said, “Oh you’re fine!” and said the same thing to Henry the Doof who hadn’t even gotten out his credit card yet and made her stand there waiting WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN’T WANT, I WANTED HER TO NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT US AGAIN.

Here’s another vintage Chooch photoshoot throwback because it’s Monday and this is all I’m capable of doing. I want to watch some Stray Kids content (Han focus, thank you) and read a little and then maybe go for another walk, OK? God, you always want to know everything.

Anyway, this was originally from March 2018 before our first Korea trip and I know this for sure without even going back and looking because I thought Chooch looked so cute here and then right before we left, Henry took him to get his hair cut and he ended up looking like he was cosplaying Julius Caesar in Korea. Literally had short, straight-across bangs. #BlameHenry

[Anyway x2 WRONG, ERIN: This was from OCTOBER 2018, thanks Janna for mentioning the reference to Fright Farm in your comment, lol. I was so sure of myself but I was clearly confusing this with another photoshoot from that same year that I conned Chooch into doing.]

*******************************************

Being off work this week, I didn’t expect to see Chooch much at all because he always has places he “needs” to be after school. However, I was graced with his presence both Monday and Tuesday, but it turns out that’s just because the stupid Teen Center where he loafs (lol, such a dad word) is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, and he’s on the library blacklist until Saturday.

(“All the librarians hate me! I don’t even do anything there!” he cried incredulously when explaining to me his latest banning. This time, his sentence is for two weeks and “Denice” hates him so much that she even intercepted him when he popped into the library last week to use the water fountain. “I was CHOKING, my throat was SO DRY! They wouldn’t even LET ME HAVE A DRINK!” he wailed. I don’t even want to know what goes in that library, but his latest offense couldn’t have been THAT bad because that damn library has our phone number and no one called.

And by “our” number I mean Henry’s number, lol.)

After he finished his homework on Monday, we decided to watch a horror movie. We settled on “Open House,” which is part of Netflix’s cache of shitty horror. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was home invasion and that always gets me good. Chooch and I bonded over it because it’s centered around a mom and son; the dad recently died when he went to the store to get eggs (AND HE FORGOT THE MILK THAT HIS WIFE ASKED HIM TO GET) so when Henry said he was going to the store later that night, we were like, “WE WILL GO WITH YOU. WE DON’T WANT YOU TO DIEEEEEEE.”

Of course Henry was clueless because he’s never part of our things.

So we went to Giant Eagle with Henry, which he loves because it guarantees he’ll spend 5x more money and get treated to a grand finale of Chooch dramatically reading tabloid headlines in the checkout line.

We made Henry buy some ugly squash hybrid because it looked like a corpse and he was not thrilled about it and I just looked in the kitchen and noticed that it’s gone so apparently he cooked it already and I ate it without even knowing?!!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?

Chooch came home after school on Tuesday too and after he did his homework, we were bored because Henry still wasn’t home from work so I was like, “Let’s go for a walk” and Chooch was like, “OK” and then I also grabbed the camera on the way out the door and Chooch was like, “Wait—I didn’t agree to this” but then he was posing with nary a cue from me because this is his second nature, guys.

He’s a poser.

Henry drove past us on his way home from work and covered the side of his face, pretending like he doesn’t know us. OK HENRY, YOU’RE SO COOL.

We walked down Brookline Boulevard and I wonder if people in Brookline are like HERE COME THOSE WEIRDOS AGAIN like we do about people in Brookline. I mean, it’s almost always the same people carousing the boulevard and we’re part of that, when you think about it.

OMG WE’RE LOCALS.

Henry saw this picture asked, “WHERE IS THAT” like he was all paranoid that we’re hanging out at some drug shack or something.

On the way back home, we saw two of his jerky little ex-friends who we hate because they think it’s cool to use various “gay” slang in a derogatory manner, and they harassed one of Chooch’s friends and called him fat, then got all aghast and offended when Chooch stood up for the friend. I already hated the one kid and he knows it, so both of these little brats got all nervous when they saw me walking with Chooch, and Chooch and I started giggling.

Oh, the best part is that they’re only in 4th grade, hahaha. I stared them down once from the front door and Henry was like, “Wow, you’re bullying fourth graders. I’m so proud of you.” Whatever, Blake hates them too!

The best part is that they try to prank call Chooch but they call Henry’s phone, thinking it’s Chooch’s, and leave the dumbest messages like, “Hi this is the drug store. Come to the Teen Center if you want to buy weed.” Like, OK dumbass 4th graders, good job.

The Teen Center is open today so I probably won’t see Chooch right after school but he better not be TOO LATE because we’re going to Rich’s Fright Farm tonight with Jannnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

(I have a lot of pent-up energy. I love being off work but good god damn, I am not great at being alone!!!)

This portion of the last day was really nice, actually. After our Cari Cakes run-in, we continued walking to Bukchon Hanok Village. This time, we arrived there a different way, I feel like, because there were several moments when I felt super disoriented and nothing looked familiar?? It was a lot of walking uphill, I’ll tell you that much, with a quick stop inside a little shop to buy a hand-embroidered scarf off the cutest halmeoni.

Of course now I wish I had bought more.

After what felt like days, and lots of “SHUT UP YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”s being slung around liberally between our trio, we finally made it to the top of the hill/mountain and then LO! we started to recognize the area and eventually walked right into the hankok village. When Henry and I were there a few days prior, we didn’t venture into the heart of the hanok village but were just there for cafe-purposes. You understand.

Even though this area is EXTREMELY touristy, we have still included this on every one of our trips to Seoul. If you’re not going into it expecting a perfect Instagram picture with no one in the background, you’ll be just fine. And as luck would have it, when were there in 2019, it wasn’t crowded at all so we were able to get the “money shots” then. This time, I just wanted to walk through for old time’s sake.

This is the iconic street that everyone wants to get their picture taken on, usually dressed in hanbok.  As you can, ain’t happening on this day! Still, people were trying. Also, people live in these houses so there are signs posted everyone (like the one on the brick wall up there) reminding people to speak in a whisper, but you know that wasn’t being obeyed, sadly. Some tourists are monsters and give the rest of us a bad name.

There are also people patrolling the area in an effort to keep crowds quiet, kind of like docents. Would not want that job.

My favorite part of Bukchon is all the alleys! They are photo zones in and of themselves! I made Chooch stand here so I could show you an example. You’re welcome.

What you can’t see is the hordes of people on either side of us while I quickly snapped this.

And then we went to Granhand! I’m so glad that this is still there, nestled in one of the aforementioned alleys. Honestly, blink and you’ll miss it and you don’t want to miss it, especially if you’re looking for a nice gift to bring home for someone. And it turned out, I was looking for exactly that!

We came here in 2018, thanks to a glowing recommendation on Joan Kim’s daily vlogs that she was doing that year on her Joan Day YouTube channel. Granhand is a small local perfume shop and the really nice thing about them is that you can get the bottles personalized with the name of the recipient’s name. In my case, it was Sue! I just really appreciated that she reached out to the director of admin of our Seoul office to help me have a safety net in case things with the marriage details went awry. She didn’t have to do that! But she did because she is an amazing person and director who actually genuinely cares about the people in her department.

There was a really sweet salesgirl working who was helping me decide on a scent. She asked if we were there on vacation and I said that it was our third time there and that we came back to get married.

She was really taken aback, moreso than I expected.

“Here?!” she asked, and I explained that we just truly love Korea so much, it’s our favorite place and so special to us, and she said, “Oh my god, I don’t even know what to say! Thank you! Thank you for coming here!” and then she started to tear up so then I started to tear up, and Henry was just Henrying as usual.

This was one of the best moments of our whole trip. It felt so special, and I loved having someone there to share our story with! She was also surprised that this was not our first time shopping at Granhand and thanked us for coming back to there again, too.

I highly recommend this Korean scent line and am kicking myself for, once again, not buying something for myself here! The last time, I got something for my mom and regretted not treating myself then too. Ugh.

Anyway, I got Sue the CocoCay scent which was a limited edition seasonal offering, I believe.

(Sue loved it!)

Yo, then we came to Ossuloc for some tea! Previously, we had only been to the one in Insadong, but this one had a fabulous rooftop view.

Chooch grimacing at the view.

As opposed to my dreamily ogling the view.

I had to go for the matcha. I love matcha so much. I can’t remember what this other drink was and who ordered it. Milk tea latte of some sort?

The bathroom was impeccable.

View from the bathroom….porthole.

Then we went to Randy’s Donuts! Yes, apparently there is a Seoul location. This was also the first time during the whole trip that we ran into Korea’s strict “ONE DRINK PER SEAT” rule if you want to eat inside rather than take away. Originally, we were just going to get 2 donuts but the lady was like, “Oh no, you can’t eat here unless you get a drink” so Henry was like, “Oh maybe it’s because there are three of us and we’re only getting 2 donuts” so he tried to order a third donut and she pointed to the sign again, so we all ended up having to get a drink even though we just came from Ossuloc but if there is another thing that Korea does majestically, it’s their drinks. So it wasn’t that much of a punishment!

I shared this cronut with Henry and had regertz – it was delicious and I didn’t want to share.

If I remember correctly, Henry bought a bottle of water which appeased the Randy’s lady.

And then we set off for Gangnam because I was determined to buy a new pair of Gentle Monsters, so look forward to the next post where PSYCHO BRAT ERIN makes a reappearance. :/

Literally. So. Boring.

But, this was by my own design, I guess. I sacrificed going away and doing something fun for the long weekend in favor of choosing the previous weekend for Cedar Point. Not that that weekend ended up being any less crowded, I’m sure! Then, Chooch waited until 6PM on Friday to decide for sure that he was going to visit Julian (his roommate in Mexico!) in DC for the weekend. Julian was in town visiting his dad and asked Chooch WEEKS in advance if he wanted to come down but Chooch being Chooch kept hemming and hawing, I dunno what he was waiting for, so then we ended up having to pay over $200 at the last minute to get him a roundtrip Greyhound (which was delayed bigly there and back) and that pretty decided for us that we do nothing all weekend.

And you know how well I do with doing nothing.

NOT WELL.

Saturday afternoon, we drove out past Elizabeth, PA with the intent of buying flowers at some nursery that we like on 51, but first we went to a cemetery for a walk and I hated the cemetery – it was our first time there, it was small, and packed with Memorial Day revelers. I always forgot that it’s a big grave-visiting weekend.

I threw a body-image-related fit, cried about hating myself, took a picture of the river and some lame town over the edge of the cemetery, and then we left. Henry went the wrong way on 51 so I screamed I GUESS WE’RE NOT GETTING FLOWERS NOW and he was like YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GO HOME BUT I WILL TURN AROUND and I was like HOW ABOUT I SHOVE A STICK IN YOUR ASS AND THEN YOU CAN TURN AROUND – I was just in A MOOD all fucking day.

Then I declared that I needed lunch and I couldn’t wait until we got home so I made Henry go to Sheetz to get me a veggie wrap and I stayed in the car because NO ONE WAS ALLOWED TO LOOK AT ME. There were three old men chilling at an outside table drinking beer and talking about sledgehammers which was considerably more interesting than my dumb Saturday.

I took this later that night to send to Chooch while he was out doing fun DC things. Not me writhing around, moaning in the key of boredom, with Tokyo Disney food review videos on in the background.

Sunday was a little better – well, to start. I decided to do a 14-day metabolism reset so Henry was like F M L because this means he has to help me since I don’t like cooking. He has been trying to prepare my lunches the night before (breakfasts aren’t too hard for me, if you can believe it) and he has been so stressed about it. Like bro, this is 14 days out of your life and you can still eat your Reeses and soft pretzels in the car like usual.

Side bar to say that it’s been a week and I have lost 4 pounds BUT what I care about the most is that I’m starting to look like my old self again, less bloated, and Henry said I look healthier in general. The stress of 2024 so far has definitely made its mark on me, lol.

Anyway, commercial break over.

I had a much more positive outlook on Sunday. We went to some trail that goes along the river between Butler and Freeport or something, I actually have no clue where we were, and it was a really nice walk. The weather was so good. The bikers were obnoxious as  usual. (I HATE WHEN BIKE AND WALKING TRAILS ARE SHARED.) I called Henry a cunt at least 87 times with so much love, and we had some good talks about Korea, Chooch going to college, Seventeen and Stray Kids alleged upcoming tours. Big talks, you guys. Big talks.

At the beginning of the trail, there was a bulletin board with an ad for a local coffee shop in Freeport and I was like PLEASE CAN WE GO I NEED COFFEE OR I’LL DIE and Henry was like oh no anything to keep you alive, sweetheart bubblebee angel snugs.

Originally, I was going to just wait in the car but then I thought, “Eh, let’s see what vibe this FREEPORT CAFE has.”

Boy-o, let me just say – glad I went in! First of all, I want to say that the baristas were very nice. I’m supposed to be cutting out sugar to the best of my ability (I HAD THREE BUTTERSCOTCH HARD CANDIES THIS WEEK OK? CALL THE FUCKING SUGAR POPO ON ME. CHRIST) so I just got an iced latte with almond milk and no syrups. It was delectable. If you can’t drink a cafe’s coffee/espresso without sugar, then that cafe sucks.

While Henry was waiting for his drink, he went to the bathroom which gave me some time to really absorb the quiet, country atmosphere of this space. And the blue walls! So when Henry came back the bathroom, I was already seated a table. “We’re staying,” I said, and he was like, “Thank god” because all he had on the horizon was yard work and cooking more meals for me. He was quite happy to postpone those festivities.

Ugh.

I’m glad I went in though because if I had asked Henry what it was like inside when he came back to the car, he’d have said something like, “I don’t know, it was like a cafe. It had some tables.”

Also though, they have really great seasonal drinks on rotating so I’m excited to go back next Sunday when my 14 days are up!

Then, later that night, perhaps around 8:30, THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT. There was a thunderstorm and one of those things exploded or whatever. Henry saw it and hurried up and called his mom and then wrote it in his THINGS I HAVE SEEN log on a page opposite of the list of military planes he has identified in the air.

Anyway, you guys, I was DYING. Literally so BORED. Floundered on the couch like a fish being cooked in sizzling ennui. Inconsolable. Henry was like CALM DOWN and that was just  making it worse. Chooch was sending me updates from DC, eating dinner at Murphy’s Pub, surrounded by the illumination of electricity, watching a band play instruments powered by electricity, etc etc and so on and so forth while I was trying to make objects move with my mind I WAS THAT BORED.

Around 10:00, the electric company truck rolled slowly past our house and I SCREAMED IN JOY, and then my joy swiftly morphed into panic and desperation as I cried HELP US! out the window, causing Henry to beg me to stop/sit down/shut up/other commands commonly utilized by cis white males.

When the electricity didn’t IMMEDIATELY come back on, I started panicking again.

“They have to send the trucks out to find the problems first! Then they will report it and fix it! Calm down!” Henry said, because when you’re born a cis white male, you’re pre-installed with various utility knowledge too without ever having to work for any of those companies.

Finally, around 11:15, after Henry refused to walk down the street where the supposed INCIDENT occurred to see what was going, and after HOURS of obsessively checking the REPORT AN OUTAGE page for updates, I said that I was going to report it again (Henry: “Well, they already know…”) so that I could ADD A DESCRIPTION:

I smugly thrust my phone out to Henry who had been warning me to please not make threats or swear because this was connected to our account and WAS JUST ABOUT TO HIT NEXT when the lights sputtered on. And you’ve seen my house, so going from pitch black to NEON CENTRAL in 0 seconds flat is quite a spectacle. It was like the Las Vegas Strip rebooting.

So that was a fun night!

Memorial Day itself was lame. This was the first time in quite a few years that we stayed home, which meant we got to see that dumb parade. It was also Tamanna’s first time watching it and she was recording it in the beginning and then lost interest and went back inside lol.

The fact that there are two Finleys scares me.

I fucking hate it so much when these assholes fire their idiot manly man-man rifles. It should be banned! This is triggering to many people and also rude and insensitive to the area animals!!

“Complain about it,” Henry mumbled.

“You know what maybe I will!” I cried. “Now that I know Dormont has a mayor!”

Henry frowned. “You…didn’t know that?”

“No, not until that time he liked my tweet,” I said.

Henry, now looking worried, tentatively asked, “What…was the tweet?”

“‘wow apparently Dormont has a mayor’.”

Henry: “…..”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin)

Dude this religious prayer cohort is new-to-me. Totally unexpected! My work friend Maggie lives in a neighboring town that also gets visited by this dumb parade and she said one of those guys splashed her with holy water! “That’s assault, brother,” she said in her comment on my reel. Agreed! Some of us like having evil residing within our skinsacks.

Meanwhile, Chooch’s bus home was delayed by nearly three hours so he got to live his best life by renting a city bike and tooling around the empty city at 7am, sending me pictures of the Mr. Gray Guys (squirrels) that were frolicking around.

Yeah, I really don’t think I have anything else to add. It was….a weekend.